• Member Since 29th May, 2016
  • offline last seen Apr 30th, 2023

MetalJrock


Just a guy writing stories, mainly crossovers.

Comments ( 17 )

The idea is fantastic, but the pacing, the reactions, interactions, character decisions... could certainly use work and polish. More work than polish.

7447374 thanks. I may do a rewrite of this later on so I can fix the problems.

7447870 It really is more fitting. Thanks.

You... didn't proofread this at all, did you?

7455511 I admit... I'm not too proud of how the first chapter came out in terms of pretty much everything. That's what I get for writing on a phone and on a whim. But I do plan on giving it a major overhaul sometime down the line for the sake of coherence.

this is fun but theres too many typos to really get into it, let me know if u ever rewrite to clean it up

Not bad, a tender odd story

Totally could go for a sequel. :moustache:

7455511 He did it by outsmarting you. By singing at literal children who think lies are diamond tiaras.

7466810 Look, I can't even find a facepalm big enough without a literal Sears Tower.

Never explain the joke to anyone if they want you to. Unless they are a kid.

The POV shifts between Pony and Humanoid Rarity are a problem, because they're not always clearly indicated and the two beings are very similar. It would work better if there was a clear paragraph separation between them every time.

Spike spinoff? Poor guy would have probably died from nosebleeds :D

So, Rarity is literally screwing herself.

HHhhhmmm a bit short but i liked the idea, I think I try this story later. Even if I haven't read it yet I have a question, does the other Rarity want to go back or is Twilight born with a personality here that makes her bossy and forcing her back in her world? I just remembered that possible version of Twilight and needed to ask.

I like it but I would have ended it with pony rarity getting human rarity magically pregnant

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