BuddhtistBrony
Joined 23rd Mar, 2013 ·
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boring. needs to be way longer
Is it just me, or this story seems to be progressing very fast, but don't worry, it happens to us all (especially me). The longer you take to flush out the story and spend time on it, the better and fuller it will be. Good Luck, and can't wait to see what will happen with this story.
2334081: first off I agree, second Do I see a Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang reference? (Toot Sweet candy?)
other then length, it is good. call me Jessica.
I am working on the length, doing what i can
thanks for the support and input.
Let me know if u have a suggestion I know i will use it.
Never heard of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
I`m thinking this in terms of the background clips from the episodes, i hope you all enjoy it
This seems good but dispise my hatred for shipping, do you really think the doctor would marry derpy?
I mean, you know how the doctor Is for his companions.
He wouldn't always be with derpy.
I think Derpy to be Immortal a hornless alicorn
and shes persistent
Cute! I love the DerpyxDrHooves ship!!!
Its Doctor Whooves
Dr Hooves is an earth pony who work at the hospital from read it and weep
2341975 Oops. Sorry :)
Well it's quite late, 00:42 AM (GMT) so I'm putting this on my read later list. I'll read it first thing in the morning. Nice chatting to you.
2375577 kool let me know what you think when your done
2376367 Alright then. I've read the story and this is my opinion.
First, I absolutely love the concept of the story! I do think that Derpy Hooves X Doctor Hooves is one of the best stallion/mare shippings that can be done. I mean, look at the cover art! They are just adorable together! And when you put Dinky in the mix too... Oh gosh, I might die of the cuteness!
Now, as for the writing itself. Now I can't go around acting like a critic because I'm just an amateur writer myself at the end of the day. However, I do feel that the chapters are just a bit too short. As a result, I just can't help but think that the plot moves too fast.
Like I say, this story has a fantastic concept. Absolutely brilliant. I just think it needs to be a bit slower in pace, so as to let the reader relax a little and really enjoy it. I guess that it is true what they say, "Words have motion", and the speed of this story can make it a little difficult to follow. If I may make a suggestion: When it comes to the really short chapters, why not combine them into larger chapters? Personally, I think that this might make more sense.
I'm adding this to my favourites, as I really want to see how it goes in the future. I truly wish you the very best of luck with this and all your other projects.
2378330 after all the mini chapters are done i am going to make it a multi-part play(or musical) and try to get it animated doctor Whooves and Assistant might enjoy this.
They need something redeeming after their April Fools Joke, never again
you got that?
2385764 OK, then... I think...
2385804 make something for someone else to use, that is my intention.
2385852 Wait, what?
I should apologise. It's late again and I do feel like, well, this:
2385868 its more that alright, i appreciate and understand your imput
Talking about the name, here, have a reference.
On a side note,
Try to keep those chapters a lil longer.
If my observations are correct (Which are not %95 of the time,)
-1000-5k, normal lenght
-6k-10k a little long
-11K-100k(Yes.) Too long.
Yours fall below the useless page changing section I think.
2423890 thanks for the comment, i know i`m too fast but i normally write song. Its a gift and a curse.
This is a very fast moving, but very well thought out story. I give it a 9.5 outta 10 if it could be rated
P.S. I like Tootsweet :)
2443743 I`m glad that the sweet toot reference is well received. This was my first written story not stolen and destroyed, thank you.
2466056 Its incomplete and i plan on doing more with it
2466058 Sure if you dont mind Doctor and Derpy making pip and muffins in the kicthen
2466085 Nice
Romance and dark in the tags. Never a good combo.
2531690 Im trying to change that image
alright time to get down and dirty, (no not in that way, get your mind out of the gutter)
you should go back and edit the first two chapters to give it more spacing to avoid the wall of text syndrome, you seem to have fixed it in the later chapters but many wont see past the first ones. maybe take things a little slower? adding more detail is a great way of doing so.
longer chapters is another thing i would reccomend. many (including me) dislike chapters with less than 1k words, with these chapters you could easely merge them together to make bigger ones, (just a tought for upcomming chapters and/or stories
other than that it was much better than the last one.
moving on to wereflutter goodness.
2532738 This is ment to be a play (Which to fimfiction is unaccecptable) so short act by act had to suffice. It wouldn`t go through any other way
wait, are the doctor and derpy married?!
2575978 There getting married, but then an "event will occur"
She was married, to a unicorn the one next to Dinky in over a barrel. An accident happened and he died, the doctor saved her from depression a while ago. And now there getting married, is that not clear:Luna emoticon:.
2575996 This story makes no since you can't tell who's talking, I had trouble understanding it. My rating is (
2 Out Of 5 Happy Pinkies)( This rating is not penitent it will get better if the next chapter is better understandable)
Shined,
Slowbro95
2919099 Thanks for the input, I hope i find someone to edit this soon.
Why aren`t radio plays allowed on Fimfiction.
2920197 I don't know?
I REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE IT SO FAR A COUPLE TYPOS HERE AND THERE BUT ITS REALLY GOOD
Shouldn't it be his?
3082394 I`m using the daddy discord song cannon.
"seeing her parents were in the TARDIS doing only Luna knew what."
Who?
3503071 It's Derpy's full name.
3082394 Ditto. *reads author's note* hand?
3503071 She's probably saying it's her full name.
Cliffhanger?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 