Never Alone

by SoloBrony

They Come Back

Author's Note:

Co-written with Wanderer D!

It was fun to bring these two together again after so long. Working with other authors and creators is really what brings out the best in the Isekai.

~WD

The silver bell at the entrance chimed, alerting Sunset to a new customer. A quick glance at the calendar showed that nothing was planned ahead, so this was one of her special one-on-one guest experiences.

She smiled, pulling out a menu and setting it at the bar as the familiar sound of hooves followed the closing of the door. So it was a pony… familiar? Or an unknown? The few seconds guessing was always fun, and even if she had never seen a penguin-pony amalgamation, she'd still keep practicing Alice's suggestion to imagine at least three impossible things before breakfast… and maybe-hoping that one of them might walk through the door.

What she got… was a bit of both. The pony was familiar. Even though many aspects of her body had changed a little, such as her height being closer to an adult pony, or her mane being tied into a pony-tail, she could tell this was Cozy, but… what wasn't a normal change was that Cozy was semi-transparent. Like a crystal pony.

Magic and emotions cascaded around her guest as she took a stressful glance around, barely relaxing as she made her way to the bar and sat on one of the stools. Sunset took a deep breath. "Oh boy. What happened this time, Cozy?"

Cozy closed her eyes and rolled her neck, popping it while taking a deep breath of the scent of the bar. She sighed and grinned apologetically up at Sunset. "I hope you're feeling patient today, Sunny, I think I might start rambling."

Sunset shrugged. "I've literally got eternity. So don't hold back on my behalf, Cozy. But let me get you something to calm your nerves. Anything on the menu strike your fancy?"

"Something strong! Oh, and sweet." Cozy giggled and swatted the bar, sending her stool into a spin while she thought. Then she caught herself and looked at Sunset, still grinning. "Oh, and I killed myself! It was good times."

"Well that sounds like a fun way to scar your psyche," Sunset said, shaking her head. "I'll get you a spiked Butterbeer and we'll see how you feel from there."

She headed over to pour some ice brandy into the large stein she had for moments like these, then filled it up to the brim with butterbeer straight out of Hogsmeade, while Cozy just kept spinning around on her stool and occasionally giggling. Once ready, she carried it over to the filly—no, young mare, and set it in front of her. "Here you go."

Cozy halted herself and set a small sack of bits on the bar with a warm smile. "Thanks, Sunset." She took a long pull of the drink and relaxed on her stool, shuddering slightly as the warm sensation worked its way down into her. "Ooooh, that's going to help. I really pushed myself, this time."

Sunset gave her a look. "Cozy, you're just covered in magic. And I don't mean it in the regular pony sense. It's not under control, and it's just leaking over. I'm assuming you're here before talking to your mom about this, right?"

Cozy nodded, a little sheepish. "Y-yeah, I came here because I wasn't ready to talk to them all, yet..." She cleared her throat carefully, swinging her rear legs back and forth under the stool while propping her head up on the bar with her forelegs. "I didn't really want them to see the worst of the backlash... Sorry for dumping that on you, instead."

Sunset smiled, reaching over and leaning over the bar so she could press her forehead against Cozy's for a moment, eliciting a giggle as Cozy pressed into the touch. "It's okay. What are friends for?" She leaned back, placing her hands on the bar. "I figured you'd need to let out a lot of things before seeing them… and I wouldn't turn you back and send you to your mom in this state…" She hesitated. "I don't think Luna would be too understanding if you showed up with such an extreme case of magic backlash." She reached over to fill a second stein. "Want to talk about it?"

"Sure!" Cozy giggled again, rubbing her forehead. "I liked that. Having no horn is nice!" She snickered and gave her mug a quick spin before draining it. "But, y'know, Mom would be totally awesome about it. She always is." Cozy's grin turned sloppy as she stared off into the middle distance. "I just don't wanna worry her unnecessarily."

"Well, gathering your thoughts and making sure you can tell her in a rational way what happened would help," Sunset said, "I can't count the times that made a difference when Lena or the other girls would come back from some crazy adventure. So, tell about it. What happened that caused… this? Last time you were here you were at least opaque."

