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Pinkie has a horrible secret; she's a changeling. She has been for a while.
But she can't bring herself to tell anyone or anything, except a cheap journal. It's better if nopony knows, after all, and her lies aren't hurting anyone.
Not hurting anyone at all...
Notes: CH 1 edited by Sessaslisk.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well first off I would like to say I was drawn to this fic on the simple line that it is yet another "X is now a changeling!"
There are more then a few, even one still in the feature box, but just like potato chips, with some fics, you simply can't have just one.
Now getting to fic, first off
YOU MEAN THAT WASN'T PINKIE WRITTING THE WHOLE TIME BUT ACTUALLY TWILIGHT READING WHAT HAD BEEN WRITTEN!
Nice plot twist!
And also wonderful premise on the entire story!
I have had a similarly constructed fic rolling around in my mind for a while.
....
and I was about to post how my fic was going play out but I deleted it because although our stories would be different enough there might be enough similarity for my story to act as a spoiler.
anyways love this fic, hope others love it too!
Additional chapters required. :D
I took a chance reading this story and all. I've never really taken a good look at the "New Stories" bar... But I have to say this has great potential! ^__^ Keep it as a single chapter for now, but start working on more or a sequel. That way it gets popular and has a cliff-hanger, and when everyone knows about it you can post more chapters and get more views! :3 Once again, wonderful job!
This is an excellent concept, and is very well written. I will thumb this up and watch it. I demand that you write more chapters!
This is a great story. MOAR CHAPTERS!!!!
Pinkie has a horrible secret; she's a changeling.
You spoooooooooooileeeeeed iiiiiiiit in the fucking descriptiooooooon.
My name is inspiration. When I go bowling I can knock all ten pins over with one bal, and I demand MORE CHAPTERS!!! If you don't add more chapters, I might just have to say the "C" word...
This is a great story, First of the 'X is a changeling' fic's i've read but it's still awesome! I'd still prefer a few more chapters, or at least 1 where Pinkie is called out on the fact she's a changeling.
1254998
The C Word? Cupcakes? Don't do it! Pinkamena will get you
xD
1254811
I think this story is going be more about confronting a friend about a potentially painful secret and/or keeping painful secrets from others, pinkie being a changeling is not so much the point as it is the catalyst.
Keeping painful secret from others is standard in "good guy changeling" fics but not the "confront others about what you know they are hiding", actually what my plan was on the fic I hinted at in my first comment.
1255062
No dip. Why do you think I said it? You know what. Fine.
Add more chapters or I'll call in the troll!!!
Trollestia- Do you like bananas?
I personally like this but I think you could have built up to the reveal of Pinkie Pie being a changeling a little more and perhaps explained more about whether anypony was affected by her 'feeding'.
Thanks everypony for the comments and compliments!
1255517 1254811
I considered revealing it later, but it seemed rather trite when there is already an important reveal in the story.
1255081
Guess I should work on another chapter then, before you write yours and steal all my ideas
This could have made a nice one shot, but it just doesn't read like a one-shot. It feels like there's more to the story. I don't expect a lot of chapters, but I do expect some.
nicee!
there had better be moar chapters!
Format.
But other than that. WUV YOUR WORK!~!!!
Wait, that's impossible, she just lied to Twilight and broke a Pinkie promise. Pinkie can't break a Pinkie promise!!
1260638
prepare for armegeddon!
Pinkie Pie cant break a pinkie promise!!!
1260638
She said that it was just a story. She never said if it was true or not.
Also, WHAT IS UP WITH YOU AND CLIFFHANGERS, CLEVERPUN!!! This story has had two chapters, and both have been cliffhangers. THERE IS MORE TO A STORY THAN CLIFFIES, TOU KNOW!
Why would Changeling Pinkie do this?!
I love this!
Also its weird/interesting last night when my brain was in that twilight between consciousness and slumber I was thinking how there was one nagging hole in your story.
Why would Twilight decide to snoop around in one of her best friends rooms and read her journal!
But at the same time I knew you couldn't have told how Twilight got up there without breaking the reveal of just who was narrating the journal, I was going suggest that maybe you give a slight flash back and as for possible reasons Pinkie might give for why she would write it she could say it was just creative writing.
