• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 57 minutes ago

Admiral Biscuit


"This was quite well written, and the characters had a very natural feeling back and forth. Shame I didn't like it at all."

T
Source

Your (hopefully) temporary roommate Filly Anon decides to play Pokemon Go while you're at work. Without a cell phone. Or a concept of augmented reality.

She does have a cardboard Pokeball, though.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 76 )

I can't help but feel sorry for little Filly Anon. All she needs is a cuddle, some hot chocolate and a few rabies shots. Shots before cuddles.

I want to hug you

I... don't know what to say.


8869531

I suppose that works.

Well, on the bright side it could have been a skunk* instead. Although the house might be in better physical shape, he wouldn't be able to live in it without a gas mask.

Thanks for the laugh. :twilightsmile:

* I mention a skunk because one crossed right in front of the door I was going to enter work through, this morning. And hey, black and white with a horrifying defense mechanism. 'Kitty' was BIG—I waited a minute for Kitty to move on before heading in. Imagine the Worker's Comp claim...

8869501

I can't help but feel sorry for little Filly Anon. All she needs is a cuddle, some hot chocolate and a few rabies shots. Shots before cuddles.

Earth ponies are pretty robust, so she'll probably be fine.

Although the rabies shots are a good idea.

8869557

I... don't know what to say.

Usually, it's "Goddammit, Admiral." :rainbowlaugh:

8869584

Well, on the bright side it could have been a skunk* instead. Although the house might be in better physical shape, he wouldn't be able to live in it without a gas mask.

That wouldn't have been as much of a surprise, though. You can smell those suckers for quite some distance when they go off.

Thanks for the laugh.:twilightsmile:

You're welcome!

*I mention a skunk because one crossed right in front of the door I was going to enter work through, this morning. And hey, black and white with a horrifying defense mechanism. 'Kitty' was BIG—I waited a minute for Kitty to move on before heading in. Imagine the Worker's Comp claim...

Yeah, skunks are totally something you don't want to anger, unless you don't mind smelling like skunk for the next week or so. Best to let them just do their thing.

I don't think that there are any who live near my house, but it's certainly possible that there are. I haven't seen one yet, anyways, and hopefully I never do.

8869590
I'll do it then.

Goddammit, Admiral. :facehoof:

thumbs up and faves

8869597 I work in Silicon Valley, so it was a mild surprise for me (and fortunately there was no smell), but really they're endemic to California.

The cardboard pokeball was cute and endearing, but maybe he should consider getting her a pony-size tablet with a metered service connection. :raritywink:

8869624

I'll do it then.
Goddammit, Admiral.:facehoof:
thumbs up and faves

:heart:

Such a silly pony. Good luck in getting rid if that badger as they are downright mean.

8869635

I work in Silicon Valley, so it was a mild surprise for me (and fortunately there was no smell), but really they're endemic to California.

That is kind of surprising. I don't picture there being skunks in California. Seals, yes (probably not in Silicon Valley, though).

The cardboard pokeball was cute and endearing, but maybe he should consider getting her a pony-size tablet with a metered service connection.:raritywink:

I can only imagine how much trouble Filly Anon could get into with a computer. She might start buying bitcoins or something like that. :rainbowlaugh:

8869650

Such a silly pony. Good luck in getting rid if that badger as they are downright mean.

I'd say that the house is a total loss at this point. The only reasonable course of action is burn it down--that should flush the badger out, and it can be rebuilt badger-free.

After this and the last Filly Anon story, I have to ask: Is Filly Anon a ponified version of L/Cpl Schmuckatelli? Or That Guy, or Carl, maybe? :rainbowlaugh:

8869662
I'm honestly not sure what her origin story is. A ponified, fillified version of Anon is the best I can figure, based on images on Derpibooru (and do yourself a favor and have safe search on--brain bleach ain't cheap).

I suppose I could dig deeper into the meme, but where's the fun in that?

8869654

I can only imagine how much trouble Filly Anon could get into with a computer. She might start buying bitcoins or something like that. :rainbowlaugh:

Filly Anon, Day trader. When it comes to the stock market, jumping out the window is traditional. Living on the ground floor, Filly Anon would probably find it fun. At least until the repo men take all of her roommates stuff...

*sigh* Whatever are we going to do with you, Admiral? :ajbemused:

... this is pretty shitposty

Usually, second person + Anon + only 1000 words + obvious shitposting = nope
It's a trusted equation.

Then again, it's Biscuit. And it's his "Madness Week" So, what the hell? I'm reading this.

