• Published 3rd Mar 2017
  • 3,516 Views, 31 Comments

Flurry Heart Goes Potty - deadpansnarker



It's time for Flurry Heart to start using the potty. Judging by her past behaviour though, this might be quite a dangerous proposition... Fortunately, like always, Auntie Twilight has a plan to make things work out... But will it work?

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Flurry Heart's Potty Day

Pity poor Shining Armour and Cadance. Their daughter Flurry Heart seemed all sweet and innocent on the surface, but the sad truth is she could be a real hoofful when stirred.

All of the precious memories that mothers and fathers took for granted when applied to their young foals, turned out to be a battleground when applied to the young alicorn. Some cases in point:

*Her First Tooth: When the dentist went to poke at it, she near blew him halfway across Equestria in her ire. He can now be found catering exclusively for the geriatric crowd, and he hasn't stopped shaking since.

* Her First Steps: Neither parent was around for this special occasion, and seeing as she'd been banned from flying from the dental incident, she took creative license with her punishment by stepping over to Sunburst's supply cupboard of magical ingredients... Needless to say, when Mummy and Daddy returned home later they found a giant hole in the wall, a very frazzled orange stallion and a giggling baby on her stomach. Not many others shared her amusement, though.

*Her First Words: Nope, not either one of her parental figures, but a bizarre incantation she learned from somewhere. After everything had stopped floating that day, and Celestia's nose had changed back from being green, a law was proposed that all rare magical tomes should be kept under lock and key. It met little opposition, other than from a distraught Twilight who had a bit less light reading to do at bedtime.

Next up was of course, teaching their darling how to use the potty. Usually, this would be a relief for most caregivers, as it would represent the end of the difficult nappy-changing phase and issue in a new era of independent toileting. The age of incontinence is gone, long live the epoch of the lavatory.

With Flurry Heart though, as with all the other milestones in her young life, nothing was easy... and Cadance got together with Shining Armour one sunny afternoon to thrash out how to best handle this upcoming quandary. So far, all their best ideas had been thoroughly debunked by the pair, and they'd pretty much hit a stone wall in their deliberations.

"I'm still paying off the interest from the last rampage she went on, after her pacifier was taken away..." Shining Armour's posture was slumped, and he had his head in his hooves. "A soldier's salary can only stretch so far, you know. I don't know what she's going to do when we remove her nappy, and tell her to pee in a bowl..."

"Relax dear, I'm sure it'll all work out fine..." Cadance remarked, wishing she could be as confident as she sounded. "She may lose her temper a bit sometimes, but she's still our darling little girl. We just have to take a firm hoof with her, and never give up..."

"...And if we do that, she'll just end up blowing us to kingdom come again!" Shining Armour sighed almost in defeat, before a distant memory stirred an even more desperate reaction from him. "I do love our daughter, but there are times I wish she was more like Twi was at her age. Now, that was a roll in the hay, comparatively speaking..."

Cadance nodded her head, about to reminisce on some on the good times she'd had with the former unicorn when she was still Twilight's babysitter, when a sudden flash of inspiration came into her head. "Shining Armour..." She smirked knowingly. "I may have an idea..."

"Huh?" The captain of the guard twitched his ears inquisitively as his wife whispered in them, and judging by his elevated grin all of a sudden, he seemed to like what he was hearing.
................................................................................................................................

"Flurry Heart, I'm not going to tell you again! You're a big girl now... and it's high time you acted like a filly and used the big girl's room!"

"No Mama, don't wanna!"

"Flurry Heart, listen to your mother! We've prepared this room especially for you, with your own custom made potty! Now we've taken away your nappy, so unless you want to pee in front of everypony, you'll at least give it a try."

"No Dada, you mean!"

"Flurry Heart, if you won't do this for your parents or yourself, will you do it for me? I want to attempt an experiment today, and I need your help. Won't you please, as my favourite niece, be my guinea pi... I mean, lab partner for the day?"

"...Okie, Auntie Twi. I twy."

Cadance and Shining Armour glared at Twilight in annoyance, and the alicorn could only shrug her shoulders sheepishly as Flurry Heart went in the newly carved-out alcove in the Crystal Castle before slamming the door.

The lavender alicorn was pretty much the only pony their daughter listened to these days, the tales she'd told the youngster of her adventures across Equestria with her friends had captivated the foal, to such an extent that she wanted to be just like her 'Auntie Twi' when she grew up, and no overprotective stick-in-the-mud parents were going to stop her.

"So, are you absolutely sure this room is going to hold, sis?" Shining Armour raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Of course, do you doubt my methods?" Twilight huffed back, before going on to explain. "I was able to enchant the crystal so it became practically indestructible, even from the most severe of magic blasts. That includes the potty, also present in the room. I'm positive we'll soon see some very good results..."

