Never Alone

by SoloBrony

Letting Go

Back at the victory party...

Cozy Glow was in full swing, recounting how she had fought Sombra and demonstrating various things to the others present. I kept my distance as I listened, considering her new appearance and what she was saying.

It seems we may have to explain alicorn magic to her in full after this.

I glanced back over at Sunset Shimmer, who was watching the display with clearly mixed feelings, and considered what to say to her.

I should put on a brave face. There's a time for fretting over long-term consequences, but a celebration isn't it.

With that, I began striding over to her, though there was a lump in my throat I struggled to push down. It had been over a week since my counterpart had laid into me for all of my failures with Sun—with my daughter, but the hardest part of it all hadn't been that discussion; if anything, our talk had helped prepare me, just a bit, for what came next.

Catching up on what Sunset had been up to over the years we had been apart, and realizing just how much I had missed out on. Years of pain, of toughening up and growing up – by herself, I remembered with a stabbing sensation – and forging a path for herself in an alien world, without even access to the magical skill that had been the focus of her studies and development prior.

I still remember teaching her how to levitate multiple objects at once. And how, years later, I saw her doing exactly that without even thinking about it...

At the time, I had stopped to think, 'I did that.' Certainly, I had taught many students such things over the years, but Sunset was the first who had come to live by my side at such a young age. The first I had taught so many core skills to, whom I had really shaped into an adult.

And yet I still hadn't seen our relationship for what it was, and that mistake had driven her out of my life.

For that matter, how many of the skills I had taught her even mattered when she was all alone over there? I had failed to teach her how to make friends, and all of those lessons on magic were useless in the human world.

Had I actually helped prepare her for her life at all?

Thoughts like that had plagued me all week as I watched her videos, as my counterpart taught me to work a keyboard (still a work in progress, it had to be said), and as she told me about Sunset's history at Canterlot High School, both academic and social. This party was the first real chance we'd had to speak at length since then, and I was surprised at how hard it was to remain calm; since Sunset had started coming over to Equestria to assist with Cozy Glow's reformation, we had gradually become more comfortable around each other in passing, and I'd thought we had put the past behind us.

But I hadn't really known our past, had I? I only knew what it was like for me – I didn't understand what she had been through, or just how deep my mistakes ran.

I stopped short to see Cozy Glow perform a spectacular flying uppercut, assisted by a crystal formation that sprouted from the tree, and I caught myself smiling at the sight.

Her magic is slowly coming into balance. That's a great sign.

With that more cheerful thought, I closed the last bit of distance to Sunset, whose gaze was fixed on Cozy, and said, "She certainly seems to have come out of her experience stronger, hasn't she?"

Sunset barely spared me a glance before nodding back towards Cozy, her expression serious. "Those crystals... she could only summon dark magic crystals over there! I still don't understand what's happened to her."

Internally, I fretted. I wanted to explain the details of alicorn magic to both of them, but this was neither the time nor the place, and that information could be very dangerous for anypony to know. I decided to settle for reassurance, and focus on the aspect that mattered, rather than the metaphysical details – I draped a wing over Sunset, nervously checking to see if doing so would make her uncomfortable, and tried to give her a confident smile.

"It would seem our friend is recovering from her experiences. I suppose her showdown with Sombra had something to do with that, though if I had to guess—" Well, it's basically a certainty at this point, but regardless, "—I'd say your friendship was the bigger factor in all of this."

Sunset scoffed at my praise, and it took a momentary strain to not let my reaction show. Does she still not recognize how much of a positive impact she has on other ponies?

"I don't know about that, but... well, I'm happy for her! I can always ask her about it later. I'm just glad all of us are safe and we can enjoy a good time together."

I relaxed a bit at that, and commented to the effect of letting anxieties and regrets go while I considered my own problem doing exactly that. I was shaken out of that fugue by Sunset snickering.

"In the human world there's a slang term for that. They call it 'letting something live rent-free in your head.' "

The absurdity of the statement got a snicker from me, and I turned it over in my head. So as to say, you should demand better of any thought you let linger in your mind? It's a somewhat crude way of putting things, but there's a definite charm to the idea of bucking dark thoughts to the curb for being obnoxious housemates!

