• Member Since 24th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Wednesday

Ink Stroke


Comments ( 50 )

Dawwww. That was a good story for an incest Fic and i loved it very much. I did see one small error though.

We had both changed our lives drastically, but it would be for the better, even if society would never come to fully except us.

Should be accept us at end, not except.

:rainbowkiss: 'nuff said

Was this posted before I swear I have read it before

Interesting break... just what I needed too since I couldn't sleep. Also, I come bearing umm... 'gifts'.

I started dating mt sister's foalsitter
but something stopped my, more specifically somepony
A shook my head to clear away those idle, strange thoughts
her elongated horn scraped a little against mind
The light's coming from the houses
making my tongue slid against hers to our mutual pleasure
on her from 'Cute' to 'Hot'. Images
but it's not just the though of being with her
and i sighed in relief
My enjoyment was interrupted when a heard hooves
I started to drop the hints i n hopes
I felt Twilight's sharp intake of breath as a steered her closer to me
She had a abnormally sharp taste
appearing right in front of my before shoving her muzzle
I managed to crack open on of my eyes
had grown over-confidant

1. My.
2. Me.
3. I.
4. Mine.
5. Lights, there's no need for the apostrophe.
6. Slide.
7. Me thinks the Images and full stop switched places:twilightsheepish:
8. Thought.
9. Forgot to capitalise.
10. I.
11. Extra Spacing.
12. I.
13. An.
14. Me.
15. One.
16. Overconfident.

This is literally what the doctor ordered since I couldn't sleep. Also I on a side note; I just barely got my notification about you posting this story about 2 hours before this post yet others managed to comment before me... Hmm... the power of Google perhaps?

2003619

Much obliged, Ref'. You seem to bring Christmas early every time I release a chapter.

PS: I couldn't concentrate on writing the next chapter for "Faded Flame", so I decided to whip this up in an hour and a half to be able to get the thought process flowing again. Still, I'm better now, fixing this one-shot, and working on the aforementioned chapter.

Can has AU tag, plz? This is obviously an alternate timeline.

Also, I don't think a single generation of inbreeding is going to cause issues.

2004533

I'm sorry, but no AU tag for this. My AU tags are reserved for universes that are drastically different, such as a world in which every tree is a giant banana, or where the grass is made of taffy. If I labeled this with the AU tag most people would think that the world would be severely changed, avoiding it for thinking it would be too 'Non-cannon'.

Fine, the public has decided that this needs the tag, so I'll oblige to your wishes after all. I still don't get the big difference one tag makes, but whatever, here you go.

DAMN! :fluttercry:
Such interesting story!

2005132

Yeah, my head was jammed for a while so I pumped this out in two hours and a half. I'm not sure why I went with cloppy-incest to unplug my mind, but it worked like a wonder, and now I'm working on the next chapter of "Faded Flame". See you there, Mad.

Awe, that was so romantic. I have a fluttery feeling in my heart as well as an erection. :heart:

2005191

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

This was a great story with an interesting plot! Good Job!!!

2005981

Thanks, I freakin' love positive comments!

2004434 I wouldn't say early exactly but I try my best to help out:twilightblush:
Funny enough though I have one person following me just cause I also helped him out. Oh well:twilightsmile: he is a nice person all the same.

AU tags are, in my mind, for anything that is blatantly incompatible with canon. Technically, a story that is written with elements that are later jossed (one story I remember had Rarity's parents having died years ago) becomes an AU fic retroactively. Anyway...

"bur I would have cheered her" -> "but"
"She was had a much higher I.Q. then I"
"the damn bells didn't stop me from reporting them to the school's principle" -> "principal"
"I find some other guy with his arms wrapped around her waist" -> "found"
"and you're date just walked away with a real mare" -> "your"
"climbing the stairs to the balcony at it's peak." -> "its"
"the one time I can let her know that behind every absence" ->"could"
"Have you seen you're sister since you two made out?" -> "your"
"I went to the principle's office" -> "principal"
"The door lead directly into the living room," -> "led"
"I snuck a peak in the room " -> "peek"
"Twilight continued to furiously rub booth of her hooves" -> "both"
"but you're room is going to be out of commission" -> "your"
"That was I wanted to do for her"
"after that we'd would find something to take up our time"
"My parent's were tittering back and forth on their hooves as they braced themselves against each others sides to avoid falling to the floor." _> "parents" and "other's"
"That virtually left the house to my little sister and I," -> "and me" (Yes, I'm 100% sure about this one. I've been doubted before.)
"My little exploration lead me to two swells on her lower body" -> "led"
"my mind had set itself back to it's instinctive mode" -> "its"

And just as a comment:
"Oh, you won't have to worry about that Shiny. I didn't just use my hooves in the past after all."
Dammit, I had that idea. :facehoof: Now if I ever use it it'll look like I copied...

2006216

Go ahead and use that last line, I won't mind. Oh, and thanks for the corrections, that's what I get for writing this in two hours while sleep deprived.

