Tel’la De Rus, a world united. Men, Orcs, Elves, Dwarves, all work just to spite me. The Immortal Necromancer, the enternal pariah.
But everything comes to an end, even me.
Chapters (23)
Chemtest
Joined 10th Mar, 2017 ·
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Sequels2
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This is hilarious! A pink tower! I wonder what you past was like? All of your adventures?
8724519
Just one startagy, if you are random and fight with surprise, the enemy will never know what comes next!
You have my attention. And a favored for making me giggle.
8724660
Daww, always good to make one smile!
Just to say, the character is based off me, same with Kendrick in one of my other stories. But as Kendrick represents the quiet, scholar honer fighter, this guy is my insanity and humor!
Well, this has some promise, looking forward for more.
Ooh! I sense much, much fun times in the horizon!
Could definitely use an editor and prereader. Still, it looks to be a fun story. I'll see where it goes.
this is funny i hope to see more
But why are the eyes gone?! Ponies might actually take him seriously because of it, and it takes away from the comedic value of him being a colt
Pretty good start to the fic. The writing is a bit rough, but it's clear enough to always know what you were going for.
8725287
Comedy value is a lot, Yes, but remember he’s a Necromancer. I explain why he has no eyes later on, but he can still see.
8725287
.
Also, yes, the character might be comedic, but there is a deeper story underneath. Just like the Necromancer
8725506
Did you get inspiration from the Foal Necromancer?
8725683
Well, when I had this idea, it all started with me thinking of that, so I guess? But, for reasons beyond my comprehension, Necromancer’s becomeing foals after death seems like a sub-genera itself.
And just like that, I'm sold.
meme4fun.com/images/fa4b3928-f9f8-4565-beaf-70aab1474bdb.jpg
Well, that DID go a bit too fast. You are skipping a lot of content, but then again maybe you have some other story to tell elsewhere to which we are speeding for. But it really is hard to like character you hardly know.
8726858
Well, it was mainly that I had no ideas for this chapter, and I wanted to see him in school.
8726869
Ok i do wonder you said he had no eyes why has none of them reacted to that you really should gone with a "what in celastia's name has happened to you" kind of chapter like the missing eyes
8726888
Is is not rude to ask about that?
8726894
More makes no sense not to i mean to them a colt smashed through two layers of wood with minimal damage (with how fast and what he hit he would normally be paste) and when he wakes up he ether has no eyes tho that should have been something found out when examining him or is seeing things with his eyes closed.
8726899
I changed it
Uhm...
This chapter went too fast. Shouldn't Twilight have wondered and/or freaked out more when Raven said he doesn't have eyes or when he just healed his wounds like they were nothing?
8726978
Shock of the moment.
8727103
Uuh...
I call bullshit on that. No offense, but he has been unconcious long enough for Twilight and Redheart to get the medical machines from the hospital to Golden Oaks AND hook him to them. Any shock would have been overridden by the alarm of having an injured colt in need of immediate medical attention.
So no. You don't get to say shock of the moment. No matter how you look at it, Twilight would be very alarmed to have a colt who has a broken leg and ofter injuries HEAL HIMSELF like they are nothing. It is ludicrously alarming to have a colt seemingly cast a spell that heals his wounds so quickly they simply disappear in front if ones eyes. That kinda magic can only be a high level healing spell which only the most powerful or skilled unicorns can cast. It is not something a foal can cast.
Any attempt to explain it as him being just that powerful is only bad story writing.
Please know that this critique is not meant be offensive in any way and i hope you try to come up with a better way of writing that chapter. I only wish to see the authors skills increase and improve.
To ash and dust.
8727124
Okay, yes, I can see that I will need to fix this chapter.
I have to agree with 8727124. This went way too fast, and the interactions are completely unbelievable.
There are a lot of issues with this chapter besides that, as well. For example, Twilight asks "And, what is a mana reader?" when he never said anything about a mana reader out loud. Also, when he cusses (bearly) he just says "I heard it somewhere" and they stop caring. They would at least tell him he shouldn't say that.
I have a couple of guides for new writers or writers that might want to improve their skills. Go ahead and take a look at it. It might have something helpful.
