• Member Since 17th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Onyxfire408


Hi, I'm just someone who just writes for fun. Don't expect great stories from me, or a lot of productivity. I'm also a Samurai if you've seen me at Babscon.

T
Source

*2nd person fic*

You are a pony who's life is simple, but with an odd job by turning on and off the lantern lights around Ponyville. As you wake up early one day, you were expected to receive your mail, but was misplaced. You take it out on an innocent grey pegasus mailmare, after some time thinking you feel bad and apologize to the mailmare. You offer to aid her in any need there is to her to apologize for your offense. Little did you feel, that your heart pumped every time you thought or saw this mare, and the one thing that you always liked about this mare, is her eyes.

Cover art by Ashourii on Deviantart.com

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 85 )

You mare at an innocent mailmare

Wat.

Comment posted by Onyxfire408 deleted Mar 20th, 2013

2291806I uhh.... I dont see this in my story, I tried using the google chome finding thing but, it's not popping up. You sure that's in my story?:duck:

2291851dammit, okay thanks, sorry I was REALLY tired when I posted this :pinkiesick:

If this is an antro story then you don't need the human tag.

2292832anything that involves human like parts, must be tagged human, it should say that in the FAQ.

2293413
Human: A human visits Equestria. Or the ponies are turned into humans. Or they were always humans and so on and so forth. This tag is not required with Crossovers.

Nope. Says nothing like that. And seeing as how human, and anthro are two different things the human tag does not fit this story.

BUTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

DERPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY:heart::heart::heart::heart::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpyderp1::derpyderp1::derpyderp2::derpyderp2:

Good story so far, this chapter though...

Ah well, whatever works. I mean, the elements could have worked, but it came off feeling rushed, ramshackle and a desperate attempt to advance the plot. Maybe consider having Derpy get comfortable enough/ drunk (although drunk is very overused, and requires a lot of effort to pull off right) and starts sharing details of her past, letting her story slowly build up instead of WHAM! Sudden history! Or, the character could overhear details in a conversation/ see a piece of a police report or newspaper clipping, and start digging into her history. The way you've got it advances the plot at breakneck speed. So, just a few suggestions, the general tone of writing has been great, something I can never manage,

Ha knew it was going to be the doctor

Probably said this b4 but SCREW IT *Inhale* BRILLIANT!!!!

Wait, I hope that probably the thug who raped derpy comes back in one of the future chapters and the main character(Whats his name again?) AND KICKS HIS ASS LIKE A BAWS

Comment posted by Darkflare deleted Mar 30th, 2013
Comment posted by Darkflare deleted Mar 31st, 2013

2330789He never had a name....yet.

If you haven't yet, toss this story into my group Anthropomorphics. Might help your views some more.

Also, Seraph is right, if there are no humans at all then the human tag is unneeded.

I loved the part where the main character(Still coming up with a nickname 4 him) Walked in on derpy w/socks .in a seductive pose.
I can just imagine him seeing her and be all like, "NOPE." And walks out

Wait, so the Doctor is now the 12th Doctor, are we still going to see him some more? Because I'd like to see more of the Doctor and his Blue Box.

2390587I'm thinking about it:duck:

Oh my God. His motto was stressful from the rich, give to the poor. I like him more.

Can someone point out the reference for me please I am hopeless at spotting references



Edit: oh wait it was nothing ventured nothing gained wasn't it

2394463Yes, that was from the Demo version of Bioshock Infinite, it was when the sky hook was the sky wheel. Really cool.:twilightsmile:

>> Onyxfire408 best game this century

2399347I like it :twilightsmile:, I just don't know why a lot of people disagree:ajsleepy:

2399386 they may disagree for two reasons
One: it was constantly changed and different from all the trailers and the first 10 minutes that were uploaded
Two: that it contain racism towards anyone not a white American christian and people see this as bad even though it is historically correct for this time

Look the Doctor is back in a all new regeneration

Me like.:pinkiehappy: And yes bow ties are cool.

What did he do wit the sword? I think I missed something
EITHER WAY I LIKE.:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Bow ties are cool :D

Yes...Yes they are

Loved that episode of doctor who. Bringing together this story nicely. If there is another chapter I can't wait.:twilightsmile:

so the main characters name is shadow shadow veil

Cool, now that that human a job, he will fit in just perfectly in this world.

what?

Thanks for the story man really good but I have to ask. What are finals exactly?

her lips against hers
DUDE! SPELLING!

2627725 final exams, it's something they do in America.

In the words of the Doctor: Bowties are cool.
In my own words: They most definitely are.

"P.S: Bring butter" Ok , that's Doctor Whooves, no doubt.

"What is this magic?" You said it wrong! It's 'What is this sorcery?'

"This one is a lie. Well, not like the cake" HOW DOES HE KNOW ABOUT PORTAL?!

"Now you bucked up" I was thinking 'Bad to the Bone', when I read that. He is DEFINATLY gonna go kick is sorry ass, TO THE MOON!!!

Fedoras are cool. --[]-[]

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