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Additional Tags: [M/M Shipping]
Everyone has things they aren't particularly good at, and we all work to make the best of our weaknesses. Sometimes, though, our weaknesses can prove to be tools of our undoing. Written in response to a story promp by BillyColt.
Cover Image graciously provided by Pyrestorm.
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Aww, that was a sweet story, though halfway thru the exposition I figured it would still have a happy end. I enjoyed how vividly you described each scene in excruciating detail, though around 2/3rd of the way through I found myself skipping through some of the paragraphs since you tended to use metaphors quite excessively and lightly distracted from the events happening. Maybe trim back on the flowery language and simplify the less important parts of the story so the important one's stand out more. Since this was written in first person, it focuses on Ironclad, but it could've benefited from delving a little bit more into the relationship between him and Cottonball, though that's more of a personal preference than anything. Really I'm just being unwarrantably nitpicky, this was very well written, had good pacing, likable characters, and a feel good vibe to it despite your misleading introduction.
Overall it was a very nice read, and I hope writing this helped get out of your writing rut.
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Hey Fuzebox, I appreciate the feedback :) Just a reply to some of your comments: I personally find a lot of humor in the use of metaphor and "flowery" words to describe silly situations, so in that area, it may simply that we have different tastes. Which is fine! Some people like the three stooges, but I don't really find them all that funny. It's whatever makes people laugh that counts, and I'm just glad you were still able to enjoy the story despite.
As for the Ironclad/Cottonball relationship, in reality, the relationship itself was more supposed to just provide background to the main theme of the story: the comedy involving Ironclad's escapades with the utensils, rather than actual romance between the two. Usually in a shipfic people expect the romance to be the central theme, and I can understand how that not being the case here might have seemed odd.
All in all though, I really do appreciate that you took the time to comment, and I'm very glad that you enjoyed the story. Thank you very much for reading, and caring enough to help me out :)
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Ah, when you put it that way, the literary choices you made make sense. See, I had the mind set of this being more romance based rather than comedy based with the way the intro went, but your stylistic choices and "flowery" vocabulary work in that context. Also with the focus being on the comedy, I guess I was just thrown off by my expectations, but that's a good thing. Thanks for clearing that up, I'm glad I could be of help.
Yay, new Butterscotch Cream story!
I'll be reading this when I get outta class today~
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Awesome! And some of the deals on silverware are great too! That's why you wanted to bring this up right spam-bot? Because it relates to the story so well!
It's a great piece, and here's to hoping it spurs your muses further!
Cute, cartoony, and fun.
Also, very clever with the ending. Not enough authors make use of unreliable narrators.
So wonderfully classy, and an excellent use of fooling your audience through the narrator.
I love how you tricked the readers at first on this story, when the end came up. I went, oh..oh! Grats to him then dawwed for second.
Good job overall.
Damn you author, the whole fic I was thinking that Cottonball was a worse and worse pony because of how much trouble his coltfriend was in and how nice he was to Ironclad.
I suppose I'm just gullible, but I never have seen it on the celling
dat narrative voice
also, homophobic downvotes ahoy!
I really like the fact that this is stallionXstallion but other than that, this story is just so beautifully written. One of my new favorites!
How cute, and congrats on being featured of EQD! Good job!
Totally called the table being too small!
This is my first M/M story. Don't see what the big deal is (quite possibly, because they're both OCs). I liked it. Possibly, because I'm a huge shipper.
The ending... My emotions-quit toying with them. Not sure what else to write. Oh, also, there was a typo on the description on EQD. It says
when it should be "AN earth pony tackles..."
First, a thank you to everyone who has commented! I don't often reply, but I read all of them, and I'm grateful for all of them! Thank you for the votes, comments and encouragement. I wasn't really sure about this story, but seeing that people are enjoying it is really heartwarming.
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And, yes, I have to take responsibility for that - it wasn't Seth. My N key betrayed me. I work on a wireless keyboard and occasionally it will miss keystrokes. Unfortunately, that one slipped my notice before I sent it off. I kinda faceplanted when I saw it up on the EQD page and realized what I'd done. I'm not sure if there's a way to ask them to correct it or not...
Again, thanks to everyone!
A very touching end, I admit I was worried for poor Ironclad, utensils are one of those things that you don't think about until they're staring you in the face
"As I staggered to my escape out the barracks door, spritz-a-lot continued fumigating the air in my general direction with the spray-bottle, desperately babbling something about knowing what he was doing. I don't think I'll ever trust another stallion with a beautician for a marefriend."
Really cool story. Nice work! :)
D'aaaawwww.
An upperclass restaurant using ROLLED silverware? How insulting! Let the Peasants keep their "utensil burritos" thank you very much. Any restaurant worth looking at never expect you to build your own place setting like some kind of demented dining room Ikea.
Welp. I now have a crush on Ironclad.
I feel like i should've sen the ending but I freely admit I didn't. Fantastic piece and very funny.
D'awww.
Really cute. I like it.
D'awww
That was cute, I liked it.
Could use some work here and there but not a bad story.