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/670924/fimfiction-tutorials-beginner-tips
I really want this story to be good. It has potential to be a very unique and funny fic. Like it is, though, it's hard to enjoy.
8727556
Oh, Lord Shiro! What a pleasant thing it is to see your expert opinion here
To hear you agree with me is a most wondrous thing. You honor this one with your words as it shows i have improved in my assesment of fics. I am but an amateur who aspires to be a worthy follower of one of the great Lords of Literature
8727583
It's nice to be recognized
8727556
Yes, this chapter was rushed out to appease all those following. I shall fix it tonight.
8727647
Btw....
This is your fic. If your follower base demands you give them more, tell them that you will give them more. But don't let them dictate the pace at which you write. That way lies only the death of the fic as the authors creative juices get burned out.
You are the author, followers are the readers. If you can't write a chapter as fast as possible, then don't try to do so. Do it at your own pace. In this lies the way of great fics. You should not rush things just because people demand more.
Make your stand known and let it be your grand castle in which you write at the pace you dictate to yourself. Become a Lord of Literature who inspires others to follow in his footsteps and construct grand tales which grow into legends that will be remembered beyond the grasp of time and space!
8727647
Anything good is worth waiting for. It's better to take your time and make something good than to throw it together too fast and see its quality suffer for it
8727722
*Clap, clap, clap* you sound like a great thinker of the renaissance! Brilliantly stated!
Now, I have the entire day to think of ideas, and you should see it go down as I fix it around ten.
8727979
Oh, you flatter me. I am only stating what i know to be true and possible
8728006
Fixed.
(After Redux)
. . . Wat?
8728856
Whatever do you mean?
8728765
Uhm....
It's a little better, but it still needs fixing.
Like the bit about memory magic. I don't think Twilight would that eagerly just touch a ball of memories.
And i suspect necromancy is a very frowned upon subject even in Equestria.
Still feels rushed unfortunately. Take some more time to think it over.
But anyway... i'll see how things develop and see what happens in the next chapters when they come out.
8729378
Yes, the next chapter is fun!
8729378
Who says that the word Necromancy would even exist? I suspect Clesesta wouldn’t want her little pony’s to know about such a dangerous and dark magic. So, just wipe it from history, and just recall everything ‘dark’ magic. Now you’ve been spoiled a bit about a surprise I have comeing up earlier, so if you don’t want to, you don’t have to look. But that is the explanation.
8730263
Hmm.....
The history is written by the victors... and knowledge recorded is done in the same fashion... the victorious censor and the losers write the truth the victors want forgotten...
8730484
Exactly!
Good job though, now I have a plot element I can use!
Puns, and a sense of humour
Dis good
That was fast
seems like a loooong stretch to go from ceiling to school. I guess it's just one of those things where it's basically going to happen no matter what so might as well just drop 'em in.
8730884
Exactly! Only one who got that I wanted to get to the interesting parts!
8730875
Also, thanks on complamintimg my humor, I love it.
Oh good grief....
There is just so many writing errors that i can't be even bothered to place them all here on my phone....
This chapter also seems to suffer from the problem of going a touch too fast perhaps, but not i'm not sure on that..... need more opinions.
Also, i can't help but notice the extremely half assed response from Cheerilee (her name is written wrong in the chapter btw...) and the rest of the class when Raven says he recovered from what seemed a fatal wound... i can and will not allow this to stay like this.
THIS CHAPTER IS WAY TOO RUSHED FEELING SO I KINDLY ASK IF THE AUTHOR COULD TAKE MORE TIME WHEN WRITING NEW CHAPTERS TO CHECK FOR ERRORS AND THINGS LIKE "WAY TOO CALM RESPONSE TO HEARING A FOAL HAPPILY SAY HE RECOVERED FROM FATAL WOUND"
Also..... first time i think about it, but what kinda person would send a child who "recovered from a fatal wound" to school immediately when he recovers? It sounds very foolish and downright stupid and idiotic.....
8731820
It’s just a joke from the character, considering he was comparing it to humans and not ponies, to humans this is a fatal wound, to ponies it ‘tis but a scratch.
8731820
Also, I spent over three hours writing this, so I feel that it is definitely not rushed. 1,700 words just for a first lecture and lunch, now that seems like a bit much through my writing medium, but I did so anyway.