• Member Since 2nd Apr, 2019
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Redsummer09


A new starting writer, always looking for ideas for my stories.

T
Source

Long ago, I had a mundane life. Doing the same thing every day, wishing for something new to happen. It was only when I dressed up as my version of a male Eto Yoshimura from Tokyo Ghoul did everything change for me. Now I'm stuck in a kid's TV show fighting because of a misunderstanding. Like they say:

Careful what you wish for


A second displaced story by me, wanting to spice things up a bit. Do hope you guys (and gals) enjoy this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own either MLP or Tokyo Ghoul.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 26 )

What actions did our character do in this Equestria? Must've been terrible by Celestia's standard if he was turned to stone and became a part of her garden gnome collection.

9710066
No spoilers~

Though it WILL be revealed, I assure. I'm not that mean

Your story interests me, I await your next update.

9710254
sounded so eerie there mate

Not a fan of the 'turned to stone' cliche as I've seen WAY too many Displaced start their story with it. Other then that, the rest of the story's good so far. Just... don't follow the main mlp plot..

I like the story i can't wait for the next chapter

Oh look, a displaced story. I hope it's not as garbage as the last 20,000 of these. Maybe Celestia will actually be in character and the main character will actually have a personality with proper reactions to the situation their in. I mean, I doubt it considering the typical quality of these stories, but I'll give it a look

Edit:

Well, the main character so far has the personality and depth of a cardboard cutout and acts nothing at all like someone thousands of years old. All the ponies are human because... I don't even know. Much like every displaced story I say the Crossover tag is deeply disingenuous due to the fact that it's not actually the character being crossed over (which is sad, because these displaced stories would be infinitely better if that was the case).

Regarding writing quality itself, you have a bit of an issue with telling instead of showing. Along with that, look at this line:

"*sniff* what did I do to them?"

.

Just a tip, but don't put actions in dialogue like this. No exceptions, as this isn't a script, though now that I think about it that wouldn't be correct for scripts either. Instead, use this to go further into descriptions. Just off the top of my head, something like:

The girl sniffled, barely holding back tears. "W-what did I do to them?" she asked.

See how I moved the *sniff* out of the quote and made it into an action? You don't include that sort of thing inside quotes. Simply adding * to it doesn't make it right. Just leave it out of quotes and be a bit more descriptive and your writing will improve dramatically.

9710265
Not as eerie as the clues I'm leaving for the detectives.

Twi’s a ghoul and may have made a friend cool.

looks intresting unlike some other trash

"Oh, I never introduced myself, silly me. My name is Violet Lavender Sparkle, what's yours?" she asked with a friendly smile.

.....I'm gonna go on a guess here and say that...Did he meet a relative or ancestor of Twilight's Lineage or is it just a coincidence that she has the last name: "Sparkle"?

"Yep. While you may be stuck in stone for a set period of time, should the timeline follow its course you'll eventually be set free in order to be 'reformed', where in the end you'll become friends with Fluttershy, the bearer of Kindness."

That is if everything goes accordingly in the Timeline. As I mentioned in another story, Our involvement as Displaced causes shifts and changes in the Timeline and will have a different impact or affect in future events. But it's even more dangerous being a Displaced, cause elements of the characters appearance will drastically change the timeline.

"I want my Owl Necklace and Spine Pin back."

I'm gonna assume those are important to the character. Cause I haven't seen Tokyo Ghoul yet and my niece has been insisting that I watch it.

Second update! Keep up the good work.

DNC

Going to make a guess.:applejackunsure: Twilight is on of his dissidents?:duck:

9750714
Watch the anime, then read the manga to catch up on what you missed.

An update at last. Pretty good chapter, hopefully we'll get another one soon.

9750714
Point 1: Yes, he met Twilight's ancestor. And she's more important than you think here.

Point 2: I remember that point you made, and there WILL be changes. Just taking my time right now.

Point 3: They are indeed important, but no spoilers~.

9752296
Going to continue this? AS this seems like a Tokyo ghoul story I might just enjoy. Considering how all the others are either crap, or canceled, or the author is gone.

Same with your other stories as well, actually. I love em all.

I must know is this story dead

9752296
More please. More now! Ok got that out now ON TO THE NEXT STORY

kinda sad this wasnt continued, but it is what it is

is this story continuing or is it cancelled?

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