"I know writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards." -- Garth Marenghi
Ocellus, Smolder, and Sandbar discover an off-limits room in the old changeling hive. Inside, they learn that even though Chrysalis may be gone for good, her actions linger on among changelings...and elsewhere.
Take a look into the Kaleidoscope.
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I can’t wait for the comments on this one...
This was sweet!
I agree sometimes remembering what someone was to you, those can be memories to comfort you in your life. Even if they drift apart and you found out, they might have been totally different all along.
It's still important to remember them.
YOU’RE BACK I’M SO HAPPY
Your voice is so fucking strong, I cannot get enough of it. Seriously.
Not gonna lie you had me completely wrapped around your finger as soon as I read the words “Smolder” and “Love” in the same sentence, but this is really great.
You pack a very densely emotional journey into 2k words. I have a super solid idea of what the hive looks like and where everyone is at all points. I really enjoyed this exploration into pre-redemption infiltration practices; it’s not often that a personal touch like Sandbar’s colthood friend is added and that makes your journey into this topic feel really nice and fresh. I really feel for him when he’s in his little bout of denial.
I don’t think I have any really in-depth criticism to offer but if I was being super finnicky I’d probably say that I wanted a little more from Smolder at the end there—took me a second read to realize that her change towards trusting Ocellus again arose out of her willingness to let Sandbar keep the paper secrets.
Overall though, very strong, like literally everything you’ve put out. You’re one of my favorite authors on the site. Keep it up, dude!
That's nice. I like that.
I don't understand. A lot of these people are good writers. Why are all of these stories getting downvoted?
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Seventeen stories in total that have the same title, cover art, and description, and were all published at roughly the exact same time. A lot of people perceive this as being downright spam, and understandably so.
It's a pity, too. I haven't read all of them, but the ones I have gone through (including this one) actually seem pretty good. It's a shame that their quality is going to get buried beneath all the downvotes.
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In the interest of fairness, the group essentially took steps to ensure that this would be the case.
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The real tragic part of this is that, had they all had their own titles, cover arts, and whatnot, some of these stories could've easily made the popular box or even better; heck, I've liked all the ones that I've read so far.
But instead, everyone involved is probably going to come out of this looking worse than they did when they entered it.
Honestly, at this point I just don't know what to think. This whole thing's a mess, and an unneeded one at that.
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My thoughts exactly.
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That stinks. I completely understand why people are downvoting, but I still don't find their reasoning very valid.
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Ahaha, thank you, thank you, thank you! I’m a huge fan of your Student Six stories, and I’m so glad you liked this.
I see what you mean about getting a little more from Smolder at the end to show why she trusts Ocellus at the end. When I was writing, I was worried about getting too explicit with her thoughts because it’d look like head hopping. Since Ocellus has this sixth sense about moods, though, it’d actually make sense she could figure some things out.
Thank you again, so much. I’ve been busy with a non-pony project, but I love writing about these guys, so I’m going to make more time for them. For one thing, I’m looking forward to Miller Minus’s Discovery write off.
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So, yeah, this partly a promotion for the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting group, and I can’t blame people for thinking it’s spammy. That said, I personally like this group a lot, and wanted to participate in this event/contest/mass hysteria.
I write slowly. Normally a 2000 word story would take me a month to write and post. I thought I was stuck in that mode, but this group has helped me speed up immensely. I still have yet to complete a story in an hour (which is the main type of contest they run), but I’ve started on a bunch of their prompts to see how far I could get, and that practice helped me finish this story in a week.
Thank you if you give this story, any of the other Kaleidoscope stories, or the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting group a shot. I hope you enjoy what you find.
Mhm... sorry, dut it didn't really do anything for me. The writing is alright, and the idea is by no means bad, but it feels like it suffered heavily from the word count limit.
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Thanks for giving it a shot! If it were a longer story, what elements would you want to see developed more?
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Basically just make it less abrupt, slower-paced - more build-up towards the key reveal, more interaction between the characters, etc. In addition, I will also second what semillon said about Smolder at the end - the idea lain therein could've been conveyed better.
I like this quite a lot, and feel like others that this should've gotten way more attention than it has. I, too, felt the ending lines with Smolder could've used a bit more fleshing out, but considering the overall constraints of the tale, it still more than manages to get the intended points across.
I get hints of what could be interpreted as the Ocellus/Smolder ship in here, but I find that the story still mostly reads in such a way that it's not reliant on that, and could still be just a story about three friends making an unexpected and unfortunate discovery, and personally, I think I prefer it that way. Honestly, we have enough shipfics in the world. What we really need is just more stories where these ragamuffins just being good friends.
I really enjoyed this, as both a look at what changelings might have done before being reformed and as a look at Ocellus's relationship with her friends. There's some really good imagery, particularly with how her friends' love is different. Awesome work.
I liked this one. It was good. That said, I think it suffered from the word limit (like so many of these entries). The ending felt a little too abrupt, especially the last line. I would have liked to see more focus on the discovery of the chest and their reactions to it, and less on the lead-in - not that the lead-in didn't have some great atmosphere and mood setting with Ocellus's perspectives on her friend's emotions.
Great stuff.
Apparently some readers/writers have a thing against Student Six stories? I don't get this at all because man I always find myself enjoying the character building in them much more enjoyable than most other stories, and this is certainly no exception.
To me, one of the most unique aspects of such a story is the dialogue, which is immediately set up well. Instant characterization and playfulness. The scenery is well described, and I get a very good feel of what it looks, sounds, and smells like. I also found the descriptions of Ocellus's perception of emotion interesting, although at points I think that wavered just a little. The story explored a part of the changelings that interested me, and the problem presented didn't need to be high-stakes for me to understand the personal significance behind it. Overall, well done.
With that being said, just a couple very nitpicky things. First, the warning pheromones were a very nice idea, but I think it set me up to expect a somewhat different story from what played out. I was also curious as to why Ocellus felt the need to lie about Smolder's findings -- I'm guessing it was from shame at the hive's prior actions? Finally, I agree that the conflict could've been drawn out a little -- the source of conflict was rather easily resolved, and I would've loved just some additional focus on how all the characters reacted to Sandbar's childhood friend before reaching their own conclusions.
That was really beautiful.
Part of me can't help but think that maybe Sandbar should seek out the changeling who was Arbor Sky. There is a good chance that changeling is in the hive, transformed. Having a slice of that seventh mushroom pie.