Isseus
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... that ending.
The story was great, the clop was great, the read was great, but that ending. It just... I felt like at any second you were about to mention something about "being in the Twilight Zone." It just didn't fit. It took a great story and warped it. I'm sure that's what you were going for, but I didn't like it. Anyway, have an upvote because the first several thousand words were great.
ANOTHER one with rumble x someone else? He had ONE APPEARANCE.
I am going to be blunt:
Cynical Cheerilee is probably the best fannon persona ever.
And you got her spot on.
Admittedly the end was not my favorite, I'm not a fan of endings where the MC's found to be insane, but to each their own.
1469745 And he's pretty much the only colt in the series. I mean... Snips and Snails can suck my ... whatever, Featherweight is even worse because he doesn't talk, then there's the fat kid with a fez and... and ... that's about it.
Rumble is like the Rainbow Dash of colts, he gets shipped with anything. My next challenge? Tom X Rumble X Bloomberg threesome.
1469451 Well the ending was a classic wake up- red herring- bad end. But I left it so open, because I didn't want Cheerilee to escape what she'd done, but couldn't be arsed to spend another 15-20k on speculating on the intricasies of Equestrian child protection laws and rehabilitation of a horny teacher. As I said, this was a challenge from another author, And I bet he got what he deserved.
1469958 i get it, but how do you know he's a colt?
also, rumble x 2 inanimate objects? WAT
and rainbow dash is my second least favorite character, next to fluttershy. I hate how
she's shipped with everything :I1469826 Mistress Cheerilee is headcanon for me. Also the ending... I'm bored with the "lived happily ever after" predictable stories. If you want a happy ending, you can have it. If you don't, then the realistic one is also available. I didn't want people getting their answers, but more to think about what, how and why an adult could commit something that Cheerilee did in this story, and how she would cope with it. I thought about ending the story with her mental breakdown moments after Rumble left, but I'd have dozens of haters on me for not finishing the story in a proper manner, just like what happened with Dominant Ideal.
Yeah, even though you ungrateful bastards might have been right about it, I'm still sore. so NYAAAH!
1470088 He looks like one. Never got to check between his legs.
And hell yeah Rumble and two inanimate objects. There's no challenge in writing clop like Twilestia or AppleDash, but weird BDSM stories about foals, or mentally disturbed teachers and their students, that's actually something that needs hard work to make work out.
Just like Dominant Ideal, not a fan of Foalcon but the psychology behind it made me fall in love.
Because feedback is always more fun when you do it direct!
Seriously though, that was incredulous! It was immaculate! I wish to see more of your work!
1469958 But... but what about Pipsqueak
!?
1470097
Oh, pardon if I sound like a hater, it's a good ending, just not to my tastes :X
Furthermore, as far as "goes insane" endings are, it's definitely among the better I've seen
I mean compared to the half similar ending of..a..certain survival horror 8-bit game which came out a while ago, it's amazing.
I am biased against endings where the MC goes insane, or kills them-self, etc. but I do realize they can be handled well, primarily by saying "Here's what happened, make of it what you will." and you did just that :)
So this is what Cherrilie is going for with CMC?
Of course, is Rumble really saying that, or is Cheerilee so mentally gone that she's imagining that too?
Perhaps nothing happened, perhaps something did... perhaps Rumble drugged her coffee with a different blend of love poison, explaining his nerves the next day!
The world... may never know.
1470088
Fluttershy is your least favorite pony?!?!
2.bp.blogspot.com/-qwUN6RkIB7U/TrWyqjJ__tI/AAAAAAAABRI/QEuptfwpeqw/s1600/mlp%2Bmy%2Blittle%2Bpony%2Bmeme%2Bbronies%2Bpinkie%2Bshocked%2Band%2Bdisgusted.jpg
But i love ur profile pic from the Faster the Treadmill
1470224
Bird unrelated. I'm happy you liked it enough to actually show your own mug to the world... well... to a very select and usually well-behaved part of the world but still. *punches own chest* Respect!
I really liked the challenge, and making something like that work without it becoming completely unbelievable, or totally surreal and cheesy... It wasn't easy. I learned a lot of new things and tricks with this one, so I think we both got something nice out from this.
