I'm a Wild Child; Born on the Blood Red Moon · 8:45am Jul 28th, 2023
A while ago, I posted a comic going "hey, I gotta study for a very important exam that will decide if I become a judge or not, so don't expect much content from me", and so, I haven't created anything all year, because I like to fulfill my promises, damn it.
Anyway! I genuinely do not understand how people manage to not create stuff. Like, I get it, everybody has different hobbies -- but i haven't written or drawn anything since january, and the hysterics I gotta fight every day, holy shit. I'm so incredibly anxious and stressed all the time, and the lack of a creative outlet is making it so every day feels extremely dull, and there's nothing to do.
I can't just work on stuff; I'm studying so much every day, and it takes so much energy, that I just can't spend mental energy with creative outlets. I know myself; if I try to do a little story or a little comic, it'll instantly balloon up and become a massive Project to work on, and all my free time will be dedicated to the Project, and my studying will suffer immensely. I know this, because i've tried to do this like five times, and every time I had to put a stop to it for the sake of the studies.
It sucks! I get why it's happening -- writing or drawing comics lets me sorta focus my mental energy to something I enjoy, and studying is so tiresome that I get essentially addicted to artistic expression as a means of, well. Self defense? I have no clue. So I gotta be like a fucking ascet and refrain from doing it, because in the long term it'll hurt my studies and that means it'll take me way more time to pass the exams, so that means less stuff I can work on, and it's a vicious cycle.
In other words: for the sake of my art, I gotta be responsible and play videogames and read books in my free time. Instead of writing or drawing stuff. This is a hell of my own making. I have been getting into Pokémon ROMHacks lately. That's the level we're at. They're pretty damn cool, I'm loving them, but GOD I wish I could draw comics.
(And on top of that, y'know, I use the Patreon money to pay for my studies, and since I can't draw comics, that has dried up a bit. I don't think that adds to the anxiety? I sorta draw comics anyway, I don't care if I get paid. But it is an annoying consequence of not being able to post stuff. These exams are designed so that poor people can't pass them, because you gotta pay a lot of money and can't work while studying, so I guess I 'm going through this because I committed the sin of not being born rich and right wing. What a wonderful society we live in. Oh, well, we'll get through it somehow.)
Anyway! In better news: the date for the next (and hopefully, final) exam has been revealed. On the week of October 2nd to October 6th, I'll take the third exam in Madrid, and either pass (and become a judge or a prosecutor [1]) or fail. If I fail, I just gotta start from scratch, and do three more exams, so that'd be shitty.
[1] Oh yeah! Did I mention this? The exams you gotta take to become a judge in Spain are the exact same ones you take to become a prosecutor. Like it is literally the same thing. Once you pass you get to pick, but due to how it's made (higher scores get to choose first) you may end up, say, wanting to become a judge but having to become a prosecutor cause every judge position was taken before it was your turn. So yknow. In case I wasn't stressed enough, I might be forced to become a fucking cop for a couple years if I don't score high enough (until i take internal exams to become a judge anyawy). Yippeee.
I don't know what my chances of passing are. I think they're low. My instructor, and most of my friends, think they're not as low. I trust myself a bit more cause I know my own capabilities and how hard the exam will be (I'm memorizing around 7k new words a day, but it's hard to keep them all in your brain at the same time) but I am also obviously biased. So who knows!
Either way, come October, I'll be put through the ringer, so wish me luck! This is sorta just an update to show that hey I'm alive isn't that fancy. I'm doing fine, for the record (anxiousness aside); I hope the blog is not too negative in that regard.
Just, god, studying so much is so fucking tiresome. Don't do this, kids. Just do cocaine like a normal adult. Same effect on your health, but at least you'll have fun before you die of a heart attack.
Anyway! Talk to you guys later. Hope you're having a great time. If you like Pokémon games, deadass try Pokémon Unbound or Gaia or what have you, they're pretty sweet. I named my Gyarados "Shromp" because she looks like a shrimp but she's way bigger, so. Shromp. And my Gible is named Munchies. I love Munchies so much.
Good luck! Both with passing your exam, and with getting the chance to not be a cop!
Have fun studying! And best wishes on your work!
Your blog is inspiring to a lot of us, whether if it makes us laugh or makes us motivated.
Speaking of studying, I really need to go finish my schoolwork. Wouldn't want myself to fail my exams after the break ends, would I?
Finishing papers is nothing if one gets their head in it…
Fight on for success! For knowledge! And for dreams!
I remember playing Unbound. Fun times. Best of luck. You got this!
Best of luck. From what you've been telling us on the Discord server, you're the worst judge of your own capabilities. Here's hoping you'll have time and energy for creative work sooner rather than later.
Good luck! We'll be around when you return as a judge (I'm confident you just suck at estimating your abilities n_n)
I really should check out that discord server sometime huh.
Fun fact: you know that thing where you twist up your facecloth to get all the excess water out? That's wringing. Imagine putting a person through a machine designed to do that really hard. Wouldn't be very pleasant for them, would it? And now you know the origin of an English idiom most native speakers don't.
oh god that feeling of “creating as a defense mechanism” just hits the nail on the head. best of luck with the exam, got my fingers and arms and everything else crossed for u!
Good luck, mate. Hope you get to do what's best for you once it's all over!
Good luck! o7
I would say you need to be more confident since you've clearly underestimated yourself in the past on the other hand being pessimistic and underestimating yourself has got you this far, so keep doing what you're doing i guess
Luck? Pfff, luck shmuck, you don't need any of that. You got brains Aragon, brains for days.
...but, I guess I'll hold my fingers crossed anyway. Just in case.
God I wish I had your brain sometimes. Mine’s held together with duct tape and feeble prayers and can’t even memorize phone numbers, so it’s hard for me to even imagine doing what you’re doing. Godspeed, you brilliant spaniard you.
Yeah, same as above: best of luck for you! As you already noted system is rigged (legally, of course) but I hope even if you become prosecutor there will be ways to make some good decisions ....
Thanks for update!
Thanks for the update. Good luck! Hope you don't become a prosecutor!
Good luck! I look forward to committing crimes in Spain then having you as my judge.
Good luck! Good to hear that there's a date set.
It sucks that you can't afford to create right now, despite really needing to.
I'll be cheering for you, man. And I sympathize with the whole "going crazy because you're not creating" feeling. That buzzing need to always be making something.
I've even given in and started writing pony again, though it's now just one of several plates I'm trying to juggle.
Good luck!