• Published 25th Sep 2018
  • 11,376 Views, 2,116 Comments

Prank War! - Ashfur

A crafty human and two alicorn princesses get into shenanigans together.

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Chapter Chapter

"Sister! We have received thy urgent summons. The messenger said we are in danger?" Luna was clearly winded from galloping all the way from her tower to the secret, fortified meeting room at the castle's center.

"Ah, Luna. I am glad you made it here safely. However," Nick began, sitting at the table with Celestia. He wore a black suit and tie, and a pair of sunglasses as well. "But Celestia and Luna won't be leaving this room."

Luna glared at Nick, anger clearly visible her face.
"Nicholas Abernathy, thou will explain thyself at once! Art thou threatening us?"

"No, but someone else has," interrupted Celestia. "We received a threat this morning in the mail claiming potential harm to one of both of us, so I requested Nick to help us out."

Celestia gestured to her human friend, who nodded and began to explain. "Alright, here's the situation. Late last night a letter was delivered that threatened the ponies known as Celestia and Luna. At some point during the next seven days, and I quote, 'a pony bearing one of those two names will suffer.' We cannot let this come to pass."

Luna gasped. "This is not good! I suppose you have a solution, Nicholas? It would be beneficial if we were not attacked this week."

Nick shrugged. "As if next week would be any better for us to be attacked? Regardless," he continued, taking on a more serious posture, "The solution is simple. The letter explicitly states that a pony with the name Celestia or Luna will suffer. So, for the rest of the week, we need to change your names!"

Celestia nodded. Luna's jaw dropped in shock at the simple yet elegant solution. Nick pulled out a list and kept talking. "So, I have a list of completely randomly assigned names here. No bias or anything. Oh geez, I've always wanted to say this..."

Nick leaned up against a mantelpiece and spoke with authority. "For security purposes, your names must now be changed daily. Today, the staff will refer to you as..."

A very irate midnight-blue alicorn walked down the halls, a very large scowl on her face. The guards to her left and right bowed respectfully, suppressing snickers and giggles. One was about to speak up, but an alabaster alicorn approaching stopped any chance of that. "Hello, my fellow princess. I was just about to go lower the sun. How are you?"

The lunar diarch sighed. "Hello, sister."

"Use my name, Princess Loopy Frou-Frou."

Luna growled in anger. "Hello, Best Princess," she replied, venom dripping from her voice.

Celestia chuckled. "Are you still upset about this whole name changing precaution we have going? Today is the last day of it."

"What I am upset about," Luna griped, "is how you got all the cool names and I get stuck with the entire castle staff calling me Princess Loopy Frou-Frou!" Indeed, it had been a bad week for Luna. From day one until now, she had been saddled with ridiculous names from Nick's 'unbiased draw', while Celestia got names that either fit her perfectly or were some form of compliment.

Over the past six days, Celestia had taken up the names of Kindhearted Ruler, Shimmering Mane, Daylight Hope, Clear Skies, Blessed Hope, and now, much to Luna's chagrin, Best Princess. Luna, on the other hand, continued to get the short end of the stick. It started innocently enough, with her being made to take up the name 'Princess Princess' the first day, but the temporary names got progressively worse as the week progressed. Fuzzy-Wuzzy Lumpelkins followed suit, succeeded by Moony McMooncheeks XVII, #UltraButt and XxJagerbomb420xX. And now Princess Loopy Frou-Frou.

"Let's just get this over with. Maybe you'll get the dumb name this time."

Inside the briefing room, Nick leaned against the mantelpiece as he had the past six days. "Good evening, ladies. Ready to get started?"

"Actually Nicholas," Luna began, "I was wondering if you could perhaps swap mine and my sister's assigned names for tomorrow. Perhaps..." she thought of an excuse, hoping to get the good name for the last day of this suffering. "Perhaps our assailant has gotten word of this, and still knows who to make suffer?"

Nick grinned. "Believe me, I know who my targets are." Winking, he added, "Having fun, my dear double agent?"

Luna's eye twitched. Celestia replied, "Oh, loads of fun! We should do this more often."

"I would be delighted to. Luna, Celestia, for security reasons, I am afraid your names must be changed daily one last time. Celestia, today we shall refer to you as Prank Master. And Luna, today we shall refer to you as..." A silence descended upon the room as Nick pulled out a long sheet of paper. Celestia tried to hold back from guffawing. Both of Luna's eyes twitched.

"... Zibble-Wibble, Oops! In My Kibble, Walla-Walla-Walla-Walla the Third!"

As the moon set, the lunar princess held Nick high above the moat, ready for a well-earned dunk. "Any last words?"

Nick scoffed. "On my honor, I will have my revenge, Zibble-Wibble, Oops! In My Kibble, Walla-Wallaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....."

Hearing a satisfying splash, Luna turned and trotted back inside. "Next time, pick a shorter name."

Author's Note:

I can't take credit for this prank! It's from one of my childhood guilty pleasures, the cartoon known as The Secret Show! The commander had his name changed daily "For security reasons", and the running joke was the name was always ridiculous. Here, have a look:


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