About Pip. He crossed my mind but after what Mr. Finley did, I... uhh... couldn't use him. He was busy or something.
And now for some random trivia about the story, life, and everything: Don't read if you haven't finished the story yet.
I grew up in the eighties, my sister is way older than me and influenced my taste in music a lot, That's where the idea about Thunderlane and Rumble sharing their taste in oldies came from.
I've talked to a few teachers, and they all either hate their job, find the responsibility overwhelming, the pay to be too little compared to the workload, the job following you home and eating all your free time, or just wanting to strangle the kids when you are forbidden by law to even touch them, even if they are in danger. One of my friends became a teacher and got a job, haven't seen him more than twice in a few years after that. He's always busy. It's not a job as much as it's a way of life, and I've gained a lot of respect for them.
Loneliness breaks people faster than any means of torture, because there is nothing to fight against but yourself. Your own feelings work against you, like we saw with Cheerilee doubting her own looks even though there's nothing wrong with her. And after your willpower is slowly sapped away, you become desperate and start losing your grip on sanity. Nobody is better off alone, even if it feels like that sometimes.
Oh and the ending? Was this all in C's mind as she's waking from a come/electric shock therapy/old-folks home? Are all the characters just a reference to Big J in Purgatory? No. I never intended to make the ending that much of a mindbuck. Her mind was already going when the story starts, her grip on reality weakening, and Rumble managed to break the last vestiges on sanity that were left. She is still caring, always making sure her charge is safe and not really hurt, but she also wants to play out all the fantasies she's had over the years about her more troublesome students. So no, this is not me jumping around, screaming "ASK ME WHAT IT MEANS! WOOHOOHOOOHOHOHOOOO", but just a (hopefully) touching and sad story about what can happen to people in specific circumstances.
I can honestly say this is the first Clopfic I've ever read where I come away in a philosophical mood.
1472574 I can see she's your favorite from your name a profile pic =]
Also I thought I was the only one who knew about BarfQuestion. He's one of my favorite animators from 2008
1473011
that made lses sense than what I usually say!
Don't forget Thunderlane!
While he may not be able to be the hero who can lead us into the future, but only though his wisdom and training can Rumble learn to master his inner swag.
For without the Inner Swag, Rumble has no hope of destroying the ring, or killing voldemort, or saving the princess, or bedding cloudchaser and flitter....and that is not a happy future friends..we can only hope he masters the inner swag soon...
it was decent but i would have wanted to cock in pussy tho i was waiting for that
.... i would have been rumble if i could. i thought this story was gona be a bit more dark than it was good writing!!!( added to my clopfic folder)
Nice and that ending reminded me of The Lady and the Tiger. Good job.
1473456 Did you read Dominant Ideal?
1474609 I'm sure many did. But it's also not mechanically possible, and at least some semblance of realism is good to have. Stories work better if you can actually believe them.
1475041 i was expecting her to give him a chair so he could stand on and mount her.... that whats i was hoping though out the story... tho it never happened
1475334 Think of it more of as a problem between
hypervocal.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Baseball-Bat.jpg
and
reidsteel.aero/recent/NEWQUAY/7.jpg
1473791
Ya i found out from Newgrounds actually, the video was on the front page and i loved it so i started to watch it on youtube alot. I liked the songs message and felt like he did a great job portraying it through the animation. Then i started to watch his other videos and really like his work.
Foalcon?
1-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/vg/image/1336/04/1336041225877.jpg
Also that ending was cool. Great work
1469745
>He had ONE APPEARANCE
Just like Vinyl Scratch. And look what the fandom did with her. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Characters having very minor roles doesn't make people less likely to write about them. Unless they're Hoity Toity or Sapphire Shores, that is. Hell, Rumble gets more action than Hoity Toity, even though Hoity had a much larger role in his episode and quite a bit of lines as well.
static.tumblr.com/xrtgnw2/XFRlqvjy2/what_the_fuck_am_i_reading.jpg
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i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2011/11/6/0c7e2c79-4f89-4b6f-9996-d1baabbc62cf.jpg
For some reason I still gave this a thumb up...
It was not so much the pedofoalia, or even the BDSM that got to me. It was the manipulation that just didn't sit right with me.
