• Member Since 14th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen 52 minutes ago

CoJoThom98


Just a guy in his 20s who likes to write and read stories. When I'm not, I'm usually working, studying, or playing strategy games.

T
Source

The flame between Sunset Shimmer and Flash Sentry has long been snuffed out. What was once began as a blossoming romance eventually turned into an asset to prop Sunset above the rest at CHS, including Flash. It wasn't long before Flash finally broken off.

Ever since then, the two have intentionally avoided each other, hoping to keep old wounds closed. Even after Sunset's reformation, the two never fully mended their relationship, resulting in awkward exchanges and run ins. However, after the events of Camp Everfree, they agree to start over again as friends, finally putting their past behind them.

As their friendship grows, old feelings and attractions begin to reemerge. Flash recognizes these feelings and wants to try developing a relationship again. Sunset, however, refuses to face these desires, instead she believes in her fear that another relationship would only result in bring harm to Flash again.


This is the first book of a grand Flashset story that I've been wanting to do for a while.

Cover art by PaulySentry
Edited by Donnnnn, Scholarly-Cimmerian, and Needling Haystacks

I also want to thank Alphamon_Ouryuken, admin of the Flashimmer group, for helping me find this cover art.

Finally, I want to thank all you who are or about to begin reading. I hope you enjoy the story.

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 93 )

Hmmm, not bad for an early effort. Mostly good characterization, tight plotting, decent descriptive text. And of course I'm a sucker for... Sunflash? Flashset? SunSentry? Well, whatever it's called. And I saw no comments yet so I had to be first. :P

Anyway, a few random comments and some critiques.

As they listen, or try to listen, to Mr. Doodle, they each occasionally look outside and then back up at the clock hanging in the front of the room above the white board. Each time they do, the clock always seems to be moving slower. Sunset leans forward to whisper something to Twilight, "Is it possible for time to move slower than normal in this world," she asks in a hushed tone.

*puts on Physics hat* Well, time is relative. Were you to be travelling at a great speed relative to the class-room, time for you would go slower than it does in the room. Of course, you'd see time going slower in the room, but if you were to go back to said room, you'd have to accelerate, equalizing the difference.

...Not that any of that is relevant to this scenario.

I could totally see Sci Twi launching into that kind of spiel.

"You may be smart Twilight but this is your first class with Mr. Doodle," said Fluttershy with a small smug smile, "I've had him before freshman year in AP English 9 and sophomore year in AP American Literature. The bell will ring, he'll say 'the bell doesn't dismiss you, I do,' and then he'll take 26 seconds, exactly , to deliver his final point, then he dismisses us."

Minor point of order: Flutters isn't the sort to time things to the second, though she IS the sort to retain that sort of personal information about a teacher.

Also, AP English in Freshman Year? What kind of masochist is she?

Also also, this is about where you switch from present to past tense. You swap back and forth a few times: Either is fine, but keep it consistent unless there's a story reason to change.

"That's like the fifth time I've betted against you Fluttershy," said Sunset, "I'm taking you with me to Vegas some day."

Bet, not betted. Bet is both past and present tense.
I'm going to avoid most minor editing mistakes, but this is one I suspect you might not have known (I mean, how often does it come up?).

"Please tell us Flash didn't respond with the crocodile one," begged Pinkie.

Hmm. I feel like Pinkie would actually be enthusiastic about that. She likes that sort of eccentricity.

"I ship it," Rarity mutters, prompting Fluttershy to giggle.

Now THAT sounds like a Pinkie Pie line.

"Hold your horses girl," Applejack said, putting her hands on both of Sunset's shoulders, trying to calm her down.

...Lol, horses.

nys

I love them, sweet Luna! Can’t wait to see what’s next. This is good.

<3

9788292
Thank you for your critiques and comments. I'll certainly take them into account when I begin the next chapter.

This has a lot of potential, but grammar could be better. I wouldn’t mind proofreading if you don’t already have a proofreader

Dude. You are my hero. I've been waiting for a decent story that talks about these two getting back together. One that's not just a one shot. Thank you so much for this story! And keep it up!

9788377
Okay then. Just PM me whenever

I'd love to see more of this story! Sunset and Flash definitely deserve to add least be on good terms. Plus the shorts and stuff do tend to show them getting along well, even flirting at times.

9788333
You're so very welcome, and thank you so much for you support. You're breathtaking!

9788388
I'm so glad you are eager to see more of this story unfold! :raritystarry:

9788390
Yeah. I'm a fan of Twilight and Flash when it comes to pony terms. But when it comes to the EQG world, I support SunFlash.

And sometimes I feel like most people don't give this ship enough credit.

Oh hey you implemented some of my suggestions! I feel honored.

Have Donnnnn make a proof-reading pass and you'll be rock solid!

This does add to the mystery of how the 'popular stories' thing works. I think I was about the 2nd person to read this, after the author...

9788535
Yeah as soon as I read your full list of critiques, I took one look at my story and went, "ooooh yeah that could be better." If you want, I can PM you the unpublished view password and let you have first critiques. Because, seriously, your feedback helped A LOT and it would be really helpful to get a second opinion before I publish a new chapter.

9788555
If you want, I don't mind. Just be aware I'm generally only able to do that kind of deep reading on Tuesdays and Sundays due to my work schedule.

