Everyone says that Flash Sentry is sweet, gentle, kind, good-looking, a total goofball, and honest-to-earth a good man. Sunset knew that, and she used it to her advantage. Now that she’s really given him a second look, she realizes just how right everyone is about Flash. After everything they’ve been through together, maybe she wants something else from Flash; something aside from forgiveness and a platonic friendship. But how can she do that when he was the one who she hurt most in the past?
**
My first fimfiction story, which is part of a whole folder of other stories than I'm currently brewing up in my knoggin. I hope you guys enjoy!
Chapters (5)
Color me intrigued will definitely track.
I think this definitely has potential. Keep it up.
9414687
Thanks so much! I promise I won't take too long updating this story!
Loving it!
Humm, good use of the music video to make a frame of reference for the reader.
Great work with the integration of the music video.
Ah! I got butterflies when I read this chapter! Your story is so cute, I can't wait for more.
Enjoy it?
I'M OBSESSED! This was the cutest thing ever! I can’t wait to see how their relationship continues out. Bring on the fluff.
9431517
Glad to hear it!! :] Your comment just made my day
Awww. That was a nice resolution to clear their crummy past. Sure, it's not totally gone and will probably come back from time to time but at was a nice talk they had.
They are now friends but Flash is still basically in the free market. I wonder how she will handle seeing other girls flirt with Flash.
9435983
OH HO HO HO I'm glad you think the same way!
Looks like a promising start so far. Definitely interested to see where this goes.
You did a really good job tying the music video in with the story.
This was really nicely done. I enjoyed reading it. Glad to see that they've started clearing out the baggage of their past relationship. Looking forward to seeing what happens next, now...
This was really fun reading. I especially got a kick out of the Rainbooms' discussion about Big Mac, and of course the ending... yeah, Sunset, Rarity "Romance" is on your case now. She's not gonna let up! XD
Rarity is on it like a bloodhound on a steak. She smells blood in the air.
lol rarity! I should of known she wouldn't let this go. SunFlash 4 Life!
This is such a sweet story
This was fun. Flustered Sunset is pretty amusing. I also got a kick out of Pinkie and Rarity tag-teaming on the shipping front (and Pinkie being misunderstood by the other students XD)
The ending of this chapter promises some intriguing potential developments for the future. Count me interested to see how it turns out!
Yep. She totally needs to ask him out. xD
Glad to have you back. <3
9699159
Glad to be back! :)
This seems interesting, there aren't many SunFlash stories in this site and this definitely caught my atention. However, I must point out that you have a terrible habit slipping from past to present tense. This story is clearly in past tense, so stick to it. When you're telling a story in past tense, it's because it already happened and you are re-telling it to us.
Here you have an example:
About this one
I'm not a grammar expert, you might be right on it, but I personally think it would look better if you re-structured it with "was".
And here:
I also personally think it would look better re-structured like this:
More examples of you slipping from past to present tense
There's no reason for these to be in present tense when the rest of the paragraph is in past tense, as well as the story itself, this issue is present in every chapter.
I also noticed a typo here:
It should be "dreamed".
I really don't know what you were trying to say there.
Through the story, there are many more grammatical and spelling mistakes like paragraphs where you used periods instead of comas, sentences where you repeated words, making them redundant, etc. I think it's enough with this, though, besides, I'm too lazy to point out everything because it's a lot
. All of this makes the story jarring to read and can drive away a lot of readers 
.
And about the plot, well, I feel Sunset having a bad dream about her break up with Flash should've been triggered by an specific event instead of coming "out of nowhere", something like they both having previous interaction that later triggered that dream. For example a small chat, they could be talking about a specific topic or nothing in particular, even something as simple as Sunset looking Flash passing by or her accidentally glancing at an object that reminded of him, listening to a song, anything that made her remember about the days when they were dating and later triggered that dream that makes her consider seriously how she felt that day and how much she's hurt him in the past. But maybe that's just me.
Well, this comment turned out to be way longer than i had planned
, sorry if I was a bit too harsh on you, I'll probably get some downvotes due to that 
, but this comment isn't mean to discourage you in any way. Take it as a constructive criticism for you to take into account so you can improve in future chapters. You might want to get an editor, it's the best advice i can give to you. Despite the above, I'm still tracking this to see where it heads 
On a side note, given what has been said in the small talk beetween Rarity and Sunset, I think it would be interesting to see the closure conversation Suntet and Flash had in full detail so we can see how they slowly began developing feelings for each other up to this point as their talk progressed
, maybe through a flashback.
9700127
Hi! Thank you so much for you constructive criticism. I will admit it did sting a little, but that's to be expected given my current writing skills. Despite this, I truly appreciate your support in my story. As for your comment, I will try to address all points as much as I can.
Firstly, thank you for pointing out my grammatical errors, particularly on my slip ups in tense. I edited the mistakes I could find, and if there were any leftover, I would appreciate it if you would notify me, though perhaps through private message.
Secondly, I totally agree about my redundant words. In truth, it concerns me--a lot--on how I try to describe a character quoting or expressing their dialogue without sounding redundant, such as exclaimed, declared, looked at, turned to, etc. As for my placements on periods and commas, I appreciate it if you could discuss it with me in detail.
I started out as a poet at first, so my writing style revolves around me making a mix of long and short sentences, and sometimes placing multiple short ones to add a rhythmic like read. If my writing style bothers you and other readers, I sincerely apologize, but it is not something I can improve overnight, nor perhaps change entirely, so I humbly ask for your patience.
Thirdly, although I appreciate your thoughts on how my story could play out, I do not plan on changing posted chapters to such an extent. For example, what you mentioned in your comment:
I find it very interesting to have you think that way, and I respect your enthusiasm. However, I hope you may respect my decision to have my posted chapters remain as is, with only grammatical errors to fix here and there.
Lastly, I think having an editor would be a great help indeed, but I am not entirely sure how that works, especially online. For one, is there payment involved, or is this voluntary? And for another, like I have mentioned in this story's description, this is my first ever fanfic, so I never really expected to have an editor right of the bat. Furthermore, I'm writing this story as a hobby; I commit to the story to the amount of free time I have after work, so there's that. If you wish to help me in my endeavor of writing this story as an editor, I'd gladly discuss about it further in a private message.
Once again, thank you so much for your input on my story, it inspires me to continue writing this story after seeing a reader commit a lot to wanting my story to improve.
Pretty imagery. Very engaging.
I hope it’s not dead.
awesome story. Hope you’re gonna keep this up
Hope your coming back, it's been three months since you have been online, and maybe please can you finish this story?
I hope u continue
9700127
I like your critique, however I’d just like to say that a dream coming out of nowhere and causing major emotional panic is definitely realistic. It happened to me out of nowhere around a year and a half ago to so. No trigger, but it was of my childhood sweetheart. A similar dream happened a few months ago. It was pretty bad
Please do come back soon. This is, despite the grammatical troubles, one of the nicest SunFlash fics I’ve read
Please continue, it's a great story. I feel unsatisfied, I need to know what will happen next!
Really great I love sunny so much
They’re both so adorkable
I love sunset and flash being together