1481270 I can definitely see why you'd think like that. Writing Cheerilee as a desperate sexual predator felt quite awful too, but I had to do it to make the story work. I just hope Miss Cheerilee can forgive me.
This goes to my favorites. You are awsome! Never let anyone say otherwise.
Did anypony else get the Pulp Fiction reference?
1473011
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/24023395.jpg
Aside from some words missing and some other Grammar Nazi bait, I LOVE THIS!
I'm so confused!
1485172 Derp. Derp. Fixed. But I don't see the problem with the last one? He's just trying to Iron Will her.
1484331 Uhm...If I may? Nazi and torture my writing and storytelling as much as you can. How the hay can I improve if you don't. I mean... If it's not a bother for you...
1485314
Oh nothing wrong with the last one, it's just that his "hands" were referred to then suddenly he had hooves again, I wasn't certain which one to believe!
1485324 Let's leave hands in the capable hooves of Miss Lyra. Anthro is not mah thang.
Loved it.
Was sad to see you end it but also can't really see where you would take it with out dragging it out also going to start watching you :| always
1485511 I like being watched. Especially when I write sex.
So much WIN
1485750 Well... I've tried to thank everyone who likes the story, but I can't think of any more unique ones. Would... a brohoof do?
/)
Hot!
1485316
Well, first thing you could do is let Rumble and Cheerilee be together(in secret mind you) and be happy. Maybe let them elope when he is older(18-19 by Equestria standards) and have a happy life. A happy ending is greatly appreciated on FiMFiction. Unless you want to go the route of 'The Fic That Shall Not Be Named' or 'A Fun Day' and start scarring people for life.
Also, I am not a Grammar Nazi, just letting you know what you can expect on this site sometimes.
1486219 Such condescending words are not needed, I'm sure. As I said, anything to do with grammar, editing and such is appreciated, because I'm not writing in my native tongue, but the story itself is immutable. I went through with the same thing with my previous fic, and 95% agreed that a sad or bittersweet ending is okay, as long as it's well written. And I also made the story open, so if you'd like it to be happy, then good, it has a happy ending for you.
Just please don't come and tell me I should change the ending to suit your tastes. And ESPECIALLY don't come to me saying 'what the to expect from the site' or how 'happy endings are appreciated', when those are clearly just your own opinions which you attempt to validate. Happy endings are fun, but not realistic, and don't fit every story. If this was a sugar-coated love fantasy about two ponies finding true love and getting married, then sure. It would be good.
If you still doubt it, go watch how Rarity struggles in Suited For Success to appease all of her friends, and ends up pleasing nobody.
amn, this is so well written. though i feel like the ending was kinda spoon-feeding when the ending was quite obvious. still, this belongs to be favorited and all the thumbs ups!
1470224 i don't make a habit of making two comments in a row, but you pretty much read my mind, and that reply of yours being that personal, i respect you so much that it would be a sin to not follow you. so i hope you enjoy your new stalker, i mean follower.
1486311
Realistic? You do know this is a site for fanfics about a cartoon with magical ponys? Right? Nah, I'm just yanking your chain. I'm glad you write your stories the way you feel you should. I mean, I myself appreciate constructive criticism, but when someone tells me that I did it wrong, or that it sucks or a character is a 'Mary-Sue', I give em the 'ole static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Haunter_157ae8_1676517.jpg and ignore their hating. And you should too. I mean... if you want to
1489213 Do you know how this story came to be? I mean what YourAntagonist had to do with it?
1486311 Just wanted to say, Suited for Success is one of my favorite episodes. Along with A Dog and Pony Show, it shows some really cool sides to Rarity.
I thought it was a great story. Well-written, detailed, only one or two parts in the clop where I was confused as to what was happening. I was impressed with your ability to create "realistic" names for real-life figures in the style of the show. I have lots of trouble with that.
The mindfuck ending was the best! I love endings like that in movies (Shutter Island and Inception come to mind), and love them just the same in fics. Until that part at the end (beginning when Rumble leaves the room and Cherilee starts having her breakdown), I was thinking "Solid clopfic, with decent emotional attachment", but when that happened, I was tripping my shit. And the ending is something I will remember for a while. Very compelling. Thumbs up, boss!