//------------------------------// // Peculiar Dreams, Fictional Morons and Strange Mares // Story: The Crystal Human // by PhoenixHorseGuy //------------------------------// “And don't think I’m not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I’ve done nothing but sacrifice to get us here, and what have you sacrificed? Nothing. Zero.” I wasn’t entirely sure why I was dreaming of a scene from a video game, but at the same time I wasn’t questioning it. When compared to what awaited me in the waking world, I was welcoming this sense of normalcy. “All you’ve done is boss me around. Well now who's the boss? Who's the boss? It’s me.” Who's 'me'? Is 'me' Frank Sinatra? Is he gonna come on stage and sing about a "Blue Moon" tonight? … I’ll shut up now. “See that?” Oh, hey GLaDOS. Welcome back to the scene. “That is a potato battery. It’s a toy. For children. And now, she lives in it!” “I know you.” “Sorry, ahem, uh… what?” And here comes my favorite part. “The engineers tried everything to make me… behave. To slow me down.” I started to question why my subconscious was showing me this. I mean, I’m not really complaining. It’s a good scene from a great game. But there has to be some sort of reason for it, right? This is the scene where Wheatley betrays the main character. Perhaps something out there in magical unicorn land is telling me that someone will betray me in the future? Or maybe it's trying to relay a different message? But what message could that be? ‘Don’t put the moron in charge?’ I feel like that would be obvious. Then again, the current state of U.S. politics says otherwise. What other messages could it be trying to convey? Is it even trying to convey a message? Am I thinking too hard about this? Is there no message at a- “I AM NOT! A! MORON!” Wheatley screams as he smashes GLaDOS into the glass walls of the elevator, ripping me from my thoughts. “YES YOU ARE! YOU’RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!” GLaDOS retorted. I’m surprised that I remember this scene so well. “WELL HOW ABOUT NOW!?” Wheatley yells as he tosses GLaDOS into the elevator with me. “NOW WHO’S A MORON?! COULD A MORON PUNCH. YOU. INTO. THIS. PIT!?!? HUH? COULD A MORON DO THAT? … Uh oh.” And that was the last thing I heard before falling into the pit I had just been punched down. Thanks, Wheatley. You fucking moron. “Oh hi. So, how are you holding up?” I debated whether or not I should break character, but GLaDOS continued talking before I could finish that internal debate. “CAUSE I’M A POTATO.” slow clap. slow clap. slow clap. “Oh good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.” “Yup.” I replied. “At least we can fall to our deaths with thunderous applause, right?” GLaDOS didn’t respond as she continued on with the script. “Since it doesn’t look like we’re going anywhere - well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we’re not busy other than that, here’s a couple of facts.” … … … I waited for my potato companion to continue, but she didn’t. I knew there was more dialogue after that, as well as another use of the slow clap processor. I looked over and saw something… odd. “Hm… pretty sure her eye is supposed to be yellow. Not teal.” “You dream of the most peculiar things, creature.” Replied the potato, in a voice that very much did not belong to the crazed AI I knew and had a love-hate relationship with. “You're not GLaDOS... Why do I have a feeling I’m about to be murdered?” “We assure thee that thou shall not be harmed.” She paused for a moment before continuing. “At least, not for now. We had simply heard from our dear niece of a strange creature she had encountered on her mission and chose to investigate it personally.” “Your niece… you mean the unicorn and alicorn I met earlier? Wait, who are you? And why are you hijacking my dream?” Another thought popped into my head at that moment. “And how can we understand each other?” “The dream realm works in mysterious ways. Even I, somepony who has been walking it for over a thousand years, does not fully understand everything about it.” We finally landed unharmed in a grassy field at night, the potato somehow floating in mid-air. “And as for my identity…” Some sort of mist surrounded the potato, covering it completely before spreading out into the shape of an equine. Before I could make out any details it parted away, revealing a dark blue alicorn with teal eyes. Her mane and tail blew in an unseen wind and looked like the night sky. “... We are Princess Luna, one of the two diarchs of the land of Equestria, Princess of the Night, and the guardian of the dream realm.” She gave me a cold glare. “And you are the creature who pulled a knife on our niece and her husband.” “Hey, look, I was surrendering my weapon to them! I was proving that I wasn’t a threat!” I said, holding up my hands in a show of surrender. “And I’m still not!” I quickly added in a panicked tone. “I swear, if I somehow managed to piss off a Dream Goddess...” “We assure that we are not a goddess, even if we do possess some traits of one.” Princess Luna… replied to my thoughts? What? “Though we are flattered that you would give us such a compliment, even if it was unintentional.” “And you can read my thoughts as well. Great.” “We are only looking through thou’s mind to insure that thou does not pose a threat to our niece. She has enough on her plate already. She does not need the potential of a monkey stabbing her in the back when it deems it most advantageous.” She fixed me with another glare. “What is your name, creature? And where do you hail from?” She asked me after a moment of silence. “Jackson Brunner. But my friends call me Jack. And I ‘hail’ from the United States of America.” “And yet your mind says you hail from ‘Upstate New York’. That is a region in this… ‘Amareica’, I presume?” “It’s pronounced ‘America’. And yes, it is.” “Intriguing. Most intriguing.” Silence reigned in the dream realm once more before Princess Luna’s gaze softened and her horn stopped glowing. “Didn’t even realize it was glowing.” “You were focusing on more important things.” Princess Luna once again replied to my thoughts. “We have deemed that you were truthful in your earlier claims, and that both Cadance and Shining have nothing to fear from you.” “And those are…?” “The two ponies you met today. The pink alicorn is Princess Cadance, the Princess of Love. The white unicorn stallion is Prince Shining Armor, now former Captain of the E.U.P.” … “The paperwork just went through about an hour before I