hey, I'm a Graboid, but I wasn't always one, I was human, then I went to a convention center dressed up like a Graboid. Now I'm in Equestria, and I'm just tunneling around.
I'm a Graboid that is a 35 foot long killing machine, and I like eating sweets. I like to swim, and sitting around in the sun.
This will be my fourth story, hope you all enjoy.
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Interesting, to pass the time, thouhg try to check punctuation.
10570476 "Interesting," is the free space in every 'Displaced Story Comment Section' Bingo card.
I wonder if a Graboid is the cousin of a Tatzelwurm in mlp, after all, the Tatzelwurm are based on the graboids for the show.
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Is there actually a Displaced Bingo Card? If not, then I might hop in Photoshop and make one really quick.
As a massive fan of the first three tremors movies seeing this crossover pleases me greatly. Can't wait to read more
People please cut me some slack, I have ASD, it isn't easy to remember every rule of English 101. The best I can do is fix my mistakes in spelling and grammar.
Awesome story
10570657 So? I have ligma.
10570657
Love your story man
You could be a great writer someday
Ok, unvarnished opinion. Your writing style is a bit rough and messy, and the pacing of the story is going 88 MILES PER HOUR!
That being said though, as a tremors fan ( the original ones, not that soulless cgi crapfest of the more recent ones ) I really enjoy the idea of a graboid visiting Equestria. Kudos for not doing the lazy thing and magicly giving it a voice, but instead having only fluttershy understand him.
While a lot of these stories are usually written in first person, you may wish to consider rewriting it in third person so you can avoid doing the whole POV thing. I don't know about others, but I find that such an annoying thing that always breaks the immersion for me.
Anyways, those are my two cents. Can't wait to see how Twilight reacts to him. I predict glorious science.
Ok I'm glad someone agrees about the last three movies. They were a total cry for help, it was clear they were struggling to keep the whole franchise afloat. Unfortunately they cut their losses in the end, sure the last movies were shit, but still, it had subterranean monsters from the Precambrian era. Thats why I enjoyed the first four and the series.
Ps, sorry about the pace, I just have a lot in my mind and it is hard to get it all out slowly. I did it again didn't I?
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gotta agree. not a fan of the writing itself, but i love the concept. the two newer movies arent as good as the old ones, but still pretty good
If you're wondering where one of my stories went, check my blog post.
Shami, have you seen shreiker island yet?
Rex that story rules
Don't listen to the people that said it bad writing and do what you think it best for your story
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I know how you feel. When you have a cool idea for a story or even just a scene its hard to slow down 'cause you want to get to the good parts quickly and share it with everyone.
When this happens to me I usually write out the scene or chapter as quickly as possible to get the idea down before I forget any of it. Then i let it sit for a day or two, after which I look it over and try to round it out so it feels more "complete", for lack of a better term. But that's just my way of doing it.
About the later movies, their one saving grace is having Michael Gross in them. Because who doesnt love Burt Gummer?
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Oh I love ❤️ burt gummer. I didn't like how things ended in Tremors shreiker island. You can find it on Netflix.
Great job keep it up
may I ask you why you got rid of the story with the... synth, was it? Yeah, synth, I was pretty curious as to where it would have gone(not to mention how you would interpret Twilight' semi-mandatory freak out over how he worked).
I feel bad for the guy. Stuck as a creature that can't speak at all except SKREEEEEEE!!!
Nothing has happened but I am highly entertained. I'm waiting for the epic battle to get pie from Mrs. Cake.
You know if you got discord involved he could give each tongue the ability to speak a different language from Equus, none of them pony of course. Unless, Twilight knows another language, he would still only be able to skree at Fluttershy. Just a funny, random thought which would go along with how random this story has been.
I was actually planning on having Discord turn him into a Graboid-pony or something like that. And since I'm thinking about trying another pie raid, I'm gonna add that in.
*Reads description*
Wait
Doesn't this mean he's on a timer before he goes into his next phase of the cycle, and have shriekers tear their way out of him?
Unless the displaced is fitted as a hivemind, then technically he's immortal so long as one of the species survives
10572270
True man very true
No, hes not gonna become shreikers, he's like el blanco, only my Graboid isn't sterile or albino. He will continue to be a Graboid until Discord can turn him into something else.
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Just watched shrieker island. Didn't know it existed.
I hate the shrieker design. ( hell i hate all the "new" designs ) Whoever designed those must have been playing too much WARMACHINE because all they reminded me of was these ( see image ) Cryx Deathripper Bonejacks. First thing that popped into my mind upon seeing them.
Also, what a shit ending. I'm just gonna pretend that movie doesnt exist.
Nice second chapter by the way. The whole snatching pies from missus cake could become a running gag if you do it right.
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after watching shrieker island i thought why nobody did a graboid story like this
man this writing is some Repercussions of Evil levels of bad.
I was thinking it might be a good idea to make Mrs. Cake and Tunneler have a minor tom and jerry dynamic.
no panic for having been transformed into a bizarre creature and being teleported somewhere and without seeing or smelling already know eu and equestria ... what kind of lunatic was this guy before all this?
I hated the designs of the monsters from bloodlines to shreiker island. Don't know why they had to change it so drastically. I mean look at the assblasters, originally they were sleek and birdlike, now the look like a flying anus with teeth.
And the shreikers looked like a cubone, what the hell were they thinking?
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I can see that working well. And now i suddenly envision missus cake setting up pie baited traps and the like.
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I shouldn't... But... What's ligma
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L I G M A B A L L S
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Really shitty grammer
10574111
eh not the worst i've seen
Golly gee, thanks for the support a mule with no mane and MysteriousOtaku. (Sarcasm)
Good chapter!!
Yeah man you really need to fix that grammar honestly it’s a bit hard to read. That’s mostly the problem with your stories.
Overall I do appreciate you at least trying to incorporate more tremors stories. Just clean up the grammar it’s messy,
My favorite part was when Celestia got spooked by tunneler tongues that was golden 100000000%
has anypony complained about all the holes he leaves all over the place yet?
Great story over all, but after each draft you make run it through Grammarly or ProWritingAid to clean up some of those grammar mistakes. Otherwise, keep on writing man, honestly can't wait to see where this goes.
I get that my grammar sucks, but that's mostly because of autocorrect. And Graboids Don't really leave holes, just sunken spots in the ground.
Believe it or not I'm not perfect, so I make mistakes, the best I can do is go back and fix them, but no one tells me where those mistakes were, so I can't really do anything. I am not going to let anything correct my spelling or grammar mistakes except me.
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. But when he's not active, I usually put my rough drafts through the sites I mentioned, all to make his torture less painful, hehe. So don't let grammar discourage you too much, you still have a wonderful story to finish!
Pfft, man, everyone's grammar sucks! You should see what I put my editor through!