"...Yes, but did you factor 'Flurry Heart' magic blasts into your equation?" Cadance had complete confidence in her friend, but even she doubted things would be that easy. "I mean... we're not just talking about standard unicorn blasts here, you know..."

"W-Well, we'll find out soon enough..." Twilight tried to pretend that the uncertainty of her companions wasn't getting to her, as white light seemed to stream from under the doorway of the room where Flurry Heart was in, along with a loud banging sound.

Yup, it looked like the little hellion was up to her old tricks. Cadance and Shining Armour braced themselves for the inevitable demolition and smoke that would follow, while Twilight just crossed her hooves for the best...

And, nothing happened.

After about ten minutes or so of loud 'fireworks' the cacophony of noise died down, and all was still. Looking at each other with concern, Cadance and Shining Armour opened up the door hurriedly to find...

An exhausted-looking foal, now big, brave Filly, all tuckered out from her exertions at trying to destroy the wall, which had produced precisely zero marks on it. Also untouched was the potty, which happened to be full of...

"You did it!" Shining Armour picked up his daughter joyfully and bounced her in the air.

"We're so proud of you!" Cadance sighed in relief, that Flurry Heart had apparently learned a lesson without causing carnage on a grandiose scale.

"My experiment! It was a succes... I mean, well done, Flurry Heart!" Twilight made a mental note to record her blueprints for posterity as soon as she got home.

Among all the wild celebration, nopony had noticed that Flurry Heart had levitated her potty with pee still inside to her hoof, because she was getting quite sick of Shining Armour playing catch with her, making her feel a bit nauseous to say the least.

"Ow!" Remarked the stallion, as he felt himself bashed over the head.

"Silly Daddy!" Flurry Heart continued to chase him around the room even after she was put down once more. Her potty made for a powerful makeshift club as she smacked him over the head with it non-stop, while urine was splashed everywhere indiscriminately.

"Hey, that potty may be indestructible, but your Daddy's head isn't!!" Shining Armour winced, as he began to count the number of lumps on his head. His skull was sure going to be sore in the morning.

Cadance turned to Twilight with an exaggerated eye roll. "The joys of motherhood. You don't know what's you're missing out on, Twi..."

"Yeah, I think Spike's are the only 'pitter patter of tiny feet' I want to hear in my lifetime..." Twilight replied, as the two of them continued to watch an enthusiastic Flurry Heart's assault of Shining Armour's cranium unabated.

Still, one step at a time, eh?

Comments ( 31 )

It'll be a marvel if Flurry Heart doesn't end up destroying half of Equestria by the time she's a teenager. :rainbowlaugh:

I think you meant to have cadance and shinning armour not celestia.

7994415 I did... except for in one case. I got the Shining Armour part right, though. :raritywink:

They seem far too soft on Flurry. With her magical power they actually have to be fairly strict with her.

7994544 Maybe they were, after the ending credits rolled. Sequel? :scootangel:

7994553
Well when Flurry was whining they went along with it. They didn't cut her off and demanded it.

7994555 Well, parenting is tougher than you think, and maybe Cadence and Shining Armour are a little too nice to really lay down the law. Just my headcanon, though... :moustache:

7994558
I know it's tough. Cadance and Shining should be tougher on her.

7994560 You expect them to be tough on a pony who's wails as a foal shattered the crystal heart? I'm pretty sure they don't want to end up like Twilight's parents and get turned into potted plants.

7994577
That's exactly why they simply can't tolerate such behavior. A child will always find something to whine about so trying to keep that from happening is pointless. With how powerful Flurry is they have to keep her on a very short leash and not tolerate any tantrums.

This is pretty funny! Good job!

Twas worth my time.

Flurry Heart is Equestria's anti-christ! She will bring about a thousand years of darkness!

7994811 ...Interesting idea, but I can't really see Hasbro moving in that direction. :twilightsmile:

7994544 Dude, you're taking this story way too seriously.

7994395
7994811
Yeah, that's true! :rainbowlaugh:

This was really cute and funny! Good job!

7994584
The only problem I see with that is that it could potentially backfire and make Flurry rebel more, annoyed that her apparent freedoms are being trotted upon. With Flurry Heart, it would definitely be an extremely fine line of how far one does or does not go with parenting her, and I'd imagine it'd be insanely hard to find that "sweet spot" of not too soft but not too hard with Flurry...especially considering all the destruction and potential jeopardizing to lives she could do in said tantrum. It does make one rethink how to treat temper tantrums like that when said tantrum could have the potential of killing you, or at least risking severe bodily harm, in the process, intentionally or otherwise.

But that said, I would've at least intervened sooner on the beating poor Shining was getting in the end too. :rainbowlaugh:

Flurry Heart is going to be one deadly little bitch when she moves into her school years.

