• Member Since 28th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 23rd, 2022

dragonpony111


Just a man who enjoys the show (especially Derpy and Dinky) that also has a thing for writing sad/feelgood stories, usually about baby ponies.

E

This story is a sequel to Don't Take My Mommy!


Derpy gets to rediscover what love from another pony feels like, and Dinky has a new sibling on the way and couldn't be happier.

Edit 9/19/2018: I'm back guys after my long hiatus. I plan to be actively writing again for the time being.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 74 )

Love it. I can't wait for you to write more as-well.

2262231

read the prequel please if you have time its linked in the description

I like it, but the ending just...I dont know, it had all sorts of steam and it let it out at the end there. The rest is great! dont get me wrong.

I'd have tried for something like:
Derpy knocked on the door, eager to meet a new pony in town. The door clicked open, revealing a well-kept stallion with a spiky brown mane.

"Why, 'ello there, my fair mare, what brings you to my abode today? Are you the welcoming committee?" he asked as he set down a box.

"U-uh, no, I-I'm the ma-mailpony for this town, De-Derpy Hooves." Derpy said, looking both away and at him.

"Well then! I daresay you might have a few items of postage for me? Come in, come in, my dear Derpy!" the fine Doctor stated.

Derpy followed the stallion into his home, a small smile forming on her face at the prospect of having a new friend.

Ahem.
sorry to be that guy, but yeah, thats what i would do. but you arent me now, are you? heh heh. Carry on!:eeyup:

2262317

I really do appreciate your feedback btw. Good thing that's not the story ending just where I finished the chapter. lol I used to write in even more intense detail that you suggested but it really tires me out creativity wise. So I just focus on good story plot as best I can and go back later to spruce things up.

2262333
Yeah I knew its the chapter end. The ending is what keeps readers continuing onward to the next point. By all means, write what you want, just know that it lost my interest at the end for a bit.:twilightblush:

2262355

Noted Thanks. Since I have nothing written after it so far I can easily go back and change it which I will.

2262355

also have you a shout out in the story description.

Doctor Whooves "The Doctor" or Doctor Whooves "Time Turner" the clock maker and Mayor's assistant?

Personally, I don't care too much for the former because it's been done to death.

fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/179/3/1/whooves_family_portrait__updated_version__by_bronyman1995-d558n2x.png

2263879

I had planned for clock maker, but I still planned on keeping the doctor's personality in him.

Comment posted by thewaffler deleted Mar 14th, 2013

Love chapter 2 keep them coming. *Excited face*

What up with the stuttering?

2266619

My take on Derpy's Derpiness/Mental impairedness

i like the stuttering reminds me of my brother still great story but you might want to slow the pace

2277566
Thanks.
well the problem was some people felt the pace was too slow in the prequel to this story.

Comment posted by Changeling-Drone deleted Mar 17th, 2013

2277596 i know but you probably should of eased into doctor whooves falling for her

2277605

guess I cant please both sides of the fence

had people in the prequel complain: "Yes yes we get it ponet and derpy are in love move on."

2277614 hmmph i think it was at a good pace altho i would mind learning more about ponet but i wouldnt mind if you slowed down a tad

MOAR!!! MOAR, I DEMAND IT!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::heart::heart:

2277596 You are my Favorite Author, Your story-telling skills are fantastic and you are able to make the Character's seem so human (Except Dr. Hooves, but to be fair we haven't heard much from the doc) Keep up the Awesome work, take your time. Plus you deserve this small but loving fanbase behind you :pinkiesad2:

Dude492

go doc. go doc gogogogo get the derpy :pinkiehappy:
but really i hope dery give doc a fair chance till next time i wait with muffin in hand

2319546

not to give out spoilers but you should be pleased with how it turns out

2263977 Liking it so far. I too have a story with Derpy and Time Turner, with Time Turner just being a normal earth pony. But then Pinkie Pie comes to an insane conclusion that he's some sort of time traveling alien because not much is known about him. I might do a followup once I've worked more on my TwiMacVerse.

2266656 HA! I especially like the part where she slams to the door in his face. I really think at some point Ponet should make an appearance. I can't think of any logical reason for him to show up again, but I think it would make for some good drama! I will say I'm liking this story more in that it's more light hearted than the last one; but that's just because I prefer lighter stuff. But you already know I loved your last story.

2411455

actually I figured out an epic way to have ponet come back in, but most of the readers won't like why he came back.

2428589 I'll be glad just to see him back! I SMELL DRAMA or SHENANIGANS or DRAMANIGANS! :pinkiehappy:

2428604

actually its some really heavy drama that happens in the sequel to the story after this one.

truthfully i think there is something missing about the doctor.... no idea what i could call that though! maybe some more timeywimey stuff?:eeyup:

2428748 Well I did say DRAMA or SHENANIGANS or DRAMANGIANS! So drama works.

I haven't even read this yet, but I know it's going to be good

*drawn out yawn*

Bad move. Try this.

"S-Sure Dinky, I'll b-be right here t-to help you."

Dinky jumped up onto the bed with joy and quickly ran underneath the blanket, to resurface snuggled up next to Derpy.

"Goodnight Mommy. I love you."

Dinky let out an enormous yawn as the tendrils of sleep overtook her, and Luna prepared a voyage to her dreams.

CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE!:pinkiehappy:

Aw, so Dinky may get derped eyes too? I mean that's not a bad thing, but of course kids can be cruel. It felt a bit rushed, but I'm assuming this story will be longer than your last one. And it's still very sweet. :pinkiehappy:

The whole eyes thing is a bit rushed by still. Amazing writing. Dont let any bullies get you down dinky!:fluttershbad:

Very well done, the only thing that gets to me is the stutter. It makes her seem as though she is just extremely shy of everyone around her. If you could tune it down a little so that not everything she says has a stutter, I think that I could read this a lot quicker and more efficient. But besides that, keep up the good work :pinkiehappy:

2460427

thanks for the feedback but iin my story her stutter is part of her derpiness

2462734 I see that. I just found it as a small annoyance but I've now just seen to ignore it. Continue with the story writing

"It... it's bigger on the inside!"

"You know... you'd be surprised the number of times I've heard somepony say that!"

This is amazing, please continue with eighty-seven thousand sequels :yay:

2590170
thank you, sine college is over for the summer new chapters are on their way

2630311 in the prequel, I had tears of sorrow, now they are tears of joy.

"Could care less about her derpiness"
YESH, DERPINESS ALL THE WAY!:derpytongue2:
Also, why is Derpy stuttering so much? I know it's not as big of a deal, but sorry...her stuttering gets a bit annoying.:applejackunsure:
Good story so far. You won you a mustache.:moustache:

2462734
heh. Never mind what I said in the first chapter, then.:derpytongue2:

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