[Insert witty pun or something here]
WARNING: ANTHRO PONIES.
Becoming fed up with sleep escaping you, you hope that you can wear yourself out, so you decide to go for a little walk. Though the walk turns into something bigger.
NOTE: Second person story.
This is my first MLP Fan Fiction, so criticism is wanted, both the good and the bad.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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*Screems* WHY....is. It. That. Everyone. But.
Me. Can. Write. A. Good. Story
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/98497.jpg?1366355771
It's a sign...
Dont want to end it or anything I think at the end of this fic it will be all a dream(did not read it yet).
Mmm, alright. I'll give it a shot.
Interesting, I will definitely be keeping up with this one.
Nice. Keep it up. I'll add this to my favorites.
This is a real nice story here, I just have one issue, which is chapter length. If you could make the chapters a bit longer, maybe increase the length of certain scenes so they aren't rushed (I mean it's a good pace, but it could go a bit slower, adding some more detail and description would help). Otherwise, looking forward to future chapters!
2479140
Agreed, I prefer to take delicious pie slowly as opposed to inhaling it. There could have been much elaboration and character developement in these few short chapters. Feel free to take your time. Can't wait for more.
just dont bow please every freaken the hie always bows to Celestia or Luna getting freaking old man.
Nice chapter. I never heard of Hollywood undead before and I just got done with listening to We are I think it called. There ok. They kinda remind of slipknot a little with there mask but HU is more of rap metal genre. My only issue is I can't tell who singing in that video none of there mask mouth move. LOL
Well anyway keep up the good work.
Im eager to see his character develop.
"It turns out it was an alien. He has taken the for of a light red Earth Pony,"
Don't you mean form?
2513744 Thank you for that catch, much appreciated.
Fix! 
Wooooooooooooooo.
I feel like I dont know the main character at all. His reaction to Celestia was a little lack luster and out of no where. The way he just out right refused her "majesty" (for lack of a better word) without a second thought felt out of place, as though his past had prepared him for it though that doesnt seem the case. Also, everything going off without a hitch or worry and everyone's 'meh' kind of attitude is wrather dry. Even Pinkie seemed off. Im sure though that with time some kind of conflict will arise to break this 'straight line' feeling. Hope this helps. Looking forward to more. /)
In my minds eye everyone is just a human MegaGWolf XD
I'm wierd.
You my good sir have an excellent taste in music HU 4 EVER
I like your music but your story meh. If you want me to elaborate then ask.
2617247 Could you elaborate so i can make the next chapters better?
I just noticed this when rereading your story to give constructive criticism and I saw an error “I'm name's Applejack,” you prob. meant My
2619701 well other then a few grammar errors every now and then (like in chapter four "xtremely" should be extremely) you sentences are a little bit choppy when you start to describe the characters action. Such as in chapter four when the character helps fluttershy over. You started with "you" to many times, along with the way you wrote the movements out seemed a bit weird to read (not the motion them self). Some people are angry about how your character stood up to Celestia but in all honesty I believe I would as well. And plus its your character so he acts how his personality is presented. To me the only thing that would make it bettor if there was more jokes haha, but that's me I love my comedy.
2619701 oh one last thing I do agree with Cameron Ostendorf about not knowing the guy really yeah you have his life story but we don't really know his personality that well.
2621204 I am currently rewriting chapter 5 so it seems a little more "believable" i guess as to how somebody would react to the Princess, instead of standing up to her (I didn't mean for it to come out like that, but now that i has reread it i can see it). I will fix any mistakes that have been made and i should have chapter 6 out hopefully by tomorrow, and in it it will give the main character's personality.
2621308 that's good. You do a pretty good job grammar wise but if you wanna proof reader I'd gladly help.
2621356 i might take you up on that offer
2623389 If you are going to, pm the story or ask me threw pm for my email (kinda prefer email)
Nice chapter. I think you did pinkie fine. Just type random nonsense then boom you got Pinkie down. Nice choice of band by the way. I love Daft Punk and I just got there new cd. It alright it a bit more jazzy then there other works. Well anyway please keep up the amazing work.
Pretty good chapter. Now that you're starting to slow down the pace, you can have more quality characterization and plot development without it seeming to be fast forwarded the entire time. On a personal note, I like how you have Lyra not know what a human is instead of the usual stereotype most authors use for her. can't wait for the next chapter!
I really like this story, especially how literally anything can happen because he is living with Pinkie. Can't wait for the next chapter.
That Pinkie for ya. I'm liking this story. For once a human staying with pinkie and not Twilight or Applejack.
Thankfully, the laws of gravity make dusty ceilings not much of an issue.
New chapter!? Nice.
Nice chapter can't wait for tje next one.
Oh, bloody fucking hell... Breaking china plates. This could only end SO well.
shipping with derpy maybe?
Nice chapter. I wonder what video game there going to play?
2905323
MORTAL KOMBAT!!! Dundundun don dun dun dun. Damn can't really write found effects.
2905891
You just read my mind.
lawl. that ending.
Nice chapter and love how it end, but I was hoping you wouldn't use the system name from the human world. You didn't at first but you did slip after couple of sentence. Other then that great chapter.
2976816 Yeah it's kinda tough to ponify things. Or at least it is for me.
The best part was the Ben reference. "Nope."
2977244 If you want I can try help you there instead of Kitina how about Giltana and for Nintendo 64 it can be heytendo 64. Let me know and I can try ponify some names.
2978200 I'll keep that in mind for future chapter.
Nice chapter. Keep up the awesome work.
Nice!
A tip for next time: when you're writing the chapter (I assume in Word or some other word processor), hit enter twice between paragraphs. For some reason, FimFiction strips one blank line when you copy and paste from Word to the 'new chapter' box, so putting two line spaces will resolve the problem. It helps the story not look like a wall of text.
Otherwise, I'm really enjoying this so far! The story is nicely paced and it's all around a fun read. Keep up the good work
i.imgur.com/5OGeQ.png
3014261 I actually use LibreOffice, but it pretty much does the same thing. i will definatly start doing that, thank you for pointing it out to me.
Very good. Something about this chapter made me like the story a bit more. Keep it up!