Rockhoof is trapped within a time loop trying to save his friends from death.
Teen Rating for intense themes. Death Rating for explicit but non-graphic depictions of character death.
Preread by The Sleepless Beholder, Dewdrops on the Grass, and LuckyChaosHooves
Edited by EileenSaysHi
Written for the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Among Us Contest with the Imposter prompt "Running Out of Time"
Entry for Bicyclette's Science Fiction Contest 2023
Inspired by the video game The Sexy Brutale
Chapters (7)
I believe that this is what kids would call, Poggers
The writing is detailed and vivid, and the premise is intriguing, with enough details to really grab the interest. We haven’t seen much of the other Pillars yet, and while your depiction of Stygian was a bit different than the more skittish version I’m used to, Rockhoof is well-written and in character.
You have my attention, friend. I look forward to reading more.
Nice!
Nice character work, and very concise writing
All you need to do to break a time loop is waggle K9's tail.
Tom Baker has ALL the answers!
“I see many people die because they judge that life is not worth living. I see others paradoxically getting killed for the ideas or illusions that give them a reason for living (what is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying)." -Albert Camus Absurdist Philosopher. "We must imagine Sisyphus happy." -Albert Camus Absurdist Philosopher.
Inspired
fuck yeah angsty time loops! can't wait to read more!
Why have I read the title as "Sisyphilis"?
I’m going to be really honest, here. I think the first chapter feels a little too sparse to get me invested in the story as a whole. I get that the intention of the first chapter is to get people hooked, and so you want to present as much mystery as possible. And that’s great! Very good plan.
My issue, though, is that I feel you’ve left too much out. The setting is clearly very important to the story, but you’ve done very little to establish it. It’s referred to as a mansion, but we’re never really grounded in that reality. The various locations Rockhoof visits feel separate from each other, not part of a coherent whole, and they’re barely described. I feel like this was a mistake. I also think you could have done more to hint at what’s going on. Obviously you don’t want to play all your cards straight away, but I think that a little bit more info to whet my appetite would have made me feel a little more invested. Unless you have and I just missed it, which is totally a possibility.
Overall, I think it’s a good start to a story, but I feel like a little more detail could have improved it a lot. The scenario and Rockhoof’s character, though, were great.
Anyway, that’s my thoughts. As a fellow competitor, best of luck in the sci-fi contest!
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You are incorrect. The setting is the least important part of this story. The reality of the situation Rockhoof finds himself in being ungrounded is also a key point of the plot. The leaving out of details is both intentional with the setting being solely window dressing to what eventually unfolds. I will freely admit, that this is very experimental compared to what my usual writing is like, but clearly grounding the writing and providing more than what is necessary for explanation would take away from what I am going for on the themes of the story. Thank you for the criticism.
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Fair enough. The story certainly is doing well, so maybe it’s just a personal problem
Not gonna lie, the first chapter was so self-containingly great that I honestly had to wonder if the "Incomplete" tag was accidental. Seeing as it wasn't, I'm looking forward to the rest!
:)
Great start to this. I was worried a story like this might drag, but you're doing an excellent job with the pacing. The foreshadowing with the lights helps immensely too. Looking forward to more!
oh ok so, they need to sort out their emotional problems to escape?
nice
Somnambula cussing with the Plagues is a nice touch! Really looking forward to reading more!
can't wait to see where this goes
Poor Rockhoof
This goes on the priority list for reading!
You've got me checking daily for new chapters. Can't wait to see how this one resolves!
I haven't played the game, but I'm really enjoying this story. Very nice work with these characters.
Much as I like Stygian, I have an issue with the way he's shown in the Legends of Equestria comics as a perfect, misunderstood and unappreciated genius who holds all the Pillars on his back. So seeing him as a flawed character who struggles with jealousy, bitterness, and loneliness was refreshing.
I still hope that they can find a way to get him out of there. I know he's destined to fall to the darkness here, but still. And what about Starswirl?
Looking forward to the next chapter.
A wonderful story. Thank you for it.
