When Twilight receives a letter from Princess Celestia asking her to come to the castle for something very important, Twilight is puzzled. What Princess Celestia and Luna have to tell her will change the Unicorn's life forever.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 2nd Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 8th, 2018
Fattymagee1
Aspiring to live under a bridge, but the man keeps holding me down.
Fattymagee1
Joined 2nd Feb, 2012 ·
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Seems like an interesting concept. *adds to "To Read" list*
This seems promising. I'm interested to see how it goes.
I found this mildly entertaining. I can't wait to see where you are going with this! ( Although I do have some idea)
Yes... this is good!
i like the concept...
And it stopped....
grrrrr Right when it was getting to the good part.
...
...
...
Damn cliffhangers.
And i am hooked. Wonderful so far my good sir or madam. Only thing that threw me off was how she was introduced, probably could have been reduced to "favored student of Princess Celestia, a savor of Princess Luna and embodiment of the element of Magic." Just something that flowed a bit more and was a little less... wordy. That however is incredibly minor so here have a Derpy for your good work
Alright, you have my attention.
Show me what you've got. Go on. Impress me.
An interesting start, with good description and characterization, but I wish to see more before I truly render my judgement...
i want to read more, so please update soon. i really don't like being left behind on stories and it happens so often.
591729 Don't worry, you won't be waiting long
591739 yay! i love stories like this!
Alicorn Twilight is best Twilight. I wonder how Equestria will fair under Twilight's rule though.
Woo! New chapter already! Like the scedeual or how ever the
you spell it.
w00t!! i'm still iffy about her being the daughter of two women ,even if by magic, but i like this story too much so i ain't complainin'
continue,please?
592111 schedule*
I like the plot, but there's quite a few grammatical errors etc...
Don't mind it, though! As long as the story is good!
My jaw dropped.
592217 Thanks for letting me know, I'll fix those right up
good story ( just my preference but i think you should have it where twilight goes through knowing she will out live the elements and everyone else except spike maybe and all the sad but good stuff) granted it was pretty predictable what was going to happen as soon as linage was brought up granted who cares its a good story
MORE!
"The room you are standing is the hall of rulers past. Very few are aloud here, Twilight Sparkle." Luna spoke as they reached the end of the hall.
I think this should probably be "allowed"
592497 lol yeah I'm not sure how i made that mistake, ill fix that right up!
"Could you give a dragon a brake for once?"
"... a brake for once?"
brake...
prollyisnotprobably.com/old/assets_c/2011/12/Brake-01-thumb-500x332-28077.jpg
Here you go!
592705 wow apparently I suck at spelling lol thanks for showing me that
More. Now. Pleasele? Have a favorite and a thumb.
We love to support your gas.
Good chapter.
Now that is a painful transformation. Please keep up with this, the plot seems to just be starting.
As much as I like the idea, I always remember how similar Twilight is to her mom. Did Celestia model Twilight after Star Sparkle or something?
Alright, the only problems this story has is a few spelling errors and being overly descriptive. Remember, 3000 words may look nice, but a 1500 word story with no filler is usually better. That said... Please, carry on.
five words first story likew this read
when i read the description i thought it was definitely gonna turn into a alicorn-twi/twilestia fic, as it turns out; that is incredibly improbable (the latter of the two that is)...
so now im mostly wondering what you're gonna do with that romance tag...
still, even if it's not exactly what i was expecting, it will be interesting to see where you go with this story as a whole
Well, aside from the grammatical errors and repeated words (OCD Pony here, sorry, I just notice that to easily) The story is great. You got me hooked. As well as the grammatical errors I did see a few things that other authors have pointed out to me, such as
"It was a long hall, the floor was covered in a long red rug." where you repeated long twice in the same sentence. It's just a tad redundant. Try using another word to replace the first or second long.
Such as
"It was a grand hall, and the floor was covered in a long red rug"
Also, there is the Your and You're issue, as well as There, Their, and They're
Your- Belongs to
You're- You are
There- Location (It's over there)
Their- It belongs to them (Their cutie marks)
They're- They are (They're everywhere)
Anypony else, please correct me if I'm wrong on something.
Great story, anyhow! Keep it up!
593287 I'm still working on the romance part of the story, but you'll get it eventually, don't worry.
593472 Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely make those changes and do that in future chapters
Very much yes!!!!
Okay so I went through both of the chapters, and I corrected all the stupid little typos and bad grammar that I somehow made when I wrote this, I promise it is of much higher quality now. Thank you all for letting me know that, and I promise future chapters to come will not have so many typos and bad grammar as these two chapters had. Stay posted, as Chapter 3 will be up soon.
"Deep in concentration", not "deep in consecration."
Interesting idea, though it's been done before. I look forward to your twist on it.
592336
I like this so far. Very good descriptions in the castle. I also liked the transformation scene.
Here is one more edit.
She continued to sob as she was gently lowered the floor and came to rest on her side.
Well, I love it so far, and I think I see where the main conflict could be headed. Hope I'm right, and hope you post more soon.
Good story so far. Awesome idea about the guard. I say do it.
Nice fic. I like where this is going. A lot of people believe those 'Alicorn!Twilight' fics sucks, but everytime I read one, I enjoy it... I don't know why they think that way..
Keep going, it's nice, though a bit developing too fast for me.
TRIXIE.....
also don't give guard a part in story i think we need to focus on PRINCESS twilight sparkle
I don't like the way you called Twilight's parents her "former parents". That's kind of insulting to people who've raised adoptive children. Just because a person's adopted and discovers their biological progenitors does not automatically rescind the right and position of the people that have raised them to be their mother and father.
When I saw that chapter title my first thought was "Oh buck, not ANOTHER good fic gone", then I read the chapter.
596117 Okay I understand what you're saying, and you are right of course, I promise I was not intending to offend anyone with that. Thanks for your concern, i'll change that.
Couldn't really concentrate because of the grammatical errors and faults in the storytelling... you should look up and study a couple of guides. Also, sorry about this, I'm just really obsessive when it comes to these things.
Nice Story so far, will definately keep track of it.
Though, i'm not so keen on OC's being shipped with the mane 6, and RD has been shipped with literally everything that moves and sometimes with things that doesn't move. So, I would give the guard a no-go for fear of it becoming cliché. But hey, just a suggestion, looking forward to the rest of the story
596253 lol you're right i should, this is literally the first fictional story I have ever written for fun on any subject, so thats why Its not a grammatical masterpiece since I am not the best writer. I will read over it again and try to correct those, thanks for letting me know
I am quite pleasantly surprised with the huge amount of publicity this fic has still received regardless of grammar issues on this site in just a day, thank you all.
you are behind the weels(for now). I think Rainbow Dash was a bit fast in the learnig progress. It took me a three weeks in the flight simulator to have a good landing with out any help from the autopilot.
596379 Who said the learning process was over? There is still much more for Twilight to learn than just simple hovering