ipwnlocks
Joined 30th Nov, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not going to lie, kind of disappointed the way Cadence handle things. I understand she is the princess love. But read alot of stories that ended up this way. Should of gone with, "I dont care if its incest, but it's her or ME! Now chose."
Contest judge. Few quick notes.
You pointed out in your afterward that you were on a time crunch to finish this.
I will say that the pacing in the story feels a bit rushed. There's some slips in verb tenses here and there. Some of the word choices and phrases could have used a few more hits with the editing beat stick as well. The fic as a whole could have benefited from another editing pass or two, generally.
But the thing that really stuck out to me more than anything else was the ending. Though I don't necessarily care that Cadence was so.. passive. Not on its own. What kills it is that it's a missed opportunity to really delve into the incest taboo and explore the drama which makes it so appealing for me. After all, if Cadence doesn't even care about the incest, then why would I care? heck, that could have been the whole basis for a compelling and dramatic incest story. Cadence finds out about Shining and Twi and struggles between her responsibility as a princess of love and her role as a wife.
Shining and Twi love each other, so that should be enough, right? You touched on that in the fic already.
But on the other hand, they're siblings, so it's different, yeah? Or is it? There's interesting questions to explore with that. Interesting emotions and struggles.
So yeah. Still, even if there were missed opportunities, there's not offensive or terrible about this fic.
Thanks for taking the time to write it for the contest.
Ye gods I hate that word. Reducing a fine old word like cuckoldry to a syllable hooted by the baboons on YouTube comments.
Plus, cuckold refers to the cuckoo putting its egg in other birds’ nests, ie. another man impregnating the woman in the relationship making the man raise the other man’s child. Shining can’t cuckold Cadence pretty much categorically. We have plenty of words for general cheating, we don’t need to bastardize a lovely word like cuckold.
Sorry, I think that rant has been simmering for a good long while.
9633725
but cuck is just a fun word to say as an insult.
:^)
good read would mind reading a fallow up where cadence joins in