Cozy sighed and gave a roll of her eyes, at herself. "Yeah, I guess I really did try to keep everything bottled up before. Sorry about that..." She gave her mug another twirl before pausing and noticing her hoof. A few moments passed with her simply staring at it before slowly unfolding her wings and inspecting them.

"Uh... that's new." She rubbed the back of her head with a hoof for a few moments before she suddenly started giggling. "Ooooh! That's what Sombra meant! Well that makes a lot more sense!" At that, her giggles continued uncontrollably for a few seconds.

"Yep," Sunset said. "Seems like there was a lot going on. So what did the Dracula wannabe say?" she asked. "Dracula is… a vampire. Sometimes depicted with an over-the-top hairdo."

Cozy pointed at Sunny. "The other you made me read that book! I know who Dracula is!" At that she snorted and had to suppress another giggle-fit. "But he said I looked good like this! Say what you want about Sombra, he knows style! I'll take it." She gave her stool another spin.

Sunset shrugged. "Well, he had to be good at something."

"With that voice we should totally hire him to, like, narrate stuff or something. Seriously, what's with his voice?!" Cozy giggled some more as she spun.

"I'll have to introduce you to Red some day, so you have a better example," Sunset said, "but speaking of narrating, how come you were hanging out with toothy?"

Cozy paused her spinning and leaned back on the bar. "Oh, you know how it is. You try to sneak away to have a fun day with your best friend, then the most annoying kid in school just has to come crash it and cause trouble. And she brought Sombra!" Cozy laughed openly at that, holding her ribs, and then got herself under control. "Oh, uh, sorry. The joke was that I showed up – another me, I mean – and Sombra did, too. Uh, after we fought his shadow army. Me and the other Sunset, I mean." Cozy paused to think for a moment. "Oh, wow, I have a lot to fill you in on, don't I?"

Sunset poured herself a shot. "Yes. Is this why you meant you killed yourself? Or was that a reference to some obscure thing kids say these days?"

Cozy nodded. "Yep, that's what I meant! But don't worry," she grinned wildly, "I'm pretty sure nopony'll miss her!" At that, she cackled malevolently, then waved a hoof. "I mean, I'd been meaning to get around to that for a long time now, but, y'know, living kept getting in the way." She snickered at that and then forced herself to calm down again. "I mean, you know how awful I was in the past, right? I just really..." After a brief pause for dramatic effect, she had to suppress another snicker to squeeze out, "really beat myself up over it!" She couldn't stop herself from laughing at that one, and sent her stool for another spin while she got over it.

Sunset considered Cozy. As the young mare spoke, the ambient magic around her reacted. She sounded cheerful, but the magic around her was not stable; certain parts of the magical aura were stronger and spread around her like a web of magical strands around her entire form. When she spoke about what she had done, little strands of magic would emanate a red or black aura, contrary to the cacophony of ever-shifting colors the magical spillage had taken since she had walked into the bar.

It was cleary distressing for her, despite her attempts to appear cheerful, and whatever the smile tried to hide, the magic exposed. "Cozy, this wasn't just an alternate version of you… and even if it was, you can't just pretend that it's okay to murder yourself." She reached over to take a hold of one of Cozy's hooves. "Come on, talk to me. I'm not going to judge you."

Cozy paused as Sunset spoke, and froze as she took her hoof, thinking. For a few moments, the lightshow around her died down, and she took a long, deep breath before responding.

"It's not like... I'm not really upset over what happened. She was just a shade from an alternate timeline, it's not like she was a real, full person – she would have faded out in a few months anyway. But... when I killed her, I connected with her. I saw the alternative life she had explored, in jumps and flashes. It wasn't all that different from mine, but the ending..."

Cozy shrugged and sighed. "Getting killed off without a second thought by my future self is a memory I'll have to live with. It really, really could have been me. That's all." Cozy snickered. "But I had to get the jokes out now, because it's not like I could say that stuff around Mom or the other Sunset – they'd totally worry about me!"

Sunset chuckled. "It does make sense in a way not to stress-joke at them. So, why did you end up doing that? Why just… you know, casually dispose of your old-self-shade?"

