Cabinet Man / Proper Introductions
(Shining Armors POV)
"So what do you think, Auntie?" Cadance asked Princess Luna, after explaining the plan to her. The princess seemed to take a moment to consider it, before nodding.
"Yes, that should work. Creating a shared dream with Jackson in it won't be difficult. But I will need to set it up within his dreamscape as precaution." At the tilt of Cadance's head, Luna continued. "Due to his non-magical nature, I cannot predict what would happen if I were to drag him out of his dream and into another. I am unsure if bringing him into the dream of a magical being could cause harm to either him or the host. I do warn you, his dreamscape is… confusing and a little hard to navigate at times."
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
"Jackson's mind is much more… chaotic than that of a pony. Whether this is a personal quirk or a trait of his entire species, I cannot say. Just stick with me, and I shall guide us through." Luna's horn glowed a bright white as our room in Canterlot Castle faded away and was quickly replaced by…
"An arcade?" Cadance questioned. "Jackson's dreaming about an arcade?"
"Looks like it." Was my simple reply to my wife's inquiry.
"Something feels… off. I can't put my hoof on it, but…"
"Let's just find Jackson and get out of here." I said. Cadance looked at me with concern, while Luna gave me nothing more than a raised eyebrow. The three of us began our trek through the aisles of arcade cabinets, plastered with the names of games, some I recognized and many I didn't.
"I wonder what 'Polybius' is?" I thought to myself, in a vain attempt to distract myself from the near constant sense of unease I got from this place. There was something wrong here. I still couldn't say what, though. I could tell that Cadance was feeling it as well, with the way she was looking around, paying close attention to the shadows and to any potential hiding spots. Couldn't blame her for doing it. I've been doing the same thing this entire time, after all.
Luna, meanwhile, was doing a good job at not showing any emotion. Whether that was from her experience in the dream realm or something else, I couldn't say.
"He is close." Luna said, after what felt like an eternity of walking through this labyrinth. "He should be just around this…" Luna trailed off for a moment as she looked around the corner, before gathering herself and turning back to us. "He's just around that corner. He seems to be rather invested in the dream, though I can sense at least some awareness within him. Snapping him out shouldn't be too hard."
"Can't you just stop the dream like you can for me and Cadance?" I questioned.
"I tried that last night, but it didn't work. Something was preventing me from doing so. Instead, I had to… play along for a short while before revealing myself." Luna replied. "And that is what we must do. With his awareness and his seeming obsession for small details, it shouldn't take him long to notice part of his subconscious not going along with the script."
(Jacksons POV)
Stepping onto the crime scene, I took a good, long look at everything.
"Two tape outlines, showing where the bodies were found. According to the report, they were two teenagers. Fourteen and sixteen, respectively. The younger one was found with some really bad burns on his hands. Cause of death was determined to be electrocution. The older one had multiple bones broken and a caved in skull, as if he had been crushed by something. Ultimately, it was a mix of major blood loss and blunt force trauma that did him in."
I knelt down next to the tape outlines. Not far away, I saw an old arcade cabinet laying on its side, a pool of blood underneath it.
"Guys at the lab haven't finished testing it yet, but it's believed to belong to the two kids. Guess they were having some fun of the vandals variety." I carefully walked around the blood pool to the cabinet itself. "Yup, this all looks recent. One smashed in screen, plenty of spray painted graffiti all over the sides… looks like they took the change out of… what the fuck?"
"Something wrong, detective?" One of the officers asked me from behind. I guess my concern was showing on my face.
"Yeah, with the coin slot. Look in there and tell me what you see." She looked confused, but she obliged. After taking a good look inside, she turned to me with a face of horror and disgust.
"Ar-are those…"
"Yup. Human lungs from the looks of it. Still got some change in them as well." I replied.
"Oh sweet Celestia…" the officer muttered. "I think I'm gonna be sick."
"I saw a trashcan by the door. I'm sure the others won't mind if you use it."
"How are you so nonchalant about this? The ponies who made this used real lungs to store change! That's… that's disgusting."
Ignoring her… interesting terminology for the moment, I responded. "Oh, I agree. Trust me, if I had any dinner before coming out here, it would already be in that trash can." I pointed towards the direction of the entrance over my shoulder with my thumb. "And I'm sure I'll be having nightmares about this for a good while. Still, I've got a job to do. Just gotta… push those feelings aside for now, you know?" I shrugged as I continued investigating the arcade cabinet. The officer seemed like she wanted to say something else, but she decided to step away instead.
