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trying to see how many ways i can hurt applejack, apparently Ko-Fi | Pronouns



Rainbow Dash lives through a repetitive nightmare. She just wants it all to stop.

Written for a Quills and Sofas Speedwriting panic where we were given a list of randomly generated drawing prompts to pick from and write with. I won’t list the ones I used because I ended up using multiple. Very few minor changes were made to this story.

CW for: blood, derealization, implied death, implied suicide

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 18 )


That was intense. I felt the panic. I felt the pain.

You get a like for this.

Jesus that hits hard.



Thank you both very much :> Glad the intended emotions seemed to bleed through (pun unintended)

What a delightful story


Great work as always, really visceral and haunting stuff. Love the ending with the fading text too. Fantastic as everything from you is!

Oh thanks! Yeah, I don’t usually write stuff like this but I think it’s fun. Considering it’s from a panic, I don’t think I did half bad :>
Thanks for the comment Red! And for the kind words :AAAAaaaAAAa:

I sense some witchcraft in this one. Intense story, and very visceral with the imagery and colors. Nice job.

Thank you! I'm glad the intensity came through as intended

Aaaaugh, I remember reading this when it was written for the original prompt, and it's just as terrifying and heart wrenching now as it was then. The details erupt, overflowing like a blocked up sewer pipe, spilling effluent and assorted bits of nastiness everywhere. And I use that metaphor not as an insult to call this story crap, but as a way of showcasing how much the feel of it is toxic, from the one feeling it.

Suicidal feelings are like that, you know. They hurt you. They do everything they can to convince you that you don't belong here anymore, that you're helping everyone by getting rid of yourself, that maybe, just maybe, you can finally rest and never have to worry about struggling through yet another horrendous day.

I know that feeling because that's how I so often feel these days. Like walking not so much through molasses as through some kind of superdense ultrafluid, some scientific breakthrough version of molasses that holds you in place and lets you get just far enough ahead you feel like you've made progress, until you look down and realize you've barely budged an inch. Except then it keeps you propped up in place and won't even let you fall over, so you can do it all again the next day.

I don't know what could cause Rainbow Dash of all ponies to feel like this, but I know the end result. I'm so sorry Rainbow Dash. I only hope that whatever it was that caused you to feel this way, you can find some peace.

Wow now that was some cool prose in this comment! As for how suicidal thoughts feel, I'm well aware of it myself, and I'm sorry to hear you can relate. *hugs*

As for your kind words, thanks! I'm glad the pure nastiness of the story still pushes through (haha lol I am going to describe all my heart wrenching stories as that now). I guess having such a confident pony feel like this just makes it all a bit sadder.


Howdy, hi!

I'll admit despite the abstractness, I was still uncomfortable reading because I'm squeamish around suicidal themes, but that shall not hinder my enjoyment! I liked the imagery you worked with and I loved the ending bit with the fading text, that was incredible. The symbolism was good with the red sky and feeling of freefall, you definitely got your point across and I applaud that.

But, I also couldn't help compare it to "But Would Anything Matter" (BWAM). This story is good but the abstraction felt... okay this is going to sound weird but not grounded enough. BWAM was super tight storytelling-wise and hit its themes super well, this one felt off as the imagery, though powerful, was all over the place. The pacing felt super fast and I found it really hard to follow along with everything that was happening. I think it would have been better to establish a "normal" than abstract it out from there, take more time to dwell on Rainbow's feelings and observations.

That being said, it was an excellent read. Thank you for the fic!

Heyo! I agree with your point. I think the reason it feels a bit all over the place is cause I wrote it during a panic and had no idea what to write until I wrote it ahaha but yeah! Glad you thought it was aight anyway despite the flaws. Thanks for the comment! Always something to work at I suppose :)

Jay I swear, I relate to this story way too hard.

Everything about it is so haunting; the red, the reawakenings, the voice. It all comes together cohesively, yet distantly. Everything connects, like how she doesn't want to see the color red, which is also the color of her eyes. It's not exactly hiding what it is, but it's also so layered I could go on and on. However, I feel like the story is better if it just speaks for itself.

It is a bit chaotic, but I feel like that just enhances the story. Waking up, not remembering when you fell asleep, and just continuing with your existence.

The endless routine is something I'm familiar with, and this just hurts me on a deep level.


Well you’re right about it being a bit chaotic. I like leaving this story up to the reader’s interpretation, though it’s easy to piece together what happened here. I think the parts that are missing are the parts that, left up to the reader, make the story what it is. It was purposefully disorienting, and yeah, it all kind of comes together in a messy, but still complete, way. Sorry to hear you can relate, though I guess that makes it all the more worthwhile.

Thanks for the comment :>

loved the contrast between the pristine, luxurious cloud home others saw, and how it appeared to Rainbow Dash : an unwanted gift from her loving parents, whom she resented for not being able to resent them for it because they really were very kind and giving and supportive. what a great metaphor for, well, Rainbow Dash's life itself! the red and the blood seeping in, and the text fading back out as the dream repeats over and over were neat devices. really liked how it was introduced, in particular:

The clouds she lived on absorbed that false pigment, seeping in that dirty, bloody colour and forcing it to be right under Rainbow Dash’s hooves

Hehe thank ya kindly! Means a lot. I'm surprised that most people seem to enjoy (I guess is the right word) the fic and the visuals. I expected more of a... confused reaction, but it seems most people get what I was trying to put down :)

I didn't understand anything but great story.

By the way, how did you make the words disappear at the end? I'm curious.

Seems to be a common takeaway haha, but thanks.

And I used the opacity function that the BBCode that this website used to format its text allows. I’m pretty sure there’s a section on the website that shows you a rundown of all the stuff you can use with BBCode.

oh ok, thank you.

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