Ch. 1: Well, This Is Awkward
It's a beautiful, Friday afternoon in Canterlot city. The sun shines high in the sky with a few clouds dotting the blue background, giving occasional shade. The temperature outside sits within the 60 degree range, creating a feeling similar to be hugged by a grandmother. The birds fly across the sky and from tree to tree, singing their songs. A few spring flowers are still on the trees, dotting the green spheres with spots of white, purple, pink, and bright red. Squirrels run across the lawn, chasing each other and searching for food. The entire world outside is a picture of paradise.
A paradise just out of Sunset's grasp while she's sits in AP European Literature. She sits in the back corner of the classroom with her two friends Twilight Sparkle, who sits in front of her, and Fluttershy, who sits to Sunset's left. The three of them listen to Mr. Doodle drone on about the themes and lessons of Hamlet. While the three girls usually enjoy this class, this subject is one of their least favorites. Twilight has never liked Hamlet, she calls the main character a "boneless, indecisive child who can't even figure out what socks he should wear." Fluttershy never much cared for Shakespeare, she always found the language to be confusing and the themes too hard to understand. As for Sunset, well she always summed up Shakespeare as "too much talking and not enough action," though she does find Macbeth interesting.
As they listen, or try to listen, to Mr. Doodle, they each occasionally look outside and then back up at the clock hanging in the front of the room above the white board. Each time they do, the clock always seems to be moving slower. Sunset leans forward to whisper something to Twilight, "Is it possible for time to move slower than normal in this world," she asks in a hushed tone.
"Not really," Twilight whispers back, "but that's still a topic up for debate."
"How long do you think he's going keep talking about this skull monologue?"
"I'm not sure, wanna make a wager about it," Twilight suggests.
"Are we wagering about something," Fluttershy interjects with a quiet tone.
"Yeah," Sunset responds, "whoever guesses correctly, or is the closest, to how long Mr. Doodle is going to talk about this skull, gets...," the girls think about a proper award.
Twilight thinks of something, "a free drink and treat of their choice at Sugar Cube Corner, losers have to pay."
"That sounds fair," says Sunset.
"I like it," whispers Fluttershy.
"Let's fist bump on it," says Sunset. Twilight and Sunset hold out their left fists and Fluttershy holds out her right. The three girls make a three way fist bump and nod in agreement. "Alright, I'm going to put my money on...two minutes before the final bell rings," Sunset bets.
"An interesting guesstimation," Twilight responded, "judging by how long he takes with every line and how detailed he's making this monologue deconstruction, I'm going to say he'll end right as the bell rings."
"You may be smart Twilight but this is your first class with Mr. Doodle," said Fluttershy with a small smug smile, "I've had him before freshman year in AP English 9 and sophomore year in AP American Literature. The bell will ring, he'll say 'the bell doesn't dismiss you, I do,' and then he'll take roughly 30 seconds, to deliver his final point, then he'll dismiss us."
"That's very specific Fluttershy, are you sure you wanna go with that," asks Sunset, Fluttershy nods in response, "well alright then, the bets have been made, let the games begin."
"What are you three whispering about back there," shouts Mr. Doodle.
The three girls shoot up into an upright position, "nothing sir," they shout back in unison.
"Well then quit your yapping," says Mr. Doodle, "I don't want to give my three best students detention for disrupting class."
Suddenly, the final bell for the day rings. As the students begin to pack up their things, Mr. Doodle declares, "hold on everyone, the bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
Sunset and Twilight look at each other in disbelief. No way, there's no way she could be right, Sunset thinks. Don't tell me her prediction is correct, Twilight thinks. They both look over at Fluttershy, who's face is growing a small smile. Sure enough, Mr. Doodle takes 29 seconds to deliver his final point about the skull of Yorick.
Twilight leans her head back in defeat, clinching her eyes. "Darn it," she groans.
Sunset gives her desk a swift and light pound with her fist. "Damn it," she mutters.
Fluttershy closes her eyes, smiles, and gently claps her hands. "Yippee," she quietly cheers.
The girls gather up their belongings and proceed to exit the classroom with the rest of their classmates, after Mr. Doodle dismisses them. They walk out the classroom and stop in the hall to chat for a bit before they start heading towards the exit.
"Well, Fluttershy," Twilight says reaching out her hand inviting Fluttershy to shake, "you've won again, fair and square." Fluttershy generously accepts the handshake.
"That's like the fifth time I've bet against you Fluttershy," says Sunset, "I'm taking you with me to Vegas some day."
"It's all about knowing your teachers," says Fluttershy, "Shall we go meet up with everyone else?"
"You girls go ahead," say Sunset, "I have to get somethings from my locker." The girls wave to each other as they split off.
