• Member Since 13th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Dec 31st, 2020

InfiniteBrony


T
Source

The supernatural: Ghosts, zombies, werewolves, spirits... vampires...

Twilight Sparkle always thought that the supernatural was just a bunch of superstitious nonsense, just some scary stories to tell around a campfire. She couldn't have been more wrong.

After an occult ritual gone horribly right, Twilight finds herself among the ranks of these so called 'myths', whether she likes it or not. Due to the same force that changed her, dark shadows have begun to spread across Equestria, bringing to life these ancient fairy tales. And Twilight might just be the only one that can stop them...


For better or for worse, Twilight has been changed. Will she embrace this dark gift and become the hero Equestria needs, or will she eventually succumb to temptation and become the very thing she fights?

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 915 )

Hey there everypony. This story is just this idea I've had in my head lately that wouldn't go away unless I did something about it. I may or may not continue this story based on how well it is received. Even if I do it will only be a side-project, just something to write when I get bored of everything else.

Please, rate and comment and tell me what you think.


~Signed, InfiniteBrony

Will give it a read, i'll edit this as i'm done.

Edit: the first paragraph was filled with some minor errors, but the rest.. man.. that's good stuff, great pacing, as far as i know atleast, but dang.
Faved, tracked, and all that stuff.


After-i've-read-it-all-and-in-ultra-fangirl-mode-edit: I like this, i like it alot, i can't really put it into words, but there's something about it.. it's great stuff.

still, found minor typo's here and there.

Hmm. It can be hard to say at this point. The action is a touch... graphic, but you achieved a pace befitting what was taking place. The beginning proved ponderous, but once finished with your imagery sufficiently painted a picture without getting in the way. The plot alone remains murky and hidden from view.

I dare say further delvings shall be necessary.

Hmm... I can't wait to see where this is going. You do need a proofreader as was pointed out, but other than that it looks very good. I will be watching this story grow.

Not the first vampony story I've seen, but this one seems a touch... fantastic, compared to SteampunkBrony's 'The Vampony Chronicles'. I will track this out of sheer curiosity.

:pinkiegasp::fluttercry::applecry: Twilight. What's happened to you?:ajsleepy::raritydespair:
I really like this story. I'm going to be watching this.

An exiciting beginning. :twilightsmile:

Get an editor though, there are groups on this site that can help hook you up with one.

P.S.

From the title, I am hoping Twi gets knighted and called 'Dame Twilight Sparkle'.

so twilight was already strong enough to kill a vampire and several cultists and now she is a vampire make ing her at least 4 times as tough there for meaning this :twilightangry2:face is where you yell HIDE YO KIDS YO SELF AND ANYTHING YOU WANT TO REMAIN IN EXISTENCE
in other words mesa likey

Intriguing, more will be welcome.

Yay, more vampire Twilight. I'm liking your battle scenes which I think are better than several I have read as of late even outside of this fandom. This should be a most amusing ride but I'll wait to upvote until I know some of what is going to happen next.

So, vampiric Twilight whose first meal was a demonic centaur. That's bound to have some interesting consequences. I look forward to seeing what.

One question, though: Why did Twilight go it alone? Yes, certain members of the Mane Six aren't exactly the stealthiest of ponies (*cough*rainbowdash*cough), but six bodies are generally better than one. That just bugs me, is all.

In any case, this seems quite promising. Up-thumbed and favorited.

.............

My god. I.... I don't even know what to say.......

Thank you all! This is AMAZING! I've never had such a great reception to a story before! This just.... it makes me.....
i1168.photobucket.com/albums/r492/InfiniteBrony/z_front.jpg

Seriously, thank you all. This story became more popular in 5 hours than my last one did in 5 weeks. Do you know how favorites it has right now? 7. And this one already has 50. 50. That's incredible. I'm so happy you all like it.


And in response to all of your comments about typos and stuff: I already know. You're right, I don't have a proofreader (just a pre-reader). And It's not really for lack of trying either. If any of you could point me in the direction of a good proofreader, I would be grateful. Once more, thank you all.


~Signed, InfiniteBrony

1017909

Hmm... the ones I know of may or may not be availble and tend to just edit stories they come across and really like. If you have not done so, consider applying to the Looking for Editors group.

1017950
Thanks for the advice. :twilightsmile:

I'll go look into that right now.


