A stolen book, seemingly, leads to the death of the CMC. However, after a botched attempt to save their lives, it becomes apparent that the crusaders may not be as dead as they appear.
Now it is up to Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash to pick up the pieces. As they find themselves having to start all over again with the fillies, as well as handle any of the consequences that came with this change.
Now, only time will tell if the three fillies will ever be the same again.
Special thanks to ItIsASillyLittleGame for being my editor for the prelude, chapter 1, through chapter 3.
Also thanks to ItIsASillyLittleGame for providing partial edits to the rewritten chapter 4 & 5.
As well as mintgreenconspiracy for providing some suggestions on the prelude, chapter 1, through chapter 9.
Special thanks to Jet Storm for making suggestions for, pre-reading, and editting chapter 8 & 9.
The Cradle vector was created by Jeatz-Axl, and can be found at: http://jeatz-axl.deviantart.com/art/Baby-Bed-401226421
The Cutie Mark Crusader Cutie Mark vectors were created by The-Smiling-Pony, and can be found at: http://the-smiling-pony.deviantart.com/art/CMC-Cutie-Marks-565541092
Okay this is actually the first chapter I was reading, but it happened exactly what I expected. Not sure what to think about it right now, since I only have read a small part of the story, but while they are probalbly not happy about the idea, I think that is a nice idea for a story, and probably a good thing for Scootaloo, should she was flightless in this story too.
I read it later.
I can´t exactly say when something is just sad for me, or if I get angry at something, but I honestly like how serious this is. I don´t like them mistreating scootaloo as much as it can be allowed, but I like to hear her thoughts, that Scootaloo maybe knows it, and stuff like that. It is really interessting, better than I thought at first.
I still have to learn a bit, before I trust myself with my own story, but I liked the idea of a mother that doesn´t really cares for her daughter like in this story, but either she has her own foal, or it is a wanderer that found a child, and since the child has no one else, the child wants to stay with her, however like I said the mother/wanderer doesn´t care for the child.
What I want to say is, I would like to read a story where either someone is carefully (not forcefully, at least not mostly) helping the family with this situation, and manage it, that the family likes each other after some sad chapters. However I would prefer it if it doesn´t end, and after that a still complicated sequel.
uuhhhh did Luna told Applebloom about it too, or did just Applejack told a child that she would die? I don´t want to say if she did something wrong or not, but I would probably don´t tell her right away, I can´t decide.
In the next sentence is a spoiler for the third chapter.
Nice chapter, but of course the sad part has to come yet I guess, and I hope we still see the birth, or a few scenes in their pregnant state, and that we still have some scenes where they are not that old, and that the story starts while they are still young, maybe they just go to school again? I just want to see as much as possible, but I know you can´t show us the complet pregnancy, and all their newborn life.
6826560 Thank you for the comments.
That may have been a bad call on my part... I figured that Luna would warn Apple Bloom in a more generalized way... Much akin to "don't run in the street or you might get run over."
Hmm... perhaps this bit needs some more love. I'll try to rethink my approach there.
I intend to spend chapters four through about 6 on just the birth and pregnancy, alone. I've actually written a rough pass on these chapters no less, but I felt that they weren't ready to post just yet.
This story is really sad and good!
I hope to see more soon.
The way they were talking, it looks like the reality would have changed, but then again they maybe just know about it already.
I admit I don´t exactly like it, that it looks like the whole world had changed, only to fit with their pregnancy. I would have prefered it, if they just would get the child.
Well maybe I´m just wrong about it, but even if I think it´s cute what her animals do for Rainbow Dash, I somehow prefer it if Fluttershy wasn´t the one that told them to stop Rainbow. I mostly don´t like anything that looks like someone is controlling someone elses life.
Now I can read the final chapter till now, but I think I take a break, and I promis I´m only going to vote for the story, if I know what happened in two or three other chapters, starting after this one.
6827147 ok.
And, thank you for the input.
It sounds like I have some characterization issues... I'm not quite sure how to fix these issues just yet, I'll need to think about it.
As for Fluttershy, I had rationalized it as being overly protective...
6827056 thank you.
“This is great! The squirt is alive,” she shouted, her wings flapping with enthusiasm. “I can't wait to tell her parents. They're going to be so psyched.” Rainbow Dash looked ecstatic, her face wearing a massive grin.
6827326 To be honest I understand that
, but I a part of me always get´s that first impression, however I can choose if I want to let it get the better of me or not, and at least from one author I learned, it is sometimes worth it, to wait a few chapters more, before I say something about a thing that didn´t exactly happened the way I would prefer it to happen.
