• Member Since 28th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen April 8th

Trevor Rain


T

A dancer becomes more lithe. Legs toned and steps light. A boxer might become a solid wall. Some professions change us in some way, some more obvious than others.

When they do, you can feel like you've lost control of yourself, your future, and the expectations of those around you.

Twilight's a powerful unicorn. Her practice and study in spell and the magic arts has molded her body into one more capable in that art. She never expected following her passion would have some obvious consequences.

She does not handle it well.

Story contains implied self harm.

Friends aware of her problem help with her immediate needs, but they find themselves feeling helpless for something more long term. Rarity and Fluttershy contemplate Twilight's more invisible needs in this story.

Author's Note: I wrote this years ago.
But I never published it until today. Many reasons for that, many of them related to poor mental health and low self worth. The only way I could publish this now is by just submitting it without a final reading. Please keep in mind this is myself from a time five years or more ago.

I commissioned artwork for it from a friend, but they ended up dropping off the map before they finished it. I contemplated not sharing it in it's unfinished state. I decided that, much like the story, it's better to be seen than to be squirreled away into obscurity.

I hope this story finds you well. I hope above all things that it does no harm. Thank you for your time.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 23 )

Made me tear up

Good story

11530149
Thank you for your time and attention. Thank you even more so for taking the time to comment. It's appreciated.

Where's Pinkie, Applejack, and Rainbow in this? And doesn't Celestia and Luna help out? What about Twilight's brother, parents, and Cadence?

I see this old story is something very personal to you. I commend you for sharing it, and appreciate you for that. It is beautifully written, and does justice to a topic of discussion.
Real stuff aside, ideas pointed out here, related to mlp universe itself, felt fresh and interesting to me as well. It's true that you can burn out following your passion, and something so emotionally charged and demanding as magic should be no exception. If you are still writing, please do more, you are good at it.

Hey, great story, I loved it! That said... I had a hard time reading it. Not trying to be mean with the comment, but the way it was written as if in present tense is... extremely distracting for me. Most stories are generally told in the "past tense" from the "narrator's" "perspective". I think if it were edited to work around (which I understand isn't an easy task) then I think it might get more attention. Still, a great read, thanks for sharing.

This is a beautiful piece, I love the ideas raised and Twilights reaction to (in her minds eye) her disfigurement. Especially the Starswirl link, makes perfect sense.


I also see what you mean by it being an older work, while the story on the whole is damn good, it could be polished with a simple run over by an editor. Nothing particularly obtrusive, just the odd puncuation addition and/or word rephrase. Still great either way.

11530178
It's highlighted in the story that Twilight won't let Fluttershy and Rarity go to anyone else.

I would have liked to have known why this bothered Twilight so. Does she feel it too pretentious given even the Alicorns bear no such marks? Does she find them ugly? But... she never seemed to be very focused on her looks.

How would this version of Twilight react to growing wings? Would she have hesitated and fearfully asked her friend's permission before turning them all into Breezies? I simply am asking as an additional way of attempting to understand Twilight as you have written her here.

Well done

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Sounds selfish on not informing the others to help you. Especially Celestia and Luna could have help something out.

11530531
Selfish of Twilight? Yeah, valuing your own embarrassment over the harm one does to all concerned by remaining over-isolated could reasonably be called selfish. It also happens to be a realistic portrayal of self-harming behavior I am fairly certain?

11530178
Everyone has lives to live, people to love, and some battles only we alone can fight.

11530250
That is one perspective. A good one. Trying to wrack my memories of my feelings at the time of writing this, I think the theme was part in how our passions can change us one way or another. Being ready for those changes is another matter all together. Twilight's ties to magic were so ingrained that she tried using magic to fight such magic without a second thought.

There's a strong feeling that self acceptance is required to pair with your growth as a person. Maybe I was trying to channel that impression into this story.

Thank you. Maybe all this attention is enough of a boost to get me writing regularly again. I still get the occasional idea, and have a few folders full of concepts back when I was more active with this sort of thing. Thank you, as well, for your time and attention.

11530283
I'm one of the upvotes here. What you're saying is valid and I appreciate the honesty.

You're not the only person who found my use of tense distracting. I understand it's unusual, and it's something I've struggled with in the past. I recall this being a tad experimental as well. It's true that means it lacks some accessibility to some that might otherwise enjoy it. Editing may very well have improved it, and maybe a future story will reflect that.

