Jackson Brunner was walking home from work when he slipped and fell. He then awoke in a palace made of crystal that seemed to be long abandoned. Exploring these halls, Jack feels a strange sense of foreboding. Almost as if something horrible had happened here.
And that's not even the strangest thing about this situation.
No, things will only get stranger from here once the new owners of the palace show up.
Times this story has been featured:
August 16th - August 20th, 2023 (briefly got top spot on the 16th!)
Pretty much every time I upload a chapter lmao
Chapters (16)
More good
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More soon. Don't worry.
Great start!
What I especially love are stories that break the mold of the human waking up in the Everfree Forest or straight-up in Canterlot. So seeing them wake up literally anywhere else is always welcomed.
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Thanks! That's always been a big complaint I've had about HiE stories in the past, so when I decided to try my hand at one, I knew from the start that those two locations would be completely cut out. Then I thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if some guy ended up in the crystal empire once it returned from its thousand year slumber?" Thus, this fic was born.
There's still a possibility that our protagonist might visit those two locations in the future, but for the most part, this fic will be set in the Crystal Empire.
Looks really interesting, I look forward to the next chapter.
Interesting premise and good execution.
Although the use of the word 'alicorn' for winged unicorn was heavily popularised by mlp G4 and wasn't really used in that context prior. A unicorn's horn is called an 'alicorn' according to the official/original definition.
I look forward to the next update.
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Ah, I didn't know that little tidbit about the word "alicorn". Learn something new everyday.
I'm glad to hear your enjoying the story so far. I hope you stick around.
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I just found an interesting article here which talks in depth about the word and its usage in various media: https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/User_blog:Nathan2000/Winged_unicorns
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Thanks for the link. I'll be sure to give it a read when I get the chance.
Interesting for a language barrier to only be bypassed by letters but not words. I like it.
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Thanks! I wanted to do something a little different with the whole "Unicorn Script = Latin Alphabet" thing, so I came up with a system where, while English and Equish might share a few words (for reasons that will be explained later on), they are still almost completely unintelligible to each other. I first got the idea after watching this video about similarities between Dutch and Indonesian and decided to run with it.
Of course, there is the difference that English and Equish, when written in the Unicorn Script, use the same writing system, while Dutch and Indonesian use completely different writing systems.
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I always love when authors put in that extra little bit of care and thought into their work.
Oh Lord, I'm stuck in Lodi again
Well, could be much worse.. could be Stockton
Beautifully written! Looking forward to future chapters!
I wonder what kind of human this will be. There’s the “your name isn’t on this throne and I got here first” type; the go-along-to-get-along type; confrontational; chaotic neutral… so many to choose from, and he hasn’t shown us much more through the curious exploration. Although, he does seem practical and analytical.
I really like the language barrier issue here. Definitely going to look forward to more of this story!!
Not too bad of a beginning. The only nitpick I have, is the almost total lack of real information about our human protag. I mean, I know he listens to music on a cell phone, has boots and cargo pants with a hoodie and pocket knife... what I don't know is why he has any of these items. Hear me out here before ya bust my chops, a lot can be inferred by just having something but if we knew why he had them in the first place, that would tell us a lot more about him as a person.
Take the boxcutter, does he have it because he needs it for his job stocking shelves at the local 7-11 to make extra ching while juggling school? Maybe its for cutting shrink wrap at a Walmart shipping center, or to open letters at his postal job? Does he have it due to just likening them? I carried a pocket knife and a box cutter for over two decades for my jobs, and those jobs give you a generalization of my skillset. If I tell you I carried one to cut straps and palate wrap for my job driving Semi trucks, you immediately know I have skills based about heavy machinery, logistics, and log tracking. What I'm getting at is we know next to nothing about him other than name, carried equipment, and appx height of five foot six or so... Nothing about who he is.
Meh, don't let my thoughts mess with your mojo. They are just my thoughts, and I like details. Keep writing, and we will keep reading :)
~Meanwhile in Ponyville...
media.tenor.com/Pb67pK25MGwAAAAC/mlp-body.gif
aye, this has potential, thought this was another abandoned story for a moment till i saw the creation date
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Get trolled, ig.
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I thank you for telling me about your nitpick, and I appreciate the fact that you were as respectful as you were about it.
