• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 19 minutes ago

Admiral Biscuit


he/him

T
Source

The Grand Hotel in Ocean City, MD has balconies overlooking the ocean. A place to relax and watch the ocean, the beach, the seabirds, a place to catch a nice refreshing ocean breeze. On the eleventh floor, there’s no reason to close it; there’s no possibility of anybody flying in and stealing your stuff, right?

Surely.


Now with a reading by StraightToThePointStudios!

Additional coverart work by AlwaysDressesInStyle

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 72 )

In a flurry of fur and feathers, the mares make their escape through the open balcony slider. The stallion doesn’t hurry off. He looks you directly in the eye, drains the bottle, then takes his leave as well.

Cocky bastard!

Just proves my point: they're cute, they're cuddly, but you can't trust 'em to keep their hooves off your stuff!

Logically speaking there should be a relatively low pony population in the area. Knowing tribe and coloration probably creates a very small suspect pool. If any of those pegasi are on social media anybody internet savvy and willing to dedicate the time has a pretty good chance of finding them. From there it’s a simple matter of notifying the police. They may not have “broken in,” per say but they can still be charged with theft and trespassing.

Since this is second person let’s have an impromptu comment poll.

Do you laugh it off? Or not rest until they’re deported back to Equestria?

Me, I’m pretty vindictive and care greatly about privacy and personal space. That little flock is in for Hell.

I've had this happen to a friend of mine in Atlantic City before. (With seagulls, not Pegasai) The gulls even opened the mini bar and threw $15/each snacks and drinks all over the room. Don't underestimate gulls and Pegasai when it comes to being a public nuisance, folks!

Link to story notes doesn't work.

Cute ponies can be jerks too! That's how they get you!

Could be worse.

Couldve been the Tubeway Army Pidgeons. :rainbowwild:

Rainbow of Pegasi indeed

11244823
I'd be pissed off as f:yay:, but it was my own fault. :facehoof: Even without a warning sign I never would've left a balcony door open; seagulls are bad enough, let alone intelligent pegasi.

Good ol' Biscuit. Thanks for the giggle! :rainbowlaugh:

11244905

Link to story notes doesn't work.

Oops! Now it’s fixed, thank you!

11244823
Harry them. No rest for the winged.

You can report this to the local police. They will (eventually) send a cop to take a report. They will give you a copy which you can use to wipe your ass.

Still, you do need the police report number to file an insurance claim. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother.

If you can positively ID them AND provide an address, that's different. First offense trespass is a misdemeanor as is petty theft. Both are fines w no jail time.

If you lie & claim they threw the bottle at you, they might get jail time. You going to be in town for the trial? If not, your claim can't be charged or so various TV shows claim.

I can picture this room perfectly in my head, right down to the dolphin sticker on the window.

11244810

Cocky bastard!

He’s not letting some interrupting human prevent him from finishing the Mountain Dew.

11244817

Just proves my point: they're cute, they're cuddly, but you can't trust 'em to keep their hooves off your stuff!

Sort of like cats, I’d say. Flying cats.

Honestly, I’d get more Doritos and see if I could lure them back.

11244823

Logically speaking there should be a relatively low pony population in the area. Knowing tribe and coloration probably creates a very small suspect pool. If any of those pegasi are on social media anybody internet savvy and willing to dedicate the time has a pretty good chance of finding them. From there it’s a simple matter of notifying the police. They may not have “broken in,” per say but they can still be charged with theft and trespassing.

Yes, they’d probably be recognizable either to the locals they’d annoyed, or to pegasus spotters (I’m sure there would be pegasus spotters). I can tell you from one of the panels at SeaquestriaFest, the actual Assateague ponies are known and named, and they’re way less colorful than pegasi.

Whether they could be charged with theft/trespassing would depend on how laws had been modified to account to Equestrian ponies. And that’s assuming that the police didn’t just laugh at you and tell you you got what you deserved. With actual animals, nuisance animals are often relocated away from people. I suppose as non-Earth citizens, they could be deported.

Do you laugh it off? Or not rest until they’re deported back to Equestria?

