Light's magical Fallout adventure

Symbiotes and Parasites53 stories ·273 members

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DawnBright

DawnBright #1 · May 23rd, 2021 · 3 · · Chapter 1 ·

Mhm~ What a lovely and repulsing fic. I love it.

There were some issues, though. Hope you'll fix them so I can add this to my library in good conscience.

Grammatical:
Whatever's happening with your apostrophes. Honestly no clue how something like this even happens, but I think it might've been from when you copied it over from wherever you wrote this? No clue.
Separate words with a space. It happened only a few times and I think it's just autocorrect or whatever that felt like fecking with you.
Some typos and grammatical errors. There weren't many, but enough that along with the other things made me not enjoy this as much as I could have.

Next are some lore detail thingies that you probably didn't know about, because I'm guessing you didn't read Fallout Equestria.

Bloatflies (which I am assuming this is one) are quite common, so I highly doubt they wouldn't be in the survival guide.
S.A.T.S. is Stable-Tec Arcane Targeting Spell, not Stable Assisted Targeting Spell, but given who doesn't already know what it is won't realize it from the name you probably don't even have to explain it and just say S.A.T.S.
If I remember correctly not all that many ponies cared if someone was a stable dweller, they were more of a joke than anything, because they didn't know how to survive.
Health warnings appear in E.F.S, which is basically like normal in-game interface in your vision.

Darkdemonlucifer

Darkdemonlucifer #2 · May 23rd, 2021 · 3 · · Chapter 1 ·

10828858
The corruption issue is due to the fact that I passed this through several websites. I will upload the updated version now, and I thank you for pointing this out. Next, S.A.T.S was an oversight on my part, but the other things were not. As you have clearly read Fallout Equestria several times, you will be aware that there are no bloatflies in the land of Fallout Equestria, as they were replaced by bloatsprites, which are parasprites mixed with taint. This is the reason Light did not have any idea what they were. Secondly, while the warnings do appear in E.F.S, they can also be read off the Pip-Buck, I decided this would be better as it would be able to give more information on infections and the like, which I am pretty sure Little-Pip did during her adventures at least once.

Thank you very much for your comment, and I hope you enjoy my future works!

DawnBright

DawnBright #3 · May 23rd, 2021 · 2 · · Chapter 2 ·

10828889
Ah. Thank you for the fast reply.

And yes. My mistake. I said one thing but meant the other. Though I still think bloatsprites would have been mentioned in the survival guide. But who knows? Maybe it was missing few pages? Celestia knows raiders don't take proper care of their stuff.

Last bit I thought I'd mention is when Light gets angry in the second chapter. You describe her getting angry like six times in a row. While I'm sure her reprogrammed brain would be capable of getting really pissed from this having her children endangered maybe try to tone it down a tiny bit.

Other than that, great read, thank you.