As for the actual concern, I plan on gradually exploring our main character over the course of the story, talking about what he did for a living and what his life was like and such. It'll be more of a gradual stream of information rather than the "bam, here's five paragraphs of exposition!" that I've seen so many other stories do.
I can tell you that the next chapter will have a hint about what his family situation is like, and either the next one or the one after (haven't decided order yet) will have some backstory for some of his stuff, so do be on the lookout for that.
More good
Well, I'm reading the story and a chapter is updated as I'm done with the 2nd chapter. How neat.
in all honesty i can see the dreamworld pulling this by using the concept of speech to temporarily bridge the language problem
If possible, you can immediately find out is this an epic story or an ordinary one close to reality? I mean, is the main character constantly getting stronger, overcoming, going on adventures, slowly becoming less and less human, and so on, or is he just whining about his fate, living from day to day solving ordinary life problems? Don't get me wrong, I respect and appreciate both kinds of stories, but there are so few good epic stories. I would like to see the main character doing something cool. Like a fight with a Sombra, for example. It would be fun and interesting for me. Well, or at least give the hero immunity from magic to begin with, so that it would be honest. In any case, it is well written. I will wait for the next chapters.
No this an intriguing take of a human in Equestria. I look forward to reading the next release.
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Well, he's gonna help fight Sombra in a few chapters, so in the short term, he's gonna have some action.
In the long term... well, I would prefer to keep that close to my chest
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Sadly. It's a pity that there will be no action here, but these are just my wishes. Oh, I hope one day I can find a fan fiction with a heroic hero.
Well, there’s at least one week of communication shenanigans to be had before some spells happen. Sombra hasn’t made contact yet, so the tension isn’t ready to start building. But that makes it more ominous.
Maybe some explanation is coming? Did they bring any guards to escort them?
Lovey work
Time for Celestia to run off in search of her wayward student?
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I wouldn't be surprised if Celestia at least thought of the possibility that Sunset is somehow connected to this.
Guess we have to wait and see, huh? :)
Really good story so far! Though I am curious as to why the MC never asked Luna if the ponies are a potential threat to him? Luna was ready to get all uppity on him for taking out his knife and surrendering it, asking if he was a threat, but Jackson never asked her if it was true the other way around. Just something I wanted to point out
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There's a very simple explanation for that.
I didn't think of it at the time.
Yeah, there's no big story reason for it. It was just an oversight on my part.
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Fair enough lmao
Well this is an interesting start. More than worth a like and fave
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Or worse Detroit.
I love language barrier stories, because the struggle to build a rapport with someone you don't understand is always interesting.
A couple of questions.
Does Cadence have the magic mirror but no knowledge of the existence of a human world? Or does the EG world not exist at all in this story?
Let me guess.
Humanity went extinct, the protagonist ended up in the far future where Equestria rose up to take humanity's place, and Unicorn Script is directly descended from human languages.
Oh OK.
That answers my question.
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I live in Wisconsin, so Lodi is never too far away. Never been stuck there though.
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I read your comment about the Equestria Girls question already, but I'll expand upon it.
Cadance is aware of the Mirror Portal's existence but isn't aware that it's a portal to another world. She is not currently in possession of it at this time because, according to dialog from the first EG movie, Celestia only gave the mirror to Cadance after she had assumed leadership of the Crystal Empire. Before that, it was stored in Canterlot Castle, so it's still in the possession of Celestia at this time.
Only Celestia, Luna, and Sunset are aware of the mirrors' true nature at this time in the fic. Starswirl also knows, but he's kinda stuck in limbo right now, so his opinion doesn't matter.
As for your theory... no comment.
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The mother fuckers took the draft for the next chapter.
Can't have shit in Detroit.
To be fair, I’d have freaked them out due to multiple stab wounds trying to wake up
More good
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More Haver comments
I love the non-verbal character interactions. It makes the emotions feel so genuine.
This story just keeps getting more interesting.
I look forward to the next chapter.
That was very low of you and very uncalled for, be better Shining Armor.
Too bad he didn't bring a backpack with a solar panel.
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One of the early drafts actually did include a backpack among his list of items, but I scrapped it cause I couldn't find a way to justify him having it on his person when he was just walking home from work.
No solar panels, but I'm sure Twiggle Spriggle would've found a way.
I don't know any of those songs, but it reminds me of the band "Have Gun, Will Travel"