~Signed, InfiniteBrony

You know, seeing that that guy just said Thrall, and Twilight just killed his ass dead, would that make her a vampire lord? Or whatever the shenanigans the female version of lord is.

Lady?

Whatever.

So now I suspect that since the Pandora's box of chaos has been cracked open gleefully, I think a certain somepony is gon have to level up in the 3.5 system. Mainly because having a vampire as a class in 4e is a bucket full of ponies.

And not the friendchips, pastel colored kind.

You have my attention. :moustache: Now amuse me.

1018518
I applaud your astute observations (and I kinda think the cover image helped give it away [at least I hope so {side-noteception}]).

Although half of your comment makes so little sense it hurts my brain........ and I like it.


~Signed, InfiniteBrony

i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/103/740/c2c.png

I noticed in the picture, in the bottom left is a red book named "Cupcakes". I see what you did there.

1018553

Don't worry, my author friend.

The brain hurt right now is nothing like what we'll be experiencing on this little ride.

1018588
Oh no, if you want to see brain-hurt, then you should have seen me when I was trying to write the opening to this chapter right here of this story. I legitimately gave myself a headache. And about half an hour later my ears started to bleed. It wasn't pretty. But it was worth it.


~Signed, InfiniteBrony

1018624

Then I strive to do not only that, but make your nose bleed in confusion in a comment with your story.

You have my word.

Hihi!
Good to see this concept (Twilight Sparkle as a vampony) being written with the care and intent that goes into all good stories, rather than as a half-flanked/rushed/empowerment-fantasy piece (which really is more in relation to vampires and vamponies as a whole, not necessarily specific to Twilight Vampony Sparkle).

Your writing style is nice, you vary your use of adjectives and your use of terms to refer to whomever is speaking, and while you verge on purple prose you never quite get there, which is hard to manage and good to both see and appreciate. Your reasoning and explanation for getting to 'Twilight is Vampony' and your opening work with the setting is good- it would be nice if you didn't flat out state 'Equestria has underworldy side', though, that shouldn't be necessary (and with the way you outline things, isn't) and could stand to be removed and/or replaced with a more specific reference to the cult in question (removed outright is probably better, as you do begin explaining the cult). For the most part aside from that your explanations are woven fairly well into the narrative, so kudos on that.

A few spelling/grammar things:

so close that if one were to fell so tempted
This is at the very beginning. That should be 'feel', not 'fell', and appearing right at the start before you have a chance to establish your quality as a writer makes it really important to get that fixed ASAP.

fresh torches filled the scones along the walls
Sconces is the word you want. Scones are tasty crumbly British things that aren't really biscuits. Num num num. And you should never stick a torch in one, unless it's one of the low-quality imitation ones.

Barging in there, horns blazing and consequences be damned,
I'm sure you didn't mean to pluralize 'horn', so please fix? Thankee!

gave way entirely to instinct, screech a single word, “Blood!”
Should be 'screeching', yes?

All in all, I am liking this quite a bit, make sure you fix that 'fell/feel' so nobody will get discouraged by that appearing in the first sentence (mistakes like that are very common in fics written by those who don't bother to either proofread or think about what they're writing, so having that show up right away will sadly get a lot of people to skip on reading the thing). Gonna be watching this.

Write on! :twilightsmile:

So this isn't a side project anymore huh?

1018839
Thank you. :twilightsmile:

People have been pointing out that I've made mistakes but they wouldn't say what mistakes. This really helps a lot (you have no idea how often I make that fell/feel mistake). Thankfully I have a proofreader now and such things shouldn't be a recurrence in the future.


~Signed, InfiniteBrony

1018855
Definitely not. I actually have chapter 2 pulled up in microsoft word in another window right now.


~Signed, InfiniteBrony

1018874
It seems a bit rushed in some parts, but its probably just me. Welcome to the vampony community, now you have to stay forever.:twilightsmile:

I would really like to see the concept of twilight getting corrupted, if only for a little while,, as a vampony. In every story that I have read she uses her powers or abilities for good, and well that became dull and boring, at least for me. Great chapter btw, have a mustache :moustache: .

1018917
Thanks.

I think I will like it here. In fact, I already started my own group.