Sunset's locker is just up the hall from the literature class. She gets to the locker, unlocks and opens the door, and searches through looking for a few items. Come on, where did I put them. Ah, there they are. She pulls out two paper back books and a sheet of paper. The paper is a list of criteria for a paper she's working on in her AP World History course. She sets the items on the floor as she closes and locks the door. She picks them back up, tucking the books in her left arm and holding the paper in her right hand. As she walks, she reviews the paper to make sure she has everything she needs to begin the assignment this weekend. Let's see, "two printed primary sources" I've got those, "two digital primary sources and one secondary source" got those saved on my computer at home, what else do I need? Sunset's eyes are fixed on the list, not paying attention to what's in front of her. All of a sudden, WHAM, she walks straight into someone, dropping her books.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," Sunset apologizes as she picks up one of her books.
"No no, it's ok, I wasn't paying attention," says the other person as he picks up the other book and hands it to her.
"Thank you for getting th--," Sunset stops mid-sentence when she looks at the person she just ran into, "oh, um...hey, Flash."
"oh uh hey, Sun-set," says Flash as he realizes it was his ex-girlfriend he ran into, "how's it going?" A strong tinge of awkwardness begins creeping in.
"It's uh...it's going good," Sunset says, awkwardly nodding, "How about you?"
"Same," he says, Flash puts his hands in his back pockets and leans back on his heels.
"I...see you got a new haircut," says Sunset, desperately trying to break the awkward pauses.
Flash combs his left hand through his hair, "yeah, I figured it was time tone down the size a bit."
"It looks good on you," she says with a half smile.
"Thanks," Flash responds. The two break eye contact, trying to avoid making the awkwardness any more unbearable. Flash rubs the back of his neck while Sunset rubs her left arm. "Well, I guess I'll...see you around?".
"Uh yeah, yeah, see ya later," says Sunset, just go, get out there, don't make it worse, don't make it worse, "alli-gator." DAMN IT!
"After a while," says Flash, wait, what I am doing? Don't say it me, don't you say it, don't you dare say, "croco-dile." That's it, I'm going to jump in front of car now!
They walk past each other, ending the cringe-fest. "Ugh, why the hell did I say that," Sunset mutters to herself as she pinches the bridge of her nose in embarrassment.
Sunset Shimmer walks through the front glass doors of the high school and out onto the courtyard. Her cheeks are still red from her embarrassing conversation with Flash. Actually, it really wasn't a conversation, rather it was a fumbling of words with awkward pauses in between that ended with a part of them each dying inside. Sunset walks down the path toward her friends who are all gathered around the pedestal.
"Hey, Sunset, how's it goi--," Rainbow Dash greets her friend but pauses when she notices the redness in Sunset's cheeks, "are you ok?"
"Did you accidentally walk into the boys bathroom again," Pinkie asks as she jumps up from behind Rainbow.
Twilight, who is sitting up against the pedestal reading a book, looks up from her book upon hearing what Pinkie said, "wait, again, what do you mean 'again'," she asks.
"It's a long story," Applejack, leaning against the pedestal, explains as she bites into an apple, "we'll tell you about it later."
"Applejack, manners," Rarity snaps, who is kneeling on the ground braiding Fluttershy's hair.
"So what happened," Rainbow insists.
Sunset reaches her right hand behind her neck, "Well, I kind of ran into someone on my way here."
"Really? Who," squeaks Pinkie.
"Flash Sentry," says Sunset.
Pinkie, Rainbow, Applejack, and Twilight all let out a collective, "oooh." Their faces transform from intrigue to slight discomfort.
"Did you two...um...talk much," asks Rarity.
"Not...really, it was..." before Sunset could finish, the girls make guesses about the ending.
"Terrifying," says Fluttershy.
"Awkward," says Twilight.
"Uncomfortable," says Pinkie.
"Cringy," says Rainbow.
"Wanted to shoot yourself afterwards," says Applejack, the rest of girls minus Sunset look at Applejack, "what?"
Sunset lets out a heavy sigh, "all of the above."
"Well, hopefully you two gave each other a good farewell," asks Rarity, which prompted Sunset to rub her neck harder and cause her cheeks to blush brighter.
Rainbow, seeing her body language, knew what she did but hoped she really didn't, "oh no, Sunset please don't tell me you did the alligator thing?" The only response she got was a slow nod of pure embarrassment. Applejack lowered her hat, trying to hide her clenched face. Twilight lifted her book up to do the same. Pinkie didn't bother hiding it, her face clenched up as though she just saw someone get punched in the gut. Rainbow visibly showed her discomfort by covering her face with her right hand. Fluttershy and Rarity just hid behind their hair and both let out an "oof."
"Please tell us Flash didn't respond with the crocodile one," Rarity begs.
"He...did," said Sunset, who's discomfort was reaching critical levels.
Pinkie gives a sheepish grin and places her left hand her head, "I'm going to take the blame for teaching him that," she confesses, giving an awkward chuckle.