Don´t think I´m mean because of it, even I don´t know why I like such things, and other, or rather similar thing I would most likely hate, but this is interessting for me. I think I would like it if they manage to solve the problem without trying to get her into the prison. As much as I understood, even if she couldn´t bring herself to like the kid, she never really tried to harm her.
She maybe got a cold heart, but then again i don´t know if it is possible in the psychology to say, that people can start to get that way, not being able to care for any people, or just their child. However I guess they should have given up on her sooner, and make it possible for Scootaloo to get a good family, but they are probably addicted to that sort of attention, and just can´t understand what they are doing.
Sorry if I start to see this in a rather dry way, I just like all the stuff I have read about psychology, and of course even I get angry because of such stuff normally, but sometimes I can´thelp myself, and just have to try to analyze it.
I´m aware that they even would give up their dreams to raise their sisters, btu t´s still sad for them (Rainbow) in a way. This sounds however, like they would just give Rarity sweetiebelle as a real child.
I can understand the part with Applejack, since she has no father or mother, and granny is to old, andScootaloos parent´s doesn´t want her.
It seems just a bit unfair that her parents almost sounded like they would expect Rarity to raise her completely, not sure if they have ways to feed the foal otherwise, and before it would imprint on Rarity. Rarity would be the only chase, where I could say that the parents could as well take the responsibility, and let her live her own life.
However I don´t hold that against you, because otherwise it couldn´t happen that way I guess, and I want her to raise Sweetiebelle.
Oh and I the story so far, I think I noticed how you meant most of the stuff. I already took to long to read the whole story, and everything else tonight, but at least I could distract myself tonight a bit.
6827480 I'm glad you liked it.
And, your analysis of Scootaloo's parents is not only in the direction I was hoping to go, but you actually seem to understand them as characters better than I do.
[Edit]: I probably should do some psychological research on Scootaloo's parents (if nothing else to help improve their characterizations). Especially considering their current characterization seems to have aerie symptoms of both Egocentrism and Narcissism. But, they seem to lack key qualities I would expect to see if they were a Narcissistic parent or a egocentrism adults.
God job bro buena historia mi amigo
6831379 Thank you.
So I guess your doing the RarityxSpike & RainbowxSorin?
While Applejack be a single mother.
I read a great romance story that was about AppleJackxSorin, in it was that Rarity meet a stallion who was Fancy Paints younger brother.
But your story is doing great!
I´m glad that it wasn´t the same pattern with all of them, that they all wanted to get a random Stallion for the Cutie Mark Crussaiders.
I like it if I have a nice introduction for the romance options, and not suddenly "here he is".
I would somehow expect it from Rarity, but I honestly would like it if we would have at least one Main six pairing, and maybe one without a partner.
So maybe Rarity having a Stallion, Applejack, or Rainbow having one of her friends as a partner, but no overprotective controll from their partners please, and the other one is raising her child alone. I just want everyone of them to have their own problems.
For the main six pairing you wouldn´t even need to worry about introducing the character.
However whatever you do, please don´t just take Soaring as her partner, I started to like the Rainbow X Spitifre ship, but the Rainbow X Soarin shipping always looks like Rainbow being a fangirl for me.
ahhh please not, at least not in this story.
Okay it doesn´t have to be everyone, that has the same illness.
I never cn completely get over the fact, that Spike looks like a cute doll, and baby, he can be as mature as he wants to be, but he isn´t the perfect partner for Rarity in my eyes. However maybe a different personality, and stuff like that helps me think different about him would help.
It´s honestly difficult for me to image him being together with her, if he should continue to act so weird, or rather like his usual self. Maybe try at least a slight change of his personality?
I know I can´t have both, but I think I would at least prefer Spitfire over Soarin as Rainbow´s partner, if she has to get one. I don´t like the most obvious choice for everyone.
6884672 Thank you
Thank you for the comments.
You make a lot of good points, and I'll try to address them as best as I can.
I might have been a bit fast on that. Especially considering, even in story they haven't exactly been considering romance (with the exception of Rarity and her 2 cannon crushes... neither of which turned out according to her hopes.)...
Once again, a fair point. I added the ships, because I thought it was a concern that they might address, and I picked the pairings that seemed plausible to me at the time...
As to who their ultimate pairs are... I was planning to see how well the romance developed before I finalized anything.
6884697
Fair point.
I was trying to set for a concept later, but I'll try think about my direction a bit more.