Cozy fidgeted in thought for a few moments. "Well... she was there to help Sombra invade Equestria. And like I said, it wasn't like she was real. So I just..." Cozy took a deep breath and rolled her eyes. "I'm going to be completely honest, okay? I don't really like myself to begin with. So if some deranged evil fake version of me shows up to cause trouble for the ponies I love, like, why not? That was pretty much all I thought of it. I was just in survival mode at that point... I was going to do the same thing to Sombra, too."

Cozy gave a nonchalant shrug and glanced in her empty mug, shrugging and shoving it away slightly. She slowly slid the second stein Sunset had poured for her over and took a sip.

"But you didn't?" Sunset prompted her. "How come?"

Cozy chewed her cheek at that in thought for a little while. Black, yellow, and purple streaks flitted around the bar while she stared the countertop, and finally she shrugged. "It's really complicated... or at least I think it is. But while Sunset and I were fighting the shades, I was using dark magic to survive. And... I was having a lot of fun being there with her, despite how scary it all should have been."

Cozy took another sip of her drink and cleared her throat, leaning back on her stool. "I was only really scared for her. She was stuck in her human form, no magic, and I absolutely wouldn't forgive myself if I had accidentally drawn her into something that got her seriously hurt... or worse. But I still ended up having so much fun it almost ruined my magic. Like, it's hard to channel hatred or rage when you're cracking jokes with your best friend." Cozy snickered. "Who knew?"

She ran her hoof around the rim of her drink, tilting it back and forth in thought before continuing. "I had to dig deeper and deeper to keep it going. To keep her safe. And at some point, while I was throwing dark magic everywhere and enjoying it, I got to thinking... 'Wow, I'm just like Bree after all.' It was just so easy to lose myself in anger, and just keep attacking until everything... I dunno, until everything obeyed me." Cozy took a sharp breath in and screwed her eyes shut for a few seconds, shaking her head, and then rested back on her hoof on the countertop.

"A-and, when I got to thinking that, I decided, 'okay, well, I'll just go with that, then.' So when Sombra showed up, I decided to... really act like her. Get in his head, bully him, tear him down. I've learned enough of Mom's magic, and I guess Sunset's magic, and... I dunno, with the supercharge I got from absorbing his army, and being on the edge of limbo, it was just so easy. I was ready to... to just tear him down, completely. To attack every single thing he had ever cared about until there was nothing left." Cozy hiccuped. "Y'know, like... she did. To me."

With that, Cozy fell silent for a time, contemplative – and probably trying to get her feelings in check.

"But you didn't." Sunset repeated. "Even when you had everything at hoof, you spared him."

Cozy nodded. "Stupid decision, tactically. And it wasn't on impulse, either... I actually thought about it. It's weird... I didn't do it because it was 'the right thing to do.' That's... how I usually act these days. I'm all," Cozy waved her hooves around her head for emphasis, " 'Now, Cozy, what would Mom think? What would Sunset think? What's the good-pony thing to do here?' And that wasn't what happened, because, like, taking him out was also a good option. Could have done either and I'd have felt fine afterwards. And that's why it almost feels like it was the first decision I've made in a long time that was really mine. It had nothing to do with anypony else, and the whole ethical thing about a shade-pony is pretty... grey, I guess."

Cozy sighed and smiled sullenly up at Sunset. "I guess I just decided, based on what happened with my own shade, that they have some value. That if there was a shot at sparing one, I ought to take it. Even though I was using such tremendous amounts of dark magic, it was so easy to let go. Just a shrug and that's that, y'know?" Cozy scoffed and took another long pull of her drink. "I don't know, it probably doesn't make any sense. Sorry."

"It makes perfect sense, Cozy," Sunset said, squeezing her hoof. "When you walked in, it was obvious that time had passed, that you had changed physically, as well as mentally. You've grown, and as you reached adulthood, the decisions you make will be informed by your experiences with others, yes, but will ultimately be yours to make, regardless of whether it's tactically sane for somepony, or good or bad for someone else. This is what it means to become who you will be. The consequences of things rest now on you, more so than when you were just a misguided filly. Now you have perspective, and examples, and friends and family to draw your own conclusions.