7994950 Well, we all go through those 'difficult' teenage years...
Though her problems might be a bit more intense than relationship difficulties and a few spots... :raritywink:

7994887
I do think if you do it skillfully there is some wiggle room also there isn't really a choice. How else are you seriously going to control her?

7995011 Well, I wasn't expecting the comments section here to turn into a parenting seminar now... let's just hope real children are easier to control than their flying equine equivalents. :twistnerd:

Spike and Flurry Heart.
Now they would make a interesting duo of awesomeness.

7995011
True. But no two sets of parents do it the same way either. The "best" way to parent has been debated since the beginning of time without anybody all settling on just one straightforward answer, so I'm more inclined to let the individual parents just do what works for them. In Shining and Cadance's case, maybe they make more work for themselves doing it their way, but if that's what works for them, then I'm more inclined to leave them be.

Besides, when you really think about it, were they really too soft on Flurry in this instance? Because as I understand it, they basically potty trained her, not by gradually breaking her into it like most modern parents, but by sitting down and definitively stating to Flurry: "Today, you will be potty trained. We've taken away your nappy. You're not getting it back. You either pee in the potty or embarrass yourself by peeing on the floor in front of everybody." Then they proceeded to lock her into a hopefully Flurry-proof room with a potty and waited until Flurry caved into their wishes. They just used more soothing phrasing than me and Twilight to lure Flurry into the room, but that's about the jist of things when you get down to it. Not really a lot of wiggle room for Flurry in that instance.

The only exception was Twilight and Cadance just standing there and watching instead of doing something to intervene as Flurry proceeded to beat Shining's head with her potty...and given the context this was clearly done more for laughs than to be regarded too seriously so interpret that how you will.

And considering it worked and nothing was destroyed or damaged except for Shining's head getting knocked around a few times, I'd say that was effective enough parenting. :twilightsmile:

7995033 Coming from someone who's a uncle when I'm not on here: Nope, nope they aren't.

Ahh yes the horror of raising a infant demi-goddess. This is why the Greek Gods take their kids powers away untill they are in thier 20s and make mortals raise them

7995344 Well, so am I... but fortunately I see the little terrors infrequently (just kidding. I love them really... but I always keep one thumb on my pulse just to be safe) :twilightoops:

7995490 You'd think they'd be given some governmental help to cope with such an unbelievable burden... but, nope. Honestly... there's just no recourse for immortal kids these days... :raritycry:

7995072
I get what you mean but the thing here is that Flurry's upbringing affects more than just her.

They also are being stern in the wrong way. They should do it more gradually and with more of Flurry's own consent. They can't afford to provoke her or lose her trust in them. However they should immediately shut down any attempts at violence or resistance.
Though making her resistance futile is a good way of doing it.

7995524 Greek gods are also colossal dicks, they don't do any parenting until the kid is an adult at which point all the hard parts and all the property damage has been inflicted on the mortal surrogates who are expected to step aside and not complain, or get turned into stone or some horrible monster. Heck the bible even says Jesus was a little monster growing up and his real dad NEVER stepped in till he was an adult, most gods can't be bothered with raising their own kids. Say what you will about Cadance but at least she's involved in the raising of Flurry even if Shining is expected to do the heavy lifting.

I thought the whole point of the Fledgling's Forbearance Spell that Sunburst put on her was to keep shenanigans like this from happening, and as someone who personally loves working with children, I kind of find it a little uncomfortable when fiction skirts the line between poking fun at the difficulties of childcare and making children look like uncontrollable demons. :unsuresweetie: I know kids keep you on your toes, but I think that's what I love about working with them. :twilightsmile: You people think I'm crazy, don't you? :ajbemused:

Well, the story is still entertaining and well-written, so I'm going to give it a like. :scootangel:

8012698 I took a bit of artistic licence with my premise for this fic, because a quiet and docile Flurry wouldn't be half as much fun... amIright? It's a shame Ritalin doesn't exist in the pony world... they could have given her a dose or two of that and not had to bother with this whole silly 'convince Sunburst to save the day' scenario. (Just kidding: I LOATHE the use of that kind of drug on kids unless it's REALLY necessary. It shows lazy parenting) :twilightangry2:

It's great you work with kids, people like you are so undervalued in our society. My sister adopted a couple of girls from a pair of junkies (sorry, no politer term to describe them) so I know how difficult it can be to get them to open and up and monitor their behaviour, especially when they've been through a tough ordeal. Fortunately, in my sis's case, they were at an age where their negative background seemingly hasn't impacted their zest for life, so all is well (we hope). :twilightsheepish:

Thanks for reading, and have a nice day. :twilightsmile:

8012698 To be fair, we don't know the limitations of that spell. Sunburst may need to constantly reapply it, or it might have only worked on Flurry Heart as a newborn, not whatever age she is now.

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