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Spike's never known his family. While he's got Twilight Sparkle and all of his friends, some part of him had always wondered about his family. Then Twilight receives a letter saying that Celestia is sending over a long unknown sister.
Scootaloo has always wanted a family like Rainbow Dash's. A family that cares about her, and praises her achievements. Then a small incident changes her situation entirely.
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I like this idea. Looking forward to more chapters.
This is super interesting so far... can’t wait to see where this goes!
They kind of did a bitchy thing. I can understand not WANTING to tell them. But to just not tell them is something else. The girls were allowed to know and they aren't even related to scootaloo.
Good work. I want to see where this goes.
Have a track
Shoulda passed the buck on to Celestia, Twi
Look at the bright side Spike you had 2 more sisters, well technically no but if Scootaloo is Spike sister, that would also means, Rainbow Dash is Spike Adoptive Sister cause Rainbow is Scootaloo Adoptive Sister and Scootaloo gets another sister because Twilight Sparkle is Spike Adoptive Sister xD
BIG FAMILY YAY
interesting story
Gem Horse and Book Horse have the social skills and graces of a brick.
Animal horse is best horse. Apple horse and Party horse will place once they get more lines.
So, interesting story. I do have some notes though.
“Not just that, the princess might know who my father, or mother is,” Spike added as he wrung his claws together with an excitement too big to contain.
“We might finally know who my family is, and why they abandoned my egg,.. Or my sister’s egg for that matter, I suppose,” Spike grimly explained as the melancholy thoughts managed to suppress his previous uncontainable excitement.
This happens more than once, while it's usually not a bad thing (or wrong) to have the same character start a new paragraph when speaking, there's not a good reason to do it with Spike here or anywhere in this chapter. You can just have him keep talking in the same paragraph, but by starting a new one, as you did, it's rather jarring.
A good example would be what you did here:
“Cinnamon Buns, no running in the house!” Mrs. Sweet Home sternly commanded a small five year old colt, who Scootaloo knew liked to run around a lot. Currently the orphanage had only five foals in it, and that was sure to change quickly. The reality of Ponyville was that it was small, and fairly well off. That meant that most foals didn’t stay at the orphanage long… unless they were Scootaloo.
“Now, I need you to get out of the kitchen. I have a lot to talk about with my guest,” Mrs. Sweet Home commanded sternly as she pushed Cinnamon Buns out of the kitchen.
it makes sense because so much was describe after she said the word house, so you may as well start a new paragraph.
Celestia also begins new paragraphs for no good reason.
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Yeah, Spike would have like, 3 sisters overall XD (4 if you count Smolder in a figurative sense.)
“Nothing,” Scootaloo said with a blush.
“It’s not important,” she insisted a bit brusquely.
This is a fine example of a new paragraph being completely unnecessary.
There are also little grammar errors sprinkled throughout each chapter. Nothing major, but they could be easily addressed. One example is
“Hey Scootaloo you hungry,” Spike offered, finally getting a bit of a reaction from the filly. Her stomach growled, causing her to blush. She then gave a wane smile and a nod.
"Hey, Scootaloo, you hungry," Spike offered
The comma is proper after hungry, but honestly, a question mark works too.
Interesting
Looking forward to reading more of this!
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Thank you for the feedback. I'm going to need to fix that coming up.
I’m more confused about a simple thing but wouldn’t Luna also know and could have told scoots and spike during there sleep to be wary of ponies with dragon knowledge showing up
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First, thank you for the comment. I believe you caught something I overlooked. I think there should be a little warning in the next chapter....
I might have overlooked things... Here was my train of thought:
I don't think anypony knows that she's in any imminent danger. Wrangler's family are a construction firm (although they are a large family, and do many other things as well) that has a long history of Dragonology in their free time. Also, until he showed up just now, it would have seemed like his family moved on to other jobs.
There is a literal curse uttered by Sedna. But, it's still unclear to everypony involved if it's hot air, or something to actually worry about. The bigger concern is if ponies would still want to kill a child of Sedna if they knew who and had the opportunity (I guess, it's kind of the question of: if Valdemort had had a child, would someone try to off them?)
I was thinking that they wanted to hide Scootaloo away only until she learned to control her fire, so that she wouldn't risk drawing more attention to herself. Spike is ok, as everypony assumes he is what he looks like: a dragon.
Wrangler in many regards wouldn't have even known to look for Sedna's children, except for the fire (or more specifically the magical signature in the fire). Right now, he doesn't even know who. His "suspects" are based only upon how various foals reacted to those specificaly leading questions. But, he doesn't have any specific targets. As such, he's going to have to poke around for more information.
This doesn't seem good. Danger is close.
Great chapter. Can't wait for more.
Wranger, to handle, control?
Drachen, Uberwald region name for Dragon?
Jaeger, Uberwald region name for Monstrous Golem?
I will suggest Spike hanging out with all the crusaders, not only Scootaloo, maybe Twilight can make Spike going to school with them
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Jaeger means Hunter
More.
So... the curse laid by Sedna is being carried out by ponies who want to get revenge against Sedna? Is this irony on purpose?
Yeah, that figures--always skimping on the details, Celestia. I swear, for a pony who's apparently utter trash at acting and theater, she has a love for dramatic reveals like this.
Anyway, I actually once had an idea for a fic that was fairly similar to this in at least premise, but because of the characters I was using and how I was approaching it, I couldn't get it to work in a believable manner. Nice to see someone else hit upon a similar idea and not have that same problem, though.