"One of my alternates once told me that, after she had been cleansed by Twilight and the girls, she had lost herself because all that mattered to her was being accepted and proving that she was a good person. Not to herself, but to the others. It wasn't until she found a completely different place to rediscover herself that she started again to let herself be… to make again decisions that were her own without depending on the approval of others." She grinned and ruffled Cozy's mane. "You've reached that point. You've faced your past, you've improved your present and now you're forging your future."

Cozy leaned into the touch with a warm smile, sending a cascade of blue and red streamers from her aura across the bar. "Thanks, Sunset." She then twitched and her breath hitched, wincing. "Oh, wing cramp, wing cramp!" She took another slug of her drink with a hiss, and then snickered. "Oh, I pushed it this time. Heh. So..." She looked back up at Sunset while massaging her sore wing. "Growing up, huh? I guess I hadn't thought of it like that, but... yeah, I guess. I guess I do turn 15 soon."

With that, Cozy focused on massaging her wing for a few moments.

Sunset sniffled and made a show of wiping tears. "They grow up so fast. On your next visit you'll be bringing in your own fillies." She sighed. "Seriously though, it's all part of change and accumulating knowledge and experience. It's not just a matter of age, it's a matter of coming into your own sooner or later."

At that, Cozy belted out laughing, sending pink streamers throughout the bar, and then caught herself. "O-oh, sorry, sorry, heh, just thought something funny. But, erm, you're right. And thanks... I didn't expect anypony to understand why I felt so strongly about deciding what to do with Sombra."

"You do remember that most Sunset Shimmers, including me, turned into a raging she-demon hell-bent on frying Twilight Sparkle and company, then marching a bunch of teenagers through a portal that would transform them into helpless ponies in order to attempt to bring down the largest government in Equestria, right?" She grinned. "If there's anything any of us learn… is that decisions like the one you made are not as black or white as some people would like to say."

Cozy stared at Sunset. Just, gaped. "You... you did what?"

"Oooh, your Sunset hadn't told you?" Sunset laughed. "You should pretend not to know and just drop hints. Like, 'gee, I wonder if I could convince the football team to come with me to Equestria to take over the griffon league' or something."

Cozy blinked a few times, and began rubbing her temples. "Ooh. Oh, a lot of the hints she's dropped about her past make more sense now. Wow, that plan is super, duper dumb."

"Well, sort of yes. Mostly dumb." Sunset cleared her throat. "I'd just call it stupid. I can't recall exactly what I was thinking in that haze of hormonally-warring-anger mixed with demonic possession, but I think part of the plan was to hold them hostage." She shrugged. "Honestly? It just becomes worse from that point onward. Doomed to fail. That wasn't my brightest moment."

Cozy laughed again, sending black and pink streamers through the bar, and held a hoof up for a hoofbump. "Yeah! Backfire sisters!"

Sunset grinned and hoof-bumped her. With a bit of magic, she transformed into her demonic self. "This is what I looked like. Now, imagine me, like this, promising not to hurt anypony if I get to control the world, and tell me you'd buy it."

Cozy snickered heavily. "Yeeeaaah that would be a tough sell, I'll admit. Oh! Let me try, let me try!"

Cozy folded her wings to her side with some effort, and closed her eyes. Black and blue streamers flowed over her body for a few moments, and the crystal pattern over her began to darken considerably. When her eyes opened again, they were green and red, like Sombra's – and in a few moments, a gentle purple aura began to emit from them, completing the image.

Which promptly fell away when Cozy grinned. "Did I get it?!"

"Yep, you look like you could claim your dad was Trigon, and demand that Batman's heir be your husband lest you release him into the world."

Cozy giggled at that, her face confused. "Wait, I know who Batman is, but... ah, forget it." She snorted.

Sunset, still in demon form, smiled and leaned on the bar. "It took a long time for me to accept this. I had to be in hell and meet a princess there to start accepting what I had been, what I could become, and how that didn't change who I really was."

Cozy rolled her eyes. "But you also have, like, a full-blown angel form, don't you? Kiiiinda balances out. I think. In my books!" At that, a lavender streamer went out, and Cozy snickered again. "Heh, books."

Sunset chuckled and returned to her normal bartender look. "Sort of. As you well know, it's not the shape you take, but who you are inside. Sometimes we discover more thanks to changes like these, but you and I are who we are regardless of what form we take." She frowned. "Except saiyan. I get very fight-y when I'm a saiyan."