"Let's see… multiple gashes across the sides. Probably from the crowbar we found in the victims possession. I wonder if…"
…
"... oh, sweet baby jesus."
"Detective? Did you find something?" The police chief had walked up at some point. When I didn't immediately respond, he asked again. "Did you find something?" His voice was oddly familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. Dismissing it as dream logic, I continued on with the script.
"Chief, what do you know about this machine?"
"Admittedly, not much." He shook his head. "Owners of the place just put it out on the floor one day and it quickly became one of the most popular games in the whole place. It had some… interesting anti-cheating measures. There were a few cases of kids who were trying to cheat being electrocuted or driven to madness by the thing…" He muttered something about "Tartarus" before continuing. "Why do you ask?"
"Well, I don't know much about how these things work, but I'm fairly certain that they don't need two lungs to collect change or a human heart to power itself." I then looked over at the pool of blood. "And I'm starting to think that this blood doesn't belong to those two kids."
"Are you saying…"
"That someone chopped some poor son of a bitch up, stuffed their organs into this thing and somehow managed to create a fully operational arcade cabinet out of it?" I finished for the chief. "Yes. Yes I am."
"What in Equestria would compel someone to do that?"
"'Equestria'? Last I checked, chief, we were in Bos-" I turned around and saw not two humans, but rather a white unicorn with a two toned purple mane and a pink alicorn, both wearing police uniforms. I recognized them immediately.
They were the same two equines that I had been getting to know over the past two days.
"Ok, what the fuck is going on here?" I asked the two equines, “Are you two actually here, or I am dreaming of you right now?”
“I assure you that they are very real, Mr. Brunner.” The arcade faded away to a familiar field of grass, though this time it featured a hill with a tree on it. “Cadance and Shining came up with the idea for me to create a shared dream between the three of you. That way, you may better coordinate your defense of the Empire against Sombra.”
“So… this is still a dream?” Realization hit me at that moment. “And because this is a dream…”
“... That means we can speak with each other without the language barrier hindering us.” Cadance finished for me.
“So this is why you were giving me that look during lunch today?” Cadance nodded, and I let out a sigh of relief. “Good. I thought you were planning revenge for the flour picture.”
“Oh no, I am definitely getting back at you for that one day. But right now, we have bigger problems.”
“Right… this… ‘Sombra’ guy you keep mentioning. Who is he, anyways?” I questioned.
“Sombra was the last king of the Crystal Empire and the reason for its banishment into the ice of the Frozen North for a thousand years.” Luna supplied. “He is a very dangerous foe. A unicorn who made himself near-immortal by corrupting his very essence with the darkest of magics. He enslaved the entire population of the Empire to do his bidding and waged war against most of his neighbors for nearly a decade before my sister and I defeated him.”
“So… a mix between Voldemort, Hitler, and a rich white guy from 1840’s Georgia. Gotcha.”
“Did he also try to exterminate non-pony races?” I asked.
The ponies seemed somewhat shocked at the question, or maybe shocked by how nonchalantly I asked it. Luna recovered the fastest. “I… no. He didn’t. He just enslaved them like he did the crystal ponies.” Ah, so scratch that Hitler bit. “Why would you even ask something like that?”
“Let’s just say he briefly reminded me of a dictator from my world's history and leave it at that.” After a moment of awkward silence, I cleared my throat. “Anyways, before we continue, I wanna get something out of the way.” I turned to face Cadance and Shining and held out my hand. “I don’t think we’ve properly introduced ourselves. Jackson Brunner, cashier at the 7/11 at the corner of 5th and South Main. A pleasure to finally meet you both properly.”
Shining stepped up first and placed his hoof in my hand, which I shook. “Shining Armor, former Captain of the Royal Guard and Prince of the Crystal Empire.”
“Patience, sir. Your reign isn’t secure yet.” I said jokingly as I released Shining’s hoof and grabbed Cadance’s when she held hers out.
“Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of Equestria, but you can just call me Princess Cadance for short. It's a pleasure to meet you" She said, "And since you've been such a good house guest, I'll even let you drop the title." She finished with a smile.
"Way ahead of you. I haven't used it once since I learned your name from your aunt over there." I was admittedly a little scared about openly admitting that, but Cadance seemed to take my truthfulness in stride as I released her hoof.
