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On the Sliding Scale Of Cynicism Vs. Idealism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon, Ko-Fi.)


There are things which Applejack just knows in her heart, and chief among them is that Strawberry Sunrise is one of the worst ponies ever to fly slightly above the surface of the planet. She can see no reason whatsoever for the pegasus to have that greenhouse, the produce stand which has never been touched by Sun, and who can even figure out where her money comes from? There's no point to that mare's existence. None whatsoever.

That's Applejack's honest opinion. The truth is somewhat different.

Some customers only come out under Moon.

Welcome back to Crackfic Week.

(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages. Cover art originally created by rosesAREgreen.)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 47 )

There are things which Applejack just knows in her heart, and chief among them is that Strawberry Sunrise is one of the worst ponies ever to fly slightly above the surface of the planet.

And how did she feel about her before she was a complete dick to her?

Applejack had it coming though, it gave her a very good realization in that episode. XD

While this was an interesting end in itself, I would have liked to have seen a version where Applejack wondered if she might be able to one-up Strawberry by finding a version that worked with apples, or, in any capacity offered to help.

This was great. Felt like a mature version of a peak MLP episode, but darker and edgier. Loved the premise, enjoyed the execution very much. It's a sweet story, ultimately. Pretty funny too. Thank you Estee!

She wasn't stupid . When you were going off to spy on one of the town's biggest idiots

No doubt competition for that title is brutal


So, Vamponies are now confirmed in the Triptych universe. Or perhaps not because it might not be from the main continuity.

I imagine Celestia and Luna know about them. And they have a deal with them as well because better those who self regulate than having to hunt the stupid ones themselves. The Vampony probably have to report to the Princesses if something were to happen.

Heck, the Princesses probably have some ponies working on the problem in secret to turn the berries suckers back.

"Well, my costumers will just have to deal with you in the usual way" - I'm guessing this is a silly Freudian slip for "customers"?

"They like lace."

Exactly! They probably like slips, too.

Reminds me of Your Family and You, although there, the blood-grown fruit actually tasted good. Or at least normal.

On the topic of alternate bearers, I had the thought, a while back, that when Celestia thought Sunset might become the Bearer of Magic, she was looking at Big Mac as a possible Loyalty. (The Apple Family is all about two things, after all: Apples, and family.)

Added to The Triptych Continuum Rebooted. The "Unassigned" folder because there is not enough information to decide when it is or if it's mainstream or not.



It is not.

I'm allowed to be a little silly for Halloween.

Applejack steps into the World of Pony Darkness, I see!

Great work, though Applejacks a massive asshole here. Yes, she has issues with a snarky, sarcastic, mare. Yes, Strawberry wont stop needling Applehorse. Casually assaulting her because of it though? Idk man. I get the ethos of "Fuck around and find out" as well as how The Tryptich verse gives every character more realistic flaws, whilst not being afraid to show them in a negative light,
but this seems a tad much to me personally.


...allowed to be a little silly for Halloween...

...I'm just gonna slap a 'crackfic' tag on this.

An' his bits taste almost the same as everypony else's.

I quite like this idiom. Likewise Rarity falling back on sewing imagery.

It was one of the smaller gifts offered to the community by Generosity, and Applejack imagined that it also assisted the designer in pulling off some of the more dramatic fainting spells.

Anemia is always in fashion.

Lovely callback to One Tenth-Bit. Plenty of good can happen under Moon.

One had apparently emerged from the non-legendary Time Before Belts and somehow still managed to land in The Era Of Truly Excessive Pouches.

I'd say Liefeldian, but again, Time Before Belts.

But somepony told me that if a living pony eats one and goes to the palace within a week, Princess Celestia just stares at them.

"Creature of darkness" is such a harsh term. Most prefer "Lunar-aligned entity." (And I do wonder how Luna reacts.)

She hangs out with Pinkie once a year. I think they work on pranks together.


As was the whole thing. Always glad to see my random nonsense can inspire something fun, and this definitely qualifies. Great bit of seasonal shenanigans with enough dramatic heft to give the matter its due respect. Thank you for it.

There is a cultivar called the Bloody Ploughman...


There is a cultivar called the Bloody Ploughman...

Which is probably from the Hollow Shades branch of the family, if we're going to have the claim of their existence take priority over showing it as uninhabited. (There isn't actually a "canon" because nobody at Hasbro cared enough to kick the contradictions into apocrypha).

Thats a fair point. I assumed this was a more serious piece tbh. My bad.

Well, ponies have at least avoided the Exaggerated Codpiece Folly.


Well then, the Non Canon Folder it is

That folder is getting a little crowded. Anyone have an opinion on starting a "Crack Fic Folder" to help relieve the pressure?


One had apparently emerged from the non-legendary Time Before Belts and somehow still managed to land in The Era Of Truly Excessive Pouches.

Ponified Cable, as drawn by Rob Liefeld??

OK. How about Sweetie having a Rarity costume (or her father)?


So the fun part for me was that I saw the new story go up while I was in a conversation with someone, so I just opened the chapter in another window and didn’t come back to it until later. As a result, I didn’t pay attention to the title or the description before I started reading. I still guessed vampires before too long between the subject of Rarity’s donation and the “only at night” business nature, but it still left me with much less of an idea where things might be ultimately be going that made for some fun surprises.