I guess I always found tense to be something that can be played with to try and evoke a reaction that I'm aiming for, though that was never intended to be distraction. I'll reflect on this. Thank you.

11530487
This is an interesting question because it means going back half a decade and trying to search my feelings and inspiration at the time when writing this was fresh. I hope I can give a satisfactory answer.

I think one of the things I was trying to explore with Twilight is how some might react with body dysphoria. While someone may not care much about their looks (Though Twilight does come across as prim, proper, and even gets work done at the spa.), We might have a certain expectation from our bodies to be a certain way. Having tattoos bleed their way across your skin in such a way you can't control may be seen as awesome to some, but anyone with a nervous disposition might not react well to it.

Wings were a realization of her studies. A manifestation of self actualization. Her mentor and idol showered approval on her and it was a product of working her literal magic. She had plenty of support leading into that change, and it wasn't one that had a questionable past as was hinted in the beginning. Growing a symbol of regalia and authority is different in my eyes.

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11530720
Correct. Selfishness or being self centered can be recognized as the mainstream way, of someone being prideful, but it can also be the other way. Someone absorbed in self pity.

As someone who has dealt with isolation regarding some serious self worth issues, yeah. It's a common practice. Often keeping people, those who can help like family and friends, at arms length comes as second nature despite how actually sabotaging it is to the self. Thing is, without recognizing that help is an option, there's no way of really accepting it. That's one thing that Rarity and Fluttershy agonized over. How much is enough help? How much is too much? What can they do that would be effective? Would doing anything cross the line and make things worse?

Rarity came to her own conclusion and it happened to be one that was effective in a situation where there's rarely a right or wrong answer.

11530531 Mental illness, particularly with something like self-harm, isn’t the kind of thing a lot of people open up about easily.

It’s not healthy to swear friends to secrecy, but neither is it “selfish.”

EDIT: To add some nuance to this: It isn’t considerate of your friends’ well-being to demand that they keep such a secret.

In that regard, yeah, you could probably call it selfish. I wouldn’t condone it.

11530250
I second this opinion.


This concept, this seed if you will has the potential to be a incredible story. If you feel like building on this, I would love to read more.

But seriously, it is absolutely your decision and I will do my utmost to accept that decision whatever you decide.

Good story. Nice to have friends that care.

what an excellent story filled with mood and emotion! hope that you can keep blessing us with your literature of wisdom!:pinkiehappy:
just hope that you could separate different story scenes with something, just so it doesn't confuse people.:twilightsheepish:
also……

The candle continues it’s flickering journey across the floor, unabated by the smooth lines across the floor. Fluttershy’s eyes follow the candle till it makes s top against a hulk of blankets and paper. Fearing the start of another more deadly problem, she made to rush and put the candle out as the flames flickered against one of the pages. Then, suddenly, the blanket came alive and grasped the candle before pulling it closer. Fluttershy steps back and silences herself with a hoof as to not bring attention to herself. She nearly loses her nerve when the monster starts to pull back it’s skin and reveals deep purple irises that mirror the flickering candlelight. Transfixed and lessening from the alien light in the darkness, also revealing rivulets of neglected moisture that had once run down the light purple hide. The curious eyes turn from the candle to the cause of its journey, sighting the yellow fur and pink mane that gives stark contrast to the darkness. Fear flashes in the creature’s eyes and the hulk of papers and blankets shifts as it shrinks further backwards.

um……is that single "s" in there a typo?

11531562
I don't believe I'd continue this story specifically? Though I'm not against making it part of a larger whole like my other story Long Way from Tall Tales was meant to be. That's a story I have some outlines for continuing.

Perhaps I will start writing again. Pick an idea and start small. If I can get past a few more personal life hurdles, I may even be able to enjoy the distraction. If engagement from you kind folks persist, I may keep a regular blog going as well.

Thank you for your words. Much appreciated.

11533257
I wish you well in that case.

I bookmarked this story. i have a cubic butt-ton of other stories to read, but I'll definitely keep my ears to the ground where your writing is concerned.

This is such a damn good story

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