Man, that was a powerful story. I'm kicking myself for not realizing where the mansion came from. I appreciate both the tragedy and the hope of this story, and I loved both the character interactions and the way you dug deep into what makes them tick. Amazing work!
Absolutely wonderful story — the personalities of all the pillars were amazing!
oh no, anything but the darkly ominous poem that encapsulates the entire story before it even begins :(
ooh that is not good!
honestly, this is just so very Starswirl, somehow. of course he would phrase it in a way to make it sound to others (and himself) that whatever he does is for the greater good of all
oof, just the ordering alone gives 6!=720 combinations, not to mention needing to find out what the right actions are in each case…
oof, what a curse to be under! definitely great fodder for narrative tension
oof, so many ways that could go horribly…
oof, the combinatorics just gets more and more brutal!
augh, yeah. that insecurity at his core that we see in “A Rockhoof and a Hard Place” would make him feel this way, and also makes him the perfect protagonist out of the seven for this kind of story
oof, brutal
love how Starswirl finally says something genuine and heartening and follows it up with that, that is just perfect
and oof. “moment of clarity” indeed, really makes you think…
so true he would never give up love him
hehe so true actually. it is Rockhoof’s very qualities that make him a better assistant
ooh, burn on Flash and Swirl!
ehehe nice
well, that’s horrifying!
oh dang, now that is more complicated than i thought! i hope we get to see more of this
aww, friendship! from this i get the feeling there are some thematic overlaps with some of your earlier works here
idk Mistmane, have you seen all the wacky stuff that goes on in Equestria?
ehehe nice
aww, she truly was the proto-Rarity!
augh love it
oh yeah the idea of Starswirl without a beard really is quite something
augh love it
oof! guessing this is because her premature aging wasn’t just limited to her appearance?
oof! love this breakdown of the group and their dynamics. and if this story is set before they went into Limbo, it may explain why they apparently did not have too many reservations about it…
oh dang, so even his heartening speech to Rockhoof was a part of his whole deal…
ahaha, truly the Applejack and Rarity of the group
augh, loved this whole sequence. Mistmane’s feelings about her own feelings were so real. i can definitely relate, in my own way
love this curse, love Somnambula
augh love that her curses are the literal Biblical ones. this is such good stuff!
i adore her
oof…
i am guessing that the second part was the more common occurrence. also, MMF throuple? Otter you are spoiling me
and oof, so true. these inexplicable nightmarelike realities truly are good for inducing such feelings
love them
oh Otter, never change
oh no that is very unsettling actually
ahaha so true
love it when pegasi do stuff like this
Rockhoof is just perfectly very bad at this
yeah that would be my reaction, too!
somehow this is much more concerning than if it were just regular ol’ blood of the flesh and blood copies of the Pillars
ahaha
love this and so true actually
augh, love this!
love seeing what it is that makes their relationship work like this. also fascinated by the term “pragma” they are using, since i have never heard it before
ahaha so true
love that Rockhoof and Flash are this to the Pillars
aww so true
oh boy, that doesn’t sound good
oof, definitely feels like a reference to their time in Limbo…
interesting…
oh no! poor Rockhoof
augh, but he sounded just so mean when he said those things! what an awful way to see such wonderful ponies
aww! so true
ha, knew it! also, terrible name, which is very fitting for Rockhoof to come up with
all very relevant questions that i am scratching my head about myself
ooh, very nice! love how this last piece comes together
and augh, so this was the real story behind Stygian and the Pony of Shadows all along…
love that strange purple unicorn with wings
painful, but explains why the Pillars go from the tight-knit group we’ve seen in this story to distant enough that Rockhoof wants to be turned to stone again in the modern day…
just really love that you are ending it here, leaving the canon to pick up from this point with its Pillars that are closer to Rockhoof’s view of them in this section rather than the family from the rest of this story that they should have been. just a fantastic, fantastic character study as always, Otter. you have written the definitive version of the Pillars here, and i am beyond honored to have it as an entry in this contest