It doesn't help that, even in cannon, Rarity's feelings for him are inconsistent.
In "Simple Ways", she hasn't even noticed his feelings.
In "Secret of My Excess" her response to Spike's unsaid admission almost looks like she understands.
My intention was to put her more in the "Simple Ways" mindset. She hasn't noticed his feelings for her. She simply considers this to be something amusing to do with, and for, a close friend. If romance develops, it won't be by the time the babies arrive.
EDIT: fixed a "spoiler" tag that was supposed to be a "quote" tag.
6885127 I read some comments here... I don't want to see a MarexMare in the story. Doesn't fit & feel of the story.
I think it would be interesting if Rainbow Dash became a single mother with the help of her friends like Fluttershy... Oh yea Fluttershy has a brother right? You could do something with that
You know not all relationships are great but I can see this happening...
Rarity = perfect husband. her friends would be jealous of them being perfect but really they work hard to raise Sweetie Bell.
Rainbow = hard husband? To reflect her Dad, but always end up building their love for each.
You could go with the Fluttershys brother who could be like her sister or have someone tough like Dash. I'm saying she find a bad husband just their life we'll be just tough. But in the end they still love Scootaloo.
Applejack = alone... I can really see her just having her family helping her, unless you have a plan for her... I remember there was a fic about her loving a royal guard somewhere... Hey a Griffen would be interesting!
6885184 Thank you that is all I need to know, to put my mind at ease for now.
Not really sure what I should say right now, I´m kind of tired, but I´m glad to know that you understand where I´m comming from.
I won´t be really mad at you, if it shouldn´t exactly happen like I asked for, but I really want this story to not fulfill all of those......(can I call it cliché?), well yeah I would be really happy about a different aproach, and it helps that you really think it through.
If I can only get half of what I sort of asked for, I should already be happy, but of course if I wouldn´t have to see any of those typicall outcomes I would be even more happy. Mostly I´m happy that you understood what I meant with the point "and there he is".
I guess if you like a character it depense on how you introduce him, and if the reader can get used to the character.
Sorry I stop for now, I rather say more if I actually had some sleep, and a wake mind.
6885631
6885302
Thank you for the suggestions. They're a huge help for me. While I can't promise that my story is going to be perfect (I'm afraid I simply don't have the literary experience necessary to be perfect). I'm certainly going to try to make this story the best I can.
Also, pardon me for using the double reply feature... The response seemed applicable to both comments, so I decided to answer them together.
I probably said it already, but I always feel like it´s just a fangirl love, and maybe to obvious if it is the soarin X Dash shipping.
It sounded like she didn´t even tried to tell him again, that no one raped her, or whatever they were thinking. (I was talking about Rainbow and Soarin)
While I sometimes enjoy this idea of a problem, I don´t think she needs to give up the dream completely. However I don´t know how much she could train if she would have to at least be there for Scotaloo a few times per day.
I know at some point it wouldn´t matter anymore if she would try to correct them anymore, but I admit I was a little bit dissapointed, that I hadn´t seen her telling at least one of them, that what exactly happened. It is like everyone beside the main six/ponys would be too stupid to understand and that even if they got a letter.
7068123 I had skipped the dialog because I had been concerned about dragging the scene out too long... It sounds like I made a bad call there.
7068131 Maybe it is just my taste, but I hate it a little bit if the main Char doesn´t defend himself even a little bit, it started since I had read so many storys with more than idiotic Human Main Chars.
I probably could say more, but it is enough for me to see that you noticed my comment.
However I´m not mad, but it didn´t made any sense to me, since it looked like she avoided to do it completely.
7068589 I don't blame you for being angry. I'm considering redoing that scene, in the near future (as soon as I can rewrite it).
The problem was that, I was too concerned about my chapter pacing, and didn't consider the possibility that I was losing characterization to exposition (which, ironically, only made the pacing worse).
Finally, thank you for your comments. They are a helpful indicator to me on if I'm doing a good job or not (heaven knows, my inexperience as a writer shows sometimes).
I may need to find an editor for this story, in the future... I've just been reluctant, because I've managed to chase away 2 editors on chapter 1 (both of which quit the story without even saying good bye)... And so, I've been reluctant to pull another in, just to watch them quit without any warning, or feedback.
7068622 Sadly I only trust myself enough to make the most out of my comments, to help and to share my point of view. (I have problems with my english grammar anyway)
I usually try to consider what I saw worked for others too, and well I´m always try to react on every detail while I´m reading.
