• Member Since 5th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen May 25th, 2016

HerbertBerpert


Comments ( 91 )

1412407
of course, of all people it's us two that made it here first.
uhnghgnghgh a fic that has flitter & /cloudchaser/ i guess, AND a mature/sex tag?
gotta read this shit.

Great story, However I noticed a few minor recurring issues.

“Look, I know you’re upset that you don’t have anypony special to spend time with Flitter, but do you really have to take it out on me?”
Flitter glanced away from her sister, uncomfortable with how Cloudchaser was looking at her. “Well sorry for not being pretty enough to attract somepony…”

Each time someone speaks, you need to make a new paragraph.

“Good.” He simply said with a smile, leaving his brother and Flitter alone as the couple headed out to enjoy their vacation. Finally, Flitter and Rumble were all alone, alone for an entire week.

“It’s a couple of hours away from lunch, so what do you want to do in the mean time?” Flitter asked the young colt of whom she was now responsible for.

>alone, alone for an entire week.
Repetitive.
Stahp.
Also, we already know that Flitter is taking care of him. You don't need to tell us that.

Minor things like that, you should get an editor if you don't have one already.

w8 so is he with both Cloudchaser and Flitter? if so will there be a 3 way :twilightblush:

Before I forget, I must give credit to my friend and editor who helped drastically at the last moment making these better chapters. That is all. Poodicus Out.

I will read this. I'm such a sucker for Flitter and Cloudchaser.

[edit] is anthro or humanized or something like that. I will not read this.

1412697
I don't think he's all that great of an editor, then.

1412729

trust me on this, despite those two errors you pointed out, the originals of this was much, MUCH worse.

1412728

Intervention chapter is regular ponies if you're interested, rest of it will be anthro, so sorry :(

1412547 I am currently at school, so I have to wait until I get home :rainbowwild:

1412566 You are doing well, grasshopper :moustache:

1412736
Get a better editor?
Friends aren't hard enough. Some stranger would rather be rude to you than a friend, thus making a stranger a better editor.
:rainbowlaugh:
1412754
Yes, yes.

That was -[not sure if we're allowed to curse]-ed up.

I was hoping the story arc from the first chapter would continue.

1415164

it will, that intervention chapter is meant to be between the fourth and fifth chapters but released along the first.

1414520>>1412960>>1413741

then why bother commenting? or even clicking on the story in the first place?

>everytime he as alone in the house
"every time" is two words, and I think you meant "was", not "as" :moustache:

>Rumble began to dominate Flitter right away
d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/2306687_700b.jpg

You missed a few commas, too :moustache:

not bad i liked the ending:pinkiehappy:

ARE THEY HUMANS OR PONIES?

You had me, up until you made a COD reference. Oh well, i guess i'll keep reading.

1418150

Sorry, bad I know, but also the easiest thing to make fun of

1415348
Well, I was just in the neighborhood, browsing from fic to fic in the interest of finding something both entertaining and thought provoking which is indeed hard to find may i add. When suddenly to my surprise, this came up! I swear finding clop on this site ruins my day like a creeper on the playing field.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsmmp1jyM11qdl0wjo1_250.gif

1420330

Then why not turn off the mature filter? You wouldn't have to see any more clopfics, and I wouldn't have to be annoyed by you anymore.

1416674 50 50 like thos ones that have hooves for feet and hands like furrys do

Hang on. On the 1st chapter we have hands, and now we have hooves? MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_sad.png

1416674>>1436808

Chapter 1 is Anthro, what is suppose to be chapter 2 as of right now is actually chapter 5, and was suppose to be a separate story altogether that I was going to submit that was regular ponies, but decided against it because I felt it wasn't good enough.

In some of his fantasies, Rumble would dream of sticking his hand down the backside of Flitter’s pants

sticking his hand

his hand

THE FUCK???!!!!?!?!

Its anthro ponies people:ajbemused:

1452922 Lol, funny as hell.

great story, there are few Rumble/Cloud Chaser/Flitter on any rating :(

Weird and rapey, in both chapters. Comes off like a 1950's era Bob Hope comic about sexual harrassment being hilarious. Didn't like.

NOOOOOOOOO
your cover has been blown agent rumble!
ABORT! ABORT!

i gusse he going to love 2

I have an odd feeling im one of very few people whom actually READ the description. As tor those who comment about not reading... Obviously the correct response to something you dont want to read.... IS TO NOT COMMENT AT ALL. Trolls will be trolls though. I liked it. Course Flitter and Cloudchaser are very sexy anyways.

This actually has been a decent read in my opinion.

I think you misunderstand what Anthropology means.
-The Study of Humanity

Less confusion if you used Humanized, because even with Anthropomorphic it brings to mind humanoid ponies.

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