ColeTrain4EVER
Joined 26th Apr, 2012 ·
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...I REALLY like this.
The only turn off was the first 3 paragraphs that are...well rather long. It made the whole thing look REALLY bad. But whatever. I continued and I was happy with what I got.
2174444
I'm sorry that turned you off. I was trying to set a mood and give Cheerilee a certain mind set. I will try and consider that when I'm writing more in the future.
I love it, I have a soft spot for Cheerilee x Rumble fics
Huh, I liked it. Despite what WolfGear said I liked the beginning, it set up the story well, but I don't know, it's my personal opinion. Can't wait for the new chapter.
wow this is the 3rd cheerileexrumble clopfic on this site why cant thunderlane get any love
Never use "thru". This isn't an online chatroom.
So is this... human? or anthro? or... what.
Also gonna second the 'thru' comment
2175223
Human
And the Thru thing was only because Auto correct is annoying sometimes
Es bueno!!!!!!!!!!!
2174570 there needs to be more.
2174499
I say the long paragraphs were appropriately long given content. That is just my opinion though.
Your very first sentence starts with a splice. This does not give me a very good first impression. Right after that, you have an error where you place two spaces after a comma in the second line. Then, you have NO spaces after a comma RIGHT after that.
Never do this, ever. It's like writing's form of cheating. Write out the phone ringing, just don't put ring in stars.
Treat dialogue quotations just as you would normal ones.
I don't know what you're trying to do with that semicolon, but stop it.
Okay, I'm skipping to the sex to see if it has anything good about it.
Use am em dash here, not a dash.
Okay, actually, there is no sex, not yet, which gives me hope for this because of that fact that you didn't try to rush it.
Overall, this was pretty good. You seem to have an issue with little errors that seem rather silly to miss, but that's really it. I've always had issues with humanized ponies, because, to me, they just feel like people with pony names slapped onto them with a bunch of hair dye applied, but, looking past the human completely, this is good.
Good work, fix the little errors.
P.S. if they're human, then why are they nuzzling? Nuzzling, for humans, is usually reserved for much closer people, and not just as a show of affection.
Fuuuuuckkk, I really like this for some reason.
first rumble x Cheerilee fic i have read, hope it gets better. the begining was excelent really set the mood of the story. keep up the good work bro
piece of advice... use the Italics for thoughts. It gets confusing just using quotation marks.
Heartwarming, cute, and lustful. Keep up the good work.
I'd like to be the first to bring up this song:
"thank you, Van Halen."
In this fic's scenario the only thing questionably legal are Cherilee's and Rumble positions as teacher and student, which give or take a few months is gonna end.
As for the age issue: I kinda figured since Cheerilee is about as old as Big Mac, who can't be that much older than Applebloom; Rumble is 18 and Cheerilee is about 30.
Wooo!
Not sure if someone already pointed this out, but I think you meant 'sultry' in place of 'sluttery'. Just a hunch.
Cheerilee's dialogue seemed really out of character to me, apart from that and the walls of text, this was a flawless story. It gave me a fluttery feeling, I hope to read more.
It seems Ms. Cheerilee is getting ready to... *Shades* Rumble.
I'm sorry.
Also, I'm loving this fic
2174444
So do I, but I can't shake the feeling dat I'm not supost to be here
*shrug*
Oh well.
2175394
In all honesty, I was holding off on the NSFW content just because I wanted to make sure it was done right.
Also, I'm surprised that there weren't more mistakes. XD
2176281
Oh Hell Yeah!
2176749
I'd slap you right now, but I laughed so your fine.
just after a teacher at my school is arrested for pedophilia, this fic comes up... god help us all.
that reminds me of how an uncle got his wife... so cute and lovely XD
2176999 There probably were, but I only skimmed it.
To hell I go!
BOOM! 1000 VEIWS
Can never say no to CheerileexRumble
Sexy first aid.
2178359 Try Vindicated Depravity mate, tis not hell that lies on this fic's path....
Also, for that fic....bring a banjo
Gosh, I had a crush on my teacher once... only I was 8 and nothing happened. Which is really good, in retrospect. Probably saves me a lot of therapy
What to say?
It's solid, it's sweet and I am a staunch Twilestia shipper, so not liking it would be extremely hypocritical,
so...different...I like...
2179541Fuck, I'm going to need a lot more than a banjo. That fic was...interesting?
2179681
Different?
Thank you, but what do you mean?
Awesome fic.
I do however have a question:
Whats "sluttery"? Is that even a word?
2179999
DAMN SPELL CHECK! You fail me!
XD, I was suppose to be Sultry, (I'll fix that when I add a new chapter)
2180074 Ah, now it makes sense.
Can't wait till the good stuff. Update now please!
You have my attention.
2179853
Never heard of CheerileexRumble, but awesome!
2180187
Got mine too.
▲
The thing with pinkie was so funny and I'm not lien bout this I literally lost my shit also depends what definition of party cannon she thinking of
I loved "Valuable Lesson," let's see if I like this...
This is the first time an "inspired by ___________" convinced me to read something.
2176749
Pretty good.
You need to use apostrophe's a lot more though.
I'm trying to figure out how old Rumble is here. It only sounds like he is just graduating Cheerilee's class, but I had the impression that Cheerilee's class was just a couple years and from there they move to public schools or something, yet Cheerilee says that they are both adults.
Also, the last section about kissing again kinda killed the mood. The first kiss and Rumbles words were passionate and heartfelt and, to me, symbolized Rumble's maturity, but the second kiss was juvenile and kind of silly.
Yes... yes.... yeeeeesss...
"yeah, The NSFW stuff comes next chapter."
MOTHERFUCKER!
2185536
Yeah sorry, want to make sure its perfect-
*see's profile pic*
AHHHHHH!!! CREEPY BLOOM! *Runs*