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Hi! I appreciate the feedback. If you like, you can feel free to send me a note with the places you believe need work. I'd be glad to iron out any areas I think can be improved! I try to make a habit of revisiting my work over time anyway. In the meantime, I'm glad you were able to enjoy the story, and thank you for commenting :)
Congrats on making EQD. Not many make it. I really enjoyed the story. Keep up the good work.
See?! The Silverware KNEW what it was doing! It was HELPING him!
Well done though! Well done!
Silverware+Tomtato slice is my new OTP.
Seriously though, the vivid and sometimes weird descriptions painted a very living and cartoony scene, very cute.
The only thing I missed was a bit more interaction between the characters themself, as the story is more comedy than romance, then again, that might have been the goal all along.
All in all, cute story, enjoy that thumb up.
I love the last line where it says this
The whole fic tricked me into thinking that he did lose his coltfriend for real, but nope coltfriend evolved into a mate.
I'm not normally one for M/M shipping, but this.....this I was okay with.
I like how the story went and I really loved the cover art piece.
That dinner part.....
i.qkme.me/3p7nob.jpg
Nice reversal on reader expectations with how the "how I lost my coltfriend" statement resolves itself.
That said, I spotted a few minor errors, but nothing overly distracting. A cute story, as always. Good stuff.
Oh god the description hahahaha the best and funny way on how to explain how inanimated objects could be your worst enemy
A really nice story thumbs up
Loved it!
.....
There isn't enough good M/M.
Bravo, very nicely done.
Is this a sort of pegasus-type idiom, or a typo of "status"?
2231014
It's actually neither in this case, though the pegasus reference is an interesting one. Basically, I was using the word stratus to implant the idea the ponies in question existed in the "upper atmosphere" of society, depicting them as high and lofty clouds far above those around them. "Higher-status" is straightforward, but I was aiming for more of a word-picture.
Tomato slice is best pony...
Seriously though, this would have to be my favourite M/M fic. I'm generally weary of them since they tend to be all clop and no story, but this was no clop, and all story, which is how I like it. So... thank's for writing this, I guess.
Oh, and congratulations of making EQD and the Vault! You should be super proud of yourself!
I loved it <3 Write more like this. Possibly involving Braeburn or Big Mac? An idea, nothing more. Continue on, friend!
Okay, the way you described Cottonball made me think to myself, Oh, man, Ironclad must have done something really bad to make a colt like him break up the two of them, but your clever shenanigans proved me wrong in both senses.
And Ironclad seems to be somewhat like me in the sense that I could try anything if it were to help my loved one, even if it made a fool out of me by the end of it.
The dinner part made me bust out laughing in a few parts, most often in places where you personified objects that were very different to Ironclad's comfort-zone-area. I would have loved this to be a bit longer, or to have gone into detail about the love - because, as much as I hate to admit, I am a huge hopeless romantic - between the two, but as someone else said, it was more comedy than romance anyways, so whatever.
GJ; hope I can see more glorious M/M or even any other shipfics from you.
This was incredible! You had me going with the losing a coltfriend thing.
I loved it!
Hilarious!
I really enjoyed reading this!
That was really cute!
Awww, I wasn't expecting that ending!
Wonderful little story you have here. Funny and sweet along with being beautifully written. Have my favorite!
I saw this over in 5551062 's recommendation blog, and I'm so, so glad I checked it out. Even though I saw through your little ruse (very well played, none the less), this is the most heart-warming thing I've ever read on this site, and I hope one day I can write something as full of character and personality as you have. Ironclad was marvelously rich from start to finish, his voice was always consistent, and I was literally holding my breath as I waited for the ending.
I know 'Silverware' is two years old by now, but I hope you still take pride in it. It's absolutely beautiful.
Magic lets ponies hold things in their hooves, but hooves are terrible manipulators. Minotaurs seem to have the best hands.
"while offering bits of romance advice with varying degrees of wisdom"
What are friends for? XD
The Eau de Cologne guerrilla tactics were pretty funny too ^^,
and Ironclad's recount of his heroic struggles with silverware was just hilarious XD.
Then to have been lain low by the rebellious tomato!
I feel for that stallion, I really do!
The ending of the dining scene was good, but I feel like there were
some things unresolved for me.
I'm left wondering: why did Cottonball make that decision, in the end?
I can guess but... well, I can't help wanting to know, for sure.
I feel like the moral of the should be:
You don't have to be perfect to win someone's heart. Courage, persistence,
and showing them just how much you care will do it - even if you stumble along the way!
Well, also: Don't let your pride get in the way reaching your goals.
But I think you covered that one already in the conclusion.
I hope you don't mind my criticism, I really did enjoy the story!
If you do mind, maybe this comic will cheer you up? http://fav.me/d6xwaiu :D
Sneaky. Wish there was more about how they got together, but at least things turned out all right.
Heh. This was adorable. Great job getting that cute cover pic, too.
Cute story, cleanly written and with several good turns of phrase. AND... I didn't see a single grammatical error!
this was so funny and cute!! I had to try so hard to stifle my laugh because I was reading it in public