• Member Since 21st May, 2013
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FamousLastWords


Life's swinging hard, but I'm swinging harder!

E
Source

A commission for Not Enough Coffee.


Sometimes we all need a pick-me-up. When Derpy's husband is in need of one, she's there to help.



Edited by Note Pad and Soaring

Artwork by cottonsweets

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 23 )

I love this story, is so adorable ^^

10484550
Thanks so much for reading! I really appreciate it!

It's a good story, but it seemed just a little too sweet.

It was kind of jarring for Derpy to be in a relationship with a Human with no build-up or preamble. I know this is probably a self-insert, so it most likely reflects your true feelings for Derpy, but she seemed out of character. Derpy is usually a lovable ditz, so it was disconcerting to see her portrayed in such a level way.

The tale needs to be a bit longer, showing or at least hinting at how they met, why she'd choose a Human over another pony, while still retaining her ditzy personality. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing his depression is something that drew her into him, but if so that aspect of their relationship needs to be directly addressed, not implied.

Nitpicks aside, I did enjoy the story and was relieved it didn't have explicit love scenes. That would have ruined it.

10484642
I definitely appreciate the comment and all the constructive criticism! It means a lot to me that you took the time to read it even though you had some valid reasons to dislike it.

Just a few things I'd like to set straight so as not to cause any confusion with you or other readers:

1. The story actually isn't a self-insert of myself, but is a commission from another user who simply wanted to have Derpy help a human with a depressive episode. I didn't base Isaiah off anyone in particular but instead tried to make him your prototypical adult that had some inner demons. I appreciate your comments about that regardless, though.

2. I definitely would've loved to make this longer and more drawn out, but due to the nature of the commission, I had a limited word count to work with. But trust me, I 100% agree it could use more context and buildup to really pay off. Thank you very much for sharing your opinion on that.

3. As far as depression and the relationship, I wanted to portray it as something that could be normalized to an extent as opposed to being seen as something offensive or degrading, so in a way it does have a lot to do with their relationship. If i ever write another HiE or any story really that tackles stuff like this, I'll definitely remember your thoughts about making sure to fully address all loose points.

4. I definitely am glad you liked the lack of sexuality. No offense to anyone who enjoys it, but that's definitely not something I intended for this story. My idea was to actually mimic the fact that my gf and I tend to do our best thinking/conversing when we shower together. I also wanted to show their comfort with each other in the relationship and I figured them viewing a shower together as a normal, non-sexual activity could help portray that.

5. As far as Derpy goes, I agree with you upon looking at the story a bit more critically. I attempted to show her character traits by having her use simple words/phrases, having her be very relaxed but protective and of course making sure she had a few cute scenes. I do believe more could have been done to really drive her character home and I'll definitely take your words to heart.

Thanks again for reading and providing fantastic criticism and viewpoints! I'm always happy to learn more about how to make good content.

Very nice! Loved it! Plus the cameo of Dinky:pinkiehappy::heart:

10484670
Thanks so much for reading, bro! I appreciate it!

Reading this is like having a mortar of pure wholesomeness launched at your face. If you want the whole army (ie: character development) though, you're going to prefer the author's longer works.

Bruh. That last line had my heart melting. Good job, broski. I know limiting the word count on something new for you must have been difficult, but you did a real good job on this!

Very cute, and now my day is infinitely better.

Is dr nippen tuck his psychiatrist? Cause with that name I feel like they'd be better suited to br a cosmetic surgeon. Wonderfully fluffy story 9.5/10 specifically cause I think it could have had some snuggles and a talk instead of a shower talk, but that's just personal opinion, I prefer snuggles over showers.

Uh is it supposed to be Husbad in the description?

10485357
Thanks so much for pointing out that typo!

10484799
Thanks so much for reading! Doing commissions has definitely caused me to stretch out my creative abilities a bit, but I'm having a lot of fun! I can't wait to keep doing more. :heart:

10485260
I prefer snuggles, too. I just went the shower route because that seems to be where I have my most deep conversations in real life. I figured I'd write something I could relate to, lol.

a grate story and the art work fits it perfectly.

This further proves that Derpy is best pony, and nobody can prove me otherwise!

I can relate to this. That worthless feeling, wondering if you're doing enough. It sucks, a lot. :ajsleepy:

This was a sweet and adorable read. A nice, cute little pick-me-up.

*sigh* Wasn't expecting this to be quite so relatable. That feeling of inadequacy is the absolute worst, particularly when it catches you completely off guard and you don't have that mental resistance prepared to shake it off. Or you could be having a great day, in the best of moods with everything going your way, and all it takes is one thing, no matter how insignificant, going wrong to bring it all crashing back down. And even though you know deep down in your heart of hearts that it's completely false, you still can't help but feel like an utter burden on your friends and loved ones who would all be better off if you just...went away. It's all the more frustrating knowing that, as Isaiah said, it's a feeling you can never really fully dispel, but loved ones do help to make it easier to bear.

Thanks for writing this. While I was initially excited and overall pleased with the fluff, in the end I feel like this was something I needed to read.

10486673
Thank you so much for reading! I tried my best to convey the feeling in a realistic fashion. There's no magical cure for it, but out loved ones can help keep us on the right path.

An adorable pick-me-up. I really appreciate that there was a plot to all the extra servings of fluff to provide a genuinely wholesome story.

Very poggers.

This is really warm and nice story! Such stories raise the mood and make our life a little brighter!

10505137
Thank you so much for reading! I'm glad you liked it.

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