I'm going to guess that's because it IS water sapphire, or at least in puree form. Maybe a few other medicine-y ingredients to make it all...you know...medicine-y. But definitely still a key component in it.
Honestly, though, I don't know how either her or Spike hadn't figured it out on their own given all of the clues that had already been freely given them, or at least asked the question to themselves on whether or not the long lost sister of Spike's Celestia spoke of and Scootaloo's arrival meant they were one and the same. It really wouldn't be hard to at least be on the right track to the truth after that.
Really, if this was supposed to be kept secret from them both for now, Celestia probably should've held off on informing Spike he had a sister until after they sort out whatever that still needs to be sorted out first, because clearly there were a few things that needed to be done still first before word was allowed to get around.
But oh well, word's out now either way. Thanks for that, Rainbow Dash!
Sounds like somepony hadn't been paying attention to catch that part when this was being discussed...
Seriously, though, this was all kind of mishandled from the start. At the very least, Celestia revealing Spike had a long lost sister was rather premature if they wanted to keep this on the down-low and both Spike and Scootaloo out of the loop on the particulars for now for their own protection, because otherwise they were always going to start asking these sort of questions and prying into the matter eventually, even if Rainbow hadn't slipped up and had managed to keep her mouth shut.
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Wait you had a idea like this damn I just know it would have been a good read
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To be honest, I was trying to name him "Dragon Hunter". But, I didn't want to make it too blatant.
I probably shouldn't have used Google Translate to help me.
Ich habe Kein Deutsche Sprechen im ungefahr Zwanzig Jahren...
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Yup. The irony as intentional this time.
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Well, if you ever change your mind and write it, let me know. I'd love to see what you write there.
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Thank you for the feedback.
I'll probably need to do a rewrite sometime in the future to fix that. I cannot make any promises when, though (my history with re-writes has not been very successful)...
so far i do not like that sub
Wow this was a sweet episode, glad Spike could help Scootaloo, i think it will be cool if Twilight sends Spike to Cherrilee School to watch Scootaloo
(Sorry about the grammar, i speak spanish)
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Thank you for the suggestion. I need to think about the upcoming chapters anyway. So, I'll add it if I can.
I'm really enjoying the mystery. Also Twimom is best mom.
Can't wait to see more of this.
im kinda liking this story and may have it favourited once its done
Hrmmmmm still intersting but gotta say thats on sweetie for poking flames with a stick in her hoof either of her friends would have knocked it away and then scoots now has doubt more self essteme issues and she has a hunter on her flanks
Can't wait for more.
Yeah, you'd really think Twilight would've thought to put up some helpful navigational signs for that castle by now...maybe even one of those "you are here" maps...because, seriously--newcomers getting lost in her castle seems to have become the consistent tradition now.
Wuh-oh.
But see, like I said before--these two already know enough they can probably piece together an approximation of the actual truth themselves easily enough.
Ah--you mean literally tied up then. Did you also hide her in the closet, just so to complete the cliche?
Now I'm thinking of that one scene in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, when Snape subbed for the Defense Against the Dark Arts class...and I reckon this guy's doing some similar here too, ain't he?
Oh, of course he does. Honestly, this guy's making it too easy--I'm practically reading him like an open book at this point.
Just a reminder to Spike that everybody and their brother knows about his so-called "secret" crush.
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Oh yeah, a little more than a year or so back, except in my version, swap out Scootaloo with Gallus.
The plot would've been very different though, and unfortunately the original idea, while very promising in concept, swiftly proved to be too convoluted and too heavy on convenient coincidences to be believable, so it hadn't ever gotten too far.
I do like this fic's approach to the idea though, and I admit, it is giving me a bit of inspiration for a possible new way I could try the idea...but I also worry it'd seem like I'd be ripping off this fic at this point, and I can't have that. I've always been the sort of writer to try and put a new spin to an idea than to just repeat the same ideas everybody else is already doing, after all.
But we'll see. No promises.
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If it helps, nor have I--I'm 0-2 for successfully finished rewrites myself.
That's how you know it's really serious.
Find me a dragon that doesn't, and then we'll talk.
"Mr. Wrangler," if that is his real name, (
) certainly isn't very good at being discreet. As if how he handled his school lesson wasn't obvious enough to his real intents, now he's going around offering to renovate buildings for free...just because, or so it would appear to onlookers. And you gotta admit, that would sort of raise eyebrows. I mean, offering to renovate in of itself wouldn't necessarily be that unusual, but insistent on doing it for free? That's just going to draw him unwanted attention if for no reason other than it'd seem so unusual and out of place. It'd be better to go ahead and offer a fee, even if just a low one, if just to make it all seem more normal and thereby less suspicious. Besides...it couldn't hurt for him to make a few bits on the side of all of this, now could it? 
The fact Applejack's first concern is the well being of her orchard before Apple Bloom (or anypony else for that matter)...well...
You just gotta bring that up into every conversation, don't you?
On the other hoof though, some nice Spike-Scootaloo-Twilight bonding there.
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Love this comment.
interesting start mm-hm
so...scootaloo...is...half-pony...half-dragon...in...this...story...does...not...compute!
that sub teacher must be a dragon hunter, I was getting some serious bad vibes from him
I know this may sound demanding, but I'd like to read more of this story, but its no rush, take you're time