An agent of the conservative movement operating incognito from a satalite state of The People's Republic On The Willamette
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Sweetie Belle cast a spell that made the Cutie Mark Crusaders into full grown mares.They still don't their cutie marks or any maturity whatsoever.
Original concept: Pencil Lead/Bubble Berry
Chapters 1-2: Pencil Lead/Bubble Berry, 3-6: MintGreenConspiracy
Edited by: 3-5: Pencil Lead/Bubble Berry, 4-5: m2pt5/Emtu, 6: LavendarRegards
Cover art suggestion: MerlosTheMad
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This is good
3970367 Thanks! For both commenting and favoriting.
3970371 No problem
Was looking for cover art. Came across this as a possibility.
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/221/9/e/9eab296e5ff6771335029e0d96fe56b5-d5agg3x.jpg
It was tough finding one wherein they had no cutie marks.
This one seems more generic though. ^^
th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/107/5/5/grown_up_crusaders_by_kumkrum-d4whzr4.png
I LOVE IT
3970424 Thanks for the cover art! I think the second one is perfect! I will mention you in my next chapter.
3970456 Glad you like it. I'm working on the third chapter now.
Word of advice: don't write chapters shorter than 1000 words. A full scene with a setting, description, some element of the plot that advances and a bit of meaningful character interaction can easily--excruciatingly easily--put you in at over 1000 words. Having a chapter that's shorter than this tips off your reader that you're content is rushed, sparse in description, and not at all engaging or emotionally involving, or that you're cutting your scenes off before they're actually finished, both of which are huge no-no's.
3970617 Sorry... I just wanted a published story and if I take things in chunks I find it easier. I'll have the third chapter 1000 words. (I hope)
One thing, when you start dialogue, ALWAYS make a new paragraph for it, okay? The speaker should always have a fresh paragraph to show their speaking.
3970617
Indeed. I would argue 3k is the bear minimum. But that's me.
3970947 Well, to be fair I'd have to agree with you. A 1000 word chapter can encapsulate a single scene, but a single scene advances the plot by such a tiny incremental amount that a chapter should have a few of them so by the time the reader has finished it, they feel like some progress has been made.
Just make sure one does not make the opposite mistake and turn the chapter into an absolute slog to work through.
3970822 Got it. Thanks.
More line spacing? other than that, good? Maybe a little bit rushed?
Quick editing advice: Every quote that has 'she said' or something similar after it that's not a name needs to be fixed. Here's why:
Wrong:
"Words." She said.
Right:
"Words," she said.
If a quote would end with a period and has attribution after it, the period changes to a comma and the attribution is lowercase (unless it's a proper name.) If it would end with a question mark or exclamation point, ignore the period-comma part, but still lowercase the attribution.
5985112
O.K. sure! I can do that!
I'll probably go ahead, and look at both of my stories then looking for this particular writing quirk of mine (thanks for letting me know, I didn't actually know that rule.)
5985174
No problem, I did see a few other things that could be edited, but I forgot to mark down exactly what they were. (I know one was a 'your' that should be 'you're'.)
5985203
O.K. Sure. I'll take a look for those as well (It should be easy enough to find a misplaced "your" in there.)
I think next time maybe I'll see if I can get more then one reviewer (I kind of lost the one I had for the Minty story to the dreaded RL -- AKA Real Life, or in mud talk: RLI/Real Life Issues.)
5985403
If you want, I could look over the next chapter before you publish it. There's a bookshelf of stories I edit (or have edited) for on my profile, if you want to see. Let me know.
5985734
Yeah, that sounds great. I'll send a PM to you and Pencil Lead, after I get it to the point where the next chapter can be reviewed. (I took a break to go back to Chapters 7 and 8 of my other story, then I was going to hop back onto this story to do chapter 4.)
you know it would be kinda funny if they had to go through estrus now that they are grown up (If you think they do have estrus and haven't gone through it yet. Half the people i see don't think about it or either think they already have gone through it) And i don't mean like make it mature rating or even teen rating just have them feel the effects and have them flipping out over their first full blown one.
5986140
Well and that's my challenge: introducing the concept while keeping it G or PG at the worst.
(I hadn't even considered it until just now 
, I might put some thought into it, and see what I can come up with.) 
5986178 you can keep it g I think i know pg with estrus. Just don't say anything to specific. Like saying it feels like i am ON FIRE would be g rated saying something a bit more would be t or up. Heck you can go with the slight estrus some give that don't make everyone go crazy and just them feel the effects.
5986699
Yeah, makes sense.
I'll put some thought into it going into chapters 4-6 (one for each crusader), and I'll see what I can come up with.
Thank you for the suggestions (I hadn't even considered it, and now I feel like I almost have to take my hand at it.)
5987831 think of it as a way to punish them without the punishment. Think their family will feel its worse than a grounding.
5985112
OK, I think I got all the '." He said's and '." She said's in chapter 3 (sadly Minty is up to her over sized muzzle in them still.)
Hopefully you'll still be available to review after I get chapter 4 finished (I've finally got it charted out so hopefully it'll be another week or two and it'll be done.)
I couldn't find the misplaced "your", but I'm sure that someone else will find it eventually and point me at it.
And thanks again for the input.
6227780
Yeah, probably.
I did a Ctrl+F check of every "your" in the story and couldn't find it. Ah well.
6616400
Thank you
Actually, that reminds me. I was going to go ahead and post Chapter 4 (I've been waiting on my editor, who has been suffering from the dread RLI.)
Maybe I'lll go ahead and post it up listed as "unedited", so everyone gets a chance to look at it.
There are not enough facehooves to describe how badly both Button and Sweetie Belle have humiliated themselves...
That couple must be Scootalo's parents. Let's see where this goes...
6638814 Sweetie has an excuse (magic, and sudden adolescence, and all that), Button...
Well...
Button...
Not so much.
Let's just say he should know better then to get advice from a character with no hooves who appears only in a cease and desisted short.
6638840 Correct.
Well, this was fun. But, can we readers get an update, please?
And if plumage equals cleavage... color me green with envy.
9052866
Sure! Let me noodle it out this weekend and I'll try to get something out for you guys in the next few weeks.
Thank you very much for the interest, and sorry for the lack of updates, things have been a little bit crazy on my end (that and I was worried I'd mangled the story to death, but it sounds like that wasn't, infact, the case
)
9057812
Woohoo! Whoopee! Yahoo! Oh, Greeny! You're wonderful!
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EVERPONY! I HAVE A P.S.A.! (Pony Service Announcement, duh.)
Greeny is giving us a new chapter soon!
Soooo, it's time to PARTY!