The Price of Inbalance
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
This is not Sunset Shimmer, but your human counterpart, or so I was told. I apologise for my lack of politeness and for sneaking her journal into the bathroom, but I need to get straight to the point.
First, don’t ever let Sunset know what I’m going to write to you. Once you reply to me, I’ll tear the page out of her journal.
Second, come up with an excuse so that Sunset will go back into your world, then close the portal for good. Do not even think about crossing through for it!
I have to explain the reason, don’t I? Knowing myself and how you’re supposed to be similar to me, I would be cautious and curious in your place too.
If you only knew how much I dread writing this down, but let’s get this over with.
On September 18th, 2013 (based on our calendar), around 10:30 AM, I suddenly got an extreme case of hyperesthesia during a school day. If this term is unfamiliar to you, it refers to a condition where one becomes excessively sensitive to sensory stimuli. In my case, it wasn’t limited to just one or a few senses, but every single one.
Please excuse me if I won’t go into details, as recalling those torturous two and a half days may cause me to panic—you may have already noticed my shaking handwriting. However, to emphasise the importance of my requests, I’ll briefly describe what I endured.
Every sound I heard was magnified to thunderous proportions. Even the faintest whisper sounded like an unintelligible scream, and the slightest noise I made with my mouth felt like my eardrums were on the verge of tearing apart. I kept my eyes tightly shut because, even then, the faint light passing through my eyelids felt like it was burning my retinas. Every scent overwhelmed me as if an entire bottle of perfume had been spilled into my nostrils. I could taste every molecule in the air on my tongue. My skin—
Sorry, I need to take a deep breath. The details are flooding back…
I felt utterly helpless, Twilight. I didn’t know what had happened to me or why. I couldn’t explain myself, and every attempt to assist me unintentionally made my condition worse by their touches or their noises. The hospital provided no relief as even clothes, blankets, and the mattress felt like rough sandpaper against my skin. Any temperature variation felt as extreme as being dumped into either molten lava or liquid nitrogen. Even in an empty room, the noise was unbearable—
Oh my goodness, I remember the clock! That damn clock and its ticking…
It’s strangely fascinating how I recall the moments between each tick being even more unbearable. The anticipation of the next piercing sound, the desperate hope that the clock’s batteries would miraculously die, only to be met with the ticking tsunami that shook my entire body. I clenched my teeth tightly, suppressing any urge to cry out. And the cycle repeated over and over again.
I’m already feeling like I would fall over from dizziness, but what I wrote to you was merely a fraction of what I experienced. Can you believe that? Can you imagine an intravenous needle feeling like a block of ice within your body? Can you fathom the sensation of every hair on your skin simultaneously tickling and piercing you? The gentlest breeze sent icy shudders through me as my sweat evaporated into the air. I could hear the whirling and swirling of the air within my respiratory system, resembling internal tornadoes.
Then, as abruptly as it arrived, the torment ceased, and I lived in constant fear that it would happen again. I tirelessly researched every avenue, including the most far-fetched pseudoscience I have heard of, all out of sheer desperation.
I sought silence, recoiled from any touch, consumed flavourless food and drinks, and even altered my hairstyle to prevent my hair from touching my skin. Any stronger sensation gave me a panic attack.
Approximately six months later, the hyperesthesia resurfaced, and in my despair, I took a cyanide pill, hoping that death would release me from this upcoming torture.
Oh, how I was wrong…
I felt a force around me, Twilight. It fought fiercely for my life, denying me the release I yearned for. This very force led me to find the Equestrian readings, and it was the same force that enveloped me when I turned into Midnight Sparkle. I don’t know yet how exactly the mirror portal works, but I assume that it doesn’t allow for the same two individuals to die at different times.
The poison coursed through my entire body; I felt it scorching its path and obliterating every cell within me. It was akin to being consumed by flames, my heart racing frantically with thunderous thumps as the pressure of the raging blood felt like an immense weight crushing my body.
It was like a never-ending torment, Twilight, and what made it all the more unbearable was that I remained keenly conscious throughout both ordeals. Even under general anaesthesia, or during periods when brain scans indicated sleep or a coma, I was aware. The only change was my physical immobility, akin to the state of sleep paralysis, unable to beg those who examined me during this state to stop touching me or opening my eyes, blinding me with their flashlights.
The doctors called my survival a miracle, but I call it a sadistic curse. I’m wondering how I managed to retain my sanity after that, or how I’m still able to recount these experiences to you. Albeit, I probably would have fainted by now if not for how important it is for you to receive and follow my instructions.
You have to know, Princess Twilight Sparkle, that the two instances of hyperesthesia coincided precisely with your presence in our world, and I don’t want to imagine how long Sunset’s human counterpart has been in that same state.
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That is horrifying to imagine. Well, time to throw sunset through the portal.
so when another version of you visits your world then you get absolutly overloaded with sensations of everything and every sound while also being unable to die if you attempt it as long as the portal is active? that sounds horrifying and if sci twi is correct that the portal and other versions are the cause then we can only hope that sunset from earth ended up finding her way to the a portal otherwise she will have absolutly not been ok
Just forced myself to read this, but it was worth it. Good luck in the competition, not that you'll need it.
Certainly the most horrific way you could explain Sci-Twi having a different hairstyle, but I’ll allow it!
