• Published 10th Sep 2012
  • 4,079 Views, 68 Comments

Can You Keep a Secret? - cleverpun

Pinkie has a horrible secret, and the only thing she's ever told is a journal

  • ...


Authorial Note: If you prefer depressing endings don't read this part!


BY: cleverpun

“Twilight, I know I’ve asked you this before, but are ya absoLUTELY sure she’s here.”

“Of course I am. It’s like I keep telling you, these pages are from that journal she ran off with, so if she still has it the spell I cast will lead us right to her.”

“Yes Twilight, we know that, but you have repeatedly neglected to tell us exactly where you got those pages from.”

“You don’t wanna know, trust me.”

The five ponies continued walking through downtown Manehattan, playing hot-cold with the two bits of paper until they finally arrived at a large apartment complex in the middle of the city.

They took the elevator up then down, and the pieces were brightest at floor eleven. They got out at that floor and it didn’t long to arrive at room 1124.

“Alright, this must be it. Just let me do all the talking.”

“Yeah, cuz it went so well the last time you talked to her.”

Twilight gave Rainbow Dash a stern look, and then knocked hard on the door.

The sound of a lock being undone echoed loudly through the hallway, and as the door creaked open the five ponies saw a perplexed Pinkie standing in the doorway.

“Uh, hi Pinkie.” Twilight let out a weak wave and the other four followed suit. “I uhm… told them your secret.”

Pinkie stood there for a moment, basking in the love she could feel from each of her friends, and as her eyes started to tear up she fell into Twilights shoulder, crying uncontrollably as her friends all moved in to hug her.

“I’m sorry, Twilight…” Her apology was muffled by Twilight’s fur.

“So am I, Pinkie…”

Comments ( 25 )

Seems a tad rushed, considering the formatting and continuity errors you have (such as a few dropped words, and the fact that the doorbell rang in the last chapter, but Twilight knocked in this one). I suggest you go back and rewrite this eplogue a bit. I can probably help you with that, if you want...

I won't contest it was rushed, but the doorbell and twilight's knock are not the same event.

If you want to offer any suggestions please do :pinkiehappy: PM me at your leisure (or add me on steam if you prefer realtime conversation/have a steam account)


That... kinda confuses me. If they are not the same event, then who rang the doorbell?

Also, i will take up your offer of a conversation. Not tonight, but i will

Uh kind of a cliffhanger ending, does Pinkie Pie forgive them or not? :twilightoops:

So, the magic of friendship made everything better between Pinkie and the rest of the mane 6? There was so much build up and then chapter 5 only gave us a minimum of resolution without any sort of conflict. That's really the problem, Pinkie nearly kills RD and Twilight tells everyone about the contents of Pinkie's diary, and it just results in a mutual apology. Not that that's particularly terrible way to finish, but an epilogue is supposed to be an expansion on an ending, not a completely new ending that's even less complete than the original ending.

Ch 1-3 were good, although it seemed out of character for Pinkie to worry so much about keeping her changeling status a secret. I could see AJ doing that, but Pinkie loves secrets. Also, I would have expected Pinkie to call out Twilight on misusing the losing-a-friend’s-trust-is-the-fastest-way-to-lose-a-friend quote. That's the opposite of what the quote meant in the context of the show.

I was trying to show how being turned into a changeling really damaged Pinkie's worldview. It does rush into it, so I can see where it might disappoint; gonna try editing it, maybe add another chapter or epilogue see if that clears things up.

oooh, er, well that was very good but the body did get a little thin near the end, I hope you didn't somehow think you needed to rush it because of my story....

My story isn't even really a proper story at this point, its not even being posted as a story but as a blog at this point due to its condition, come to think of it looks rather a lot like the format here, rather then a detailed narration its a descriptive over view.

Still love your story and the ending definitely has some striking resemblance to my own.
Normally it takes an author getting a favorite from me on two separate occasions for me to watch but in this case I think I will go ahead and add you to my watch list.

Oh also, hear is that blog, I am sort of hoping you can find the time to look it over and see what you think. :twilightblush:

CLICK HERE! if its not to much trouble that is


Could you please write a sad ending to this?
Where Pinkie stays away from the mane 6.

I'll try and look it over if I have time.
An alternate epilogue is part of my plan.

I know it's all been said before, but you kinda killed it there at the end. It was really quite anticlimactic, and basically just turned into AND THEN THEYFUCKED FRIENDSHIP'D.

I wrote this story before I had editors/understanding of the comma.

Perhaps one day I'll clean it up and make it less terrible. Perhaps

Fair enough. I read it all (except the epilogue, wasn't out yet) months back, but lost track of it until now.

Nice, but this could`ve been done so much better.

Good snip, but a little short

I liked it. The ending seemed a little short but I liked the story. :heart:

1267757 That's up to you to imagine. I personally imagine that Pinkie is whoring herself in order to get some love. Whatever it is, though, it's not a good thing. It's a small detail that will soar a many heads without being detected, but its presence is very powerful for the impact in this last chapter epilogue.

Kind of liked it. I mean all we really needed to know was that her friends still loved her for her.

Lackluster like hell.

Sappy, but that can be nice too.

But that ending was like a train wreck in fast forward.

I have no words only...

This is so so cute! :yay:

:derpyderp2: Excuse me?? Sure, there was drama, but... How could you end it like that?? That was wa-a-ay too simple!


Yo! Is that my name? Thank you for agreeing with that comment, but my account name is Andy Ray :twilightsheepish:.

Oops...Sorry Andy Ray

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