I am very amused to see those are two exact points I was going suggest that you also used! lol, just thought I should tell ya.
Oh also I have begun work (sort of) on my changeling fic and thought I should drop off why I think changelings need love to feed off of as you might find it of use, I will place it in a second comment after this.
Oh and I saw on your page that while you would like to be popular you don't actually want "featured" status as that might be a bit of pressure but well... this is a really good story and your at 29 likes..
Sorry fluttersh, er cleverpun, but it may be possible you just can escape the effects of ,
ZEE MAGIKS!
(copy paste transfer go!)
I doubt for your story you would ever one to go below stage 4 but that is rather near death anyways and well... since when is death ever pretty.
This way pinkie would still very much need the same food as she always did and such but also could feel the effects of love drain, also any spells or strenuous physical activity will increase the rate of depletion.
And one last thing is that in my mind it would be possible to unintentionally drain anothers love, my character actually makes pinkie rather sick early on after meeting and later happens to almost kill his girlfriend... and what do you know! Another point cross! his girl is none other then Rainbowdash!
To everyone complaining about the broken Pinkie Promise, well... I'm not gonna say anything yet.
1260530
I removed the indents, let me know if this helps. Not sure why they have that button if it's so eye-straining though
1261008
The pacing is weird because I couldn't think of a better place for a chapter break; one of these days I'll stop posting first drafts. Maybe...
The 3rd chapter isn't a cliffhanger, Pinkie Promise!
1261504
Sometimes my instincts make good decisions. Now that you mention the exact same thing happened to me with an episode of Walking Dead.
I wouldn't mind being featured, but it's automated and all my stories to date pass just under the cutoffs
1261511
Interesting chart - just remember that while making rules for yourself to follow is helpful for consistency, explaining them mid-story can bog things down.
Wow. Pinkie Pie broke a Pinkie Promise, pretty intense there. And then Twilight just takes it as fact. I believe this story is more focused on the curse of lying. Once you start its almost hard to stop and before you know it you're a completely different person. I love the moral so far.
As for that last part I swore it was going to be Pinkie there about to confess, and then Rainbow Dash is in the hospital instead... Very good cliffhanger. Its a little sudden, but at the same time just rightly place.
Great story so far and can't wait for the next chapter!
Quavera_Tava
About the Pinkie Promise...
Technically, she isn't Pinkie, she's a changeling. Even if her essence is Pinkie, she still REALLY isn't Pinkie, so...
...
Wait, what?
The pacing change between chapter 3 and the epilogue is a little jarring. Aside from that, I loved it.
WAY to short, the pacing is too fast. Didn't like it.
1266420>>1266437>>1266578
The pacing IS pretty sloppy, I wrote it too quickly.
A 4th chapter might help... I'll put it in the list of things to write.
At first I thought that Rainbow Dash was also a changeling but then it turns out Pinkie drained her to much.
Also Pinkie ran away.... You had Pinkie run away... I saw it coming but still... Pinkie gone off and ran away! Bwaaaahhhh, OK forget that I love to see my favorite characters sadistically tortured! I'll look forward to see how Twilight rounds up the gang and goes to get Pinkie back.
Good chapter and I'm off to read the next!
Quavera_Tava
P.S. I just have to but... FIRST!!! Haha, OK, lame-oh moment over...
Wait what?! here I'm thinking you're building up to an extraordinary story of epic friendship and getting them back and oh my gosh just GGGRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Yeah... I'm a bit upset at the sudden ending. Seems like you just wanted to finish the story.
As a fellow writer who's been working on a large project sense december of last year I've been tempted to do this very thing right here and just end the story. However once you start a story you gotta pull all the way through or you'll never be able to move onto anything bigger. I've recently started another large project but I'm still determined to finish the one I'm working on right now. Sometimes life and personal stuff gets in the way of writing but I think any good author can pull through and make it to the other side, aka finish their works.
The first three chapters of this story was well written and very gripping. I enjoyed the description and emotions. Granted I noticed that you started to pick up pace the farther you got along and then you just jumped right off the cliff. Well anyways it was still a great story and the ending would have been a lot better if you'd have just made it at least a little more lengthier. I personally see a lot of potential. The skill is there, meaning the only thing you need to do is strive for better and harder.