I’d buy more Doritos and Mountain Dew in the hopes of luring them back.

11244839

I've had this happen to a friend of mine in Atlantic City before. (With seagulls, not Pegasai)

Shame it wasn’t pegasi.

The gulls even opened the mini bar and threw $15/each snacks and drinks all over the room. Don't underestimate gulls and Pegasai when it comes to being a public nuisance, folks!

I bet that some of the gulls have figured out the mini bar, if they’re used to getting access to hotel rooms. I’ve seen videos of gulls stealing chips from beachside convenience stores.

11244905

Cute ponies can be jerks too! That's how they get you!

And it’s hard to stay mad, because they’re cute. I suppose it would be polite of them to ask for food rather than just take it, although maybe they think an open balcony door is an invitation.

(That does make me wonder what the social rules for pegasi are in Equestria. Is an open window the same as an open door? Or is that just for friends/public buildings?)

11244938
Tourists have the best food, and the local pegasi population takes advantage of that.

11244946

Could be worse.

Couldve been the Tubeway Army Pidgeons.

I’ve never lived anywhere that has a significant/aggressive pigeon population. Mostly it’s seagulls, and the non-beach ones are less of jerks than the beach ones.

We’ve also got Canada Geese, who are absolute bastards.

11244948
Figure with six pegasi, you’ve got at least half the rainbow covered in coat and mane colors. Depending on how common rainbow manes are, you might get it with just one :rainbowlaugh:

11244965

I'd be pissed off as f:yay:, but it was my own fault. :facehoof: Even without a warning sign I never would've left a balcony door open; seagulls are bad enough, let alone intelligent pegasi.

I’d be restocking the Doritos and Mountain Dew in the hopes that they’d come back. Maybe leave them out on the balcony for the pegasi.

11244984

Good ol' Biscuit.

:heart:

Thanks for the giggle! :rainbowlaugh:

You’re welcome!

11245068

Harry them. No rest for the winged.

Buy more food for them. Lure them back.

11245261

You can report this to the local police. They will (eventually) send a cop to take a report. They will give you a copy which you can use to wipe your ass.

That sounds about right.

Still, you do need the police report number to file an insurance claim. Otherwise, I wouldn't bother.

Unless you’ve got food insurance (or they broke things in the hotel room and you’ve got insurance which will cover it), there’s no point.

Interestingly, the last time I hit a deer with my van, I didn’t bother reporting it. No collision insurance, not worth spending my time explaining to a cop how a dumb deer ran out in front of me again.

If you can positively ID them AND provide an address, that's different. First offense trespass is a misdemeanor as is petty theft. Both are fines w no jail time.

That does depend on how the law views pegasi. Realistically, when it comes to crimes like trespassing/petty theft, they should be treated the same as humans. But the law moves slow, and ponies might still be in a grey area. If they’re enough of a nuisance, they’ll probably get deported back to Equestria.

If you lie & claim they threw the bottle at you, they might get jail time. You going to be in town for the trial? If not, your claim can't be charged or so various TV shows claim.

That seems like a bad idea; usually lying to cops doesn’t end well. Plus, yeah, is trying to get them in more trouble worth having to take another trip out of state to go to court?

11245518

I can picture this room perfectly in my head, right down to the dolphin sticker on the window.

I bet you can :rainbowlaugh:

Pity we never saw any pegasi.

JTH

I just can't help it, I NEED MY THRASHERS FRENCH FRIES!!!!

11245638
I bet the pegasi hang out around there and beg. That’d be even easier than flying into open hotel rooms and searching for food.

ALWAYS happy to see a new story from the Admiral!

11245593

(That does make me wonder what the social rules for pegasi are in Equestria. Is an open window the same as an open door? Or is that just for friends/public buildings?)

Or earth ponies for that matter. Pretty sure anything less than a vault door would merely be a polite suggestion

From reading your replies, I'd say you're suspiciously pro-pony! (eyes narrow) Quick! Which would you prefer?! A daisy and lettuce sandwich, or a nice, juicy laaaaambchop...?

3!
2!
1!