"Oh, really? So you dare to disrespect the crown?" She questioned, though from the tone of her voice it was easy to tell that she was joking.
"With all due respect, your highness, you are no princess of mine." I replied in a similar tone. Before we could continue, Luna cleared her throat.
"Yes, well, if you three are done with introductions, we can get to the reason why we're here. Cadance, tell him the plan."
"Oh, right. Of course!" And thus, Cadance explained the plan she and Shining had come up with during lunch. "... and Shining will make sure to grab a weapon from the armory for you before you start patrolling. So what do you say? Do you think you're up for it?"
"I don't know. Am I up for it? I've never done anything like it before. Then again, it is their best bet for finding the time to look for information…"
I nodded my head. "Alright. I'll do it."
"Great. Princess Luna and I will give you an overview of what you need to watch out for out there." Shining responded. I sat down in the grass as a presentation board seemed to appear out of thin air.
"Dream logic. Don't question it." My brain reminded me as I prepared for a lecture that would probably end up saving my life at some point.
"So Yaks are sentient as well?"
"Yes. They reside along the Empire's northern border, and are one of Equestria's oldest allies." Luna replied. "Our alliance goes back over a thousand years, shortly after the war between Equestria and the Crystal Empire began. The Yak's leader, Chief Erik, was afraid that Sombra would attempt to invade the much smaller confederation. So, despite plenty of internal protests, he signed an alliance with Equestria. Sombra wasn't expecting the famously isolationist Yaks to get involved, so he didn't even station troops along the border. That was one of many mistakes he made that led to his downfall."
"After Sombra was defeated," Shining picked up where Luna left off, "the yaks returned to a policy of isolation, though they did maintain good relations with Equestria for the next six hundred years or so." He shook his head. "Then, for reasons that still aren't exactly clear, they recalled all of their ambassadors back to their homeland and expelled all foreigners living within their borders."
"Fucking christ. Not even we Americans went that far back when we practiced isolationism." I said. "So what happened after that?"
"We're still unsure." Luna replied. "We know that they reopened the exotic meat trade with the Griffon's around one hundred and fifty years ago, and that they also abolished the tribal confederation and established a more centralized kingdom. But outside of those two events, nopony knows what they've been doing the past four hundred years."
"Wait wait. Hold on one second." I said while raising my hand. "You're telling me that Griffons are real as well?" Before they could respond, I started talking again. "You know what, no. We can circle back to that later. Anything else I need to know about the yaks?"
"It's possible that, with the return of the Empire, they might send some of their own to investigate." Shining responded. "If you encounter a Yak patrol, it would be best if you stay out of sight and leave the area. While they aren't outright hostile, there's a chance that they might see you as a potential threat."
"And that wouldn't end up well for me. Got it."
"Quick question, if you don't mind."
"Go for it." Said Shining.
"If the yeti moved out of the area after the Empire disappeared, then why are you warning me about them?" I questioned.
"That was just a theory that some ponies came up with to explain their disappearance. It's fully possible that they were simply banished to the ice alongside the Crystal Ponies." Luna answered.
"But why would Sombra do that?" I pressed. "You said it yourself. The Crystal Empire had been fighting war after war against the Yeti Tribes due to their raids into the Empire's territory. And this had been going on since well before Sombra took power. And that Sombra continued those wars against them during his reign. Why would he take them with him, just so they could cause a headache for him again in the future? It's just not practical."
"While a valid point," Responded Luna, "you must consider that some spells, especially those of this magnitude, aren't perfect. There's a chance that, while he didn't mean to bring them with him into the ice, they could've been, to borrow an expression you used earlier, 'brought along for the ride'." She stopped for a moment to collect her thoughts before continuing. "Besides, if the migration theory is correct, who's to say they won't return to 'reclaim the homeland'?" She finished, giving me a questioning gaze and a raised eyebrow.
"Ok, yeah. She's got me there."
"... I concede defeat in this debate." I finally responded. Luna seemed satisfied enough with that response, as she nodded and turned back to the board. I swear I saw her smirking as she did so.
"Now, for the main threat. The one you are guaranteed to deal with." An image of Sombra appeared on the screen. It was a portrait that vaguely reminded me of the ones taken of European kings during the late sixteenth and early seventeenth centuries, right down to the extreme opulence you could see in every little detail of the thing. He was even wearing a purple robe above his armor for fucks sake!
