• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen July 3rd

Cliophidian


T

Twilight awakes from a minor magical accident to find herself dead. She believes she is doomed to wander Equestria for all eternity, that is until she discovered certain ponies could see lost souls like her, ponies like Princess Luna.


First fic, blah blah blah, constructive criticism, blah blah blah, if you favorite it like it blah blah blah, etc...

Cover art isn't mine

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 190 )

This bodes interestingly. I'll keep my eye on it. On the other side of the page, did you mean for the response spoken by the mask to be a question? "Just a friendly soul?"

If you fave it, like it!

Anyways good story.

I for one say this warrants a 'Watch this & see where it goes'. :pinkiesmile:
Don't let us down! :trollestia:

I will be watching to see where this goes, but hopefully future chapters will be a bit longer.

Very interesting idea :D! I like where it's going~

ill keep watching this it seems interesting!

"Pro-tip #6! If someone aproaches you saying they're friendly, and you're in this place. . . . . They're not friendly"

BR

This looks interesting. A few minor errors that need to be fixed, though.

"Spike, DO you have any"

Ponyville should be capitalized in "the most powerful unicorn in Ponyville.

Promissing start, looking forward to see where this leads.

zel

After [vampire/alicorn/changeling] Twilight stories we shall soon receive massive flood of ghost Twi. I can just feel it dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_gaze.png

very interesting! Keep up the good work and I'll keep following :pinkiehappy:

Twilight awakens from a minor magical accident to find herself dead.

Well shit, I think that's a bit more than a MINOR magical accident!

:twilightoops: "What'd I do?! Trip over a log during teleportation and scramble my atoms across the next GALAXY!?"

Neat lets see where this goes

First fic and it's in the feature box? Wow.

Also, this seems really cool. Upvote & fav from me.

This has potential to be epic

Looking forward to the next chapter

what thor said earlier

Curiosity killed the pony it seems :facehoof: (no, I'm not talking about the robot on mars landing on a pony and killing it:trollestia:)

Faved and Thumbs up to content alone.

1. Got my eye on you dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_rainbowderp_flip.png

2. That is probably the best description i have seen in a long time.

hmm i say it is a good start, let's see where it brings us.

i have not read this yet but if she was killed would i still be classified as a minor accident that sounds more major or at least fatal

a few grammatical errors spread out across the chapter, that's very hard to avoid though, and it didn't interrupt the flow much.
im guessing/hoping that you're going to explain what happened in details in the next chapter

She could fight back, she was the most magical unicorn in ponyville, likely Equestria, she was the personal protege of Princess Celestia, she was the element of magic, the core of the elements of harmony, and she would not be beaten by this!

that first sentence gives me the picture of twilight considering if you should fight back or not, like; "i guess i could fight back", which doesn't fit very well with the rest of the sentence

Twilight stepped out onto a balcony, overlooking a maze of bookshelves,several.

that part (underlined) isn't necessary and nor does it make sense.

Twilight jumped about a foot in the air and turned around mid-air, to see a mask floating behind her. There was nothing particularly special about the mask, other than it was floating.

“And who might you be?” Twilight inquired.

she's just been in a giant box made of fire and brimstone, and now there's a mask, floating in the air behind her, and it's talking; and that's her reaction? she's very very calm for being twilight in this situation. it's not that much of an issue really, just a thought i had.

So, what's Spike doing?

Interesting premise. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes. Great work.

TWILIGHT THE FRIENDLY GHOST~ :pinkiecrazy:

Accidents are accident.
This was deliberate. This was planned. This was .. Du Du Dunnnnnn!
Murder!
(asuming that The Mask did not intend to bring Twily back if she failed the test :facehoof: )

Good work, this has potential. Great first attemt.:pinkiehappy: But it is some minor problems that are there. You need to hit the word as they say. Don't stop half away. Tell your story in a differente angle. As what the person (or in this case, ponies) feel like and ect. Use also metafores to increase the qvalety of the story. It will be in big help. And descripsens, a lot of it. And streamers...:pinkiehappy:
Pinkie? Get out of my computer! Anyway, good story. Keep it up!

First fic, blah blah blah, constructive criticism, blah blah blah, if you favorite it like it blah blah blah, etc...

cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/24910453.jpg

Holy balls what happened here? First time I've ever seen a new story and on the New Story's page nonetheless get more than fifty likes. And the author was a relative unknown. Sorry, overall...it was good. That is all I can say about this.

Seems interesting. :twilightsmile:
Liked and faved. Please make more! :pinkiehappy:

I want to see where this goes. This is an awesome start to a story, I wish I had that kind of talent...

-Ambassador of the Changelings,
Dopple Ganger

1086287 Well, the accident itself was really minor. She was just encased in that semiliquid. A major accident with Twi would propably involve blowing up the library or even more.

CDR

Hey! You! More! NOW!!!

please

For the record, I got the idea for this story from spending too much time reading D&D manuals. Also my friend and fellow author Cade YYZ is currently holding a chisel to my throat. help, please

I'll have to admit, this has got me hooked, and I'm a little disappointed that there's not more.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6xe2yJw2u1r5nh4ko1_500.gif

I'm torn. On the one hand, it's implied Twiluna; on the other, Twilight's dead. Decisions, decisions...

Hm. Okay - you've caught my attention. Now what are you going to do?
Although, I do have one tiny nitpick...
The words 'minor' and 'death' should not appear in the same sentence except when being played for lulz. Because, well, it isn't all that minor if somebody _died_.

Why do I have the impression this is some bored super-being's experiment? Probably too many D&D manuals... :trollestia:
Liked and favorited. Let's see where this goes...

First fic? Either that's lie, or you were born good at writing. Featured! Good job on that by the way. Have a Derpy for when you read (New tab).

Okay, I'm interested. Tracked!

ANOTHER! ASAP!!!!!!

Hmm... Too early to tell. I'm really intrigued, but it's not enough to go on. Faving, but only to track it. I want to see how this pans out. It's a bit fast-paced for a beginning, though.

I love this story. Mind if I help out with pre-reading by the way? Also, is your name a Monty Python reference?

How do people come up with stories like this? It's just amazing. I gotta think harder when thinking of a new story.

Interesting... tracking. I want to see where this goes. That said, longer chapters would be appreciated.

“Spike, ydo you have any idea what this is?” Twilight waited a second and there was no answer.

Bit of a typo there...

Twilight stepped out onto a balcony, overlooking a maze of bookshelves,several.

Um... what? Maybe you meant "a maze of several bookshelves?" (though that would make a very small maze)

1088279 I gotcha bro, write one about the origins of nurse Redheart titled 'If I Go Crazy, Will You Still Call Me Supermare?' It will lead us into her day-to-day life and times of Nurse Redheart's career, portraying how she fights her inner demons to retain a sense of duty. Life isn't easy for one of the few nurses in a town of chaos.

Bam, all off the top of my head in, what? Two minutes? Take complete credit for story, I just want to see it written haha! Sounds pretty good by description lol.
heyokay.com/images/It's%20Free%20Real%20Estate.gif

Gif to bring peoples attention.:trollestia:

Mechanically and stylistically, it's a bit of a mess. Hopefully you use your success as encouragement to improve on those skills, since the idea and atmosphere of this story are good.

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