I was upset at first about the mind-wipe thing, but I’m glad that AJ turned it to her satisfaction.

"Ah'm wearin' a disguise!"
"You just took your hat off."
"Wow, you and Rarity really aren't that diffrent."

Another one out the ballpark.

Glad I'm not the only one who caught the Veintru/Ventrue reference!

I'm guessing that Pinkie knows all about them and is completely immune to their mental powers because she has Dementation 9.

Has to be a branch there, so they can have Belmonts.

Wow, both of them are such a-holes to each other.

Okay, this is a perfectly fine story plot wise. I liked the way the vamp-ponies were explained and the banter between AJ and Sunrise was fun to read. However, I can’t help myself here. I need to go on a rant about how Sunrise gets portrayed in so many stories.

I honestly don’t get why Sunrise is made out to be such a massive A-hole in so many stories, I swear it’s like the fandom thinks she lays in bed at night plotting how to burn Sweet Apple Acres to the ground.

Who was it that instigated an argument to the point they were demanding an apology for an opinion, straight after being offended people were taking their extremely rude comments to heart? At least Sunrise only responded snarkily after AJ got in her face calling her wrong! Sunrise wasn’t even rude initially, “They’re not strawberries” was just a general summary of her preference. Nothing rude about that. She practically gave AJ a chance to not take it to heart.

This isn’t me being a Sunrise stan, but here’s a hard truth people need to swallow. AJ is the rude character. She is the one more likely to cause problems with other characters than Sunrise. AJ would be the one making comments to Sunrise in the street, not vice versa.

Do you know what I love about your Applejack, Estee? I mean, there’s a lot of things, but one thing in particular: you show the flaw of her Element. Like how Twilight Sparkle had to learn to deal with things without using Magic, or how Fluttershy was so nonconfrontational that Kindness crippled her, or how Pinkie Pie couldn’t turn off the overwhelming randomness and desire to cause Laughter.

Applejack is Honesty. Which means she cannot knowingly lie. Which means that, in her fundamental belief, everything she says is true. And it’s such a tiny step from there, from believing everything she says is true, to believing everything she says is correct. To thinking she can’t ever be wrong. And while normally this sort of character flaw would be unbearable, you use it to ground her and make her so easy to identify with as she has to learn that little dose of humility. To not be defined by her Element, just as her friends did, or to let it lead her astray.

“I Believe I Am Always Right” would be a terrible Mary-Sue trait. Somehow you’ve taken it, pulled it inside-out, and turned it into a way for Applejack to be one of your most entertaining characters.

You have a genuine gift. Thank you for sharing it.

This was a wonderful story to read! I loved every bit of it!

I would love to do a reading of it someday, if that's alright with you of course, because I just loved imagining how these scenes sounded, and how each scene ended up feeling like it could (almost) be official to MLP, like a more darker episode!

Keep doing what you're doing, it's great!

11398185 That's why my first goal was to attain ALL THE KNOWLEDGE IN THE MULTIVERSE!


Now I want to watch Van Helsing.

Those two do not like each other.

I dunno, I kinda could envision an eventual truce between the two of them where Applejack starts making Blood Apples after adapting the techniques from Sunrise.

I appreciated the vamponies' names. Malkie in particular gave me a chuckle because I understand the reference but it's also a Jewish girls' nickname (Malkie/Malky for "Malkah"), which is a wonderfully incongruous image for me.


Nightmare Night, TGaP Trixie day...and I find the story perfect for this evening...

I want to know how Luna reacts...

And I wonder...

Perhaps the cure lies within a certain butter-yellow Pegasus that has an intriguing reaction around apples...

Can I have that story, Estee?


You know Sunrise, when even the ponies who's lives depend on your product will just stand and watch when you get the shit kicked out of you, (provided they got this months supply safely) you gotta know you aren't popular

Wonderful story in so many ways.

Now I want to watch Van Helsing. lolbeans

TIL that thanks to the sci-fi like technology of "Tissue Recellularization", bloodberries can be a real thing

(The Thought Emporium - A Grape Made of... Meat?? - Tissue Recellularization)

You wrote this as a one-off but now I’m wondering how it fits into everything else. Celly knows all about this, right? It falls into the Lunar Courts domain, but is Luna herself up to speed yet? Cerra the monster-girl is protected from mental manipulation and wouldn’t blink at a vampony anyway, Luna would surely use her here. You probably shouldn’t write a sequel but damn if I don’t want it! Maybe make it an October tradition…

"that last one was a opinion."
"that last one was an opinion."?

"that wings were far too small to signify"
"that the wings were far too small to signify"?

Well, I was a bit surprised that didn't end with Applejack, instead of accepting a memory wipe, declaring that obviously she needed to figure out how to grow blood apples, to save the poor vamponies from having to subsist on strawberries, but I still enjoyed the story. :D

...And looking at the comments, I see I wasn't the only one who thought of that. :D

I definitely understand your frustrations with this, and I can see your point.

Just beware this is Estee we're talking about. They can and have assassinated far more characters far more brutally than Strawberry. Not all mind, but a fair amount just the same.

When they get it in their head to add some complexity to a character, they're usually pretty good, but there's a twenty-five to fifty percent chance you get an unlikable caricature instead.

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