"Zecora? As the Mayor of Ponyville, I owe you an apology."
A double entry in the May 2024 Pairings Contest and the Dialogue-Only Contest.
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- Member Since 30th Nov, 2015
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Rambling Writer
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Joined 30th Nov, 2015 ·
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Silver Scroll really isn't a character we see much of. Kudos.
First
Great.
Now I think there's one more pony you owe an apology, Mayor.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2023/4/7/3097683.png
For how used I am to ponies barging in on Zecora I had to take a step back when I realized that Major Mare actually knocked. Would it be a bad idea to put it in the story?
Heh, the "threat display" completely slipped past me.
A nice little story is what I see here. So well written, much thought were put in there.
The only flaws I see in it, are both in this line:
That 'o' at the beginning should be in capital, and it lacks a period to mark its final.
Kudos for using Zecora! Writing the rhyming is usually the reason she's under used and appreciated. I loved the idea of Mayor Mare apologizing for the town's behavior. The rhyming and internal dialog of Mayor Mare was great. Thanks for this.
Zecora is NOT short. She's perfectly proportioned in every way.
Well, that was fun. And some very well-written Zecora dialogue, I must say - I honestly don't think there was a single slip-up in the metre. Admittedly, one or two of the rhymes were a bit of a stretch, but I would say that's by far the less important part of the whole thing. I will take the odd off rhyme over awful metre any day.
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...okay, so before I ask this, I want to make one thing clear: while I strongly disagree with your sentiment, I don't wish to flood the comments of an unrelated and undeserving story with a debate about it, even a hopefully civil one on both our parts. As such, I will do my best to avoid saying anything aggressive or judgmental in this question, I apologize if I end up doing so anyway, and I intend to not get into a full exchange and would appreciate it if you would do the same.
All that being said, I would like to ask what your reasoning for your claim is. Because in all the interpretations I've seen of those events (both what happened and the morality of it), I've never encountered one where the town as a whole were in any way responsible for anything that happened, let alone anything that victimized her.
With Zecora, it's made clear the entire town mistreated and ostracized her, so it makes sense for the mayor to apologize on their behalf, but Trixie? Even if we say for the sake of argument that she herself was totally blameless, there were, like, a handful of ponies out of an entire town that had any kind of negative interaction with her. A mayoral apology from, effectively, the whole town wouldn't even make sense, much less be needed.
Just wondering, do you imagine Zebrabwe as a region within Farasi (from the MLP Season 10 comics)?
Lovely work, and a good use of internal monologue. Though it seems that the perspective character's first name actually is "Mayor," which must have made for an interesting life prior to winning her first election.
In any case, excellently written Zecora and an great choice of interaction. This feels like it should have happened. Thank you for this and best of luck in the judging.
Nicely done! :)
I checked the wiki image gallery.
Here's Zecora with unicorn Twilight and she appears to be slightly taller.
Zecora with alicorn Twilight who is noticably taller than her old unicorn self and she's about the same height.
If the average mare is 3 feet tall (Apple scale, Cow scale, human Fluttershy vs. pony Fluttershy vs. Angel, 8 foot candy cane, etc.), Zecora appears to be about 3 feet two inches.
Nice treatment of a difficult subject. Good work.
The dual message about making amends for past mistreatment, and about moving on from old misunderstandings, was handled wisely and weaves smoothly into the plot. Mayor Mare was a good pick for this kind of Aesop. Her internal monologue was entertaining, and the attempted rhyme cracked me up! Zecora also had fitting dialogue here, which is easier said than done for her rhyming!
I think you might’ve misspelled “spy”
This whole story reminded me of this little gem
:
11920593
No, that is a legitimate spelling of a legitimate word; to "espy" something is to catch a glance of something or someone (or somepony) - like out of the corner of your eye. It captures your notice, draws your attention.
...Admittedly - it's not a common word, and so it's use seems archaic...but if it fits both meaning and the rhyme, then why not use it?
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Ok thanks for the explanation
Despite the fact that this was published while i was on holiday I still should have gotten to it sooner than now. It's a pretty good story.