Louis (rewrite)
Twilight’s new wings flutter in place as she touches the memory orb to her horn. After a second, she hands it back, and I absorb the memories back into my soul. She slowly nods, “Celestia really did that?” She sighs, “We just lost the Elements to the Tree as well, so we cannot do a single thing.”
I shake my head, “Twilight, there is no need to worry. If you still truely wish to gain access to my magical knowledge, then I will ask of you one more thing.”
She looks up, “What is that?”
I nod, “Cover my tracks, do not let Celestia know where I am. Keep the caregivers of the Crusaders busy for a week, that is all I ask. Leave it up to me to take care of Celestia.”
She snorts out a laugh, “Okay, what do you want me to actually do? Look, you might be minorly powerful, but you cannot take on Celestia and hope to live.”
I look her dead on the eyes, “I do share your doubts in my power, Twilight. However, my power doesn’t matter here, for it is my cold rage that shall be the power to fight her. She wishes to bully people, to kill them? She is no better than Brutus, and her fate shall be the same. I held my own against her with my own determination before, but now? Now, I have a true purpose in her death.”
She sighs, “Alright, I can do that. What are you going to do, though?”
I look at Sombra, and the two of us share a nod, “Sombra, the Crusaders, and I are going to find allies. Minotaurs, Changelings, Griffons, at least one of them have to help us. We leave now, off to Dodge City, to the Changelings.”
She nods, “Alright, just be careful. Good luck.”
I walk out of the library, my new robes obscuring all but my head to passing ponies and the burning sun. Said ponies all look at the mass of shadows next to me with some worry, but continue along. Sombra floats within a dark mist as we move towards the Clubhouse.
We eventually arrive after a minute trot. I can see the Crusaders practicing their magic, and I summon up another memory orb. They see me coming, and all rush up to me. Bloom and Scootaloo stop next to me, but Sweetie goes in for a full hug. I can see out my peripheral that Sombra’s head leans up right next to mine, “Bit dangerous there, Raven. Lot’a people don’t like loli.”
I snort a laugh as Sweetie pulls back. I turn to face his head out of the mist, “Come off it, Sombra, I am a foal.”
The mist coalesces into his full body, and he grins, “Yeah, yeah, sure you are. Niño de corazón, pedófilo en mente.“
I sigh, and throw the memory orb at the Crusaders, “Watch this.”
It connects with all three of them, allowing them to see the memory inside. Their eyes clear after a second, and I reabsorb the orb. Scootaloo’s wings buzz an angry tone, “So, what’re we going to do about Celestia?”
I smile, “We are going to get some allies.”
———
“Last stop, Dodge City!” The train intercom buzzes.
We walk off of the train only to be met with the blistering heat of the sun on scorched sand. Dodge City looks like it was ripped right out a Western, the very definition of a frontier town. Ponies walk around in vests with hats pulled over their head, making us stand out especially. My cloak’s black color clashing with the yellow sand, and Sombra’s royal robes a car call from the brown vests and dusters of the ponies around us. Not to mention a group of four goals being lead by a stallion in royal wear being a strange sight. What was strange to us, however, was the sound of conflict.
A group of no more than five ponies all surrounding a Changeling with blunt instruments, bats and pipes. They beat him, and two Royal Guards stand by the side watching. I growl with anger as I see them, and intervene. I throw my hood off my head, and summon up skeletal hands from beneath the five. I grasp all of them, and throw them against the nearby buildings. I walk up to one stallion in particular, and face him towards me, “What have we here? A stallion and his friends beating something senseless?”
He spits at me, “How about you just mind your damned business?”
I slowly apply pressure on him, squeezing him, more and more, “Oh, I was about to ask the same question. What business have you to hurt that Changeling?”
“You know what he is? He was trying to steal our foals!” He yells.
I lean in, and increase the pressure more, “Wrong answer, friend. How about you tell me the truth before I decide to pop your insignificant head off your shoulders?”
“It’s a Changeling! They don’t belong, they don’t deserve to get to walk our streets!” He yells out in pain.
I look him right in the eye, “So, I was right.” I throw him on the ground, and allow the hand to slam on him like a drum, “You’re just a miserable racist. You think it’s cool to beat someone else up because they aren’t like you? To make them a damned pariah because you cannot comprehend within your tiny brain that they are also alive!?” I allow the hand to slam down upon him some more, “Maybe you would like to feel the same pain he did?” Skeletons raise out of the ground, and carry huge bones in the shape of bats and pipes. They all get closer, and he tries to crawl away, only to run into the building. They inch closer and closer as he screams and looks at them with fear evident in his eyes. I stop them right as they get in front of him, “Stop. I will not stoop to his level.” They return to the ground, and I approach right up close to his face, “I recommend you start running.”
He gets up and limps down the street, all the other ponies also being released. I hear Sweetie shout from behind me, “Raven, he needs some help!”
I walk to the Changeling, and heal him, “Hey, hey, it’s going to be fine, your okay.”
He looks at me, “Thank you, I was sure they would kill me.”
I smile down at him as I finish healing, “Can you tell me your name?”
He smiles back at me, “Louis, my name’s Louis.”
I nod, “A fine name, I like it.”
He tilts his head, “Really? Most ponies say Changeling names a weird. Now, may I have the honor of knowing your name?”
“I’m Ravens Breath,” I point to Sombra, “That’s Sombra,” Apple, “That’s Apple Bloom,” Scootaloo, “That’s Scootaloo,” and Sweetie, “And finally, Sweetie Belle. We’re a group of friends, and we need you help.”
He nods, “What can I do? I’m in your debt.”
I nod, “We need to talk to the King of Changelings. And we want you to lead us, Louis.”
He looks at all of us, “Okay, but it’s a days trip, and you don’t look like your carrying enough supplies for the trek.”
I smile as I raise all of in the air using a giant skeleton hand, “I can get us there in an hour, then.”
He smiles back, “Let’s go then!”
And so the six of us set off, towards Ragnar.
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8753254
Ah, danka my friend!
Yes someone that has a normal name
8753358
All because it is cannon that there is a change.ing called Kevin
8753366
That is like the best name for a character
8753375
It’s like tem village from Undertale.
“Hi! I’m Raven!”
“Hi! I’m Sombra!”
“Hi! I’m Sweetie Belle!”
“I’m Louis.”
Wait... if he’s Louis... DEAR GODS HIDE THE PILLS!
8753388
Lol if any other changelings come by can one be named bob
8753393
Yes, let’s have Louis, Bill, Francis, and Bob.
8753388
*Whistling innocently as I slowly sneak pills into your back pocket where they are sticking out enough to be seen.* Now to wait and see what happens.
8753413
GRABBIN’ PILLS!
8753415
*Leaves a trail of pills to a large pill bottle filled with more pill bottles, holding the lid while waiting,* Sh I'm hunting Louises
8753473
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/263/809/108.jpg
8753475
I’m afraid I don’t know who, or what that is, but I’d honestly say the latest chapter shows his temperament the best.
The idea behind the story is good, but i think you rush through events too quickly, i believe the story would be more enjoyable if you don't post a chapter just written, i review my story multiple times in different days to correct and make the flow of the story better.
8754217
Well, these were started because I said, hey, that’s a pretty good idea!
I’ve also written this like it is, so people will go, just one more.
The combination of these two, mixed with my enthusiasm, makes me write a chapter, put it out, and then proofread.
8754217
Also, I have an idea for the ending, and I really, really, want to write it.