Counting Licks
“Truly? The world never found out how many licks it took?”
Nick shrugged at Luna. “Well, technically there was a study done, but I forgot how many it really was. I suppose the closest thing to a Tootsie Pop is the local candymaker's double-flavored lollipops, what with their inner core being a different flavor. But we'd still need an owl to answer it that won't bite the thing off after three licks! Heh, no way that would ever work.”
Luna readjusted her seating position, deep in thought. The pair's weekly talks about different cultures were always stimulating for both Luna and Nick. “Pray tell, friend Nicholas, dost thou have any of those special candies at hoof?”
“I think you mean, ‘on hand’, Luna. And yeah, I have a stash of ‘em in my room. I really like the blue raspberry ones with the grape core, so I keep a few spare for when they aren't in stock.”
“Then all is… what is the common phrasing in this modern age? All is funky fresh?”
Nick facepalmed. “Oh my God, just no. Stick with ye olde speecheth, I beg you.”
“Why? We thought we were doing a totally tubular job at modern speech!”
Nick woke up in the middle of the night after the day had passed. Something felt off. It might have just been his imagination, but some part of his instincts passed down from millenia of being a prey animal told him he was being watched. He hadn't opened his eyes yet, and laid perfectly still as the seconds audibly ticked by on his cuckoo clock. Rational thought warred with his fight or flight response, one side insisting that Equestria and Canterlot Castle specifically were so safe he'd never get hurt and the other half telling him to either stay still, run, or die.
Eventually, Nick warily cracked one eye open the tiniest bit, hoping to see what was going on in the pale light of the moon shining through the window. Much to his horror, a pair of big, predatory eyes stared back at him. His eyes shot open in terror, and he frantically scanned the room for anything to help. What he saw terrified him. Dozens of pairs of those same eyes stared at him in the dim light of the moon, waiting for him to make a move.
Slowly, cautiously, Nick schooched backwards in bed, his eyes never leaving the pair closest to him. The impromptu staring contest was at least keeping it in a state of curiosity instead of… he didn't want to think about what else this mass of shadowy blobs and eyes would want with him. He cautiously stepped out of bed, wincing internally as he heard a ruffle of feathers behind him. Still, nothing had attacked him yet, so he could more likely than not make it out of the room and-
“OUCH!”
Nick cried out in pain as he stepped on a sharp pebble that had gotten lodged in the carpet, and with that all hell broke loose. The collection of eyes were startled by the sudden noise, so was Nick. He nearly jumped three feet in the air from the shock, which scared the mass of eyes even more, and suddenly his room was a mob of activity as wings flapped and talons grabbed at things in the chaos.
“HELP!” He cried out, unable to see or hear from all the commotion around him.
“And just what do you all think you're doing?!”
That stern but soft-spoken voice made all the activity in the room grind to a halt in an instant, and a figure entered the door and flicked the lights on.
“Fluttershy?”
“Oh, um, h-hello, Nick. I'm sorry if I woke you…” the yellow pegasus grabbed a part of her mane and cutely tried to cover her face in shame. Nick took this moment to glance around the room at his attackers.
“Uh… Flutters? What's with all the owls?”
“Oh!” She brightened up quickly. “Princess Luna told me about your world's Mr. Owl and how he could never figure out something about a lollipop, so I offered to bring my owl friends to help you! But they just scared you.” She glared at the collection of fifty or so birds, sweeping her disapproving gaze over the room. “You should all be ashamed!”
“Hoo,” one replied apologetically.
“Uh… well, no harm done, I guess. Plus I can't be mad at you, Flutters. I will need to talk to Luna about pranks during my sleeping hours, though. But since these owls are here…” Nick reached under his bed and grabbed a lollipop, unwrapping it and holding it out to the nearest owl. “How many licks do you think it'll take to get to the center?”
The owl tilted its head in confusion, but leaned forward and licked at the sugary treat. One lick… two licks… three licks…
CRUNCH
Nick groaned. “Dangit, every time! I guess it's just not meant to be known anywhere…”
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This amuses me.
Also, first! Insomnia for the win!!
9540032
Same! I have work in 5 hours!
Birds man, what're ya gonna do?
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It's one in the morning over where I am, and I have school in the morning!
This pleases my inner child who rembers that old commercial on Saturday mornings
Why do they break after 3 licks?