began my duties.” Princess Luna provided upon seeing my questioning gaze, despite the fact that was not the question I was gonna ask. “They are to be the future rulers of the Crystal Empire, which is where you three are right now.” “Alright then. And where are you right now, if I may ask?” “Why, in Canterlot, of course.” Her expression seemed to turn sour for a brief moment as she muttered something about “Tia stopping me from coming” before resuming her mostly neutral expression she seemed to wear when not glaring at me. “Oh, yes. You would not be aware of where Canterlot is, would you? You do appear to be from another world entirely, after all.” “And what gave you that impression?” “Why, the fact you have no natural magic anywhere in your body, of course.” Luna replied. “Every creature born and raised on Equis - the planet we are currently on - has at least a small amount of magic within them. So for a creature to be here yet have none at all… based on your own thoughts and memories, it is the only logical conclusion that we can think of.” "Right… ugh, why didn't I think of that?" I mumbled to myself. Seems so obvious now. Of course I got chucked across space by a patch of ice and some concrete. Just my luck, huh? I know a Dean Martin song that would work in this situation. Goes a little something like 'Ain't That A Kick In The Head'. The lunar princess no longer seemed content with just watching me get lost in my thoughts, as she cleared her throat to get my attention. "Yes, well, we shall be off to inform Cadance and Shining Armor of our findings regarding… you. Our night is still young, so We shall give you peaceful dreams for the rest of it." A door appears behind her and she turns around to enter it. At this point I noticed a detail I hadn't before. There was a symbol on her flank. One of a dark splotch with a white crescent moon on it. "Well, her name is Luna, and Luna is the word for 'moon' in some romance languages. Perhaps there's a connection? I'll ask another time. I don't think that this is the last I'll be seeing of her." "Besides, I have something more important to ask…" "Just… one more thing?" I ask. When she turns back to face me, I clear my throat and continue. "Do you think you could find a way to do… whatever the dream realm is doing now in the… I don't know. I guess the term here would be 'waking world'? Using sign language to communicate without actually knowing any sign language is a bit difficult." Princess Luna thought for a moment before nodding. "I know of a few spells that may help you to learn Equish faster, if that is what you mean." She shook her head. "As far as I am aware, it is not possible to just put an entire language into one's head and expect the recipient to speak that language fluently. And even if there was one, I would not be able to cast it on you here, for it would have no effect on you in the waking world." "I see… well, maybe a temporary solution then?" "Perhaps… My sister and I will be speaking with Twilight Sparkle and the other Elements tomorrow morning before they depart for The Empire. I shall mention you and your problem to them then. I am certain that young Twilight can come up with something on the way there." She turned back to the door and began to walk out of the dream. "I wish you luck, Mr. Brunner. And I do hope you uphold your end of the deal that you made with my niece." "I will, your highness. I gave her my word, and I am a man of my word." And so, she left. The field faded away and I was dropped into a dream. I don't remember what it was about, but I do remember it being one of the best of my entire life. (Luna's POV) Several hours later… As I set my moon and my sister raised her sun, I thought back to what I had seen in that creature's - Jackson's, I reminded myself - memories. I had gone back a little too far and seen a memory of him and some others of his species - one adult and two children - partaking in a holiday that reminded me of Nightmare Night. I didn't stay in the memory long to get many details, but I did see that the kids were not his kids, though they were family of some kind. I had also seen Jackson in a wheelchair. "Was he paralyzed before he came to Equestria? Did the magic of the land heal his legs? But I didn't detect any magic within him. Some would be left over if that were the case. On the other hoof, it could've been part of his costume…" Just another thing to add to the ever growing list of mysteries revolving around Equestria's newest resident, it seems. My tired mind continued to occasionally drift back to the human as I reached the dining hall and walked through the big double doors. Inside was a long table with a chair stylized as a throne at the end. My sister, Celestia, was sitting in a seat on the left side. I took up a seat directly across from her. It was a silent agreement between the two of us after my return: when dining alone, neither of us would take the head of the table. "Good morning, sister." Celestia spoke, a yawn briefly interrupting her. "I trust the night shift went well?" "That it did. I also spoke with Cadance and Shining Armor in the dream realm." I punctuated that sentence with a yawn of my own. "They have made it to the Empire safely and have taken up residence in the palace." "That's good." Was Celestia's simple reply before the waiters arrived to take our orders. Once they were done, she continued. "Is there any other news from the Empire you think I should know?" "Just one thing." I took a sip of my coffee before continuing. "Cadance and Shining Armor made contact with a creature who had also taken up residence in the palace. His name is Jackson Brunner, and he has proven himself to be friendly thus far. Though I have one question for you, sister." At Celestia's raised eyebrow, I continued. "Have you ever heard of a 'human' before?" That seemed to get Celestia's attention. "I remember them being mentioned in some of Starswirl's notes from back when he was experimenting with the mirror portal, yes. Why do you ask?" "Because that is what Mr. Brunner is Tia. A human." The spit take Tia narrowly avoided performing with her morning tea was both surprising and hilarious. "What? But… but the mirror portal doesn't open again for several more months. How is that possible?" "Yes… tis a mystery. Much like so much else about this 'Jackson'… Anyways, sister. I have a favor to ask. I know you're sending your student to the Empire as a test, but would you mind if I gave her a… extra credit assignment, of sorts?"