• Member Since 26th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

ColeTrain4EVER


T

After being ridiculed for so long for not being able to fly, and after trying again and again, Scootaloo tries to end it all. Rainbow Dash sees this and tries to help out her number one fan, who means so much more to her than she realized.

Artwork credit goes to: http://rizcifra.deviantart.com/
Give him some support!

Story editors:

Main:
bronzewolf78 (http://www.fimfiction.net/user/bronzewolf78)

Others:
Conker
RainbowShy1241
TailsFox88
And so many other readers! Thank you guys a lot!

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 223 )

kind of good i like it

Meeester
Moderator

top of my priority to read tomorrow. i glanced over the first chapter and loved what i saw!

FIRST!!!! anyways i am liking this story so far.

few spelling errors, but the plots good

Intrigued. I shall wait and see how this goes. Aside from spelling errors, it's a good start.

Above the clouds, the sun was out and the young Pegasus. Just one example. Two things about how the word "pegasus" is used in Equestria and MLP. First, the plural form is "pegasi" not just "pegasus". And, despite what Spell Check says, since pegasi are common in Equestria, the word is lower case.
“Save her. Save her Colt Damn It!” This doesn't really make sense, so you could word this sentence better.
Also, a couple of the paragraphs could've been broken up more, but yeah, mostly you did a good job with that
The story seems to move a little too fast, and has some spelling and grammar errors. But the concept is very interesting. 3 Dashes out of 5 :rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss:

very good story!! keep it up!!! :ajsmug: :pinkiehappy: :trollestia: :twilightsmile:

Seems like this chapter was better than the last one. Also, when Rainbow and Scoots were crying, you capitalized a word in the middle of a sentence there :twilightsmile:

Interesting. I love Scootalove, so I can't wait to see how this turns out.

I'm intrigued by it. Seems a little fast paced, like Scoot's instantly breaking down but then agreeing to tell her story in almost a heart beat, but it still works out. I'm curious on how you are going to work out Scootaloo's past, cause that's always the bread and butter of a good Scootalove story.

522039
I was just typing the story and I typed "Save her God Damn it!" Then as I was pre reading, I thought "Thats not right........Celestia maybe?" Didn't work either. So I just went with colt. And I'm using a word document casue Docs is annoying for me. So Pegasus kept saying it was right, so I went with that. I proally will go back and fix that later.

So I guess I'm Pinkiw now: "Pegasus-us-us":pinkiehappy:

omg scoots! i know how she feels. :fluttercry:

wow! i cried at this. im super sensitive. so:pinkiehappy:

Love it, can't wait for the next chapter!

Meeester
Moderator

Now that i've read it I can't get enough! Dash&Scootaloo fics are some of my favorite, and this one is just as great! I didn't fumble at all while reading nor did I read anything that was off at all!

522633
Also, as said in my last commet, you made a few extra words capital that you shouldn't have. The ones I caught:
"I-I’m N-Not even a Real P-Pegasus!” And Tears were now streaming down Rainbow’s face at a Constant pace.
I'd suggest you correct those.

Wonderful... Please continue this story!! :pinkiehappy:

also first comment ever made :3 just got account but always been on this website

Sorry about Publishing and Unpublishing like 3 times.........The chapter 3 thing at the top was being weird.

D'awww this is a cute story, very good.

Something tells me that their vacation is about to go straight to Hell. Good job on chapter 3. Also, I just noticed that the title said most important 'person', instead of pony, so you may want to change that.

536222
...............Son Of a B-

*Regains calm*
Thanks for teliing me.

Your welcome. Can't wait for chapter 4.

it's getting about 20% cooler:rainbowdetermined2: But in seriousness this story is good just each chapter needs to a little bit long other than that its really good and has me hooked:scootangel:

Meeester
Moderator

So much daww with Scoot, that I fear the cliffhanger will depress me.:applecry:

Great storytelling!

i cant wait for the next one!!!! :pinkiehappy:

when she said save her save her colt damn it i think she should hav save her celstia damn it i think it wold hav made more sense

Agh i hate scoot fics there soooooo good

...........Scootaloo's parents were then killed during a botched mugging in a dark alley.

522633

What's wrong with Celestia Dammit? Colt Dammit sounds so weird. "Boy Dammit"? :rainbowlaugh:

550776
She'd be........Chicken Filly.....No no........The Pulchery Puncher....That sounds like a cock-fighting name.......Well, I got nothing.

And I guess I'll change that to Celestia Damn it.

Oh crap, this can't be good.

Oh no, poor Scoots...
This is a terrible way to lose your family...
I hope things get a little better, at least.

Meeester
Moderator

i think the pacing was fine. i dont see how much more of this chapter could have been elaborated on so the pacing felt right to me.

Like I said, straight to Hell. And poor Scootaloo, what a terrible way to lose your family. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

well fuck
also, suicide attempt because you feel like you can't accomplish anything..:rainbowhuh:
wow that sounds familiar:unsuresweetie:

560061
What are you geting at?

560085 just reminds me of my life:derpytongue2:

555112 dont wory, of course it'll get better, so much better infact that she attempts suicide:scootangel:

561323
Oh, sorry.
I've gotten a couple of messages saying:
"Oh you are so unoriginal! HACK!" etc.
Thought you were going there, sorry.

561632
:facehoof: I don't know if that's really an improvement...

562188 np man
It's honestly a fantastic story

562957
why of course it is, by atempting scuicide its aparrent that scoots came to learn about life and death, thus making her families passing easier, this along with her new understanding of lifes significance makes for a dulled pain and easier living... the logic is quite sound:scootangel:

And dear god that Image got way to big.

Hey, remember when I said I was gonna try and upload a chapter by today.........yeah........ that's not happening. My chapter is about 3/4 done, needs to be reread, and also I need to get ready for the NY Rangers game on Saturday. So, yeah I'm trying people. Don't worry.

:rainbowdetermined2:

Yeah, I got another delay. I'm working on my OC for the Tumbler OC Prom. So if I need artists, I may ask some of my readers.

Okay, one thing "the breath out of her eyes" eyes don't breathe.

"...and the breath out of her eyes."

Little mistake there.

Just saying:)

Login or register to comment