It goes as well as you can expect. And I don't know if I need to laugh or be mad. :facehoof:

8869822

Filly Anon, Day trader. When it comes to the stock market, jumping out the window is traditional. Living on the ground floor, Filly Anon would probably find it fun.

That sounds like a story I'd read. I think it would be fun for her, and maybe she'd be good at it.

At least until the repo men take all of her roommates stuff...

Well, at least it's not her stuff they're taking (and what are they going to get? A slightly shredded cardboard Pokeball? Half-eaten Tide Pods?).

8869868

*sigh* Whatever are we going to do with you, Admiral?:ajbemused:

Hang on and enjoy the ride, I guess.

8869913

... this is pretty shitposty

Friday's is gonna be more shitposty.

8870243

Usually, second person + Anon + only 1000 words + obvious shitposting = nope
It's a trusted equation.

I'm not going to claim that this isn't shitposting. Fair warning, Friday's is gonna be the epitome of shitpostery.

Then again, it's Biscuit. And it's his "Madness Week" So, what the hell? I'm reading this.

:heart:

It goes as well as you can expect. And I don't know if I need to laugh or be mad.:facehoof:

I think you can be both. Probably should be, honestly.

8869868
Give him a cookie?

8870395
That's adorable. *buries you in cookies*

I confess, I was expecting an actual Mightyena. Not the least disappointed, but...well it wouldn't have surprised me.

8870429
I'm not really up on my Pokemon, so I'm not sure if an actual Mightyena would be worse than an irate badger.

8870447
Mightyena can funnel fire, electricity and extreme cold through their fangs, change the weather, and fire balls of toxin, among other things. They'll also steal your stuff and throw sand in your face. You can't even tranquilize them for safety because they can attack you in their sleep.

A badger is probably a lot more ferocious, though.

To be fair, I'm pretty sure badgers also have the Intimidate ability, so it's not that hard to confuse the two.

8870565

Mightyena can funnel fire, electricity and extreme cold through their fangs, change the weather, and fire balls of toxin, among other things. They'll also steal your stuff and throw sand in your face. You can't even tranquilize them for safety because they can attack you in their sleep.

So basically if somebody's offering a free Mightyena on Craigslist, I should probably give that a pass and settle for a kitten.

Anon's lucky that Filly Anon didn't catch an actual Mightyena.

8870748

To be fair, I'm pretty sure badgers also have the Intimidate ability, so it's not that hard to confuse the two.

Probably any sensible person isn't going to get close enough to find out if its teeth can funnel fire, electricity, and extreme cold.

Dan

8871337
Everyone needs to read The Wind in the Willows at some point. It's just as much a standard as anything written by Enid Blyton or Beatrix Potter or J.K. Rowling or C. S. Lewis or Rev. Dodgson.

Screw film or animated adaptations. They always bugger it.

I was born at exactly the right time when Roald Dahl and The Chronicles of Narnia weren't being censored for the sake of political correctness. I haven't seen A Wrinkle in Time yet, but I can tell you that I am outright horrified by even the trailers. Oprah never read any on Madame L'lenge's works, did she?

At least it wasn't the dreaded Dire Badger-

Also known as 'Honey Badger' in Africa.

If that irate badger had been one of those, I believe that Anon would've been on the receiving side of an impromptu sex change procedure.:trollestia:

Nice story, made me laugh out at the whole situation. :rainbowlaugh:

8872481

Everyone needs to read The Wind in the Willows at some point. It's just as much a standard as anything written by Enid Blyton or Beatrix Potter or J.K. Rowling or C. S. Lewis or Rev. Dodgson.

I did! Way back in the day, when I was a wee little lad. Never read anything by Dodgson, and I'm not sure about Enid Blyton. Pretty sure not.

Screw film or animated adaptations. They always bugger it.

There have to be some that are done right. Off the top of my head, can't think of one, but then my childhood didn't have a TV in it, so I'm not really up on my kids' movies.

I was born at exactly the right time when Roald Dahl and The Chronicles of Narnia weren't being censored for the sake of political correctness. I haven't seen A Wrinkle in Time yet, but I can tell you that I am outright horrified by even the trailers.

They're censoring the books? Boo.

Oprah never read any on Madame L'lenge's works, did she?

Never mind Oprah, I'm pretty sure I haven't, either.

8873962

At least it wasn't the dreaded Dire Badger-
Also known as 'Honey Badger' in Africa.