Cozy cradled her head in her hooves and shot Sunset her best devious look. "My secret is that I'm always super fight-y."

"Cozy Glow: The Incredible Pegasus. Turns green when she's fighty."

Cozy Glow tapped her chin in thought. Then she brightened and smiled. "Oh! Oh, Hulk, I get that one!" Then she paused and leaned back, pointing a hoof at Sunset. "I understood that reference."

"I see my other self has good taste in comic flicks." Sunset said. "If you ever bring her in, make sure to let me know in advance who her favorite hero is and I'll invite them over for a drink too."

Cozy squeed at that. "Oh, I'll do that! If anypony could use a stiff drink," she smirked up at the bartender, "it's definitely Sunset Shimmer. You'd know!" She snorted and took another swig of her drink, massaging her wing again.

Sunset motioned at the picture wall, which had a big number of Sunset Shimmers in it that weren't her. "As the omniverse keeps reminding me."

I guess all of the Sunsets have it rough. I wonder if Sunny is okay?

Oh, you should throw her a party!

I don't even know how much time has passed on her side. I can't just throw her a party; I mean, anything I even tried would just seem like kid-stuff to her, right?

Are you trying to imply anypony could ever be too old for a party, little miss sad-flanks?

I snickered inadvertently at the mental comment, then glanced at Sunny and cleared my throat.

"So, uhh... how long has it been, anyway? For you, I mean."

Sunset blinked. She looked at the wall full of pictures, then at the tables. "Uh. Centuries? Certainly not more than… wait, how long did that take?" She shrugged and smiled. "Long. I don't really count the days, years or decades anymore, if I'm honest. And that is not accounting for vacationing in different worlds and dimensions, sometimes for several years."

I took a sharp breath and shuddered.

That's a lot of missed birthdays.
"That's a lot of missed birthdays."

"But also… a lot of them I didn't… not for myself but…" Sunset smiled at a large picture frame behind the bar. "I've got a really nice family now, Lena, Danni, Celestia, Freya, Ori, Kassandra, you know. People that have joined me and Rarity in this crazy multiversal trip." She then sipped her own drink before speaking again. "And I have returning friends, like you, or Nope. It's always fun, and always new in some way. I guess that is an eternal gift, so no birthday parties needed."

Cozy leaned across the bar to seize Sunny's free hand. "Did you say Celestia is part of your family now? Things worked out?!"

Sunset gazed into nothing. "I was… given no quarter. Every other decade, Rarity would throw some half-assed plan to get me to open up to her." She sighed. "Finally, one time, Celestia came over and we talked it over."

Cozy blinked tears out of her eyes and smiled broadly. "I wish I'd been around to throw a party for you, or something. I'm sorry I missed all of that."

You shouldn't assume she'd have wanted you around anyway. Imagine how many friends she actually has.

Well I'm not going to assume she wouldn't, either.

The more the merrier, right?

Love isn't a zero-sum game. Sunny wouldn't have this job if she didn't have the capacity to care for all of her friends.

Fair enough.

"What matters to me is that you still think of this place and me as a good place to be to talk to a friend," Sunset said, pouring more beer, but this time with a flagon for herself. "You'll always be welcome here."

I opened my mouth, but no words came out, at first.

How should I...?

You could just ask her, sweetie.

I blinked, and snickered to myself, giving myself a swat on the head for good measure. "Right... Uhm, Sunny?"

"Yes, Cozy?"

"How can I be a better friend to you?"

Sunset blinked. "What makes you think you need to be a better friend to me? Or are you asking about generic Sunsets?"

My jaw shuddered when I tried to reply, and I clenched it shut for a moment.

She doesn't want any more from you than she's already getting.

I need to let HER tell me that.

"I know that... being a good friend to my Sunset already helps you in an indirect way. O-or that's my understanding. I've learned a lot about... I don't know, souls? Let's go with that. I've learned a lot about that lately, but... I still want to be a good friend to you. You've actually done a lot for me when I needed it most, but it feels like I just come to you when I need something. That's not a good friendship."