A very distressing fate is described here, and not one I’ve encountered before. I do feel like it ends a little abruptly, and I think the bit about human Sunset could have been given a more dramatic flair. Still, very interesting. Best of luck in the contest, fellow competitor!
It was a joy proofreading this (and somewhat disturbing at the same time, as with all good horror stories).
Go read it if you're just scrolling the comments, it's a only thousand words anyways.
It works... Until you remember that in Friendship Games, Sci Twi was absolutely fine when the two met. Works as AU though.
Sounds like Roderick Usher's condition (Vincent Price) in "House of Usher."
Ohhh that final sentence is grim as hell o.o very well done and amazing concept!
Nice concept! I'll admit I didn't quite know where it was going, until the very end - and oh boy. That's a hell of a fate.
Good luck in the contest.
Yeah... As 11614964 said, this seems to blatantly ignore the fact that Princess Twi and Sci Twi were right there in front of each other, and Sci Twi was fine in the Friendship Games aftermath.
It's not a bad story, but this feels like a blatant attempt by Sci Twi to get both the princess and Sunset out of the human world, for literally no reason.
Horrific!
That last line gave me chills! Good work!
Also any mention of Sci Twiggles automatically deserves a like
I feel it's a bit wordy for the horror, too detailed if you will. Also begging to remove sunset and seal the portal seems out of place. Yes, the thought that Human Sunset has been suffering for 3 years is horrible, but its dumped on us too late. If the story was more Twilight coming to the discovery with a "What about Sunset?" Left hanging it'd hit harder.
Its well written though.
11614859
Yeet!
11614865
Honestly, in my head, it wasn't even related to the portal being active
11614889
Nah, I'm definitely gonna need that luck
11614903
There needs to be some canon explanation after all
11615102
This fic has the implication that that scene didn't happen, as it would only complicate everything. I mean, I have another fic where Twilight dies in season 1, which we know didn't happen
11615322
Thank you for the critic! The fic was even wordier before, if you believe that, but I think in that case the horror lies in the descriptive part—but that's more personal views. Sci-Twi didn't even want to go into the details, but they just flowed out of her, kind of like a therapeutic talk.
But the begging of Sunset to leave this place is enforced: If Sci-Twi didn't had Human Sunset in mind, she never would've written to Twilight in the first place. She would've just told the Rainbooms about it and then it would be decided that Twilight would never cross the portal again. The reason she wrote to Twilight in the first place was because she feared that Pony Sunset wouldn't forgive herself for what she did to her counterpart.
And writing wise, I needed a buildup
Huge thanks to everyone else also for the comments and support for the fic!
Fascinating concept! Good, detailed, and uncomfortable descriptions of sensations as well. Nice work!
11615329
Then mark this as an AU. Because this is ignoring quite a bit of canon.
Oh god what about Adagio, Aria, and Sonata's counterparts?
Ouch.
This is a nice enough story, but there might be even worse and more scary climax, kill Sunset. Assuming that the reason Twilight didn't die was because the universe doesn't allow for the same person in the same universe to die at the same time, the easiest solution might just be to poison Sunset. The earth Sunset should be in a state close to death by now and even if she isn't, it probably wouldn't be too hard to find her and kill her as well. The earth Sunset would almost definitely wouldn't want to live after three years of that. And if we assume that two same people can only die at the same time regardless of placement (that's only a theory of mine) it would achieve the same thing since Earth Sunset, as we established, definitely wouldn't want to live a moment more.
11616188
Well, you’re missing a key part of the story. Sci Twi *did* try to kill herself with cyanide, but for whatever reason she was kept alive. So, not only has Human Sunset been in this continuous torture, but it literally cannot end of Sunset does not leave.
It's an interesting premise. I know it's been said already, but since it goes directly against canon events, the lack of an AU tag severely bugs me. Other than that, well written and a horrific fate for human Sunset indeed.
Oh my god.
Uh.
UH.
Yeah this is fucked up. I love it.
Put an AU tag on this fic.
I really liked this one, the descriptive sensations really make you feel.
That ending hits hard, love it!
yeah that request will definitely need some explanation!
ooh that does sound terrible!
oh that sure has a lot of horrifying ramifications!
ooh, that is a fantastic ending. what a beautiful hammer drop, leaving us to ponder the ramifications. excellent horror concept, thank you for writing!
Oh this sounds bad. Very grueling.
[Gets to the end...]
Oh... oh. Oh f---.
Ah, the joys of writing. No, Google, I’m not suicidal, I was just curious about the chemical mechanism by which cyanide kills.
In any case, fascinating scenario. The imperfect compatibility with canon isn’t an issue for me; no fanfic perfectly fits canon since that story didn’t happen there. Still, I do feel this plot is a poor fit for the contest since you had to capsulize it. Hearing the after-action report doesn’t work as well as directly experiencing the sensory overload, and even for Sci-Twi, this presentation feels stilted and unnatural in order to make it work as a story and meet the word count requirement.
In all, strong concept, but the execution feels simultaneously cramped and padded... to me, anyway. Such is the benefit of having multiple judges. Thank you for it and congrats on the judge prize.
Hello! I read all the stories from this contest that won recognition, so have a review. The big hit of this fic is that last paragraph -- ooooof. Utterly brutal, and in a good way. Perhaps a concept that struggles to work inside such a tight word limit, but it hit me hard enough for an upvote anyway.
This is a really good story covering a very difficult topic. Holy F— that’s rough!
Ok wow I don't even want to think about that.