"Can we please stop before we all die of cringe," Twilight begs from behind her book.
"I'm going to second that motion," says Applejack as she puts her hat back on.
"I don't understand," says Rainbow as she put her hands on her hips, "I thought the two of you made up at Camp Everfree. Why are you guys acting like you broke up yesterday?"
"Well, I mean we did make up and we didn't," says Sunset.
"Elaborate," Twilight says as she closes her book and gets up to get closer to her friend.
"When I was trying to figure out what was going on with Timber and Gloriosa, Flash and I bumped into each other. We had a small conversation, he talked about how much different I was from when we used to date."
"Sounds like that conversation went a lot better than the last one," says Fluttershy.
"Yeah it did, he was being very sweet," Sunset said, her face warms up and her cheeks began to blush again, not from embarrassment but from amusement.
"No wonder Sweetie Bell ships you two," Rarity mutters, prompting Fluttershy to giggle.
"What was that," says Sunset.
"Nothing darling, keep telling your story," Rarity waves her hand to Sunset, trying to stifle a giggle.
"Anyways," Sunset continues, "he asked me if him and I could start over as friends and I accidentally...brushed him off."
"You WHAT," shouts Rarity as she unintentionally tugs on Fluttershy's hair causing to let out big eep, "oh my goodness, I'm so sorry my dear."
"Accidentally," Sunset emphasizes, "I saw Timber sneaking off into the woods and got distracted. We haven't really talked to each other every since."
Applejack walks over to Sunset's side and places her hand on her shoulder, "well have you thought about arranging a meeting at some time so the two of you can finally put y'all's past behind you?" Sunset looks down, contemplating that idea, not noticing Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie turning their backs to look at something.
"I have but...it's complicated," Sunset sighs.
"I know what you mean darling," says Rarity as she and Fluttershy get up and walk over to Sunset, "trying to start over as friends with an old flame can be extremely difficult. But once you're able to get over that first hump, it's smooth sailing from there."
"But it's not just one hump, it's several," says Sunset, "Flash was the first person to actually make me feel at home in this world, and I just used him to propel my social standing. I'm not sure why even wants to be friends."
"But that was the old Sunset," says Applejack, "Flash doesn't want to be friends with her, he wants to start over with you. He was the one who asked you first if you wanted to start again as friends. Is that so hard to believe?"
Suddenly, Pinkie and Rainbow turn back around, "alright, it's been arranged," exclaims Pinkie.
"What has," asks Sunset.
"You and Flash are set to meet each other tomorrow at 1:00 at Sugar Cube Corner," Rainbow declares, holding up her phone.
"You what," Sunset rips the phone out of Rainbow Dash's hands and looks at the messages screen, concern wraps her face. Sure enough, Rainbow and Pinkie told Flash that Sunset wants to talk to him about something and that they should meet up at Sugar Cube Corner tomorrow at one. "Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, are you two insane!? How do you even have his number?"
"Why would you arrange something like behind Sunset's back," Fluttershy asks.
"Well technically we didn't do it behind her back," Pinkie explains, "we were in front of her the whole time, we just had our backs turned."
"You know what she means Pinkie," scolds Twilight, "you can't just arrange something like without your friend's consent!"
"Look, the only way that those two will finally make up is if they meet with each other, face to face, and talk things out," Rainbow Dash explains, she turns attention to Sunset, "other wise you're going to have more run-ins like you the one you had today. Also, Flash and Soarin' hang out a lot, I have his number just incase Soarin' is running late for practice and isn't answering his phone."
"You can thank us later," Pinkie Pie says with a massive smile.
Sunset feels her blood begin to boil, "if you two weren't my friends--."
"Hold your horses girl," Applejack says, putting her hands on both of Sunset's shoulders, trying to calm her down.
"As much as I disagree with their methods," says Twilight, pushing her glass up, "they do have a point. You can't keep avoiding this forever, you'll have to face it in order to move on."
"I agree with what Twilight says," says Rarity, "better to get it done now and let life proceed normally, relatively speaking. Besides, what's the worst that can happen tomorrow?"
"You'd be surprised how creative my imagination can get," says Sunset, "so you all agree I need to do this?" The girls all nod, "even you Fluttershy?" Sunset looks Fluttershy who is petting her new braid, trying to think of something to say.
"Well," she says meekly, "you and Twilight do owe me a vanilla chai latte, think of that as an excuse to go?"
Sunset thinks it over and lets out a heavy sigh, "fine, I'll do it, I'll see Flash tomorrow and let him know I want to start over." She hands the phone back to Rainbow Dash.
Pinkie Pie cheers, "HOORAY, let's all go to Donut Joe's to celebrate."
"I can't," says Sunset, "I have to get home and get started on this paper for Mr. Turner."