"That's a good one! I'll need to remember that."

She teased me over my habit of over-adopting slang – a habit I've had to forcibly encourage to keep up with culture over the past millenium, but she doesn't need to hear that – and we went back-and-forth a bit.

I was so taken with the experience that I forgot myself and called her 'little sun' – a nickname I hadn't used since she was very small. It warmed my heart to see she seemed to take it well; it seemed like only yesterday she had begun to grow up and told me not to treat her like a little filly by calling her that.

I was so pleased about that, I was taken quite offguard when she said it was nice having me as a mom.

For a split second, I felt an ugly spike of self-recrimination at that. She SHOULD have had a mother. Everypony should have parents, and the only reason she DIDN'T—

But I smothered that impulse with the stronger sense of affection and warmth I wanted to share with Sunset now, in the present. I pulled her close and nuzzled her, letting the darker thoughts ebb away as we shared a positive moment.

Now seems as good a time as any to tell her my intentions to move...

I began to lay out for her my intentions to join the school of friendship faculty – oh, her eyes lit up as I called her my daughter, and I knew it wasn't because I was a princess or anything like that.

She loves me for ME, even after everything that's happened...

I almost lost my thread entirely at that, but years of practice had given me an autopilot that could weather any storm while my mind was miles away from the helm. I only came back to my senses when Sunset said my old school could be 'pretty rough,' and for a moment I was completely lost.

Rough? For a student? But I – it was such a positive place! I made sure of that!

But as I thought back to Sunset's experience with it – a poor orphaned foal with no place among the Canterlot elite, Celestia's undeserving favorite, the outcast with nopony in the world – I had to suppress a grimace with a huff. As much as I loved my students, they were, in many cases, undeniably the product of their household upbringing, and it showed in the worst ways for one like Sunset.

I made a curt remark on the topic, which sent Sunset laughing at my break in character, and bought me time to push down more frustration with myself over how much I had been willingly blind to in the past. She seemed not to notice the issue as she launched into a joke about my becoming a rebel, but all of that fell by the wayside for me when I heard her casually address me as 'Mom.'

I was so transfixed by the event I had to call attention to it, which took Sunset off-guard momentarily. We slipped into a companionable silence for a moment before she spoke again.

"You know, I used to call you that. In my head, I mean."

I had to suppress a wince at that. Of course I knew; even back then, on some level, I'd suspected.

I had just pushed it out of my mind, for so many reasons that seemed oh-so-reasonable to me at the time.

Because I had to think in terms of the big picture. Because the immortal and sole ruler of the nation couldn't have weaknesses like family or play favorites. Because, really, what value was my friendship anyway? Everypony only wanted me for my title, my position, or their idealized vision of who I was – in the end, they were far better-off forming relationships with others.

Because I was an idiot! Sunset didn't HAVE anypony else! It was one thing to avoid seeking out close personal attachments, but it was something else entirely to have one form and then throw it out! That's something else entirely – that's not just sacrificing some of my OWN happiness for the greater good, it's sacrificing someone else's whole life!

That's not the kind of nation I built Equestria to be!

I'd begun explaining how blind I was to Sunset while my mind launched into an internal tirade over the foolish justifications I'd once entertained for my actions, only to be snapped back to reality as she pressed into my side.

"Don't let the dark times live rent-free up there, Mom."

I smiled at her, and we shared a moment, but it was then that I really started to understand.

Sunset wasn't a naive or oblivious girl; by now, she must have clearly understood just how serious my mistakes with her were, just how much I was at fault. Yet she'd come back, hung her head and apologized to me, and allowed me back into her life without ever demanding an apology for how I had treated her.

She was even trying to comfort me when she inferred that I was upset about it!

I had a lot of thoughts about that, but two in particular won out over the rest.

I don't deserve a second chance at this, but she does.

Followed shortly by,

No more half-steps. Sunset doesn't deserve to ever be hurt or let down by her loved ones again.

We'd lapsed into another momentary silence, watching Cozy and Luna have a moment of their own. I felt a deeper understanding of my sister's position as my feelings towards Sunset fell into place.

