- Member Since 5th Feb, 2019
- offline last seen Yesterday
The Cloptimist
do not mistake peace for quiet
The Cloptimist
Joined 5th Feb, 2019 ·
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The Cloptimist · 4.5k words · 56 9 · 2.6k views
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This is the first part of what might be called the latex trilogy, which continues with a story about "you" and Twilight joining the shiny rubber fun (which I'm still polishing up, no pun intended) (EDIT: it's now up as Cause and Effect!) and then (currently) concludes with Test Drive.
Because it was born as an RP chat log, the characters in this first story are ponies and not anthro as in the other parts. But I hope you guys like it anyway!
Or an no-orgasm spell. That would drive him crazy.
Well, we can hardly disobey an priness, can we?
It seems even an dirty princess doesn't want to make a mess.
When you have a character in awe of something it's usually best to give a very detailed description of it. You somewhat did that but it could have used more. Such as that it seemed to have a split around her slit. That would not be easy to make and would stand out.
9795164
Thanks! This story, or at least the extended sex scene, was the first MLP thing I ever wrote - it actually predates Test Drive although I finished that one first, and originally it wasn't even meant to be a story at all (hence some of the descriptions being a bit vague - if I remember rightly this was an RP that was itself prompted by an artwork, so I didn't go into as much detail as I should have for people who weren't seeing it!)
I like to think that I got better since then... I personally think even here, you can see an improvement between the (older) clop part and the (newer) introductory frame part, something that for me is also true of the sequel Cause and Effect which came together the same way. And of course I had enormous fun writing these Latex Trilogy stories, so as long as people still enjoy them despite their flaws, I'm happy to keep them up here!
9795307
Well it wasn't just the descriptions being vague itself. When your protagonist is in awe of something then it's best to describe it in great detail as that is what will be going through their mind at the moment.
The introductions part was well written though I think a little too idealistic. I think presenting them as a little more realistic would be better. Such as that Cadance has bad days in which she yells at her assistants, Shining Armor can at times be gruff and rude, Cadance has to partake in traditions she feels are pointless to appease the nobility and stuff like that. That they too have bad days and have to do things they don't like. It would make her being so excited for this have a lot more meaning.
face
11290073
Fixed! That typo had been there for over 3 years, pretty much since I first signed up here (in fact, much of this was the first thing I ever wrote), so that's a little embarrassing. Thanks for the spot!
11290848 Don't be embarrassed, it was the only mistake I found, and only because I was listening to the story and not reading it.
Sometimes, I think readers are too forgiving. If they were more of grammar Nazzies, this mistake would have been fixed 3 years ago.