~Signed, InfiniteBrony

Awesome story. I have a soft spot for vampony Twilight stories, so faved and upvoted :twilightsmile:

1018949
there's another group that's been active for a while

Equestrian Vampirism

1019013
.........................
















Crap. I wish I had known about that a week ago. I looked but I couldn't find anything.


~Signed, InfiniteBrony

For the night is young, the air is cold and there are stories to be told. Ha that phrase got stuck in my head since I first joined the group.

1019047

I like my intro to the group better........ *sniff*



~Signed, InfiniteBrony

I can't say I like this due to the very concept of it all. Sorry.:unsuresweetie:

1019059
Not as catchy as that rhyme, sorry! :pinkiehappy:

I am planning on editing some more chapters of a friend's story tomorrow, so I decided to do some editing practice on your story. I hope you don't mind. Also, I really enjoyed this first chapter. It was paced very well and you managed to convey the emotions of each scene very well. All of these edits are little things that jumped out at me. If you need an editor, don't hesitate to ask. I always try to make time for those who need it. Just send me a pm.

'Equestria was not the happy paradise it appeared to be on the surface, it had a dark underside that a select rare few knew about; and Twilight Sparkle suddenly found herself among there number.'
~Should be their instead of there.
' Her eyes flew open so wide it was almost painfully as every head in the room immediately turned to face her.'
~Should just be painful.
'Not wanting to waste time and deal with each of them individually, Twilight gripped the horns of all four of the cultist unicorns in her telekinetic field forced a copious amount of energy into each of them all at once.'
~There should be an 'and' just before forced.
'Pain wracked her every movement, every little twitch would send a fresh wave of burning agony cascading through her body.'
~I'm not completely sure, but I think there should be an 'and' before every. Or the comma should be a period since the parts before and after it are both complete sentences.
'Her longs were getting longer and more slender, her torso elongating and becoming thinner, shapelier.'
~Don't know what longs are, but I assume you meant legs.

1019062

Eh, it's not for everyone. I honestly thought this thing would just get 50 or so views and a comment or two and then I'd go back to my other story. Sorry you don't like it, but not everyone likes everything. Whatca gonna do? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png


~Signed, InfiniteBrony

Please, sir, can I have some moar? :fluttershysad:

1019092
Thank you for the catch! :pinkiehappy:

I'll go fix that right now.

'Pain wracked her every movement, every little twitch would send a fresh wave of burning agony cascading through her body.'
~I'm not completely sure, but I think there should be an 'and' before every. Or the comma should be a period since the parts before and after it are both complete sentences.

For future reference in your yet-to-come endeavors, what was wrong here is that the comma should have been a semicolon.

~Signed, InfiniteBrony

1017878
By the time she found out what was going on, she barely had time to send a letter to the princesses. Do you really think she had the time to run, wake her friends up, explain the problem, and get there in time to stop it? She didn't even have enough time to stop it on her own. Had she gotten some of her friends the fight may have been easier, but it would have taken too long to get them and get there. Plus, she wasn't planning on fighting. She was going to sneak in, break the ritual circle, and then deal with the consequences. If only that piece of wood hadn't gotten in the way, but then we wouldn't have this story if it hadn't.

-not even by the myriad of stars that surrounded it on all side throughout the night sky.

Should be sides.

1019158
You people really know how to make a guy feel like an idiot, don't you? :derpytongue2:

Thanks. :twilightsmile:


~Signed, InfiniteBrony

Random question. Why do you always sign your comments? :rainbowhuh:

nnghhh why is Twilight ALWAYS A VAMPIRE!? I have NEVER seen a story of this style, with like, vampires, werewolves, etc. etc. where she is NOT VAMPIRE!? Seriously, why the hell does nobody ever make her a werewolf or something?

1019185

It's something I picked up a while ago. I think Glassed said it best: it helps to make my comments feel more personal. I don't like the idea of people using internet anonymity to run around and say things without even thinking about what their saying. I feel a signature helps to prove that I actually mean what I say and care about the opinions of others and what they have to say to me.


~Signed, InfintieBrony

Hehe, wonder how her friends are going to take this? Or spike?

-in all its glory, had inspired so many a poem or song or ballad through.

I feel that that line is a bit off. What I mean is either it had inspired so many poems, ballads, etc. OR it had inspired many to compose, write, etc. a poem or ballad or song.

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