Keeping this one safe, making her happy, and helping her reach her potential. Those were my highest priorities, now. To Tartarus with whatever risks that carried; there were other ponies to help pick up the slack when it came to the greater good.

There can't be a greater good in the first place if everyone is too busy sacrificing their own relationships and dreams for it anyway.

As I settled that in my mind, it felt like I'd let an anchor slip from me. The pressure of trying to maintain that crucial sliver of personal distance between me and everypony else, of always automatically considering the bigger picture and weighing it against the needs and desires of my loved ones... it all just fell away. In its place, a new feeling settled in me as I began to trade jokes with my daughter and bond.

I felt so much more home than I could remember.

Author's Note:

Sometimes you find yourself in the odd position of holding onto the past with one hand while you try to grasp the future with the other, and end up going nowhere.

Once you've learned your lessons from it, you have to be able to let go of the past.

Comments

[Reese]

"This part was the first real chance"
"This party was the first real chance"?

"point, but regardless ,"
"point, but regardless,"?

"a momentary strain not to let that show"
"a momentary strain not to let my reaction to that show"?

"to join school of friendship"
"to join the school of friendship"?

"deeper understanding my sister's position"
"deeper understanding of my sister's position"?

Thank you, as usual, for writing!

[Frazzle2Dazzle]

A terrific chapter! I can’t wait to see where the rest of the story goes, though I do hope I’ll be able to remember more of what happened prior when the next chapter update happens.

[SoloBrony]

10987510
Aw, thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. I'm hammering out a series of updates in conjunction with the esteemed Cackling Moron, which will all probably drop at the same time, but other updates will hopefully arrive before those drop.

And if you hadn't read the story for a year, rereading it may be a good call. I had to do so when I resumed writing, naturally.

[Frazzle2Dazzle]

10987531
I can still remember most of the beats and swings of the story, even if some of the finer details escape my grasp. I believe, in recap, it’s last battle defeat of the three to Cozy being sent to distopian future where Discord is her disguised caretaker, bit of character development, over to her being reset temporarily to superhero timeline, she loses memories, willy wonky adventures, she gets taken in by Luna, she beats up a goat with that Sunset, then over to the bar then to this story with official adoption by Luna, becomes friends with Sunset, reintegration troubles, some filler that I don’t remember, leading up to Starlight bringing Cozy’s mother into things, crystal stuff happens, and… Discord lost his powers? And that’s up to when I started reading again.

Did I miss anything big?

[PingZing]

I have arrived here from Cackling Moron's Bits and Pieces, where he recommended The Mirror. I have since burned through all the Cozy Hero stories in a day or two, and I am absolutely here for these horses-and-sometimes-humans spending thousands of words talking about their feelings.
Also, very interested to see what the deal is with Cozy's wings. What's the deal with those? They sure are mysterious.

[Biglulu]

11155793
Same here. Looking forward to more sometime soon hopefully.

[SoloBrony]

11245158
I'll try. I burnt out on writing in a big way - one thing you'll discover about me is that I write in big bursts. Sorry about that.

[Ryebuck Coppercap]

Just read through all the Cozy Hero stories, and I absolutely loved all of them! Your writing style is very unique and fun to read, and the way you've crafted this story is amazing! Thanks for writing these :3

[Frazzle2Dazzle]

11328613
Sounds like fun.

[SoloBrony]

11685173
Oh hey! Good to see you're still around.

[Frazzle2Dazzle]

11685547
Still alive and kicking. I admit I’m here more for the great fanfiction site than mlp itself, though.

And I had Cozy Glow on the mind lately, so I decided to take a quick peak at what’s going on here.

[Herald of Opera]

11246535
I'm willing to wait however many years it takes for you to build up fuel for the next big burst; the Tracking shelf is great for that.

[SoloBrony]

11828002
Thanks. I had an interest in finishing Never Alone, but then medical stuff happened and I was out for like a solid six months writing-wise.

[Frazzle2Dazzle]

11827997
I’d argue that the devil would want all the servants he could get, and having somebody on earth he completely controlled living forever does sound like an excellent way to manipulate people to fall to his schemes.