*sighs* I'm not sure if I sounded like an asshole there or not but I was a little upset about the ending. Good chapters, bad ending, nuff said...
Quavera_Tava
1266842
nah, you're right, thats why I'm writing a 4th chapter right now :3
Well that was depressing, but different.
1266628 A complete rewrite might help
1266933
If you would like to help me edit it I'm always open to suggestions
1266974 Sure why not, I'll edit it to a cracked.com level: Not perfect grammar, but near flawless puncuation and spelling.
And then I'll send you another copy with 0 edits saying it was flawless
But sure why not, use pms if you want
1255062
1254998
*turns to Pinkie*
Are you actually gonna murder the guy?
I'll prep the torture room, you grab the pet by its paws/claws/hooves/tenticles
I assumed the pet would be female
Not in that way geeze Pinkamena, your the one who rapes guys with their chest ripped open
So burn, electrocution or blades?
Seems a tad rushed, considering the formatting and continuity errors you have (such as a few dropped words, and the fact that the doorbell rang in the last chapter, but Twilight knocked in this one). I suggest you go back and rewrite this eplogue a bit. I can probably help you with that, if you want...
1267602
I won't contest it was rushed, but the doorbell and twilight's knock are not the same event.
If you want to offer any suggestions please do
PM me at your leisure (or add me on steam if you prefer realtime conversation/have a steam account)
1267648
That... kinda confuses me. If they are not the same event, then who rang the doorbell?
Also, i will take up your offer of a conversation. Not tonight, but i will
Changeling Pinkie Pie appeared.
Go Twilight!
Twilight used The Truth.
It's Super Effective!
Changeling Pinkie Pie fled.
Twilight you should've told the truth a long time ago, then none of this would have happened, or maybe it would have anyway?
Uh kind of a cliffhanger ending, does Pinkie Pie forgive them or not?
So, the magic of friendship made everything better between Pinkie and the rest of the mane 6? There was so much build up and then chapter 5 only gave us a minimum of resolution without any sort of conflict. That's really the problem, Pinkie nearly kills RD and Twilight tells everyone about the contents of Pinkie's diary, and it just results in a mutual apology. Not that that's particularly terrible way to finish, but an epilogue is supposed to be an expansion on an ending, not a completely new ending that's even less complete than the original ending.
Ch 1-3 were good, although it seemed out of character for Pinkie to worry so much about keeping her changeling status a secret. I could see AJ doing that, but Pinkie loves secrets. Also, I would have expected Pinkie to call out Twilight on misusing the losing-a-friend’s-trust-is-the-fastest-way-to-lose-a-friend quote. That's the opposite of what the quote meant in the context of the show.
1269294
I was trying to show how being turned into a changeling really damaged Pinkie's worldview. It does rush into it, so I can see where it might disappoint; gonna try editing it, maybe add another chapter or epilogue see if that clears things up.
oooh, er, well that was very good but the body did get a little thin near the end, I hope you didn't somehow think you needed to rush it because of my story....
My story isn't even really a proper story at this point, its not even being posted as a story but as a blog at this point due to its condition, come to think of it looks rather a lot like the format here, rather then a detailed narration its a descriptive over view.
Still love your story and the ending definitely has some striking resemblance to my own.
Normally it takes an author getting a favorite from me on two separate occasions for me to watch but in this case I think I will go ahead and add you to my watch list.
Oh also, hear is that blog, I am sort of hoping you can find the time to look it over and see what you think.
CLICK HERE! if its not to much trouble that is
1267648
Could you please write a sad ending to this?
Where Pinkie stays away from the mane 6.
1285978
I'll try and look it over if I have time.
1292520
An alternate epilogue is part of my plan.
I know it's all been said before, but you kinda killed it there at the end. It was really quite anticlimactic, and basically just turned into AND THEN THEY
FUCKEDFRIENDSHIP'D.2254307
I wrote this story before I had editors/understanding of the comma.
Perhaps one day I'll clean it up and make it less terrible. Perhaps
Fair enough. I read it all (except the epilogue, wasn't out yet) months back, but lost track of it until now.