Someone said it helps him pretty much that I do it that way, and I´m glad that I can help too.
What I mean with that is, that if I would have the time, I would even try to fit in one of those positions, but it is still not clear if I finally get the job I want or not. Long story short, I don´t exactly have the time to do more than what I´m doing right now.
I can agree with one thing, they should have at least mentioned it to you, that they are quiting. It is always a bit demotivating otherwise I guess.
7068651 To be fair, your comments are helpful enough. And, everyone has different specialties.
I tend to not comment on other stories, because I lack the coherent thoughts enough to say anything more meaningful than "story good", or "Yaks Smash". And then, there's my "foot in mouth disease"... Where I tend to say stupid things whenever I open my mouth (or use the comment feature, in this case).
A good story. Can't wait to see what happens next.
7074029 Thank you
7076019 No, thank you for writing it.
7076076 You are welcome
Who is "Saurin"?
7081083 That would be me misspelling Soarin. I will try to fix that ASAP.
Enjoying your story and look forward to read more (when this story is finished it will more than likely make it into my favorites list)
7188184 I'm glad to hear you liked it.
And, thank you for the comment.
CEASE THINE HEN PECKING THOU FOUL GIBBERING SWINE MY CHILD SHALL BE TEMPERED BY THE FIRES OF MY BODY AS I TEST MY VERY LIMITS AND BRING MY PROGENY TO THE STRENGTH OF A LEGEND OR AN UNTIMELY DEATH NO LESS WILL SATISFY ME
“this is not exactly great news. I mean, sure we defied death and spat in the face of the Reaper himself, committing a miraculous act never before accomplished by anypony in history, saving the lives of those most precious to us, but who cares about that? No, instead let's focus on issues that don't really apply to us but the author feels would make rivetting commentary on the lives of those poor, poor single mothers in reality. What if Rarity has to go on food stamps!”
7193863 7193887 7193905 Thank you for the comments.
Also, my friend was looking at them earlier, and he couldn't stop laughing.
Those cradles look a lot like coffins. I wonder, if it was intentional.
7219773 Not intentionally.
This story is well written and underrated
7262128 Thank you
I'm sorry, but the set up is a bit stupid. Apple Bloom knows that the threat comes from a spell book, and what is the first thing she does? Read a spell book. Applejack's logic tree is missing a few branches too. All three of them will get killed by the same thing? Put them all in one place.
Everything else is great. I so want to smash Royal Sunbird and her smarmy husband in the face with a two buy four with nails in it. All the other characters were written well, and the story itself looks interesting. In fact the set up is in some ways similar to one of my own fics.
I started this story because I imagined it would be a 'do over' story for the Crusaders, or at least focused on them. It seems that it's more a framing device for 'how can we force three of the main six to shack up with the first stallion that expresses an interest'.
The whole single mother stigma seems somewhat overplayed, and could be solved easily. Twilight makes an announcement to Ponyville, telling them clearly what really happened, and how disappointed she is that ponies would spread nasty rumours about the three mares. Ponies listen to their princesses. Personally I'd hunt down whoever started it using divination magic and whatever resources were needed, then curse them with the Cassandra effect. Everything they say will be taken as a lie. But then I'm far more vindictive than Twilight is.
7560998 Thank you for the feedback. I'm glad that you liked most of what you read.
I can see your point about the setup being poorly done.
I suspect I'm going to need to do some serious rewrites, as well as seek out an editor, to fix up the first few chapters (starting with my pacing, scenario, and focus, for sure).
7563506 Fair point. Originally, I wrote chapters "4" and "5" because I believed they helped the pacing from being too fast. However, I'm starting to suspect they do the exact opposite (make it too slow), as well as add nothing of interest to the story (I suspect Ferret may have been pointing this out, earlier).
I would like to have a new chapter please.
7667748 I'm sorry to keep you waiting on that. My muse is working again, for perhaps the first time in too long... So, I'm going to try to write as much as I can, while it's running.
I won't promise anything, but I'll try to get this chapter out before I return to those re-writes I've been working on (all be it, slowly).
Somepony already blabbed this to the newspapers?
7689863 I guess that depends upon how much attention Rarity got from her quick retreat from the restaurant. It's quite possible nobody will notice till the matter of the births hits public records.
However, I'm quite sure it would hit papers eventually, it seems like the perfect "feel good" piece to post if you're having a slow news week.
Considering all the hyjinx that happens in Ponyville every week, I doubt anyone will notice...
now the hard part happens, raise them...
"On Hiatus"?