You’ve been in plenty of hotels where it’s wrong: it’s probably not a priority of housekeeping to ensure that the clocks are accurate.

Speak for yourself! This housekeeper works to make sure all the clocks in a room are accurate within a minute margin of error at most. (yes, I work as a housekeeper in a hotel) :raritywink:

He looks you directly in the eye, drains the bottle, then takes his leave as well.

That guy knew full well what he was doing. :ajsmug:

There’s a telephone and a small local guide: things to do in Ocean City and the surrounding area. Lots of restaurants and local tourist traps, bike rentals for the boardwalk, a Ferris wheel and fishing pier at the south end of town, wild ponies,

Even though you didn't read the sign on the door, you can't say you weren't warned.

11244823
I'd just close the door next time. Getting worked up over something like that would be a waste of time and energy for me. I'm obese, anyway; I can afford to go without a multi-hundred calorie snack binge.

You made me look up Assateague. Congratulations, I guess.

11245730

Or earth ponies for that matter. Pretty sure anything less than a vault door would merely be a polite suggestion

Especially Pinkie Pie. In her case, the vault door might not be enough.

11245749
Daisy and lettuce.

Did I ever mention I ate a cucumber and chrysanthemum sandwich for research? It was pretty good.

11245754

Speak for yourself! This housekeeper works to make sure all the clocks in a room are accurate within a minute margin of error at most. (yes, I work as a housekeeper in a hotel) :raritywink:

I appreciate that. I have actually noticed (when I’ve checked) that the hotel clocks have always been right, although I don’t go to all that many hotels.

Also if you haven’t, you should totally write a story about a pony housekeeper. I’d read the heck out of that. Set it on Earth and I’ll put it in my not-a-contest. :heart:

That guy knew full well what he was doing. :ajsmug:

You’re darn right he did.

11245880

Even though you didn't read the sign on the door, you can't say you weren't warned.

Yeah, exactly.

11245981
I’d buy more chips and Mountain Dew and hope they came back. Maybe leave it on the balcony and watch for them.

11246162
You’re welcome! Don’t say you never learn new things in Admiral Biscuit stories.

11246402
You know, I actually have considered doing just that from almost the start when I first heard about your not-a-contest, but thus far what I've put together in my head has been actually pretty mundane to the point of boring once you're past the initial introductions, because--surprise, surprise--a story about housekeeping isn't that especially exciting or engaging. :rainbowlaugh:

But we'll see. Maybe inspiration will strike on that at some point. :twilightsmile:

11246417
I’ll be honest, I’ve got people reading through blogs where I talk about fixing cars, and some of them have no idea what I’m even talking about (I’m sure that the pony pictures are why some of them read them). And a few stories here and there about ponies doing their day jobs, whatever they happen to be,

I think if you’ve got a compelling main character (which, if he/she is a pony, is most of the way there already) and a compilation of the best hotel horror stories tempered with the more normal stuff, people’ll read it.

And if not, it still might be cathartic. Sometimes I gotta write something just as a form of therapy.

So if the hotel is not responsible for pegasi (and gulls) getting in if the doors are left open, does that also mean they're not going to do anything if you carefully fashion a lasso and conceal it with precisely-strewn clothes and luggage, hide under the bed with the other end, and snare one just as they're settling in?

11246476
Um . . . technically that’s not the hotel’s responsibility.

I think if you caught a feral pony, you might wind up having a bad time. Especially since there’s five more you haven’t caught, and maybe they’ll fly off to safety or maybe they’ll stick around to rescue the sixth pony in their group.

There’s a telephone and a small local guide: things to do in Ocean City and the surrounding area. Lots of restaurants and local tourist traps, bike rentals for the boardwalk, a Ferris wheel and fishing pier at the south end of town, wild ponies, saltwater taffy. . . .

Watch the Crystal Gems pummel a monster.

11246498
I had to google that; I was right that it was a Steven Universe reference

I really need to watch that show; I caught a couple episodes and they were fantastic

11246501
Excellent story, Biscuit.

Steven Universe's Beach City is set in Delmarva, the penninsula Delaware, Maryland, and Virginia share, hence the reference. Can confirm, good show.

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