Daddy's Girl

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Comments ( 8 )

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Mystic Sunrise

Mystic Sunrise #1 · Jan 3rd, 2022 · 6 · 2 ·

"a deadly pandemic"

Yeah. Fandom stupidity. I know this is a commission, but I'll never understand why people insist on bringing that thing into MLP. Even if it's never called it. At least these things are human and not ponies.

mrmidnight

mrmidnight #2 · Jan 3rd, 2022 · 1 · 1 ·

11106270
yeah, though as you said client wanted it but that's just how it is. beside its really just used to bring the story to life.

tailsopony

tailsopony #3 · Jan 3rd, 2022 · 2 · 1 ·

11106270
I like reflections of reality in writing on occasion. Not every story, mind you, but having little tidbits of real world experiences or as a backdrop really can make a story come alive. I don't mind the covid stories, especially ones like this where it makes a "fun" plot device to force an interaction that would otherwise be improbable. Then again, I only know what I like to read.

Shakespearicles

Shakespearicles #4 · Jan 3rd, 2022 · 8 · 2 ·

2158767

tailsopony

tailsopony #5 · Jan 3rd, 2022 · 7 · 1 ·

Man, I tried to get through it. Your punctuation and grammar are off the charts messed up. Wtf? I'd like to read the story, but like, it's just too raw for me.

Edit:
I went back to try again. I had to stop at this section.

"As she got in closer she called out,
“Hey you!” he turned around and saw his face.

You have a paragraph break in the middle of a sentence, weird grammar, him seeing his own face and all kind of strangeness in one sentence. The very next sentence they trim a bear for some reason. Like, this is unreadable for me. I really want to read it, I like the concept, but I literally can't track the content through the presentation. You need to spend a little more time editing and drafting. Maybe send the next one through grammarly? Or maybe even just a word processor? Libre office runs on everything nowadays. I've typed stories on my phone and on my computer with it. That's what I write in. Makes spell check a breeze, and gives me a very basic grammar check.

fluttershyfan3030