"Hm." Sunset tapped her chin in thought, leaning onto the bar again. "I see what you mean. But I believe that you're splitting ends. To me, the fact that you come here to talk, whether it's for advice, or just to let out your feelings without judgement is an incredible sign of trust. Something that you'd only do with a friend." She stood up and walked down the bar, her hand touching the wooden surface lightly until she reached the enclosure where she had… a pet spider? "I'm not… trapped in here, you know?" She grinned. "How about next time you drop by, you invite me to your birthday party? I can always make time to hang out."

A spider?

Twice the legs, twice the fun!

I perked up at Sunny's words. "I'd love that! A-and I think I'll stop by more often. I... I was kinda nervous to do it, I thought it was a hassle for you. I never thought so much time would go by, for you. I... I don't really understand how you even remember me."

"It's hard to explain," Sunset said, looking up and around the bar. "There's some evidence that a human or pony mind can only store so much memory before things that are not constants fade away… and with eternity completely at some point. But this place, and I… everyone leaves a mark. Every version, every unique individual that comes in touches the bar, teaches me something, and in some cases like you, become friends. And, for some reason, thanks to however this whole thing works, I manage to remember everyone." She chuckled. "I wouldn't trade my unique memories of all my friends for anything."

Wait an apple-buckin' minute, ain't that...?

I think you're on the right track.

I blinked, sorting out my thoughts about what Sunny had said. "Sunset Shimmer wields the element of... empathy? Nopony really talks about it much, since it wasn't one of the elements the Pillars categorized, but I've heard Aunt Celestia talk about it. And I discussed it a little with Sunset."

I cleared my throat, and thought about it a little more. "Are you... I don't know, the version of Sunset that just became the element of empathy? I-I don't really know how to phrase that, but Twilight is what ponies see when they talk to the tree, according to the journal..."

"You know, I never thought of it that way." Sunset said with a shrug as she walked back over to where she had left her butterbeer. "I think empathy plays a big part in it, but if I was the incarnation of empathy, I doubt I could have had that much fun pinching Jiren in the face… before he knocked me out." The last part was muttered under her breath.

"Why not?" I looked up at her seriously before I caught myself, and glanced away. "I mean, empathy cuts both ways. You might understand somepony who's bad, but still care more about the ones they've hurt. Being compassionate doesn't mean you can't feel hate or anger."

I sucked in a breath and chewed my lip.

Just get it out there. Come on.

"I-in fact I think you can only really feel hate or anger if you care. A-and I don't think you can really care without feeling those, too."

"Well, I'm not sure, but I can't say it's impossible. At the end of the day, we all need empathy, right? And as a bartender, without empathy, I can't provide a memorable service."

I nodded, shuffling a bit in my seat as I thought over what I'd said.

Everypony else isn't as ugly as I am, you know.

We've been over this, it's not WRONG to feel that way... I think.

"If you think about it," Sunset spoke up after chugging half her flagon, "you had a moment recently where empathy guided your decision, right? With Sombra, you could have easily killed him, but it was your empathy that opened other options to you. Do you think you'll ever forget that moment?"

"Definitely not." I smiled and took a swig of my own drink. "And you're right, I was able to understand the situation because I put myself in his position. But... I wouldn't have been able to really understand if I didn't share a lot of his feelings." I coughed lightly, and painfully stretched my wings in and out while I thought of how to phrase things. "Hatred, rage, pain... despair... all of that."

"Empathy is not just the ability to feel things," Sunset replied, leaning one arm on the bar as she reached over to poke my nose. "It's also the ability to extrapolate from our experiences to reach a little or a lot of understanding. I think you're underselling what the experiences in your life have taught you. I think you would be able to empathize with him even if you hadn't felt things like that before… it was because you're a good person that you took those feelings and understanding and turned them into something positive."

I smiled sincerely up at her. "Thanks, Sunset." And I wanted to leave it there...

Be honest, now. Don't go hidin' anythin' from Sunny, it's not like she'll bite you.

But she's probably right anyway. I mean, what do I know?

Everypony has more to learn, Cozy. No matter how old or wise we may seem.

I groaned, rubbing my head.