"Well then will see you tomorrow at Sugar Cube," says Twilight.
With that, Sunset bids her friends farewell and makes her way to the student parking lot. She thinks about the meeting tomorrow as she walks. Perhaps her friends are right, she and Flash still do need to reconcile their past. It isn't going to be easy, some how facing musical sirens or magically corrupted humans seems far easier than what this is going to be. Well maybe it won't be so bad, maybe things will go off without a hitch, right? Right? "Tomorrow's going to worse than hell."
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Hmmm, not bad for an early effort. Mostly good characterization, tight plotting, decent descriptive text. And of course I'm a sucker for... Sunflash? Flashset? SunSentry? Well, whatever it's called. And I saw no comments yet so I had to be first. :P
Anyway, a few random comments and some critiques.
*puts on Physics hat* Well, time is relative. Were you to be travelling at a great speed relative to the class-room, time for you would go slower than it does in the room. Of course, you'd see time going slower in the room, but if you were to go back to said room, you'd have to accelerate, equalizing the difference.
...Not that any of that is relevant to this scenario.
I could totally see Sci Twi launching into that kind of spiel.
Minor point of order: Flutters isn't the sort to time things to the second, though she IS the sort to retain that sort of personal information about a teacher.
Also, AP English in Freshman Year? What kind of masochist is she?
Also also, this is about where you switch from present to past tense. You swap back and forth a few times: Either is fine, but keep it consistent unless there's a story reason to change.
Bet, not betted. Bet is both past and present tense.
I'm going to avoid most minor editing mistakes, but this is one I suspect you might not have known (I mean, how often does it come up?).
Hmm. I feel like Pinkie would actually be enthusiastic about that. She likes that sort of eccentricity.
Now THAT sounds like a Pinkie Pie line.
...Lol, horses.
I love them, sweet Luna! Can’t wait to see what’s next. This is good.
<3
9788292
Thank you for your critiques and comments. I'll certainly take them into account when I begin the next chapter.
9788300
I'm glad you liked it.
This has a lot of potential, but grammar could be better. I wouldn’t mind proofreading if you don’t already have a proofreader
Dude. You are my hero. I've been waiting for a decent story that talks about these two getting back together. One that's not just a one shot. Thank you so much for this story! And keep it up!
9788325
I. Would. Love. A proofreader.
9788377
Okay then. Just PM me whenever
I'd love to see more of this story! Sunset and Flash definitely deserve to add least be on good terms. Plus the shorts and stuff do tend to show them getting along well, even flirting at times.
9788333
You're so very welcome, and thank you so much for you support. You're breathtaking!
9788388
I'm so glad you are eager to see more of this story unfold!
9788390
Yeah. I'm a fan of Twilight and Flash when it comes to pony terms. But when it comes to the EQG world, I support SunFlash.
And sometimes I feel like most people don't give this ship enough credit.
Oh hey you implemented some of my suggestions! I feel honored.
Have Donnnnn make a proof-reading pass and you'll be rock solid!
This does add to the mystery of how the 'popular stories' thing works. I think I was about the 2nd person to read this, after the author...
9788535
Yeah as soon as I read your full list of critiques, I took one look at my story and went, "ooooh yeah that could be better." If you want, I can PM you the unpublished view password and let you have first critiques. Because, seriously, your feedback helped A LOT and it would be really helpful to get a second opinion before I publish a new chapter.
9788555
If you want, I don't mind. Just be aware I'm generally only able to do that kind of deep reading on Tuesdays and Sundays due to my work schedule.
This looks like a good start so far, but you really need a proofreader, I kept catching missing words throughout this whole chapter. Stuff like
"mean" needs to be there
And
Why would "you" arrange something. And put a question mark at the end of Fluttershy's sentence there too, I'd say.
That being said, I'm interested to see where this story goes. I do love FlashShimmer as a pairing. And if you want a proofreader, I'm more than happy to offer my services
9788946
Yeah, I've never been diagnosed but I'm positive I've got to have some form dyslexia. This is common problem for me when I write stuff. No matter how many times I read it, my mind will automatically inject the missing word and I'll never realize it's missing until someone points it out for me.
Now I've already got a proofreader but I don't see much harm in having a second one. I'll PM you the unpublished view password.
Poor Flash! It seems to be his destiny to keep bumping head-first into super-powerful pony girls and to then move on to have weird and emotionally-awkward relationships with them!
Sunset? You know the girls are right. This is something that needs to be done rather than just wait for it to fix itself. Rainbow and Pinkie presumed a lot but isn't that their nature? However, I think that things are going to be at least more settled, even if not automatically 'better' after tomorrow.
You know, there is a hard edge to Fluttershy in later seasons. This is a sweet Disney Princess in the mould of Mulan, Rapunzel or Merida!
Why isn’t Time Turner teaching phyYYSSics?