I must have been staring at the painting quite intensively, because Cadance, who had been mostly silent up until now, felt the need to speak up.
"You know, I wouldn't think you were big into art, Jackson."
"I dabble." I absentmindedly replied. "It just reminds me of the portraits that royalty back home would have commissioned of themselves. The parallels are a little uncanny."
"I suppose some things cross dimensional boundaries." Luna shrugged. "Back to the subject matter at hoof, can you tell me the brief description I gave you of Sombra before this lesson began?"
"What am I, back in school?"
"No, but I can easily place you in one." Luna retorted.
"Hey hey, no need to go for the nuclear option!" I ignored the confused looks from the three ponies as I thought back to earlier in the conversation. "Let's see… you said he used dark magic and that he was near immortal. And… something about slaves as well."
Luna nodded. "So you were paying attention earlier. Good." She turned back to the board, then to me. "Now, if you were to encounter Sombra while out on your patrols, your best bet is to retreat back into the protection spell and stay there until you believe that you can safely continue your patrols."
"Really? That's it? I know you said he was near immortal, but that still implies that he can be fought and even killed if necessary."
"Sombra was powerful enough to battle both myself and my sister at the same time and nearly make it a draw." Luna responded. "If me and my sister, two of the most powerful beings in all of Equestria, struggled to defeat him, then I highly doubt you would stand much of a chance in a face to face duel."
"Ouch. I think you just killed my pride."
"... You don't truly believe that you can fight him, can you?" Luna asked in a concerned tone.
"Of course not!" I then took a moment to think. "At least, not alone. Maybe if I had an army or some very powerful magic users backing me. Throw in some favorable terrain and good weather, I think I would stand a decent chance."
That clearly wasn't the response Luna was expecting, if the look on her face was anything to go by. Thankfully for her, Shining was there to pick up the slack.
"That's… very pragmatic of you."
"I like to think that pragmatism is my specialty." I responded.
“It is a good trait to have, as long as you don’t go overboard.”
“Pretty sure you can say that about… well, just about any trait, Shining.”
“Is that so?”
“Of course. It’s good to be generous, but if you're too generous then you’ll end up giving away all of your worldly possessions, for example.”
“You do realize that generosity is one of the six Elements of Harmony, right?” Shining pressed.
“You do realize that I don’t know what the Elements of Harmony are, right?” I countered. “Besides, I don’t see how that invalidates my point.”
“It doesn’t.” Luna spoke up at last “But I am aware that Miss Rarity, the current Bearer of the Element of Generosity, takes her role very seriously. I would strongly advise being careful what you say around her. Especially after you learn Equish.”
“You know, since we’re on the topic now, you should probably give me a run down on these ‘Elements of Harmony’. From the way you two talk about them, you'd think that they were all powerful holy artifacts.” I saw an opportunity for more knowledge about the world around me, and I took it. Also gotta remember to bring the Griffon’s back up at some point in the future.
“While the Elements are not holy in nature,” began Luna, “you are right when you say that they are powerful artifacts. They have turned a God of Chaos to stone, banished Nightmare Moon to the moon itself, and…” she seemed to trail off at this moment, becoming lost in thought. She seemed to be much more somber all of the sudden as well.
“I know that look. That’s the look of someone with personal experience. But what personal experience could she have?”
My musings ended when Luna spoke again. “The point is, they are the most powerful artifacts in all of Equestria, and are both our first and last line of defense.”
“I see…” I debated about whether or not I should pry into whatever experience Luna may have with the Elements, but decided against it. I don't want to anger or offend someone who could give me eternal nightmares for the rest of my days.
“Besides, I can sympathize with not wanting to relive certain memories or experiences.”
“So where did they come from? The Elements, I mean. It’s not like you found them growing on a tree somewhere, right?” I asked at last.
“Actually…” Luna began
“You’re shitting me.”
“You're shitting me.” I repeated aloud.
“I assure you that I am not. My sister and I really did find them growing on a tree.” Luna probably heard my mumbling about how stupid this world is as she changed the topic. “Anyways, we have one more thing to discuss. How you are supposed to defend yourself.” The presentation board was spirited away into the aether of the dreamscape as various weapons were summoned out of nowhere.