This looks like a good start so far, but you really need a proofreader, I kept catching missing words throughout this whole chapter. Stuff like

Twilight, who is sitting up against the pedestal reading a book, looks up from her book upon hearing what Pinkie said, "wait, again, what do you 'again'," she asks.

"mean" needs to be there

And

"Why would arrange something like behind Sunset's back," Fluttershy asks.

Why would "you" arrange something. And put a question mark at the end of Fluttershy's sentence there too, I'd say.

That being said, I'm interested to see where this story goes. I do love FlashShimmer as a pairing. And if you want a proofreader, I'm more than happy to offer my services :twilightsmile:

9788946
Yeah, I've never been diagnosed but I'm positive I've got to have some form dyslexia. This is common problem for me when I write stuff. No matter how many times I read it, my mind will automatically inject the missing word and I'll never realize it's missing until someone points it out for me.

Now I've already got a proofreader but I don't see much harm in having a second one. I'll PM you the unpublished view password.

This was really cute. I got a kick out of Sunset's friends all being there - especially Twilight and the freaking note cards. XD

And of course, seeing Flash and Sunset talk about starting over (this time, for real) was sweet too. :pinkiesmile:

A great chapter to show that things are going well. Nice work.

Wow dude. You work quick. And another great chapter. I love the ice breakers.

9791505
Heh, yeah, I've already chapter three awaiting to be proofread. One of the benefits of finally being allowed a few days off from work.

9791564
Yeah. I've also got a chapter ready. I'm gonna proofread it today and have it up before I start back to classes tomorrow.

nys

They're already getting close!

Also, gotta say. I loved those note cards, Twiggles.

<3

Damn. I wasn't expecting that. Nice surprise though.

Applebloom groans. “All our ships between the Main Seven.”

“It was a sad day when we found out that none of them swing that way,” Sweetie Belle says wistfully.

Let's be honest though if Hasbro ever gave the okay the writers would totally make RariJack official.

As far as chapter names go, this one is one of the weirdest I’ve seen. I’m not saying you should change it, I’m just saying it’s...interesting. It actually sounds like a toilet you’re talking about

9794106
Well crud man, now I have to change it.

9794114
No you don’t, I just wanted to make a joke :twilightsmile:

nys

They're so cute! Friends it is...

Although, like the CMC, I will squeal. The shipping is real.

Nice to see that Sunset and Flash are back on the way to patching things up. :twilightsmile:

And that bit at the very end of the chapter... oh Lordie :rainbowlaugh:

9798737
One never truly knows how things will really turn out. :raritywink:

9794098
This sort seems odd as of all the Mane 6 (mainline, not EG), Rarity is the only one with a defined romantic preference, and she prefers males (though she does not seem particularly picky about species). I'm not counting mainline Twilight in EG world. Who knows what kinda hormones get messed up in dimensional travel.

Anyway, point is, AppleDash seems more likely. :P

It seemed an awful lot like they were shipping Pinkie and Sunset last EG special, though. At the expense of Pinkie's character arc, in point of fact, but that's another story.
9794106
Wait, was was the chapter title before?

9799773
It was called “the Pour Jon’s Incident”. Now I feel bad for pointing that out :twilightsheepish:

Nice bit. Good to see an introduction to one of Flash's parents here. ^_^

This was good reading. Nice to see more insight into Flash's family, and also good to see him and Sunset hang out too. The flashback to how they first met back in freshman year was interesting...

nys

“Oh and by the way,” Sunset says as she points her finger at Flash, “ten slices.”

Oof! You show em' sunny.

This is too cute!

Flash's parents seem like wise people.

9815128
Usually most fics portray Sunset as coming out of the portal pretty ready to get to business with taking over the world or making the most of this new world. Here, though, she's more vulnerable. Which makes a certain sense, given that she *has* left behind her entire old life and is starting out in a completely new place with a new body and all.

Sunset comes out from behind her hair, looks at the boy giving her a friendly smile and holding out his hand. Sunset slowly puts out her hand in a fist-like shape, lets the boy take hold of it, and shakes. “I would like a friend in this strange new world,” Sunset says.

Real subtle there, Sunset!

Can't wait for more.

9815267
I always found it incredibly hard to believe that she was ready to take over the high school right out of the gate. If she was, then how did she know in the first place what was on the other side?

When I think about what she may have *actually* been feeling at that point, I try to put myself in her place. If I entered into a strange new world, out of eager ambition to prove my superiors wrong, and ended up trapped in that world, I would feel terrified, alone, and insecure. To me, that is what I see Sunset actually feeling when she first enters this world. It isn't until she wins her first Fall Formal, when she gets that first rush of fame, recognition, and power, that she starts to become what she was in the first EQG film.

9815501
Fair enough. I do think it adds a bit more dimension to Sunset's character (and also, her own villainy) if there were more to her adapting to this new life in the high school - and squandering that fresh start by becoming a bully anyway.

Poor Flash! It seems to be his destiny to keep bumping head-first into super-powerful pony girls and to then move on to have weird and emotionally-awkward relationships with them!

Sunset? You know the girls are right. This is something that needs to be done rather than just wait for it to fix itself. Rainbow and Pinkie presumed a lot but isn't that their nature? However, I think that things are going to be at least more settled, even if not automatically 'better' after tomorrow.

You know, there is a hard edge to Fluttershy in later seasons. This is a sweet Disney Princess in the mould of Mulan, Rapunzel or Merida!

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