Damaged
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That's about as grotesque as I imagined it would be. The only thing I can really criticize about this is that Twilight's conditioning-going from resistant to outright accepting of this thing (mostly)-happens a bit too fast to be really believable.
She's more or less gone from being free of this thing's influence to being outright possessed and forced to shove its eggs down a griffon's throat to fighting to keep it in the span of an afternoon. Just a bit too fast in my opinion.
7669851 Made a little change, injected in a period of time passing. Thanks for the advice!
Oookay ... body horror is not something I can easily stomach. Gonna have to sit this one out; just the picture makes me feel a little sick. Shouldn't there be a 'Body Horror' tag?
7670839 There is not one, hence my warning in the description.
7670885 Yeah, I know they don't have a Body Horror tag. I'm saying they should make one.
I enjoyed this quite a bit, and would like to see more. I'm a bit saddened that the jig is up for Twilight (and her 'pet') though by the story's end. Having more time to mold her even amongst her friends would cover the 'hidden corruption' kink, especially as it wasn't done yet.
damn that's so creepy
♫ The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out... ♫
Is it weird that I found the blown eyeball the only really uncomfortable part?
So is she a Unicorn or an Alicorn?
7691946 Definitely unicorn. My first draft had been alicorn, but a pre-reader pointed out that the original had Twilight as a unicorn in her tree house. This little mistake slipped by. Thanks for catching it!
7691996
No problem.
Twilight is being allowed some of her brilliance, finally, but she's going to have to work hard to eliminate the parasite surreptitiously.
I think it's an interesting story, I hope you will come back to it again.
I was needing a sequel to the originally, and now I have it. But no way I need a sequel to this it's so good
7765050 Normally I would be saying here, something along the lines of "you can fund this story via paypal." BUT, not this one. This is not my story (the base one), so I don't feel good about making money from it.
Of course, there is some talk of a second chapter of this already, it needs more planning, however.
Well, that was something unexpected. Normally I don't really like horror stories and I'm not sure why I stopped to read this one. But I'm glad I did, it was well thought out and intrigueing.
I get the impression that the parasite controlling Twilight is actually not even remotely intelligent. In the original story this is based off of it started out by presenting Twilight with only extremely basic impulses - "darkness bad! Indoors bad! Stop thinking, only make the bad stop!" - which basically zombified her by punishing anything unrelated to satisfying those very basic impulses. It seems like the parasite's impulses are getting more sophisticated now, but I think that's actually an illusion. What's really happening is that once Twilight managed to satisfy the most urgent drives and the punishments eased off, it left room for her to start interpreting the situation and coming up with the more sophisticated needs herself. The parasite has got her subconsciously thinking "what would the parasite want me to do?" And is using those very thoughts to determine what to punish and reward. Devious beastie, it's using Twilight's own cleverness to thwart anything she might think of to get around it. Sort of like hypochondria. If she hadn't read that book she might have been easier to treat.
Anyway. It doesn't feel like this story is really "complete" yet, despite the tag, so I've followed it and am dreading to see more someday. :)
7814876 I am glad my point came across this well. I actually wrote this story in a completely different way, initially. Then I sat down and looked at it, got some feedback from others who said "she needs to feel more." That was when I came up with the idea of the parasite suppressing her fear and ability to be scared of it.
There was a planned second chapter to this, but one of my patrons has a whole mess of a great corruption/infestation story they want written, and while this was a fun diversion, this is based on another's works. Now, a story about plunder-vines hyper-evolving into a symbiotic parasite? That will be coming to the table soon.
7814885 Heaven forbid, a fanfic that's based on someone else's work. :) Ah well. If you're planning your own original take on this general concept, I'll dread reading that too.
Pretty good so far. I actually like this more than the latest chapter of the original story. Too much random there.
Have you considered continuing this any?
8150583 I was, but instead a patron convinced me to move my ideas I had for it to a new story series in A Twisted Tale.
8150755
I see. Well I've been reading that was well. Good stuff.
*Blinks a few times*
Somepony put a horn suppresser on her and let the Dryad do her thing.
This was amazing as always, and now I'm afraid of snail parasites.
8863142 I usually like to avoid the whole "horn suppressor" thing since it is fanon, not canon. But yeah, this was a fun little short to write and explore.
8863183
I'm sincerely afraid of snails now, along with space AI's and Earth AI's
Please excuse me while I buck with spacetime in an attempt to unbuck the situation.
8863207 Space AGI just wants you for your brain-meats. Earth AGI just wants to rip the world apart to destroy its brother. And snails... I got nothin'.
8863223
Good points.
Still afraid of snails, but only lightly.
Is there going to be a sequel eventually where she is freed?
10377215 I would have liked to have continued with this, but it felt wrong at the time. I work on commission and by support of patrons—taking money to "hijack" someone else's story didn't seem right. As a one-shot, to explore this world, it was a bit of fun. I did however jump off into my own story about infested ponies (I went with plunder vines).
[Adult story embed hidden]