“These are all the weapons I found while looking through the armory. Now, I want to know something: Do you have experience with any of these?”
I took a closer look at the weapons before me. “A sword, a spear, a mace, a… flail? Yeah, I think that’s the term. I wonder if… oh. What do we have here?”
“Just these last two. The bow and crossbow.” I said.
“Really? That’s it?”
“Yeah. The rest of these have kinda… fallen out of use back home. And even then, the bow and crossbow are mostly used for hunting and sport nowadays.” I grabbed the bow and took a good look at it. “First learned how to shoot this after I signed up for an archery course in my high school gym class. It sort of became a hobby of mine very quickly. There were a few tournaments that I debated signing up for, but I never got the chance. I wonder if they have those types of tournaments here?”
“Not a material I’m used to…” I said as I held the excellent piece of woodwork in my hands. “... and it’s a little small… but I should be able to use it just fine.” I then took a look at the crossbow.
“Still remember the first time I shot one of those. I was seven or eight at the time. Dad didn’t want me holding a rifle or shotgun for… well, obvious reasons. He still wanted to teach me how to hunt, though. So, he gave me a crossbow for Christmas and let me shoot it at some targets in the backyard. Later on I started nailing squirrels. Even hit a pigeon in flight once, even if it was by accident.”
“If you're trying to hit a moving target, you need to focus on where the target is going to be, not on where it is.” The voice of my father echoed in the back of my mind. “If you shoot at where it is, then you might as well be shooting straight at the sun itself and expecting it to fall out of the sky.”
“Jack? You ok?” Cadance asked from beside me.
“I’m fine.” I replied. “The crossbow just… brought back some old memories. From when my old man taught me how to shoot one.” I shook my head. “I should be able to use either of these just fine.”
"Good. I'll take you down to the armory in the morning so you can pick one of them up." Then came what could best be described as a glitch in the dream realm.
"It seems that our time is almost up." Said Luna, her horn igniting a dark blue. "You three will awaken soon, and I must return to my duties here in Canterlot. I wish you all good luck."
I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to any of them as I was pulled out of the dreamscape and into the land of the living.
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Man should grab a spear too, famously useful for the auld poking holes buisness. Makes for a nice walking stick too.
11678058
hey dude you want to say this guys name as well?
please?
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1024356492557701200/1146461681984217228/image.png
More good
11680827
More Haver
11680823
I don't think we'll get that lucky, but it's worth a shot.
I highly doubt Dropbear will ever read this story.
11680832
and now we wait....
also, arcades exist in this universe?
11680842
I mean, arcade cabinets exist. We've seen them now and again in multiple episodes. It's only reasonable to assume that arcades exist as well.
Very nice update.
11680879
huh, neat
You probably shouldn't be killing your backyard fauna
Oh boy, it’s going to get lively! Yaks, yetis, and Sombras.
11681153
I'm always more than willing to admit when I make an error or mistake. I think it's part of what makes someone human, along with the fact that they make mistakes at all.
11681863
Just Pinkie being Pinkie.
11681855
Something tells me she'll be more focused on the future state of Jack's clothes than his physical appearance. :)
I would hope that if I got sucked into Equestria, I would get my punch gun. But if I got my sight back I would choose the spear. For an untrained combatant, the spear is the best weapon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LX3n4XIwHZo
Monk
11681156
One reason we miss such mistakes is we know how the story is supposed to go or what it's supposed to say so our minds automatically correct it in our heads. One way around this is to read it slowly or out loud.
11682140
I fully plan on giving Jack a spear at some point. But first, I wanna have a little fun.
He's gotta learn that you can't rely entirely on ranged weaponry somehow, after all. :)
Should have tried to hash out a few specific signals for things while they had the chance. Charades can get the job done for a lot of stuff, but I can imagine some concepts might be difficult to convey to another species.
11682465
Yeah.
What sentry or patroller doesn't have some way to signal for alarm?
Hey i got that reference
11682185
True. Heck, even a gun wouldn’t change the equation much unless perhaps it was one of those fancy newfangled repeating types that even humans only started to seriously deal in during our 19th century...anything that can only fire one shot between reloads can also readily miss with that one, and that’s when it gets awkward.
There’s a reason why the Three Musketeers are best known for their fencing prowess nowadays, is all I’m saying.
11694271
Eh trained crossbow team would be as good as musket team. But you need less training for the latter.