Sunset watched as Cozy grumbled under her breath and squirmed, almost painfully obviously debating with herself. Just like earlier, wherever her thoughts turned to, streamers of magic would suffuse her aura, different colors for different feelings… or thoughts. "Hey Cozy, it seems like you're having some sort of argument there, what's going on?"

Cozy snapped to attention, cheeks flushing over in embarrassment, accompanied by black and pink streamers. "O-oh, sorry, I, uh," she cleared her throat, and slowly gathered herself, ruffling her feathers, before resuming, "I was... I... kinda..."

Cozy grimaced. "I kinda disagree with you on one thing."

Sunset pulled a picture-perfect Celestia smile. "Everyone is wrong once in a while, my little pony. Let's find out why you're wrong this time."

Cozy's jaw slackened, and she belted out laughter at that. "Oh, oh, oh my GOSH, I need, I need to introduce you to Aunt Celestia so you can show her that, AHAHAHAHAHA!"

Cozy thumped her hoof on the countertop, pink, red, and blue streamers swirling around her for a few moments before she collected herself. She cleared her throat, still snickering.

"I, uh, I don't think I could have," she snickered again, wiping a tear from her eye, "I don't think I could have related to Sombra if I hadn't felt those things before, is all. I appreciate everything you said, it's just..." At that, Cozy's expression dropped a little, but she stiffened up and raised her head, "I just don't... I can't separate those feelings. Love and hate are like," she made a bunch of hoof gestures like she was messing with a giant ball of yarn, "all tangled up together for me. It's not that they're at war or something, it's that they're... I dunno, two expressions of the same feeling. They're not really different. O-or that's what I think. Uhh..."

Cozy tapped her hoof to her chin in thought. "Sort of... I dunno, like light and dark? Or something like that. You can't have one without the other, and they're just two words to describe the same thing, right? How bright it is?" Cozy shook her head in frustration and sighed. "I don't know, maybe I'm just too fucked up inside for it to make sense for other ponies."

"Well," Sunset said, "I feel like I should bring up that many cultures have always insisted that hate and love are very much tied and some say separated by a very narrow margin, but I think I have a better example… I believe Discord is free in your world, right? So is Sunset Shimmer, obviously, and Glim Glam." Cozy snorted at the nickname. "I'm not sure if the Pony of Shadows as well, but, I think we can work with that. Tell me… do you think that Twilight understood your Sunset's desire to get revenge on Celestia from experience? Or Starlight's need to control and remove individuality from others? Or how Discord's existence could be terribly lonely?"

Cozy shook her head. "Probably not. Well... maybe the last one a bit, but... yeah, I doubt she understood the others. And I know she didn't need to to be kind to them!" Cozy looked up, somewhat plaintively. "That's not what I meant... oh, sorry. Go on."

"I'm not talking about needing to be kind," Sunset clarified. "What I mean is relating exclusively to your belief that you couldn't have understood Sombra without being hateful, which… you sort of implied. My point is that just like you, she used what she had learned about others to reach out and understand enough of their feelings to reach them. If you could have only understood Sombra through sharing hate, you wouldn't have reached deeper for the kindness that led you to show him mercy." She finished her beer and put the flagon under the bar to wash later. "Old hatred gave you a starting point to know how to deal with it, but it wasn't that—however close to love or other emotions it might be—what made you choose as you did. That was your empathy."

Cozy nodded, her expression becoming frustrated, but she took a stiff breath and a swig of her drink before responding, calming back down. "I know. I'm not saying you need to let hatred control your actions or... or guide you. It's... useful, though. To have felt those things. To not just try to infer what's going through a pony's head when they're upset, but to actually get it. I might have made the same choice with Sombra without it... probably not, but maybe... but I guess I was just saying, I did understand him. And that's why; because I'd felt all of the same things he felt. It made it easier... a lot easier. Does that make sense?"

Sunset leaned back. "I think I understand what you mean now, and yes, it does."

Cozy shuffled, chewing her lip. "Y'know, I think... no, I know that I wouldn't feel so strongly about Mom, or Sunset, or you, if I hadn't hurt so much before. It made me really appreciate ponies – er, people – who are kind or loving a lot more. That's part of what I mean when I say it's all... tied up. I wouldn't be able to feel the way I do if I hadn't been forced to... I don't know, expand." Cozy laughed bitterly. "I guess that's why it feels like having your heart torn open."