Those things are awesome! Honey badger don't give a s:yay:t.

If that irate badger had been one of those, I believe that Anon would've been on the receiving side of an impromptu sex change procedure.:trollestia:

If he was lucky.

Burning down the house wouldn't be an option with the honey badger. Tactical nuke's probably the only way to get rid of it (and that might not work; you might wind up with an extremely pissed, extremely radioactive honey badger. Possibly with super powers).

Nice story, made me laugh out at the whole situation.:rainbowlaugh:

:heart:

8875783
I agree.

Honey Badgers are awesome.

Heh, in one fanfic they became the Apex Predator of Africa after... some mutations that made them as big as trucks.

Their temperament remained unaltered. :trollestia:

8875997

Heh, in one fanfic they became the Apex Predator of Africa after... some mutations that made them as big as trucks.
Their temperament remained unaltered.

So basically, they became like hippos, but also with claws and immune to poison.

8877860
Yup. Got it in one. :trollestia:

I saw this story and read it but did not comment because I did not have anything to say. Now I do:

On May the 4th —— ¡May the 4th be with you! —— I found a baby-opossum (the only North-American marsupial) in my kitchen. I corralled it into a pot and put a lid on it and took it to the creek and released it.

8906258
Of all the creatures I've had in my house, I haven't had an opossum. So far, only various insects and spiders (which is of course to be expected), mice (again, expected), a garter snake, a toad, and a feral kitten. Twice, because I didn't throw the kitten far enough the first time for him to get the message that he wasn't welcome inside.

I also had a baby bird in my old house. It was his first day of flight training and he wasn't very good at it. Hopped in through the back door and then when I got close he headed down into the basement, and it turned out he wasn't very good at getting back up stairs, so I had to rescue him.

8911566

In 40 years, this is the 1st opossum in the house. I have an hypothesis:

Last year, we had a massive explosion in the rat-population in my town; none are sure why. Indeed, if you run a search for “rat” in the category “news” of your preferred search-engine, you can figure out where I live because the local paper ran stories about the rat-invasion.

We never had rats in the house until last year: Rats got into the house, along with everyone elses’ houses:

The ruined the food and chewed everything else. I bought rattraps. We caught scores (I lost count). We seem to have killed them all after an yearlong siege. Considering that Fillydelphia took 7 years to deal with its plague of parasprites, we are lucky (the paper announcing the retirement of J. K. Yearling also had an article stating that Fillydelphia is finally parasprite-free).

The rats chewed rat-sized holes into the house. I tried to fix them, but I must have missed 1. A baby-opossum (it probably left its mother’s pouch and struck out on its own just a few weeks ago) is about the same size as a full-grown rat. The baby-opossum probably got in through a rathole. Since the baby-opossum is was in the kitchen, the rathole is probably behind 1 of the appliances.

8913659
I could probably figure it out but it's really too much work. :derpytongue2: And odds are that my google search would hit the wrong city, anyways, since it's keyed to past searches and whatnot . . . true story, when I was writing Silver Glow's Journal, Google decided that I was in Kalamazoo, due to the vast number of K'zoo specific searches I was making . . . it ignored the GPS and cell tower signals from my phone.

I'm not really sure how small a hole a baby opossum can squeeze through, but I'd bet it's pretty small. Maybe smaller than you'd even imagine. I wonder--I don't think that they eat rats, but they might eat ticks and stuff that rats could bring with them, and so maybe the smell attracted it. Or maybe it was cold and saw what it figured was a good nest.

I like opossums. They're kind of ugly, but they're pretty cool. Maybe if I had one in my house I'd change my opinion, but probably not. I still like kittens and snakes.

Also!

I sometimes have blue spotted salamanders in my backyard. Those are really cool.

images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large/blue-spotted-salamander-griffin-harris.jpg

8915619

Baby-opossums are cute but it was not housebroken, so I had to relocate it.

We do not have blue spotted salamanders here.

8916058
Most wild animals aren't housebroken. Although some of them will probably instinctively find one place to go and keep using that.

8920687

We have rats again. I guess that killing scores of them was not enough.

The trow-away line about Anon being colorblind. That is a joke, but ¿what sort of colorperception does Anon have?

The ponies are horse-shaped aliens. Q probably created their world and uploaded them from horses and entered his world as Discord. AronRa has a videoseries explaining the relations of us to our relatives. It is on episode 28 and has only reached the Jurassic. It should reach horses in 1-to-2 score more of episodes:

Systematic Classification of life
——
Aronra

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