Oh well, I guess we'll never know.
In the meantime, I wonder if there is a way for Nick to turn Celestia's throne into bananas?
Awww... you tooks away the fun chapter! Give us our Precious back! :D
You could make a more R rated version of this story if you want?
hehehe am I dating myself to say I remember the commercial Now Nick just needs to find someone to make him replacements
One! Two! For free! CRUNCH!
364 on average
You could have done something with hooters. You could have had Fluttershy tape the owls to her chest. That would have been funny.
Oh the nostalgia. Just need a chapter about Warheads Sour Candy, Captain Planet, and Kool-aid man shenanigans.
How many licks?
I called it that the chapter wasn't actually a chapter and therefore this chapter is the chapter, so now I'm commenting on the chapter that is actually the chapter about the chapter that wasn't the chapter.
As a wise proverb says:
永远不会放弃你!永远不会让你失望!-带着爱, 琥珀 S
Or: yǒng yuǎn bú huì fàng qì nǐ!yǒng yuǎn bú huì ràng nǐ shī wàng!- dài zhe ài , hǔ pò S
(Translation not Direct. Chinese Simplified, google translate.)I suggest you copy paste the characters, not the words.
Great chapter, the number of luck to reach the center varies on average between 252 by humans and 364 by a specialized licking machine.
I’m not sure if there is a proper way to give prank suggestions so I’ll just put them in this comment.
1) Nick pranks Celestia and Luna by slipping an enchanted paper packet into their daily paperwork. He then distracts them with a less subtle prank to draw their attention away from their work. The packet is enchant to duplicate for every half hour that it is not properly filled out. This enchantment applies to its duplicates as well. The result an ever growing pile of legal documents.
2) Celestia or Luna makes a bet with Nick and wins, the resulting prank is he has to go out on a blind date as Nickel Ingot.
9540621
I usually get suggestions in PM, but I prefer folks to put it in my blog post, the super prank war suggestion thread of awesomeness
Is this even a prank?
Your authors note reminded me of that old family guy 'skit'.
I'm just waiting for a prank using real fake doors
Ahh I like the direction you took it. Worked out better than what I suggested. Hang in there and get some sleep. Best princess awaits!
Haha great memories
9542982
Colorado. I'm a grad student in Boulder.
9540249 The older Tootsie Pops were larger.
Back in my day, it took me 932.
9540400 I remember the Super Hot Mega Warheads.
You don't forget pain like that easily.
9543844
We got the sour ones where I lived. So sour it caused drymouth and cleared any sinus issues you had for a day.
9543923 I recall the sour ones as well. We also had the ORIGINAL Sour Patch Kids... that made your mouth ulcerate and bleed if you ate a whole bag at once and kinda stripped the enamel from your teeth (acid, lol).
The hot ones... they were habanero-level hot.
Those were the days. We kids back then were so tough even our candy was hard-core.
I got a notification that a chapter titled "the ultimate april fool's day chapter" was uploaded, and the link goes to a 404 error. Great prank, but I get the feeling it was unintentional.
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" followed by a rickroll.
Yeah, i deleted it after april fool's. It was just "
well, it depends on the length of tongue, amount of saliva in the mouth per lick, and from what year the tootsie-pop came from, as they've become a little less thick over the years, but in 2'nd grade, a pair of girls decided to make that their project, and they concluded it was 227 licks.
I made it my own personal project to find out the answer. 386 licks, licking at all angles evenly. Plus or minus up to 15 licks, depending on variables like tongue length, salivary levels, etc.
Well if you suck on the lolly then it technically counts as one lick if you don't remove it from you mouth and keep sucking on it all day
Actually, Humans weren't prey animals. Even before the discovery of farming and making society.
Believe it or not, before the invention of tools, we were pursuit preditors. Yet we were the opposite of what you would expect, like a cheetah. Instead of running our prey down, we would walk at it. We would walk towards our meal until it died of exhaustion.
While yes, we could still be killed by other preditors, we were not purely prey.
9894507
I know about the whole pursuit predator thing, but we weren't exactly top of the food chain either, you know? We needed to know when to flee to fight another day. Good on you for pointing that out though. I take it you're an HFY fan, then?
9540400
9544147
They still make Warheads, you guys. At least, they still sell them up in here in Canada.
Proxy pranks are awesome!
Would the taste not longer last licking?