"I see." Sunset chuckled. "I think we ended up talking about different aspects of the same topic, but I don't think what you're saying is strange at all. It doesn't contradict what I was saying, however, because we both agreed through different wording that our prior experiences give us a unique perspective into others' hearts." Celestia smile. "Empathy, my little pony."

She relaxed and patted Cozy's shoulder. "Seriously though, give yourself a break. I think you understand your feelings really well, but you really, really judge yourself over them. That's not healthy, just ask your nearest neighborhood Sunset."

Cozy smiled at that, and then chuckled. "I think she'd mostly say something like..." Cozy screwed up her face to look concerned and put on her best mock-Sunset voice, " 'Dark magic is really dangerous, Cozy, you should stop doing that'. Like, fifty times." Cozy laughed and sighed. "I know she was just worried about me, but I think she was just too... caught up in her own past to understand what I was doing, or... or maybe I was just wrong."

"So, I'll be blunt," Sunset said, "It really depends on the universe. In some universes, it's simply a name for a different approach to it, without any additional perks or risks, in others it literally has to deal with darkness as an element… and in some others, like Equestria… it is a thing that chips away at your soul and corrupts it." She shook her head, glancing worriedly at the young mare. "I can't say it's impossible to control, but it usually ends up corrupting good ponies."

Cozy nodded, swinging her legs back and forth under the stool and contemplating the dregs of her drink as her wing seized up again, eliciting a wince of discomfort. "I know... Celestia and I talked about that a lot, too. That's why I'd been avoiding it as much as I could, until now." She chewed her lip, and shook her head. "I don't know what happened out there. Maybe things work differently on the edge of limbo, or maybe I'm just... different," she hesitated in a way that told Sunset that she had been thinking of a very different descriptor, "but... it was like the more I used it, the more I... appreciated what I had."

She threw her hooves up. "I don't know, that's the best I've got. It's entirely messed-up and I know that, but I felt closer to Sunset, and Mom, and... everypony the more I finally just accepted that those feelings are a part of me." She snickered as she finished off her drink. "Yep, craziest foal in Equestrian history, for sure."

"Well, you are unique in many ways, Cozy… so maybe you haven't really been using pure dark magic. Without being there to watch how everything went down, I wouldn't be comfortable even throwing out a theory, but I think you should discuss this with Luna and Celestia."

Cozy nodded. "Yeah, I plan to. And I know it will be rough, but they both love me, so it will be alright..." She smiled up at Sunset. "Thanks. For... all of this. I really needed to do something with all of this, at least sort it out a little, before taking it to them. I mean, I can just imagine Mom pulling out her Royal Canterlot Voice if I had to try to sum up why I was using dark magic so much without any time to think it through." Cozy scoffed. "She doesn't yell at me, but she would definitely yell at something."

Cozy shuffled, and then groaned as her wing spasmed again. "I just don't want to put her through that. Any of them, honestly. So... yeah, thanks."

"I think that just speaks to you being somewhat resistant to what would happen to others who used the magic like that." She glanced at Cozy's wings before nodding to herself. "If you need some time to rest and recuperate… you could stay over tonight. I have guest rooms, and I can drop you off at your place before any time passes."

Cozy smiled, then smirked as pink streamers went out from her, and pounced across the bar to embrace the startled bartender. "Thank you, Sunset." She giggled, then coughed. "Oh, it hurts to laugh. Heh."

Sunset leaned in and hugged her back. "Of course. What kind of friend would I be if I wasn't here for you?"

Cozy smiled, snuggling into Sunset, and sniffled. She groaned.

"Aww, dangit, I told myself I wouldn't cry this time!"

Comments

[SoloBrony]

Sorry this one's a little late, y'all! Syncing up schedules with Wanderer D was tough, on account that he has an actual life.

[Reese]

Nice. :)
And interesting! :D
(I do wonder if this strong Elemental connection Cozy appears to have developed will persist long-term, or if it will fade with the aftereffects of all that magic.)

[Forestor]

Cozy Glow! Your friendly neighborhood pegasus of shadows.