2006266 Nah, I won't copy the line, just the idea of Twilight getting herself "ready" for her first time is something I had for a long time. :twilightsheepish:

I suppose this story deserves a full opinion, so here it is:

Well-written, and pretty damn hot, :trollestia: but what hurts it in my mind is that it's not quite the Twilight we know and not the quite the FiM universe we know. Simply put, setting and characterization are both off. So, good story, but it's too distant from canon. I suspect that's why you had people complaining about the AU tag. From me, you've earned a like, but not a fave. :eeyup:

2006343

I don't need it to be the best, I just need the viewers to be happy. I thought this would be a complete waste of time because I've never written more than a sensual scene, never written a one-shot, and never written about 16000 words in two hours while nodding off to sleep.

If it was enough to satisfy you, then I don't need it to be the best story around.

That was good. I'm not at all a fan of incest, but I liked your work.

Incest.[img]data:image/jpeg;base64,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

Pretty enjoyable story, and overall it's a thumbs-up, but it's a less enthusiastic thumbs-up than it might have been if you'd thought up a more compelling premise upon which to throw the story into an AU than "Cadence is actually a huge slut and Shining Armor dumped her early on." I prefer quality plot with my porn and I'm not afraid of lots of words, so don't be afraid to write them if that's what it takes to craft a more interesting way to dismiss his established love interest from the picture. Even if this story's already 16,000 words.

--CG

2007827
I'mma second CG here-- The AU in question, from top to bottom, is not very good. The premise is solid and the action (and the 'action') are well written, but the actual AU setting for it feels rather slapdash, loose, and weak. Not enough to kill the quality, but certainly a damper.

I found a few mistakes but over all I liked it. And I love endings that make me daww :heart:

Besides the few grammer errors everyone else pointed out, this was D'aww inspiring work. Not many TwiArmor ships, and that sucks!

Anyway, loved it, need more of it. Could've been a multi-chapter, and a possible sequel!

You get 5 happy Twis :twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile: out of 5

2011913

Thanks Raven, and I would have (and might in the future) made this into a multi-chapter story, but I've got three running stories already, so I can't exactly spare time for another. Besides, I only did this in 2 hours to get the damn idea out of my head. Pairing Twilight with Spike so much has got incest fics plaguing my mind, so i needed an output, even if i was the first cloppy one-shot I've ever made.

Man, I really ramble a lot.

Loved it and unlike other stories the incest was just icing on the cake. anyway the shininglight ship is one of the cutest i've scene so far besides cadence luna and celestia.

cheers:twilightsmile:

I really enjoyed it, but it needs...more. I understand that this is just about Shining reminiscing about his relationship with Twilight, but it just doesn't feel like there's enough here. I want to see conflict! I want to see Twilight and Shining Armor's relationship develop more! I want to see more depth. It feels like a lot of things were just glossed over, and that's fine, but the wrong things were glossed over. This story deserves more time than you've given it, but for what you put into it, I really enjoyed it.

You had me right up until the ending, (the foal specifically)
I would have settled for Twilight saying, "You're lucky I'm not on my cycle!"
Whatever. Enjoyed it anyway. Thumbs up.

A very sweet and well written story. It had quite a few grammatical errors throughout the story which tended to bring me out of my immersion though.
All in all, a good story, but with some editing it could be a great one.:twilightsmile:

Cadence might as well be nicknamed Aphrodite from God of War

This was a very nice change of pace, unorthodox as it may be. Bravo.

Relevant or not, I'm leaving this here.

That was sweet. Nicely done.

This is listed as clop... sadly. In my opinion. Clop is porn without purpose other than being porn.
This story is erotica, which, to me is MUCH better.

An excellent story, one which I found to be quite enjoyable, from the standpoint of the mature scenes were well written, and it was an overall excellent read.

This receives an upvote and shall be added to my favorites list!

...Well, this was an interesting read. Fun too. Well done, author. If you can continue, that's good, but, i'm reading your Spike Twilight fics already, so I win either way.

I enjoyed this and wish to see a continuation of it.

Mares can only get pregnant when they're in heat, which tends to catch a lot of attention. So the whole 'worrying about getting pregnant' thing is a bit dumb.

Other than that though, this was pretty good. :twilightsmile:

2475312
Heat sex is best sex, especially if it's with your special somepony.
Also, it's very very VERY hard to prevent intercourse when in heat, as it causes both mares and stallions to NEED it, whether they want to get pregnant or not. So, yeah, anti-pregnancy spells/herbs are useful. I mean, they could just take heat suppressants, but then, see the first comment. :rainbowwild:

I usually don't like to read things with a lot of clop in it, but this was such an adorable story at the same time I had to read it.:ajsmug:

Thats some nice ending lol nice. :raritywink:

i feel like i've read this before , perhaps , what's with the sudden flood of twishining fics though?....

yes. so much yes. this was beyond sweet

The typos and errors were a tiny bit annoying and distracting.
Could you fix the ones Softy listed for next readers?

+
"It all began fourteen years ago, when we both still lived inside the prestigious walls of the capitol of Equestria."
- "capital"
as "The Capitol" is a building not a city.

beautiful! i loved the concept of it being a jernoul entry!

The amount of time this story spent in my 'Read Later' section was practically criminal. I'm so glad I finally got around to reading it. Have a late Fav!

light-magenta colored unicorn named Glimmer,

did Ink Stroke invent Starlight Glimmer before she was even a thing?

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